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Our Runt Has His First Fight in School


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Years ago I get a call from the school and told that one of my boys, Luke, was banned and that I had to come collect him. When I got there he was waiting outside the head honcho's office so I asked wh

Sounds like a whole load of drama over very little, really.  Kids fight, sometimes and it shouldn't be a big deal.  The bit that ground my gears, though, was this:     The other day he was assigned

Our youngest boy is the runt of the litter. Bit hyperactive, struggles in school, but is tough as nails. Because of his size sometimes the bigger kids pick on him. Bullying? Probably, but that was sch

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sugbu777

 

 

The other day he was assigned to be the class monitor. Had to write down the names of the misbehaving kids while the teacher was out.

 

I agree. That's just asking for trouble. Any kid who gets stuck with that kind of role is gonna get it from the other kids.

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broden

my kid likes to take care of his own problems too..

 

we've taught him that if he fights in need we'll back him.. if he's the bully we won't luckily he never has been that way...

 

but he should do his best to get to a teacher before a fight happens... before it gets that far.. and when he can he has

 

if he gets hit regardless he can hit back and he knows that

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the.lone.gunman

Our youngest boy is the runt of the litter. Bit hyperactive, struggles in school, but is tough as nails. Because of his size sometimes the bigger kids pick on him. Bullying? Probably, but that was school for me growing up as well... lol ... I was the runt in our litter.

 

The other day he was assigned to be the class monitor. Had to write down the names of the misbehaving kids while the teacher was out. One of the kids whose name ended up on the blackboard came up behind our boy and punched him in the back. Usually our boy would have sat there and taken it. The other guy was bigger than him. The other guy got the surprise of his life when our boy turned around and punched him in the face. Other guy started crying and blamed our kid when the teacher returned. Parents were called in to talk to the teacher.

 

Here's how we managed the situation. Not saying it is the right or only way, but seems to work for us.

 

1. The Kid:  Our boy got the mandatory lecture from me about fighting in school. Tried to make him understand that he was doing everything properly following the teacher's instructions. Tried to make him understand that I thought the other boy was wrong, but that when he hit the other boy back, he was also wrong. Suggested that his job was not to punish, only to report on the misbehavior of others. It was the teacher's job to punish. Had the boy go and apologize to his teacher the next day.

 

LOL ... but having said all that ... I was glad he punched the other kid. Sometimes, it's the only way to earn a little respect and stop the boyish bullying. And I'm glad he did it when there was clear justification for doing so in the mind of his classmates.

 

2. The Parents: The other boy's mom was defensive as all hell (it wasn't the first time her boy had gotten into trouble). The meeting with the teacher was just listening to her posture to protect her boy. My partner was busy and had better things to do. She accepted responsibility and didn't bother arguing. Told the other mom that we'd pay for sending the kid a doc the next day to check up on the boy's nose. Even though we all knew nothing was wrong except the other kid's pride took a beating. But it ended the parental beef then and there.

 

Now all the kids and the teacher knew what the true story was. But my partner allowed the other mom to save a little face. In the social context, I believe she was allowing the other mom to save face. In doing so, she also positioned herself to be seen at a 'higher' level than the other mom in the minds of others. Was like giving up a battle to win a bigger war - if it ever comes to that.

 

3. The Teacher: The next day and in private, my partner chewed out both the teacher and the other boy's parent separately, just to make clear what she really thought. In her opinion, both the teacher and the other parent were wrong. But she didn't call them on it until she was with them alone. They saved face, but also learned that my partner wasn't a push over. If the situation occurred again, my partner would not be so accommodating and would push back.

 

So as I see it, here's what we as parents had to deal with: the lesson that our boy had to learn, the lesson that the other parents and the teacher had to learn, positioning ourselves for any trouble that might occur in the future, and winning the war of public perception.

 

It's not the American way of calling in all the lawyers and threatening everyone with lawsuits with an 'in your face' attitude. It's my partner's interesting way of handling conflict by not fighting in the open, but bushwhacking you when you're alone with her. Man ... I can see why the Filipinos were tough guerrilla fighters in wars past. Hope the boy learns that lesson well.

 

LOL ... and I really want to enroll him in aikido this summer.

