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I dont understand my american boyfriend!


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Thank You for the links I appreciate it...But.............

 

I will play the devils advocate here and say:

 

1. Only 3 of the 4 were Americans.....One was a Filipino and Filipina husband and wife that met here in the Philippines and moved to America Together.

 

2. One (from what I read) was a Nurse who was in the States when they met a married (thus he did not TAKE her from the Philippines to kill her when the feel out of love.

 

It doesn't seem any of them were killed for (and I quote your post) "There have been cases here in the US where Filipinas were murdered by their husbands for insurance reasons, because they've fallen out of love with the Filipina, etc. etc."

 

Again I am in no way making lite of or mocking what happened or could happen but NO ONE has yet posted a link for a Filipina that was MURDERED for insurance, or they feel out of love.

 

But You make it sound as if the murders are planned for money when I dn't see one yet that shows that.

 

What happened to The Filipinas is a terrible thing but it also happens to Americans, Europeans, every nationality there is and in other countries. Not just Americans luring Filipinas to their death.

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hey i'm italian from nyc.

 

well ok maybe you're right.

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ed villas

First of all I really need some insights,

opinion and advice on this! I have an American boyfriend,

we've been on relationship since March 2014, its a long distance relationship, hes 35yrs old and im 33yrs old,

im single mom, hes been married 2 times and still under divorce on his 2nd marriage, hes been here in the philippines 4times for around a week to 10days on each his visit

. Hes been so nice and loving at the start of the relationship making me faĺl in-love with him so much,

we planned things together, at first our plan was hes moving here in the Philippines with me because i prefer here rather than in the US

, but it doesnt prosper because hes having a hard time finding a job here,

and since he doesnt have that much savings we talked about moving to the US instead

 

, since i love him i agreed with him, so we started to do some changes that will help me and my son on moving in the US, he file divorce to divorce his 2nd wife since they are already separated, he change job so he will have better chance on finding job here eventually if we decided to move back here, aside from that his old job doesn't accept divorcing easily so he really have to change job anyway, in return

, i closed my small business and go back to study to have license on my medical field course

 

and to get a US license for practicing it in US, so when i get to the US, i can have a job and help him out with expenses

. going back to study is not that easy because i moved to manila from the province to take the review class, all expenses i paid except my boyfriend helps a little on room rent, and its not cheap living in manila especially im paying for it with my last savings that i have. My boyfriend promise me a lot of things and i believed him because i love him, he calls me his fiancee, he tells me that what we do right now is just a preparation to be together, he said that what he both have is ours in the future, in short the plan is good, all we need to wait is his divorce to finish and me to get licensed, then he will file fiancee visa and take me and my son.

 

Now problem started when he started in his new job and i move to manila to study, we became both busy,

and i have an internet connection that sucks so we are not being able to talk in Skype like before because we used to talk on Skype like 3 times a day everyday back when i was in the province, so this transition on both of us happens last November 2014

 

, we both have hard time on the transition. Sometime he complains i dont send him messages often and im not being sweet enough for him, so we talked about it and compromise to try to give time to each other, on my side i think were ok, eventually he talked to me again he said im not creative enough to show my love, and he wants like literally send him loving messages in different ways often,

 

i told him that maybe im not that creative thats why he dont appreciate the way that i am showing him my love, in reality i do send him messages everyday when i wake up, when im on lunch or snack in between class and in the evening before i sleep, he just see it differently because i think hes looking for something else from me.

So we talk again, im having a hard time already because i don know how he want me to do, he said hes weak on being in a long distance relationship so he needs my word of affirmation to make him feel loved, but i am trying so hard already to do it he just dont see it,

 

its affecting my studies already worrying on things about him because since he changes job and hes job is related on party organizing, hes been going out and partying with friends very often almost 3 or 4 times a week, while constantly complaining that i dont show him enough love.

So it concerns me, and when i think about it, hes asking me to make him feel loved whereas hes being colder and colder everyday, and when i talked to him about that, he said that he will be honest, he says that he see that i give effort on sending him sweet messages even im busy but he said it sounds unreal, because he said that i told him before that im not creative enough and its not me to be like that.

 

So he suddenly said that we cannot do anything if we are not compatible with each other. It hurts me so much because in my heart i love him so much, and i am being a loving partner to him even were apart, he just dont see it anymore like before

. My negative thinking says that hes just not inlove to me enough thats why when he met new people on his new job and experience partying constantly, and got busy at work at the same time, he slowly forgetting about me, unlike before November when he don't party and we talk a lot, he change so much already, i asked him if we are going to separate and broke up,,he said he cant decide yet, its killing me being on the dark because theirs a lot at stake on me, not just my feelings or getting over him,

 

im just an average filipina with a little savings and a son to raise, i need to deal on explaining to my son why my boyfriend who promise my son to be his dad is suddenly gone,

and explain to my parents who my boyfriend told that hes taking me and my son to the US and my parents gave him their blessings, and i need to deal also that i wasted my last savings on study that i cannot use here in the Philippines, an will go to waste because im not going to the US to be with him anymore.

 

What should i do, wait for his decision?

Still talk to him? I really in the dark because i dont know what to do anymore,

if were breaking up, ill need to stop studying and save the money thats left of my svings to start a business again, and start moving on,

but he keeps avoiding answering my questions

,

he just said hes sorry he cant decide yet

. I dont mind not going to US, ive been on bad relationship before

, im annulled and very unlucky with filipino guys on previous relationships and i just thought trying a relationship with a foreigner can work,

but this is i got. Some insight will be nice, thank you

1.LEAVE HIM, he is not worth the heartache that I see in your post,

2. if he really loved you which appears he doesn't He would have helped you more with your school and living expenses, YET he doesn't.

