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Long Distance Relationship


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Hi All,

 

Just got back from Cebu from a wonderful one week trip meeting my girlfriend for the first time. Cebu is such a nice place to visit as was Bohol. This is my first post here so try to go easy on me :db:

 

Ok here goes. I have been in an long distance relationship with my girlfriend for a year now. We met on a Christian dating site. We get along very well and chat two times a day on messenger and a few times a week on Skype. She is very respectful and affectionate. An all around really nice girl. I met her family when I was there and visited her sari-sari store. This is how she makes her living 7 days per week.

 

I am divorced and I am looking to move on with my life. I was gutted financially by my ex wife and am really now gun shy of ever dating or marrying a western girl again. This is the reason I started my search for a girl from south east Asia and the Philippines especially, since I had heard how family oriented they are and how they take their relationships seriously and love their man. I spent a lot of time sifting through the money grabbers and liars on-line so I'm pretty sure I have done my homework.

 

Because I am still relatively young, 44, and still working full time and have dependents, I can not make the commitment to move to Cebu full time right now. I have kids to support and a spousal payments to make so this rules me out for being financially able to make the move at least for the next while unless of course I could make a living there, making the salary I make now, which is 99.99% unlikely.

 

My question is this, should I continue to have a long distance relationship with this girl if I am not physically there especially if we decide to get married? We have talked about this and we have agreed to continue our relationship from afar. My plan is to go to visit every 6 months until I am able to live there permanently. Unfortunately this could take ten years.

 

You are probably wondering why I don't take her back to Canada. Well I have several reason, the main reason is I don't think she would be happy here and would be lonely. The winters are darn cold and you really are confined to the indoors. Yes we have a Summer too but trust me the winter's are long. I also don't want to pull her away from her family and friends which are the closest things to her.

 

Am I being completely out to lunch on this and could this work? Are any of you doing this?

 

 

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my wife came over to the states got a walmart job continued her education now she is in hospital administration and makes alone more than what we use to make together, once she surpassed our old incom

I agree 100% with leaving her in the Philippines, same situation for me.    My wife has been surrounded by her family her entire life and never left her home or family for more than 2 days except fo

while it may seem daunting. even a bit scary to her at first (moving across the world to an unknown place with no family is for people from all over the globe) filipinos are incredibly adaptive 

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while it may seem daunting. even a bit scary to her at first (moving across the world to an unknown place with no family is for people from all over the globe)

filipinos are incredibly adaptive 

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Salty Dog

My wife never really wanted to come to the USA but she finally decided to give it a try.

 

She loves it and can't say enough about how much better most things are here for her.

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I am in a very similar situation similar age etc. What I am proposing to do is have my GF visit me here in Ireland a couple of times on holiday visa before I decide to marry or retire in 3-5 years. It gives my other half a chance to see if she likes it here. Also gives me time not to rush into a second marriage.

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one thing to add

as far as the cold

there are lots of filipinos working and living in alaska

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batman2525

Lots of Filipinos living in the UK......its cold here 12 months of the year.

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I agree 100% with leaving her in the Philippines, same situation for me. 

 

My wife has been surrounded by her family her entire life and never left her home or family for more than 2 days except for being with me.

 

Moving her across halfway around the world only to be alone is not smart, in my opinion.

 

I get to visit about 5-6 weeks a year and spend quality time with her, which oddly enough is probably more quality time than I would get to spend with her here.

 

Long distance sucks but its also good as I can focus entirely on work and making enough to retire early.

 

Good luck

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I am in a very similar situation similar age etc. What I am proposing to do is have my GF visit me here in Ireland a couple of times on holiday visa before I decide to marry or retire in 3-5 years. It gives my other half a chance to see if she likes it here. Also gives me time not to rush into a second marriage.           

 

Thanks topcat72m, I was thinking this too. She would want me to fly back with her the first time. As you know, it's a pretty brutal flight.

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Unless you live in An incredibly isolated place in Canada, there are plenty of Philipinas around. My wife after some false starts has a small circle of friends that support each other and socialize together.

                                                          Jester

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batman2525

I do think they "spoil" after being out of their country for a while.....I met my Filipina in the UK as she was already living here.

If I had met her in the Phils I would never take her out of her country....not because she may miss her family but because she would "spoil"

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Thanks topcat72m, I was thinking this too. She would want me to fly back with her the first time. As you know, it's a pretty brutal flight.

It's no worse than going to Ireland. 21 hrs travel. She will be fine. Getting the visa is the difficult process. My gf is coming here next month for 12 weeks. Step 1. I'm not planning any further than that. Once bitten twice shy.

 

It's very difficult to trust after being through a brutal divorce. But I am trying. I will try to be more careful this time.

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Soarking

She will adjust to living there much easier than you here long term, trust me on that. Like said earlier, Filipino's can adapt to the cold weather. As long as she isn't isolated in some little hick town. Filipino's are family people and from what I've seen don't like isolation.

I'm not sure about Canada, but in the U.S. you can bring her over on a K-1 visa in about one year, (if she had child a K-2 for them). If doesn't work out please have the funds and be willing to help her come home.

 

If your truly in love, go for it.

Edited by Soarking
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You are probably wondering why I don't take her back to Canada. Well I have several reason, the main reason is I don't think she would be happy here and would be lonely. The winters are darn cold and you really are confined to the indoors. Yes we have a Summer too but trust me the winter's are long. I also don't want to pull her away from her family and friends which are the closest things to her.

 

Am I being completely out to lunch on this and could this work? Are any of you doing this?

 

Meaning you just dont want to take her with you

From what i know about pinay they will adjust

For their man

 

Your talking about ldr 10 years is a long time

Any woman that would wait that long is crazy

What is she a rag you leave on the side untill you need it again?

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No I don't see her as a rag I just leave on the side until I need it again.

 

I am simply looking for some feedback.

 

I am still open to the option of bringing her here. Maybe a tourist visa at first to see how she likes it.

 

I had an Australian friend who moved here and lived in Canada for about ten years. He was married and had 2 children with his Canadian wife. They had to move back to Australia because he couldn't handle the winter months. It was making him depressed. So I have seen it first hand how taking someone from a tropical country and bringing them to an cold country can be hard on the psyche. He came here on his own will totally unprepared for the winter here.

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even if you decide to have her stay in the philippines in general

it would be worth it to bring her to canada long enough at some point to get her canadian citizenship

 

if you marry and something ever happens to you it could benefit her greatly 

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