Nicely handled by you and your spouse.  And your son too.

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cebubird

Good for your "runt". my kid would just start bawling.

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batman2525
Next time he will belt him harder and sooner. [/quote

 

I was in a fight every other day when I was in School....my "old man" used to tell me to get them before they got me.....so I did,the teachers used to cane me for destroying the kids faces...until one day after I "finished off" a kid the teacher had me bend over the desk and hit my ass so hard with a trainer it cut my right ass cheek.....the next day my old man took me to school and threatened to hit the teacher over the head with a garden spade....great days.

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BossHog

the teachers here seem to abandon all of their class-room obligations

 

and just go out for snacks or manicures during class hours.

 

what do they think is gonna happen when you leave fifty kids 

 

in a small room unsupervised

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riklynbor

I was bullied through most of my school years sadly.

I was a late grower I was quite small till after leaving school.

I was slow to anger but when I did lose it watch out.

My last fight was in year 10 which is the year I started standing up for myself.

I had enough of this kid bullying me and walked up to him eating his lunch and gave him a reason to leave me alone. He tried running away but I tackled him and continued beating him I was on a roll. Broke his nose and all. The teachers grabed me and locked me in a small room I was so mad.

My father tore strips of them telling them they had no right locking me up.

He praised me for standing up for myself. I was not bullied after that and received respect from other kids. A few tried even the schools biggest guy so I waited outside his classroom and when he came out I grabed him and gave him a massive dead leg. He laid crying on the floor for quite a while. He was friendly to me after that. I have not had a fight since then. Im now 6'3" and weigh 105kg. Nobody picks on me now.

 

I dont beleive in violence but as a kid fighting back worked and earned me respect.

 

School age 12yo

post-14249-0-45682400-1424306191_thumb.jpg

 

Finaly started growing 18yo

post-14249-0-67049800-1424306305_thumb.jpg

 

Hope your kid don't know you call him a runt.

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Mandingo

Nice....nothing shuts up a bully like a fist to the nose. I know its not cool to fight but it's even worse to get bullied and better they, the turds who bully, know now if they try they will get the same :)

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bkkmarlowe

Thanks for sharing your experience Mike. I am a concerned parent and I am sure my boy will get into a fight at school sooner or later, So any advice from expat dads here in Cebu is helpful.

May I ask how old is your lad and if it is a private or public school?

So the teacher called a meeting with both parents? Is that the usual Philippine way for these minor kiddy dust ups? And of course, there is always three sides to every story -- my boy's side, the other kid's side -- and the truth ... hehe...

 

The next day and in private, my partner chewed out both the teacher and the other boy's parent separately,


Its good that your partner could find an opportunity to talk privately with both the teacher and other parent. In my experience when parents and yayas here in Cebu deliver or collect their kids, its a mad rush of noise and excitement as the kids run out of class into the playground. And the teacher is always busy before and after class with admin stuff or talking with other staff... or some irate motorist is yelling at parents double parking at the school gate.

 

I really want to enroll him in aikido this summer.


Hmmm... thats a good idea. Maybe I should put my boy into some kind of self defence class, when he is old enough. I am going to look into that.

.

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BossHog

 

 

Im now 6'3" and weigh 105kg. Nobody picks on me now.
 

 

you're still butt-ugly bro.

 

mwah.

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When I was a boy... I went to a strict catholic school.  The playground was totally tarmaced with nary a blade of grass dare rear it's head.  The school was run by a bunch of disciplinarian geriatric nuns - the youngest was in her late 60's.  The PE teacher was 76.

 

Average class size was around 40 but we learnt just fine cos any kind of misbehavior was swiftly and severely punished.  I recall in grade 2, some kid had done something wrong but wouldn't own up to it so all 40 of us got "the strap".  As in left hand laid out on the desk as the nun marched up and down the aisles, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP with a leather strap designed for such purpose.

 

By modern standards it all seems rather extreme but frankly it didn't do me any harm and I suspect it molded better characters than the current school system does.

 

Sometimes the old ways are the better ways.

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riklynbor

you're still butt-ugly bro.

 

mwah.

That is why I was bullied duhhhh. :-)

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