Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
jheng1803

I dont understand my american boyfriend!

Recommended Posts

RogerDuMond

And all 100% accurate. 

 

Yes it is accurate, but is it relevant?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
jheng1803

First of all, I appreaciate all the insights and opinion, i showed him this thread and he immidiately try to contact me after he read the thread, so we talked, he said he thought our relationship will work and that he loved me, thats why he did all the efforts he made on the past but eventually he got scared that we are not compatible because of those silly arguments that we had and he realized hes not ready yet to commit, he said he needs time to heal from his past relationship. so we agreed to end things up. its sad how things end, but things happen for a reason, time will heal i believe. thanks again

 

Forget him.

 

Congratulations on getting your annulment. Was that a long or expensive process?

thank you, my annulment has been finish since 2012, i filed it december 2011 and i got the decision on May of 2012 and finality papers last september 2012, it doesnt take that long because my ex husband was too happy to become single again for free so he didnt counter anything on the process, i paid for it, it was a package deal, paid 200thousand pesos including everything. thats where my first savings goes after my separation on my ex husband, and well there goes my savings now, spent on plans that is never gonna happen, as a consolation, im taking the license exam on March 2015 and hopefully if i pass then i will be lisenced.

 

1.LEAVE HIM, he is not worth the heartache that I see in your post,

2. if he really loved you which appears he doesn't He would have helped you more with your school and living expenses, YET he doesn't.

3. if you need money for only your schooling TRY SSS. at www.sss.gov.ph they can assist you with a college loan if your a member of SSS and have the needed contributions.

 

4. amazing what 1 can do with the internet and what information is available..

if 1 has the ability 1 can find most anything on anyone. Why not do a background check on him,

see what the real truth is.

 i am sure some of the outstanding members of this forum can help.

thanks for the advice, my mistake is that i dont have enough SSS contribution because ive been mostly self employed doing small business, and i didnt pay my SSS regularly, ill survive, i did it before, i can do it again, thanks again

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Tamed

I don't see the guy here as such an evil creep as others seem to be saying to dump him right now!

 

The way I see it is he is still quite young and had 2 failed marriages, he then was probably lonely, got online, met this lady and they both had an online relationship for several months. They made promises and had dreams as you do in new relationships. Things changed, she worked in Manila and he at another new job where he was out socializing suddenly. 

 

He then realized he is not the useless 2 x failed ex husband who was about to get into a new family he had only known for a short time and only spent days in real life together. Now he has young friends, women showing him attention etc etc and just enjoying life for a change.

 

Now this is just a possibility, who knows he might just be bad but there is a chance he just may not be so in need to now suddenly go down the marriage and family road again. Heck he is in his mid 30's, if I was that age and had the money I would be out having fun too.

 

But he should be honest and clear with his intentions. Maybe you can get him to post here so we can here his story too.

 

If you really want to keep the guy then I would suggest to back off. He just came out of 2 marriages and he is not that old, remember that always!

 

Remember this is just a bunch of expats mainly, this is not a marriage counselor service so take this feedback as feedback not professional advice.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
hyaku

 

Remember this is just a bunch of expats mainly, this is not a marriage counselor service so take this feedback as feedback not professional advice.

She's not married. Maybe the best advice she can get is from other people that have gone through a few ordeals and learned from them. I will never forget my parents comments when I asked them for advice on my break up. "We dont really know how we can advise you as we have never gone through that".

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hy H

Guys.

 

She must have got her answer already.  Or maybe out of load.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Paul

Guys.

 

She must have got her answer already.  Or maybe out of load.

 

There have been replies since her last reply, which was in the moderation queue until just now. You may  read it here: 

 

http://www.livingincebuforums.com/topic/79008-i-dont-understand-my-american-boyfriend/?p=960505

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Paul

Yes it is accurate, but is it relevant?

 

Depends on the woman, of course. But,  yes, it certainly could be relevant. 

