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to_dave007

Playing Russian Roulette, and Losing, in Cebu

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to_dave007

Had a chance to talk to one of his foreigner friends. This is a Swiss man, 30's, married to Filipina, 1 kid, started small sari-sari/restaurant business, 20,000+ per month self employed income.  He candidly tells me he has no money to help.  He said he's also been having serious heart to heart conversations with our mutual friend, to no avail.

 

I've got other things to do..  so I'm going to put all this on hold until late this week.  I'll do my best NOT to post for a couple of days, and NOT to let this issue take top priority.  He needs more time to let reality sink in.

 

Wife and I will be out of Philippines April 14 to 27 on delayed honeymoon.

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RogerDuMond

 

 

Wife and I will be out of Philippines April 14 to 27 on delayed honeymoon.

 

Enjoy yourself.

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smokey

i understood there are 3 kinds of SSS in the usa... SSS when your 65 and you paid in 40 quarters and SSD when you get disabled before you reach 65 and SSI when you did not pay in anything but are broke and have no children at home to claim welfare this one is NOT paid in by the person collecting so the government gets to make the rules

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MIDNITERIDER

I do not know what my friend's specific circumstances were, but he is only 50 years old so it would not be SSI. I do know people here in the Philippines have collect SSD without any problems, but as I say, there was a circumstance(s) with my friend in which he was not allowed to live in the Philippines and collect his SSD. I do not know what the situation was, but his SSD was stopped. I did pay for his plane ticket back to the States and he is and has been collecting his SSD in the States.

 

In your "friend's" case perhaps he did not have a completely permanent disability and was recalled for a certain type of SSD administrative exam. That is possible. SSI however is not age dependent either but I do believe it's restricted to living in the US.

 

https://www.ssa.gov/ssi/spotlights/spot-rights-responsibilities.htm

 

He also may not have been a U.S. citizen: "For applications filed December 1, 1996, or later, you must either be a U.S. citizen or lawfully present alien in order to receive monthly Social Security benefits."

 

https://www.ssa.gov/ssi/text-entitle-ussi.htm

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HeyMike

In your "friend's" case perhaps he did not have a completely permanent disability and was recalled for a certain type of SSD administrative exam. That is possible. SSI however is not age dependent either but I do believe it's restricted to living in the US.

 

https://www.ssa.gov/ssi/spotlights/spot-rights-responsibilities.htm

 

He also may not have been a U.S. citizen: "For applications filed December 1, 1996, or later, you must either be a U.S. citizen or lawfully present alien in order to receive monthly Social Security benefits."

 

https://www.ssa.gov/ssi/text-entitle-ussi.htm

 

It was probably something as you have stated in your post, but I don't know what the problem was. I do know that when he went back to the States he had some court charges against him that the judge gave him a big break on. He was lucky not to spend time in the big house, from what I understand.

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to_dave007

Spoke to my friends mum again.  Both my friend and his mum blew off a letter from the disability people about a month ago that threatened termination if they didn't take some action.  No-one remembers what they were asked to do, but I "sounds" like he was being asked to sign and return some document.  And of course they threw it out so no one knows what it was.  At my urging my friends mum has requested a copy of that letter and I understand it's being sent so that we can see what it says.

 

I've suggested to my friend that he needs his spending to be down to 6,000 peso a month..  which is food and "possibly" his bike, but he'd have to drop his 6,000 peso a month smoking and coffee habit and his even larger beer budget.  He agrees..  but so far he's still using up stock he had at the beginning of the month.  He stretched it, but not much.

 

Following good advice here..  thanks Shadow..  seriously.. I've tried brainstorming with my friend possible ways for him to earn money..  but it's hard when at every turn there are multiple reasons why it can't be done.  We'll continue when he is ready to face it.

