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Skywalker

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It truly depends on the participants and their circumstances.

 

Years back I remember having a penpal. The letters were the highlights of my week and we generally grew closer.

 

Occasionally the warden would get a bug up his butt and it drove me crazy when I didn't receive my letters.

 

Upon my release we tried a real relationship but she was a control freak and could handle a free man.

 

It didn't cost me anything but helped through a rough 5 to 7 years.

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Another friend of mine has just announced that he is in a committed relationship with somebody online.   They've never met.   My friend has been to Cebu a few times on holiday (he's from Hawaii) a

Ive related it here somewhere before, I was in a "committed relationship" before I got here, for at least two years, its much too long to go into again but after being here for about eight months livi

i suppose you fall in love with what you believe them to be... then you meet and either they are who you imagined or not   the biggest problem is probably that your vision will likely be clouded by

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Another friend of mine has just announced that he is in a committed relationship with somebody online.

 

They've never met.

 

My friend has been to Cebu a few times on holiday (he's from Hawaii) and is planning to retire here in a few years.

 

I really struggle with this idea that anyone can be in love with somebody that they've not actually met.  Now, I understand that these relationships can often lead to real loving relationships, but surely you can't really understand and appreciate somebody until you actually spend time with them, face to face?

There's a huge difference between being committed to a relationship (which I guess means you'll give it a go / won't spread your bets before you see how it turns out) and being in love with someone - which is not what this friend of Skywalker said.

 

However, I don't see it as "immature" as it is later suggested because the feeling of "love" or "infatuation" or "trust" etc etc is a chemical reaction [creation of oxytocin] naturally caused by the human body in adults. You can't stop feeling the way you do because of the oxytocin levels in your blood and why would you want to?

 

I am, however, more British and am more cautious (as well as perhaps more experienced of women both in Europe and Asia) and would always have reservations before meeting / building a relationship in person. I would nonetheless never "dis" the value of talking in a relationship - particularly at the outset and the cyber forum is perhaps the only venue that provides such a "take it slow / get to know you" environment in this day and age.

 

Interesting article on the subject http://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/hormone-makes-her-hotter

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Topper

When I was 10 or 11 years old I was head over heels in love with Annette Funicello  on the Micky Mouse Club.

I mean seriously.

When she appeared on TV I damn near swooned.

It wasn't sexual, but I would have done anything for her.

 

Lasted about two weeks.

 

KonC

LOL  Me too. Even though I was only 10 or 11 at the time, I knew there was something "hot" about her. The "bumps" on her chest might have had something to do with it.

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Skywalker

 

 

being in love with someone - which is not what this friend of Skywalker said.

 

I didn't mention it, because I considered it pretty obvious I suppose.  To be blunt, they are on facebook telling each other that they love each other.

 

They've never met.

 

It's kinda creepy.

 

If they'd met, I could understand it.  But they have never met.

 

I still think it's too strange.    How can you love someone you've never met?  How does that work?

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I didn't mention it, because I considered it pretty obvious I suppose.  To be blunt, they are on facebook telling each other that they love each other.

 

They've never met.

 

It's kinda creepy.

 

If they'd met, I could understand it.  But they have never met.

 

I still think it's too strange.    How can you love someone you've never met?  How does that work?

 

Hormones

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lamoe

As one who IS online I can tell you it is very difficult to maintain a purely "friendship" relationship. Answering yes when asked "Do you chat with others?" does help. But then you get how many, where, can I see her picture?

 

Hearing "I love you" after just a few chats at first threw me. I actually felt guilty because I definitely did not feel the same but having read hundreds of posts here I now understand the various reasons it gets said. I don't say "me too",  I'm not that much of an AH. 

 

I have mentioned that desperation is a factor, and the realization that   - "I'm an old lady - I'm 34"  or "Here I am considered too old for any one under ***** - (55 for me - I'm 67)" - and  "how was I to know that the last time someone asked me would be the last time anyone would ask me?" are facts of life.

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It's kinda creepy.   I still think it's too strange.

Or desperate! Maybe he's been short on female attention and it's the first time in a sweet shop for a while.

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Monsoon

Had a guy who gave some of us with Filipina brides but he is now on Match. com is their really any difference???   I have not met one guy here who is married to a Filipina who does not say he wishes he could retire in the Philippines.  This is true from the richest guy in our county to some of the younger ones just scrapping by.

 

Why any 'married' guy with financial means would want to retire in the Philippines is beyond me. 

 

You'd have to have a desire to 'rough it' I guess. Nothing works properly in the Philippines. The only places where you have some hint of modern convenience are over priced, polluted traffic ridden shit holes. 

Edited by Monsoon
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cvgtpc1

When I was 10 or 11 years old I was head over heels in love with Annette Funicello  on the Micky Mouse Club.

I mean seriously.

When she appeared on TV I damn near swooned.

It wasn't sexual, but I would have done anything for her.

 

Lasted about two weeks.

 

KonC

 

Mine was Susan Dey in The Partridge Letter.  Wasn't a good pen pal....never returned my letters.

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cvgtpc1

Hehe,  yeah I understand the complexities involved.  I was sort of alluding towards the nuts and bolts of forming a friendship with regard to building up to an actual relationship, which incorporates the usual (old fashioned?) contact, initial meeting, dating, intimacy and perhaps sex, meeting the others parents/friends/family, going on holiday together (that is often the deal maker/breaker) and then perhaps a proposal leading to a more serious level.

 

 

So happy I had that opportunity...no idea how you guys do it online.

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tomaw

I can understand where this guy's coming from since I met my wife online. However, I made three trips to Cebu over 3 years spending time with her in person before asking her to marry me. He needs to do the same. The internet is a great start, but they definitely need to take the next step.

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I don't think there's anything wrong with finding women online that you might want to get to know better.  But I agree, it's a little creepy to say you're in love already and all that when you've never met. 

I made the mistake of spending too much time talking to somebody online before I came last time, and then guess what-- when I got there I ended up liking other people I met better. 

 

There's really no replacement for face to face time and hanging out together-- and of course getting to know them in various situations. You'll learn a lot more in a few real dates then you will talking to them for a year online in my opinion.

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ozboy

Yes as long as you are being honest about yourself as well.....this is why many relationship break down when they take their partners back to their own countries......(might have used it before)

 

 

 

 

post-7902-0-99515600-1425341569_thumb.jpg

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Skywalker

I still find the very idea, that you can in all sincerity say "I love you" to somebody that you have never actually met, quite ludicrous.

 

And what is more, I am right!   :rose:

 

Of course I agree that many relationships start online, I'm not living in the dark ages.  I am somewhat perturbed by some of the members here, who seem to have missed the point of my original post, to go off on a tangent about the nature of love, and how it takes its course.  My whole point was to question the validity of "love" between 2 people who haven't physically met.

 

There is something quite amusing about seeing some people painting themselves into the corner of righteous indignation.  

Edited by Skywalker
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Mikala

 

 

Why any 'married' guy with financial means would want to retire in the Philippines is beyond me.

 

Gotta' agree with you on that. Retiring in the Philippines would be exhausting to the extreme. Better to retire in Hawaii with trips to various places to "take the edge off".

 

I had a penpal once while working on Johnston Atol about 20 years ago. Thought everything was peachy keen. Went to Singapore to meet her for 24 hours (she was working as a maid there). Signed her up for a fiancee' visa and got her into the USA lickety-split. Within a month, she disappeared to join her "true love" in Boston.

 

Best to get to know someone very well prior to importing them into another country!

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