guitartechk 197 Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 Hi all, I'm curious about this concept of the Filipino family compound. My fiancé is a widow and lives with her children in the compound of her late husband. The family matriarch has requested that I do not visit the compound out of respect for the family. Is this normal? Understandable in Filipino culture? Thanks, Ken Link to post Share on other sites
davehud 504 Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 My GF also lives in a family compound. From day 1 she has had me over there for meals, partys, card games and just to hang out. Only thing I don't do is spend the night there. The GF stays the night with me in my hotel. Link to post Share on other sites
Soarking 2,233 Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 (edited) I never heard about anything special about the family compound being sacred grounds. Maybe her late husband is not so late. Or maybe she has other reasons not to show you around her friends and reletives. Family pride is a real big thing in Filipino culture. Edited December 18, 2015 by Soarking 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BossHog 37,908 Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 The family matriarch has requested that I do not visit the compound out of respect for the family. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
bmoore 640 Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 Makes sense in any culture. Perhaps it is time she left the ex's compound. Would you want your deceased son's wife's boyfriend hanging around the house? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
thebob 18,260 Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 No. It isn't normal. Link to post Share on other sites
guitartechk 197 Posted December 18, 2015 Author Share Posted December 18, 2015 I've met and hung out with her kids, her sisters, friends and others in Minglanilla. I'm confident the late is late because she has the death certificate and CENOMAR from the gov't. Link to post Share on other sites
guitartechk 197 Posted December 18, 2015 Author Share Posted December 18, 2015 Makes sense in any culture. Perhaps it is time she left the ex's compound. Would you want your deceased son's wife's boyfriend hanging around the house? That was my original thinking as well, so, out of respect I have not visited. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thebob 18,260 Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 Respect is earned... not forced. The matriarch doesn't seem to respect you! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
+RogerDuMond 13,307 Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 I personally would feel uncomfortable hanging out with the deceased husbands family at their place. It doesn't surprise me that they feel that way. If you are serious move her out, but if you have any reservations, don't take away her home. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MikeC 63 Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 My wife's family has a large family compound - she agrees that a boyfriend should not visit the compound out of respect for the dead family member. Remember they are showing respect to their dead family member. It doesn't mean they don't respect or appreciate you. This of course may change over time as your intentions become clearer or firmer. You will likely notice the very elaborate celebrations and offerings for dead family members on the anniversary of their deaths or on All Souls Day etc. Link to post Share on other sites
guitartechk 197 Posted December 18, 2015 Author Share Posted December 18, 2015 I personally would feel uncomfortable hanging out with the deceased husbands family at their place. It doesn't surprise me that they feel that way. If you are serious move her out, but if you have any reservations, don't take away her home. I agree, I would not be comfortable hanging out there either. We have rented an apartment nearby for my next trip. Respect is earned... not forced. The matriarch doesn't seem to respect you! I've never met the matriarch, but suspect it would be the same for any suitor of her late son's former wife. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
guitartechk 197 Posted December 18, 2015 Author Share Posted December 18, 2015 My wife's family has a large family compound - she agrees that a boyfriend should not visit the compound out of respect for the dead family member. Remember they are showing respect to their dead family member. It doesn't mean they don't respect or appreciate you. This of course may change over time as your intentions become clearer or firmer. You will likely notice the very elaborate celebrations and offerings for dead family members on the anniversary of their deaths or on All Souls Day etc. I have noticed. In fact, this year, while my fiancé and I were video chatting. She was at the cemetery on All Saints Day and wanted to show me the celebration. Pretty cool... I had previously done the same for her as the trick-or-treaters were arriving at my door... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mactanfamily 717 Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 Boyfriends...understood. Fiancee? Houston we have a problem. The warning sign is that this girl is very much controlled by her family. Generally NOT a good thing. The pressure on her between you and the family is going to be extremely difficult. Blood and water. Are you marrying her and you have not even been to the compound and spent time there yet? Slow down my friend. I would heed their request, and take it as CHANCE to slow things down a lot. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
+RogerDuMond 13,307 Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 (edited) The warning sign is that this girl is very much controlled by her family. You are missing the point, it is not her family, it is the family of the dead husband who has allowed her to stay there. It probably crosses her mind that the in-laws could toss her out if she pisses them off. Edited December 18, 2015 by RogerDuMond 5 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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