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Statistical Realities - Love and Divorce. How Do You Keep it Together?


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smokey

Didn't realize this was a thread about divorce.  Thought it was about "How Do You Keep it Together?"

that's easy wish for the best... if she cheats on you just say oh well its only sex she still loves me... if she has you arrested for any number of things just say oh well its just her time of the month... reality is if SHE keeps it together has very little to do with what you want

a middle class in usa means $100K annually yes??

middle class is anywhere between 50 to 150,000 year with most closer to 50

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I always find it surprising that people seem to believe that children provide some sort of glue to help stabilize a relationship.   If your relationship is struggling, the last thing you should brin

Just found this thread.  Surprised that no-one responded yet..  very surprised..  given the subject.   For myself, with two failed marriages already, and having married a Filipina quite a bit younge

It's the consumer mentality isn't it?   Lack of accountability.  No acceptance of responsibility.  No idea what commitment really means?  Immaturity, in an era that seems to believe that our youth d

 

 

do you file and get half or do you pack your bags and hope she LETS you have plane fare before you say annulment try proving in court your girl from the Philippines in a nut case or anything close to being allowed an annulment

Remember that not all foreigners are American and the other has a total different law regarding divorce than they have in the US.
In many countries one part can NOT refuse a divorce if the other wants it, nor is it necessary for a reasons other than that you no longer want a be married anymore.

 

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smokey

if you get married here and if you build a house and if your have a child and it don't work tell me what happens.... so pick wise as unless your wife is feeling generous you could be kicked to the curb

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I don't think focusing on the kids will keep a relationship together. Kids often are the reason why a relationship fails. Having children myself from all different age groups many people don't realize that once the kids are 16 often all you get from them is a call or Fb message asking for money. Even our little one is having a bad day and cruel father when the newest ipad isn't available since most of the classmates have that stuff - that's Philippines private school. Kids add to financial needs and even if your wife's folks are not asking for it, you still have to help in some way, unless you feel happy treating them like the dogs roaming around your house.

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bargeman

Remember that not all foreigners are American and the other has a total different law regarding divorce than they have in the US.

In many countries one part can NOT refuse a divorce if the other wants it, nor is it necessary for a reasons other than that you no longer want a be married anymore.

Very True, but that is assuming that your former 'nearest and dearest' allows you to go away with the air fare to get back to the country allowing divorce.

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rainymike

Just found this thread.  Surprised that no-one responded yet..  very surprised..  given the subject.

 

For myself, with two failed marriages already, and having married a Filipina quite a bit younger than myself, I definitely feel that I'm in the statistical sweet spot for failure.

 

So how do I act to keep it together.  I think the biggest thing by far is that I have decided, in advance, that I am GOING to make this work, PERIOD... end of story !!  No matter what happens..  no matter how pissed I might get..  I remind myself each and every day that I CHOOSE to love this woman.  And that failure is simply not an option.  And surprisingly starting with this as the foundation does make a difference.  It becomes easier to see all the positive, and not dwell only on the negative. 

 

Perhaps if I had taken this attitude before, I might not have failed twice before.

 

Good answer. 

 

On the other hand, some of the other posts could be added to the list below...lol. Just joking guys.

 

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Very True, but that is assuming that your former 'nearest and dearest' allows you to go away with the air fare to get back to the country allowing divorce.

No need to go home, you can send it.

Maybe you also can do it online in some countries.

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allows you to go away with the air fare

:fool:

If you have put yourself in a situation that you have entrusted ALL control and decisions to your wife,,,,, then you maybe deserve the troubles you have.... :stick_poke: 

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SkyMan

I think we're getting off topic here.  Back to the OP I think the article is based on American men married to American women.  I think being married to a Filipina makes a big difference in itself.  I think it alleviates many of the problems.  It did for me.

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I think we're getting off topic here.  Back to the OP I think the article is based on American men married to American women.  I think being married to a Filipina makes a big difference in itself.  I think it alleviates many of the problems.  It did for me.

