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guitartechk

You are missing the point, it is not her family, it is the family of the dead husband who has allowed her to stay there. It probably crosses her mind that the in-laws could toss her out if she pisses them off.

 

In a conversation with my fiancé (Vivian) many months ago she told me that she owns the house! I'm not sure how that plays out in the Philippines?

 

Anyway, out of respect, neither Vivian or I want to show any disrespect to her late husband's family... not the way I roll. Her children live there as well.

 

As for her side of the family, I love them to death, we've hung out and partied at their compound. Will again soon, my flight leaves Dulles Jan 5 and I'll be in Cebu for a month, looking forward to it!

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she owns the house    and lives there?   but you're not welcome to visit there   yet you're flying in to marry her?   just checking i got the story right.

I am now sort of living in a family compound, Right now I have the only house on the land that my wife's father has told us repeatedly that he is going to put it in the name of my wife, and her two si

Sorry but you are way out of touch with reality here. The house, unless things were set up legally, is not hers. It legally belongs to her and the children equally, assuming that the husband died inte

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RogerDuMond

In a conversation with my fiancé (Vivian) many months ago she told me that she owns the house! I'm not sure how that plays out in the Philippines?

 

 

Quite possibly it is her house because it was his, but maybe not the land. That may be owned by the family.

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guitartechk

Quite possibly it is her house because it was his, but maybe not the land. That may be owned by the family.

 

Ahh, I see... Well like I said, not how I roll. I will not disrespect the family.

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BossHog

she owns the house 

 

and lives there?

 

but you're not welcome to visit there

 

yet you're flying in to marry her?

 

just checking i got the story right.

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guitartechk

she owns the house 

 

and lives there?

 

but you're not welcome to visit there

 

yet you're flying in to marry her?

 

just checking i got the story right.

 

Yup BossHog, That's my story and I'm sticking to it...

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mactanfamily

 

 

You are missing the point, it is not her family, it is the family of the dead husband

 

I think I see the point exactly. He is marrying her and WILL OWN the house along with her. The EX-in Laws are exactly that EX-inlaws. Land owners or not....Where is there disrespect in a grown womans choice to live her life with her legal husband. 

 

Again, showing up with dudes all the time is 1000% different than being married no-matter what race he is. I wonder if it would be disrespect is he was a Tan or Ayala clan. Guitar is being very very respectful and careful which is great, but that doesnt stop the alarm bells from ringing. Whats next? Sounds way too controling to me. 

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guitartechk

Sorry guys, maybe I should add some perspective to the discussion. The request that I refrain from visiting came when Vivian and I first met. I'm not sure that now, with the passing of time, that that would still be the case. Like I said before, I'm not comfortable hanging out with the late husband's family so I'm not insulted or upset, just curious.

 

Additionally, with respect to the house, no matter what Vivian and I decide regarding where to live, her children still need to live somewhere and with the family of their father seems like a good place to me. The compound provides security, no?

 

Much is still up in the air regarding where Vivian and I will live after we marry, I already own a place in Maryland and maybe we build a place on the compound of her side of the family or maybe buy a place in a subdivision... we'll cross that bridge when we come to it, no?

 

Thanks, Ken

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mactanfamily

Best of luck to you and your new family guitar. Everyone here wishes you the best but at the same time a cautious reminder through years of experience watching the hundreds who came before you. 

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Ken

 

Almost identical situation happened to me. My lady had been a widow for two and a half years when we met, she lived at her in laws compound and had done so for 18 years, her mother in law had given 200 sq. Mtrs. Of land to each of her 6 kids, ( the eldest son was my ladies husband and by all counts a real good guy. Whilst still alive but sick, he had begged his wife to marry a foreigner if he was to pass on , saying as a widow she would get treated better.

One year after he passed she discussed the position with her ma in law who fully agreed with her looking for a foreigner.

 

Cutting a long story short, we met..,lived together for 6 months or so in a rented house , i rebuilt the little house she owned, agreed this would be for her kids.....built another place down the coast, very modest but cozy....we live between the two... get on great with the ma in law who lives next door, she lives in our place when we not here and looks after the 2 kids age 19 an 13

 

I can understand how some in laws feel....but my lady was a good woman for her husband...she was a young widow and had a right to seek happiness and security,

 

Have not got on with the bro in law who i think feels uncomfortable in my presence , the two sis in laws likewise, I get on great with all our neighbours and with my ladies extended family who live some distance awy...

