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Our Runt Has His First Fight in School


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colemanlee

Its been my experience that if you let one person get away with bullying you, you will end up being bullied by everybody that thinks your a pushover...(same with being a forgn. in the Philippines)  I spend a lot of time with my kids teaching them how to fight and box....I also spend a lot of time with them making sure they know when to and when not to...Im sure some will think it is the wrong approach but IMHO kids need to know how to protect themselves and others if the time comes..nothing says leave me alone like a shot in the nose...

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Years ago I get a call from the school and told that one of my boys, Luke, was banned and that I had to come collect him. When I got there he was waiting outside the head honcho's office so I asked wh

Sounds like a whole load of drama over very little, really.  Kids fight, sometimes and it shouldn't be a big deal.  The bit that ground my gears, though, was this:     The other day he was assigned

Our youngest boy is the runt of the litter. Bit hyperactive, struggles in school, but is tough as nails. Because of his size sometimes the bigger kids pick on him. Bullying? Probably, but that was sch

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Thanks for sharing your experience Mike. I am a concerned parent and I am sure my boy will get into a fight at school sooner or later, So any advice from expat dads here in Cebu is helpful.

May I ask how old is your lad and if it is a private or public school?

So the teacher called a meeting with both parents? Is that the usual Philippine way for these minor kiddy dust ups? And of course, there is always three sides to every story -- my boy's side, the other kid's side -- and the truth ... hehe...

Its good that your partner could find an opportunity to talk privately with both the teacher and other parent. In my experience when parents and yayas here in Cebu deliver or collect their kids, its a mad rush of noise and excitement as the kids run out of class into the playground. And the teacher is always busy before and after class with admin stuff or talking with other staff... or some irate motorist is yelling at parents double parking at the school gate.

Hmmm... thats a good idea. Maybe I should put my boy into some kind of self defence class, when he is old enough. I am going to look into that.

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It is common to have the families brought in to "resolve" the issue. The teachers are essentially covering their asses by doing this. It's been my experience they duck responsibility whenever possible. By calling in the families, they will appear to be proactive in the process. In fact, they are often the source of the problem by tolerating misbehavior.

 

I've had three kids in school here and each has experienced bullying in one form or another. Usually it is the social type, where name-calling is the issue. It can and does elevate to the pushing and shoving experience. This is when the families get particularly upset. Just watch local news reports to see people complain about some sort of mistreatment and show their pathetic bruises as evidence.

 

The major counsel I give our children is to try and tolerate the name-calling. I know some members will consider that a wimpy way of handling the issue. However, I am convinced that taking the bait by reacting to the name calling is a mistake. I've often used the example of a fish tank. Kids will tap on the glass just to see the fish jump. If the fish doesn't move then the kid will move on to some other target to get a reaction.

 

In some of the more developed countries (this is an expat forum) these sort of incidents will be handled differently. What is common here is some sort of payback if the situation causes embarrassment. I think rainymike did members a service by describing how his situation was handled. Even if the runt was in the right, the situation could have ended badly if there was no compromise.

 

I had a experience where I my car bumped a woman in a parking lot. Of course, on this situation I was the bully. There was no injury, just the indignation of being bumped. The woman was irate and wanted some sort of justice. It ended up being a visit to a local police station, paying her 2000 pesos for the "medical checkup" and we were in our way. Interestingly, this woman was a PhD chemist working for a local company, probably making a salary way beyond my meager income. She would rather inconvenience herself with this harassment than to accept an apology and move on with her activities.

 

So, if your kid punches another, it won't really matter the cause of the altercation. What will matter is the outcome of the,attempt to "resolve" the issue.

 

Forewarned is forearmed.

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For Real

It's been a busy week in schools with fights. My daughter punched the class clown in the face for continual distractions. She told the teacher what she did when class ended and the teacher laughed. I had the father daughter talk and all she wanted to know was if I had punched anyone at school, which I could only answer in the affirmative as I had been pushed on a few occasions to defend against bullies...then told her how wild I'd get and smash the living shit out of the bullies. The moral? Don't start trouble but when in trouble going hell for leather is the only way to resolve it.

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rainymike

 

 

The other day he was assigned to be the class monitor. Had to write down the names of the misbehaving kids while the teacher was out.    This is teaching of the worst kind.  Asking kids to do this can only lead to trouble.  I'd call in to question the action of the teacher rather than the subsequent fracas.

 

Yep, I agree. That's why my partner gave her the business the next day. But the boy had been picked on at other times as well. And I hold the school responsible. Be that as it may, what shoulda and coulda been isn't likely to happen overnight. I let my partner pick her battles. We talk about it. But I let her duke it out in the manner that she thinks will work the best.

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rainymike

 

 

May I ask how old is your lad and if it is a private or public school?

 

My boy just made seven. He's in a private school. Not sure being in a private helps completely. Lot of the parents give their kids the attitude that their somehow privileged. I suppose we all do that to some degree. So it's a matter of dealing with rich brats or the poor ones. And we're not so perfect either. Sometimes my kids can be brats as well.

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bkkmarlowe

 

 

I really want to enroll him in aikido this summer.

