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Salty Dog

Should your spouse be your best friend?

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Salty Dog
By Corey from Simple Marriage

 

Should your spouse be your best friend?

 

“He’s like my best friend.”

 

“She’s the best friend in my life.”

 

These are common statements and beliefs about a relationship with our spouse.

 

That they must be our friend, no, best friend — as well as all the other roles a spouse plays in marriage.

 

While I don’t discount that there should be friendship between husband and wife, having him or her as your best friend can be the death-nail to the marriage.

 

To clarify, I’m referring to best friend here as a primary and/or sole outlet of your relational needs.

 

When you first met your spouse, ideally you were both living lives that were fulfilling and interesting (note the emphasis on “ideally”— if you and/or your spouse didn’t have a lot going on when you first met, the relationship was already in really big trouble). One reason your spouse was attractive was the life they were living apart from you. The lives you were living before you met were an important part of what made each of you who you were.

 

As you began spending more time together and getting to know one another, you likely had less time to engage in the things you were doing before you met. Some couples go so far as to completely give up everything they previously found fulfilling and important in order to spend time together. The problem with this is, as you became fused, you became more and more dependent on each other to meet your individual needs.

 

That’s the problem with your spouse being your best friend.

 

As you give up those things you find fulfilling and important for the sake of the relationship, this places a tremendous burden on your spouse to fill the void of whatever you gave up. And this burden will create neediness and dependency, as well as resentment and boredom.

 

One of the best things you can do for your spouse is have a couple of great same-sex friendships.

 

Every marriage needs space between the spouses. It is within this space that you find energy, passion, eroticism, quiet time, and personal fulfillment.

 

While I believe that friendship within the marriage is vital for the relationship, close friendships outside of the marriage are equally important, especially if you want a marriage with lots of passion, eroticism, adventure, and energy.

 

One of the biggest killers of passion in marriage is all the meaningless time spouses spend together. And this monotonous coexistence is what often comes to define most marriages.

 

If you want to create a great marriage full of energy, adventure, passion, and love, spend some time away from your spouse with your friends.

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Paul

Nonsense. Your spouse cannot be your best friend. 

 

We all know you need someone, on occasion, to be trusted with things you do not want repeated. I have yet to meet a woman who can keep a secret to herself.

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mikewright

I don't know.  Can you be best friends with your boss? :)

Edited by mikewright
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colemanlee

Interestingly enough, I have always considered my wife my best friend...however thinking about it, even though she is a friend, confident and lover..I have several guys that I consider very good friends and one I consider my "best friend" more like a brother.   A man and a woman need someone they can relax have fun and conversation with....something more, or different than you could do with your wife....I cant talk cars or bikes with my wife...she knows nothing about them....I cant talk nonsense or be just plain stupid with my wife.....I cant go out and drink and look at girls with my wife...(actually I can but its not the same).  I can sit and babble for hours about my old truck and the modifications, can talk about different guns, can kid about whos the best shot...can tell dumb ass stories that only a guy would understand....as for my best friend, a Filipino named Mike, I can call on him anytime, any place about anything..and he can do the same. 

I can talk about when the kids, wife or relatives piss me off.  I can ask advice...numerous things that I could, but would not feel comfortable, talking to with my wife......

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broden

my wife wouldn't be my wife is she couldn't keep our business our business

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shadow

My wife and my dog are my best friends. I don't spend much time with anyone else, and have been shit on by so many "friends" lately I don't want or need any more.

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bahalina buong

Familiarity breeds contempt.  Most people need multiple outlets for their social needs. 

 

But I think she should be at least a good friend.  Lots of women hate their husbands.  

 

Btw, how old does one have to be before they stop having "best friends"?

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Salty Dog

Rubbish!  My wife is my best friend and that is what makes our relationship so strong.  I have other friends but most of my social needs are filled by Mrs.

 

My wife and my dog are my best friends. I don't spend much time with anyone else, and have been shit on by so many "friends" lately I don't want or need any more.

 

I've also called my wife my best friend, but on reflection, I wish I had a male best friend that I could share and do things with that my wife doesn't or wouldn't do or understand.

 

I totally agree that couples need to have time apart. You just can't or shouldn't spend 24 hours a day with any one person. Now I know several of you will have a comeback about how that means something like I don't love her enough or some other kind of BS. So be it.

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Paul

My wife and my dog are my best friends. I don't spend much time with anyone else, and have been shit on by so many "friends" lately I don't want or need any more.

 

Welcome to the club! :D

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poby

I do spend time with other friends, apart from Mrs.  I talk about things with friends that I don't talk about with Mrs.  But that doesn't change my feeling that Mrs is my best friend.  The time we spend apart only strengthens and refreshes our bond.  Other friends may come and go, but I know with certainty that Mrs and I will always belong together.

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JamesMusslewhite

My wife has always been my best friend, partner and confidant, and is why after 27 years of marriage our relationship and marriage is still going strong.

Edited by JamesMusslewhite
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Salty Dog

My wife has always been my fest friend, partner and confidant, and is why after 27 years of marriage our relationship and marriage is still going strong.

 

James as this has been a fairly serious thread so far, I'm going to leave that one alone for now..  :biggrin_01:

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JamesMusslewhite

James as this has been a fairly serious thread so far, I'm going to leave that one alone for now..  :biggrin_01:

At first I really did not know what you meant by your response, but once I reread my post and I saw that little typo it became clear. What a difference a simple "f" instead of a "b" can make to the whole meaning of the text...

 

Noted and edit made.. :biggrin_01:

Edited by JamesMusslewhite

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Salty Dog

At first I really did not know what you meant by your response, but once I reread my post and I saw that little typo it became clear. What a difference a simple "f" instead of a "b" can make to the whole meaning of the text...

 

Noted and edit made.. :biggrin_01:

 

Actually I was thinking about some smart-ass comeback about putting up with you for 27 years... :db:

 

Did you forget who trained me?   :unknw:

Edited by Salty Dog

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