 

However, in this particular case, I do not think she is like that at all. I see her as much more mature than other Filipinas. She seems to be of strong character.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
tomaw

 

If you wish to understand the American mentality, here is something to ponder.

 

  • The U.S. liquid gallon is defined as 231 cubic inches and equates to approximately 3.785 litres. One imperial gallon is equivalent to approximately 1.2 U.S. liquid gallons.

  • US Gallons (Liquid) to UK Gallons conversion

    www.metric-conversions.org/volume/us-liquid-gallons-to-uk-gallons.htm

Is anybody besides me confused about how this relates to this thread?
  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
colemanlee

Is anybody besides me confused about how this relates to this thread?

I was but then read the first sentence again....just another failed attempt at :shit_stirrer:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mikala

Is anybody besides me confused about how this relates to this thread?

 

I thought SkyWalker's post was an oblique reference to the fact that we're all different, even though we might be named the same (gallons). Sometimes you need a conversion factor (LinC) to help you understand the differences.

 

To me, a very wise post!

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
NOSOCALPINOY

First of all, I appreaciate all the insights and opinion, i showed him this thread and he immidiately try to contact me after he read the thread, so we talked, he said he thought our relationship will work and that he loved me, thats why he did all the efforts he made on the past but eventually he got scared that we are not compatible because of those silly arguments that we had and he realized hes not ready yet to commit, he said he needs time to heal from his past relationship. so we agreed to end things up. its sad how things end, but things happen for a reason, time will heal i believe. thanks again  

If I read this correctly, I would assume you both are no longer committed to each other and you both now have to go your separate ways. If that be the case, I wish you well and hope you get on with your life and hopefully you learned something from your relationship from your ex-American boyfriend of yours, who has a lot of baggage he is carrying around and or skeletons in his closet. Good luck to you!  

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
smokey

I thought SkyWalker's post was an oblique reference to the fact that we're all different, even though we might be named the same (gallons). Sometimes you need a conversion factor (LinC) to help you understand the differences.

 

To me, a very wise post!

I don't think that was skywalker at all but his butler trying to reach out about the confusion

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
bahalina buong

Come on guys use the head...I was referring  :sarcasm: to the post that I Quoted about Filipina's being MURDERED BY American's in America ".There have been cases here in the US where Filipinas were murdered by their husbands for insurance reasons, because they've fallen out of love with the Filipina, etc. etc".  Things happen for a reason........We all know that no matter what nationality there have been wives abused in ALL COUNTIES.....And I will venture to say...more Foreign husband have been murdered by Filipina Girlfriends and husbands wives, than Visa-versa.....ANY YOU KNOW THAT we read it ourselves at least once a month here and over the years before there was Internet...and before THE FILIPINO BANKS set the rules that Wives can't be on an Americans SS acount (for that very reason) how many have been murdered and no one suspected a thing....

 

Not only is that statement false...(when was the last time you read about a Filipina being murdered by her American Husband in America?)...like someone else posted there was 2 in Texas along time ago (By the same ONE GUY) Can someone name another Filipina from the Philippines that Married an American went to the States and was murdered by him because he "Feel out of Love?  JUST ONE MORE?

 

That Statement of misconception could be enough to cause a Filipina to NOT...marry someone she loves and have a better life...when it is pure Fantasy, husband/wife murders happen all over the world, not just in America, or by Americans, Not just to Filipinas, But Husbands also are murdered by the wives...for money, another man, whatever....

 

If we are trying to help someone then WE need to call out the untrue Statements that are made here.

 

I agree with both your post and Paul's that the guy is probable just a butterfly playing games.......

 

But A STATEMENT WAS MADE THAT IS NOT TRUE...and I challenged it....