 

Yes, I am definitely interested in putting my son into some sort of self-defense course when he is old enough. I dont know about aikido, but maybe our own Phils hero manny pacquio got something going there. hehe

 

Perhaps it deserves a new forum topic... so please share with me and other INTERESTED parents here if you you come up with something we can follow through with... I know you are in Davao... but maybe there are similar self- defense courses for kids here in Cebu?

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bahalina buong

Get used to it, Rainy Mike.  No matter how much you love your kids and teach them right from wrong, they are going to be discriminated against in a way that YOU have never experienced here.   As a parent I appreciate your posts and your optimistic attitude, but its delusional to think your kids will get on here the same as you have.  I hope I'm wrong.  

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you're still butt-ugly bro.

 

mwah.

 

:rofl:  :rofl:  :rofl:  :lmao:  You're a funny man BossHog. No getting around it. 

 

ps:  thanks for the morning laugh. It's a good way to start the day. :thumbsup:

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SomeRandomGuy

Man kids got to put down a bully fast and hard.

Was bullied twice as a kid.

Once in grade six, new kid twice the size of me tried to steal my football.

I was a runt too but no push over.

I went and grabbed the ball back, he punched me in the gut, i smacked him twice in the face, his mate runs over to king hit me, i ducked punched him bang on the nose then got the shit beat out of me by both the pricks.

That was my first ever fight.

In year 8 i broke my leg skateboarding and was stuck in crutches for 6 weeks.

Year 10 lad purposely tripped me as i was coming thru the hallway, prick thought it was funny.

Not as funny as getting smacked in the face with my wooden crutches.

I got suspended for three weeks which was just enough time for my leg to heal.

Prick tried to fight me again first week back at school.

I can only imagine the embarrassment of having your ass kicked twice by someone smaller and younger than u in the first month of a new year.

Never saw him much after that.

I did martial arts from a young age but never started fights.

A good teacher should drill that into them and its good for them if to learn how to protect yourself.

Sometimes offense is the best defense.

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Monsoon

Sounds like a whole load of drama over very little, really. Kids fight, sometimes and it shouldn't be a big deal. The bit that ground my gears, though, was this:

 

 

The other day he was assigned to be the class monitor. Had to write down the names of the misbehaving kids while the teacher was out.

 

This is teaching of the worst kind. Asking kids to do this can only lead to trouble. I'd call in to question the action of the teacher rather than the subsequent fracas.

Totally agree. What a horrible idea.

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Monsoon
Next time he will belt him harder and sooner. [/quote

 

the next day my old man took me to school and threatened to hit the teacher over the head with a garden spade....great days.

 

Ahh the good ole days when shit made sense. Now you have police involved and kids being charged with terrorism for talking about shoot em up video games at school.

 

Turning the whole society into spineless p%ssies one kid at a time.

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oscarpears

The most sensible piece of advice to give a child is not to be a bully and to advoid confrontation and fighting. Many a young man has been killed by a single punch.

Psychopaths have sons too and they don't take it too kindly if their sons get hurt. A stupid playground incident has often spiraled out of control and led to major conflicts between whole families.

 

A child need to learn that only a fool throws stones at every dog that barks,

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I did martial arts from a young age but never started fights. A good teacher should drill that into them and its good for them if to learn how to protect yourself. Sometimes offense is the best defense

 

Bullies only understand force

 

Giving your child the training to deal with this type individual is one of the best things you can do for your child

 

Raising my 3rd child who is now 10. She is being taught self defense as were the other 2

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Sounds like a whole load of drama over very little, really.  Kids fight, sometimes and it shouldn't be a big deal.  The bit that ground my gears, though, was this:

 

 

The other day he was assigned to be the class monitor. Had to write down the names of the misbehaving kids while the teacher was out. 

 

This is teaching of the worst kind.  Asking kids to do this can only lead to trouble.  I'd call in to question the action of the teacher rather than the subsequent fracas.

I totally agree and was thinking the same thing. Asking a kid to do this is only asking for trouble. It also shows the teacher left the kids with no adult supervision. How old were the kids anyway?
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rainymike

Get used to it, Rainy Mike.  No matter how much you love your kids and teach them right from wrong, they are going to be discriminated against in a way that YOU have never experienced here.   As a parent I appreciate your posts and your optimistic attitude, but its delusional to think your kids will get on here the same as you have.  I hope I'm wrong.  

 

You're probably right that my kids will experience their share of discrimination in their life growing up in the Phils. It can take many forms. Some will resent us because we are richer than them. Others will resent us because we are poorer than them. Some will resent us because daddy is a foreigner. Others will resent us because they think my family lucked out on wealth and didn't earn it. And on, and on, and on.

 

Don't know if anyone on this planet is exempt from some kind of discrimination or getting sand kicked in their faces. Life and people can be hard on individuals. But if there is anything I want the boy to learn from this kind of thing - is to be able to rise above it. Far too easy to let this kind of crap pull you down. And in my opinion, the best way to handle discrimination is to have a full bag of tricks and knowing when to use one and not the other. Perhaps sometimes, one has to fight. But if one is smart, one learns how to avoid it.

 

LOL ... and there is always karma at work. Remember I said I was the runt as well? The kid who used to pick on me as a young boy grew up to be a young man. One day ... this young man applied for a job ... and I hired him. We both recognized one another. And although payback could have been a real mother of all paybacks from where I sat, we became good friends. 

 

You're right though. We all have to get over it and move on and take care of the business at hand.

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