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Advice re kids...


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miles-high

I now have a 13yo nephew who is a Filipino living in the US… I have never had my own kids, although I have several nephews and nieces but they are miles away, while this one lives close by…

 

Anyway, he is attending a private school, his mother drives him back and forth to the school (as most other American students) so, he doesn’t really have any friends except in school. He says he got a few boy and girl friends (he pronounces the word “space” here, like: “girl space friends” ;)).

 

During the weekdays, I observe he does homework diligently, listen to some music and go to bed early to get up by 5am as per his mother. He gets all A’s from school. A good PE and 30min home gym almost everyday...

 

The weekends are another story – he plays the League of Legends hours on end… If his mother doesn't tell him to stop, he could play it 48 hours straight! So intense he uses a 55in monitor...

 

I am just wondering if this is a normal behavior for the kids his age… his mother doesn't really like him playing that game...

 

I was also wondering if we should steer (force? :)) him to play more productive games like some driving or flight simulators? ;)

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Ozepete

Come on uncle, take the lad fishing!

He needs you as mentor!

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colemanlee

I now have a 13yo nephew who is a Filipino living in the US… I have never had my own kids, although I have several nephews and nieces but they are miles away, while this one lives close by…

 

Anyway, he is attending a private school, his mother drives him back and forth to the school (as most other American students) so, he doesn’t really have any friends except in school. He says he got a few boy and girl friends (he pronounces the word “space” here, like: “girl space friends” ;)).

 

During the weekdays, I observe he does homework diligently, listen to some music and go to bed early to get up by 5am as per his mother. He gets all A’s from school. A good PE and 30min home gym almost everyday...

 

The weekends are another story – he plays the League of Legends hours on end… If his mother doesn't tell him to stop, he could play it 48 hours straight! So intense he uses a 55in monitor...

 

I am just wondering if this is a normal behavior for the kids his age… his mother doesn't really like him playing that game...

 

I was also wondering if we should steer (force? :)) him to play more productive games like some driving or flight simulators? ;)

Dude, you of all people should just take him flying.....and let him fly the plane....thank god and old crop duster did that for me when I was young

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Davaoeno

I now have a 13yo nephew who is a Filipino living in the US… I have never had my own kids, although I have several nephews and nieces but they are miles away, while this one lives close by…

 

Anyway, he is attending a private school, his mother drives him back and forth to the school (as most other American students) so, he doesn’t really have any friends except in school. He says he got a few boy and girl friends (he pronounces the word “space” here, like: “girl space friends” ;)).

 

During the weekdays, I observe he does homework diligently, listen to some music and go to bed early to get up by 5am as per his mother. He gets all A’s from school. A good PE and 30min home gym almost everyday...

 

The weekends are another story – he plays the League of Legends hours on end… If his mother doesn't tell him to stop, he could play it 48 hours straight! So intense he uses a 55in monitor...

 

I am just wondering if this is a normal behavior for the kids his age… his mother doesn't really like him playing that game...

 

I was also wondering if we should steer (force? :)) him to play more productive games like some driving or flight simulators? ;)

 

going by my son - the answer is YES !!   The kid does well so I gave up worrying about him .  Its a whole new world out there .

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I am just wondering if this is a normal behavior for the kids his age

 

It is not unusual for kids with the ability to focus and achieve. Be grateful sufficient focus is applied to his school work and fitness.

However, unless he has ambitions to be a professional gamer or game developer, I would be inclined to attempt to encourage (not force) him to sample other activities. Colemanlee has the right idea - take him flying, gliding or sailing. Gliding and sailing are every bit as complex as online strategy games. Competitive sailing can be done such that it is a good introduction to effective teamwork. (The ability to go sailing might, of course, depend on your precise location in the States).

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Soarking

I really wouldn't worry about him at this point. His Mom could try and steer him towards more educational less violent games but you really can't force him. Good grades, friends in school, does his homework and from what I gather is generally a good kid.

Could be worse, imagine if he had no friends, flunking all his subjects, dressed all in black and had a fixation with guns. NOW you would have something to worry about.

Edited by Soarking
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If my boys got straight A's and went to bed and woke up early, I'd probably let them play a lot more games than we currently let them...that being said, that level of gaming seems a bit extreme. But if I allowed them, my boys would probably do the same.

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woodchopper

my 3 kids were broken family,,1 b with me and 1b, 1g with "fang",,however i was a constant supporter etc of all they did or did stuff with them,,boatfishing etc football girls stuff too,,but my word was law,,fair and just.

.

having said that,,that process takes longer than coming later in a childs life as more or less an "outsider"?

 

bonding takes time eh?