I think that's used as an example, not really the topic.

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to_dave007

reality is if SHE keeps it together has very little to do with what you want

 

You are absolutely correct.

 

However, it gets a lot easier for her to work hard on keeping it together, when she sees that I'm unconditionally serious about keeping it together as well. 

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Headshot

To keep a marriage going long-term, BOTH partners must stay focused on the other person. Often times, we forget to continue with the little things that made the other person fall in love with you in the first place. Show your affection, or they will go looking for affection elsewhere. Do nice things for your partner, even if it is an inconvenience to you. In order to continually meet in the middle, BOTH parties must make every effort to go well beyond halfway in the relationship. Give more than you think you will take, and your partner will likely be inspired to do so also. Giving is where love lives. Love (give) as much as you possibly can. It is like Karma; it will come back to you.

 

Above all, you must communicate your needs and desires to each other regularly ... and, if after thirty or so years, that isn't working out ... if your partner still shows no desire or care for you in their actions ... then divorce them. By then, things aren't going to change for the better. I was married to my first wife for thirty-five years, even though I knew after fifteen years that things were getting progressively worse. I kept trying to make things right, but things never turned around. In the end, I just gave up. My wife now and I have the goal to be married longer than I was married to my first wife. It will take some doing, but provided I can straighten out my health, it is doable.

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rainymike

I think we're getting off topic here.  Back to the OP I think the article is based on American men married to American women.  I think being married to a Filipina makes a big difference in itself.  I think it alleviates many of the problems.  It did for me.

 

I think this gets close to what caused me to post this article. Are expats really different from our counterparts back home? As I mentioned in the OP, I fall into several high risk groups. But, I don't think those really work as much against me here. For example, being married to a younger wife is a risk factor back home. I think it is less so here, because there is less stigma for either couple here (although there is some). Back home, there would be a lot of social pressures that would bear down on the relationship because of the age difference. On the other hand, there are a lot of things unique to the Philippines that can add stress to a relationship.

 

All this begs the issue that it's not rosy for everyone. There are enough posts on this forum to attest to that. So the question to me is why? I think Smokey hits it on the head in his usual off the wall manner - how prepared are we if the shit hits the fan? Perhaps the strategy is as Headshot says - be aware and focused on your partner. I was just curious about what others saw as the cement in their cross cultural relationships.

 

I doubt there is one best answer. But I think it's probably true to say that most guys who come here and get into a relationship are all starry eyed and in love and think they have found the ideal girl of their dreams. Some guys seem perfectly capable of rolling with what happens if the honeymoon ends. Others less so. For some, the honeymoon doesn't end. For others it becomes a relationship made in hell in a country with weird ass rules about love and marriage. Relationships don't come with warning labels like cigarettes. And I just find it sad when someone gets utterly crushed when things fall apart - be it the man or the woman or both.

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smokey

I think we're getting off topic here.  Back to the OP I think the article is based on American men married to American women.  I think being married to a Filipina makes a big difference in itself.  I think it alleviates many of the problems.  It did for me.

well if that's true why ask us most of us failed at marriage to American women

most of us have been divorced a few times and its easy to say hey it wasn't me it was HER...... and to the guy who comes here and wants to be in total control this is the wrong country for that

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Skywalker

It's the consumer mentality isn't it?

 

Lack of accountability.  No acceptance of responsibility.  No idea what commitment really means?  Immaturity, in an era that seems to believe that our youth don't need the leadership our parents probably got?  No discipline?  No moral code?

 

When I was 6 or 7, I remember being the only child in the class whose parents were divorced.  Divorce was very frowned upon back in the day, and amounted to social exclusion in some cases.  It cost King Edward VIII his throne, when parliament decided that he couldn't marry a divorcee and be Defender of the Protestant Faith as Monarch.

 

How times have changed.  This is the disposable age and we are probably poorer for it.

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