3. if you need money for only your schooling TRY SSS. at www.sss.gov.ph they can assist you with a college loan if your a member of SSS and have the needed contributions.

 

4. amazing what 1 can do with the internet and what information is available..

if 1 has the ability 1 can find most anything on anyone. Why not do a background check on him,

see what the real truth is.

 i am sure some of the outstanding members of this forum can help.

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*Men are innate bullshitters, it takes an intellectual man to get over this nature.*

 

i beg to differ.

 

women cab be full of it too. some asian females are jealous to extremes or insanity.  some think jealousy is proof that they love their man, a childish concept. some of this from personal experience and some from observation.

 

 

intellectual or not, few men OR women ever get over their nature. only those who totally surrender to however/whatever  they view their creator as,  will overcome their "nature". 

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some of this from personal experience and some from observation.

 

And all 100% accurate. 

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RogerDuMond

And all 100% accurate. 

 

Yes it is accurate, but is it relevant?

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First of all, I appreaciate all the insights and opinion, i showed him this thread and he immidiately try to contact me after he read the thread, so we talked, he said he thought our relationship will work and that he loved me, thats why he did all the efforts he made on the past but eventually he got scared that we are not compatible because of those silly arguments that we had and he realized hes not ready yet to commit, he said he needs time to heal from his past relationship. so we agreed to end things up. its sad how things end, but things happen for a reason, time will heal i believe. thanks again

 

Forget him.

 

Congratulations on getting your annulment. Was that a long or expensive process?

thank you, my annulment has been finish since 2012, i filed it december 2011 and i got the decision on May of 2012 and finality papers last september 2012, it doesnt take that long because my ex husband was too happy to become single again for free so he didnt counter anything on the process, i paid for it, it was a package deal, paid 200thousand pesos including everything. thats where my first savings goes after my separation on my ex husband, and well there goes my savings now, spent on plans that is never gonna happen, as a consolation, im taking the license exam on March 2015 and hopefully if i pass then i will be lisenced.

 

1.LEAVE HIM, he is not worth the heartache that I see in your post,

2. if he really loved you which appears he doesn't He would have helped you more with your school and living expenses, YET he doesn't.

3. if you need money for only your schooling TRY SSS. at www.sss.gov.ph they can assist you with a college loan if your a member of SSS and have the needed contributions.

 

4. amazing what 1 can do with the internet and what information is available..

if 1 has the ability 1 can find most anything on anyone. Why not do a background check on him,

see what the real truth is.

 i am sure some of the outstanding members of this forum can help.

thanks for the advice, my mistake is that i dont have enough SSS contribution because ive been mostly self employed doing small business, and i didnt pay my SSS regularly, ill survive, i did it before, i can do it again, thanks again

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I don't see the guy here as such an evil creep as others seem to be saying to dump him right now!

 

The way I see it is he is still quite young and had 2 failed marriages, he then was probably lonely, got online, met this lady and they both had an online relationship for several months. They made promises and had dreams as you do in new relationships. Things changed, she worked in Manila and he at another new job where he was out socializing suddenly. 

 

He then realized he is not the useless 2 x failed ex husband who was about to get into a new family he had only known for a short time and only spent days in real life together. Now he has young friends, women showing him attention etc etc and just enjoying life for a change.

 

Now this is just a possibility, who knows he might just be bad but there is a chance he just may not be so in need to now suddenly go down the marriage and family road again. Heck he is in his mid 30's, if I was that age and had the money I would be out having fun too.

 

But he should be honest and clear with his intentions. Maybe you can get him to post here so we can here his story too.

 

If you really want to keep the guy then I would suggest to back off. He just came out of 2 marriages and he is not that old, remember that always!

 

Remember this is just a bunch of expats mainly, this is not a marriage counselor service so take this feedback as feedback not professional advice.

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Remember this is just a bunch of expats mainly, this is not a marriage counselor service so take this feedback as feedback not professional advice.

She's not married. Maybe the best advice she can get is from other people that have gone through a few ordeals and learned from them. I will never forget my parents comments when I asked them for advice on my break up. "We dont really know how we can advise you as we have never gone through that".

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Guys.

 

She must have got her answer already.  Or maybe out of load.

 

There have been replies since her last reply, which was in the moderation queue until just now. You may  read it here: 

 

http://www.livingincebuforums.com/topic/79008-i-dont-understand-my-american-boyfriend/?p=960505

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Yes it is accurate, but is it relevant?

 

Depends on the woman, of course. But,  yes, it certainly could be relevant. 

 

However, in this particular case, I do not think she is like that at all. I see her as much more mature than other Filipinas. She seems to be of strong character.

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If you wish to understand the American mentality, here is something to ponder.

 

  • The U.S. liquid gallon is defined as 231 cubic inches and equates to approximately 3.785 litres. One imperial gallon is equivalent to approximately 1.2 U.S. liquid gallons.

  • US Gallons (Liquid) to UK Gallons conversion

    www.metric-conversions.org/volume/us-liquid-gallons-to-uk-gallons.htm

Is anybody besides me confused about how this relates to this thread?
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colemanlee

Is anybody besides me confused about how this relates to this thread?

I was but then read the first sentence again....just another failed attempt at :shit_stirrer:

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Mikala

Is anybody besides me confused about how this relates to this thread?

 

I thought SkyWalker's post was an oblique reference to the fact that we're all different, even though we might be named the same (gallons). Sometimes you need a conversion factor (LinC) to help you understand the differences.

 

To me, a very wise post!

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