 

Right now the only thing he seems to be able to focus on is having a home that he and his estranged wife can live in.  The theory is that if he has a house that he and the ex can live in, then she can support him.  They have no land other than land owned by her father, and building a house on FIL land is just not a good idea, but my friend ignores me on that.  He asked me for money to build a house (small, amacan) today , and I said no.  And he's asked his 80 year old mum for money and he tells me she is sending $2,500 that she can't afford.  no idea how she's getting it.  I disagree with it so strongly that I'm at a loss for words.

 

My gut feel tells me that my friends is going to receive his mothers money, and then will either:

 

a) piss it away slowly on living expenses with no effort to earn anything.

 

b) build a small amacam house on property that is owned by his ex wife or her father, so that the next time they kick him out (as they've done half a dozen times before) he'll leave a small house behind in their hands..

 

Part of the advice I have received here..  which I mostly AGREE with BTW..  is to respect him enough to let him live his own life, to make his own decisions, and support him in positive ways  It's so hard to do that, when I believe that he's being used and manipulated by his ex and her family, and when he turns to his own mum and does the same thing, and when he still does not show a willingness to work or live MUCH more simply.

 

I will talk to his mum about the disability matter, to see if anything can be done to resurrect the disability payments.

 

I've given up on the possibility to get him back to Canada.  I'll still pay the ticket if he'll go, and his mum offered to help, but he's adamant that he will NOT go back to Canada.

 

I have spoken to the Swiss guy who owns a restaurant close to where my friend lives, and I'll pay for delivery to my friend of a once a day food package  for a temporary period of a month or two once I am able to confirm that no money is being spent on beer, cigarettes or coffee..

 

I'll do my best to try to stay positive, and reinforce him with positive energy, but I will not build him a house.

 

And I'm afraid I must draw a fairly clear line about what I will and won't do.

 

And I must begin to distance myself from this situation.

Edited by to_dave007
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woodchopper

Brain dead..Withdraw!

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SkyMan

 

 

she is sending $2,500 t
You can probably build 3 shacks for that, DIY that is.  2 if you pay someone.  It's sad to see him sucking her dry like that but being his mom she will probably go without for him.  I'll be surprised if he isn't back in the same boat in a few months if not sooner.
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Skywalker

 

 

I'll pay for delivery to my friend of a once a day food package  for a temporary period of a month or two

 

That's called creating a dependency.  Once you start down that route, you become the substitute mother.

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perrya

He reaped what he sowed. Knew full well the outcome sooner or later. Could have at least once shown up in person to appease the hand that fed him. Now, he is up shit creek, dumb ass.

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to_dave007

You can probably build 3 shacks for that, DIY that is.  2 if you pay someone.  

 

I agree..  when it comes to contemplating construction, my friend can tell you all 4,322 reasons why he himself can't do it.

 

..she will probably go without for him.

 

I've sat with her in her kitchen discussing exactly that.  YES.  she will ABSOLUTELY go without to send the $2,500. 

 

I'll be surprised if he isn't back in the same boat in a few months if not sooner.

 

Agree 100%.   Unless there is a significant "monthly money" change (both on income and spending side), then the "one time money" his mother is able to send now just delays the inevitable.

 

 

That's called creating a dependency.  Once you start down that route, you become the substitute mother.

 

That's what I fear as well.  That's why I have not told him I'm even considering it.

Edited by to_dave007
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Enuff

 

 

I've sat with her in her kitchen discussing exactly that. YES. she will ABSOLUTELY go without to send the $2,500.

 

I have ZERO respect for anyone willing to take from his parents so he doesn't have to do for himself.

 

IMHO you would be better off not even associating with anyone like this.

 

As my wife says "birds of a feather flock together"

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Paul

 

 

once I am able to confirm that no money is being spent on beer, cigarettes or coffee..

 

I am thinking this will not happen, unless he has a strong will to change.

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to_dave007

I am thinking this will not happen, unless he has a strong will to change.

 

I'm thinking he will not stop until he's blown through the money his mum is sending him, and by that time it will be too late as far as I'm concerned. 

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Paul

I'm thinking he will not stop until he's blown through the money his mum is sending him, and by that time it will be too late as far as I'm concerned. 

 

I admire you for being the friend you have been, through this all.

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