 

You will be fine mate, being well mannered and giving respect are two different items in my book, respect is a mutual thing and needs to be earned both ways

 

I don't really give a flying f,,,kn what outsiders think, only you know how you feel and sounds like most of the boxes have been ticked.....all the best to you both..

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guitartechk

Ken

 

Almost identical situation happened to me. My lady had been a widow for two and a half years when we met, she lived at her in laws compound and had done so for 18 years, her mother in law had given 200 sq. Mtrs. Of land to each of her 6 kids, ( the eldest son was my ladies husband and by all counts a real good guy. Whilst still alive but sick, he had begged his wife to marry a foreigner if he was to pass on , saying as a widow she would get treated better.

One year after he passed she discussed the position with her ma in law who fully agreed with her looking for a foreigner.

 

Cutting a long story short, we met..,lived together for 6 months or so in a rented house , i rebuilt the little house she owned, agreed this would be for her kids.....built another place down the coast, very modest but cozy....we live between the two... get on great with the ma in law who lives next door, she lives in our place when we not here and looks after the 2 kids age 19 an 13

 

I can understand how some in laws feel....but my lady was a good woman for her husband...she was a young widow and had a right to seek happiness and security,

 

Have not got on with the bro in law who i think feels uncomfortable in my presence , the two sis in laws likewise, I get on great with all our neighbours and with my ladies extended family who live some distance awy...

 

You will be fine mate, being well mannered and giving respect are two different items in my book, respect is a mutual thing and needs to be earned both ways

 

I don't really give a flying f,,,kn what outsiders think, only you know how you feel and sounds like most of the boxes have been ticked.....all the best to you both..

 

Ozbrum, Thanks...

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RogerDuMond

I think I see the point exactly. He is marrying her and WILL OWN the house along with her. The EX-in Laws are exactly that EX-inlaws. Land owners or not....Where is there disrespect in a grown womans choice to live her life with her legal husband. 

 

Again, showing up with dudes all the time is 1000% different than being married no-matter what race he is. I wonder if it would be disrespect is he was a Tan or Ayala clan. Guitar is being very very respectful and careful which is great, but that doesnt stop the alarm bells from ringing. Whats next? Sounds way too controling to me. 

 

 

Sorry but you are way out of touch with reality here. The house, unless things were set up legally, is not hers. It legally belongs to her and the children equally, assuming that the husband died intestate. Unless the land was deeded to the husband, the family COULD be classified as squatters and be forced through barangay negotiations to move. This would be a long process and require that the land owner pay a fair price for the house.

 

Now that fact aside, it is not a wise move for a foreigner to come here and cause trouble thinking that he is right. It is not likely to end well. Acting like a superior kano would only get you trouble and cause unnecessary problems for her.

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guitartechk

Sorry but you are way out of touch with reality here. The house, unless things were set up legally, is not hers. It legally belongs to her and the children equally, assuming that the husband died intestate. Unless the land was deeded to the husband, the family COULD be classified as squatters and be forced through barangay negotiations to move. This would be a long process and require that the land owner pay a fair price for the house.

 

Now that fact aside, it is not a wise move for a foreigner to come here and cause trouble thinking that he is right. It is not likely to end well. Acting like a superior kano would only get you trouble and cause unnecessary problems for her.

 

Hey guys, I have no intention of causing trouble. Like I said before, I think living in the compound of their father is a good choice for the kids. Please keep in mind that I love Vivian (and I love her grown her children like they are my own, between the two of us we have 5 kids all over 16 years of age) so it is not my intention to get into a pissing contest over her house. Vivian and I will be fine wherever we go, no?

 

I know that maybe there are legal points to be argued here, but frankly my only concern is Vivian and our family's well being... Thanks so much, Ken

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SkyMan

It works out for you a little.  When they come to you for a loan just say, "I would but out of respect for your deceased relative I cannot."

 

You said the kids are over 16 so after the marriage and the kids are all 18 I'd sell the house and move far away.  The kids can come along or stay, their choice.

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cvgtpc1

 

 

The family matriarch has requested that I do not visit the compound out of respect for the family.

 

Count your blessings?

 

A family matriarch has the family power and few things trump it.  They know it and some abuse it.  Its Filipino family dynamics. 

 

So Vivian's parents are out of the picture?  I realize she lives with the former in laws but they got to play into this too if still around.  No mention of them.

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