 

my 3 are all sucessfull workers/parents/ and very good people,,something to say that in this day and age!

 

GOOD LUCK WITH WHATEVER U ACHIEVE MATE!

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contraman

 

 

1 b with me and 1b, 1g with "fang"

You were outdone by 2 to 1 :idontknow:

"Fang" must have been a wonderful person :yahoo:

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woodchopper

 

 

"Fang" must have been a wonderful person

 

it ended up with a variety of deadbeats and smoked copious amounts of green vegetation.

 

10yrs ago  her face woulda held rainwater in the "furrows",,i think i did ok?

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Observe many mammals..... ok, more primitive than we, but their objectives are the same..... teach their young to survive....at a point in time they cut their young loose and start over....they of course live in a harsh crue world where many young do not survive to adulthood, we are not so far removed from them.

 

Kids need direction, guidance , we as adults given we accept that responsibility need to be the teacher not the best friend.

 

He may be a brilliant student, but the western world ( and asia for that matter ) are pumping graduates out at a great rate of knots.... your nephew is going to face a lot of competition when he leaves school, both for university entrance and though he may be gifted, what he does today will set the scene on his later development.

Kids of his age are naturally lazy, they will sleep when they are tired eat when they are hungry and generally do as they feel......if they are allowed to.

 

You do not mention if he is liable for home duties.... clean his room, mow the lawn etc.....my belief is,, kids need to understand they are part of a community, part of a family and we all have duties and responsibilities..... perhaps part time work at weekends would help to tune him into the reality of life.....

 

yep....i am a parent, I have gone through this and i do appreciate your honesty in seeking some comments....

 

all the best in your endeavors. 

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youngwillie

Video games are like dope, they suck ALL the imagination right out of your brain. - Some people may not be affected like this, but most are.

 

Anyone who can play all night through to the next morning has something missing in life for sure.

 

Take him fishing or to sports games. If you feel it more appropriate or don't really know the kid well enough then take the mother fishing too. It will be possible to have fun.

 

These are the things he will remember as "bonding moments" (I know it sounds corny but it is true) If kids are just left to their own devices the outcome is seldom good. (They are kids after all and don't know anything) One day he will be looking for advice, these are the moments when the trust is built.

 

It will take a bit of planning and a bit of effort on everyone's part but it will be worth it. Wanting to help is a good thing.

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Davaoeno

 

 

Video games are like dope, they suck ALL the imagination right out of your brain

 

 

I find them to be quite the opposite - in my son's case anyway .  

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youngwillie

I find them to be quite the opposite - in my son's case anyway .  

 

Then your son is remarkably lucky. That is of course why I used these words: "Some people may not be affected like this, but most are"

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to_dave007

13 is kind of an awkward age.  Old enough that you want the kids to be "out there" a bit more, but still too young to be "out there" alone.

 

When she was 12, my daughter (who lives with her mum), had her face buried in online games and I was worried about it.  Then at 13 she researched a boxing club that opened close to her home, first online, then by phone, then she went to visit, then she asked her mum if she could join.   I was horrified when I heard about it, as I had in my head a picture of what boxing clubs used to be like.. Think Rocky.. No way I wanted my daughter there.  I returned to Canada from PI just a few weeks after she joined the club and the FIRST thing I did was ask my daughter to take me there and show me around.. And the place was 100% ok..  run by a young couple from New Zealand.. and VERY kid friendly.  Turns out my daughter has a passion for it..  and goes 2 or 3 times a week now to the boxing. plus another day a week to judo...  and they like her so much at the boxing club that it's free to her..  and she helps with orientation of new teenage members.  I will drop by and slip the owners some cash before I come back to PI to help support my daughter... but they've been clear with me that they don't expect money for her now.

 

My ex and I disagree about MANY things, but this boxing club wasn't one of them.  My daughter is mixed race (half Chinese) and has a slight figure and I NEVER in a million years would have expected her to enjoy a boxing club.  But she's safe there, and it's walking distance from home, and she's getting lots of exercise, and she's gaining huge confidence, and most importantly SHE LOVES IT !!    She's 14 now, and in great shape, and MUCH more outgoing and mature than she was just 1 year ago.  And a straight A student in a high school for gifted students as well.

 

At this age, the problem is not to "entertain" the kid by taking them flying or fishing just once (though these are also good things to do), but to help them find something OF THEIR OWN that they can be passionate about.  Hopefully something not to hard to get to and from, and something safe, and so on..  but mostly something of their own.

 

Has the boy been asked what HE would like to try?  Try and think of lots of options close by.. or within bicycle distance...  Ask around.. There are likely lots of things you don't know about.

Edited by to_dave007
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