 I appreciated your post and your point, Rover.  I think there was a case in Arizona, but I can't be bothered to look it up.  There are probably 100 murdered foreigners here for every Filipina that gets killed and buried in the backyard in the US.  But, of course, the locals conveniently forget the facts and remember the ONE or TWO sensationalized cases of Filipinas being murdered.  It was wrong of the poster to bring that up and use it as an example.  Thanks for disputing that.  Everyone else is too busy kissing that MILF's ass to maintain even a semblance of rationality.  Carry on. 

  • Like 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
miles-high

Hello Jheng1803,

 

My GF (a Filipina) thinks your answer and all human wisdom are contained in the following statement... :D

 

I'm American... 9 months ago you met? and in that short amount of time all of this has transpired, sounds like he is lying or bullshitting you. although it takes 2 to tango, not sure why you would agree to all of this stuff to someone you don't know or worse yet why you would tell your child this stuff.

 

Tell us which your “ex” (?) BF falls into… :D

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/01/08/single-guy-versus-taken-guy_n_6438566.html?ncid=txtlnkusaolp00000592

 

Good luck!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
towboat72

what i find interesting about  this topic is that all this advice is being given and we only have one side of the story

 

this could be just a matter of not understanding what the other is really saying or what they mean by what they say

 

my wife and i will still have what i call a pinay conversation where we dont really understand what the other wants

 

he says something  but she thinks he means something else and vice versa

 

everyone is trashing him 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
rainymike

My only advice is this.

 

Men and women fall in love lots of times in their lives.

 

That means men and women fall out of love at least (n-1) times in their lives.

 

When you fall out of love, you can blame your partner. You can blame yourself. Or you can blame the kids. You can blame his mother. You can blame the President. Whatever. Blaming helps relieves the pressure we place on ourselves, because sometimes we don't like to look at our own mistakes.

 

Not choosing sides on this. I don't know all the facts. Only your point of view.

 

My point of view is to just walk away. Forget the blame game. Suck it up and start anew. The more you obsess on this guy, the more you trap yourself in your past. The next guy deserves better. And you deserve better than walking around with your old baggage.

 

 

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
jtmwatchbiz

 

 

everyone is trashing him

 

that's coz he is a foreigner.


 

 

My point of view is to just walk away. Forget the blame game. Suck it up and start anew. The more you obsess on this guy, the more you trap yourself in your past. The next guy deserves better. And you deserve better than walking around with your old baggage.

 

 

i agree...just renew your ad and move onto the next one

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Paul

 

 

everyone is trashing him 

 

He has seen the thread, according to a communication I received from her. However, he has chosen not to reply. I wouldn't either, if I were him. (Or, would that be "he"? Whatever.)

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
bahalina buong

what i find interesting about  this topic is that all this advice is being given and we only have one side of the story

 

this could be just a matter of not understanding what the other is really saying or what they mean by what they say

 

my wife and i will still have what i call a pinay conversation where we dont really understand what the other wants

 

he says something  but she thinks he means something else and vice versa

 

everyone is trashing him 

Spot on.  But you don't get laid by telling a Filipina she's wrong.  :)

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
jheng1803

well, some of you are correct, this is just my side of the story, i am trying to be as honest as posible to get a fair opinion from you guys, after being hurt i got angry and mad too, i tried to make him understand my point, he just dont accept it, he thinks that its more important for me to have security of the family rather than giving him love and understanding him, thats his word! that he cannot tolerate the way I reacted to forced him to have a decision whereas all he is asking me is time. i just feel that i dont have the luxury of time to wait until i get dumped, i was just trying to balance my responsibility to my son which is my family and my relationship with him, since he never gave me a reason to wait for him, well he said in the end that he got 4 visits here to be the reason for me to wait, but what i was thinking at that time is that all he do is just ignore me and tells me were not compatible and to give him time to think. who would have wanted to wait for nothing whereas he hinted already that our relationship is not going to work. so i demanded answer, i dont even know now if what i did is the right thing, but at that time, i think it was the right thing.

 

now, i think he got what he wanted, to blame it all to me, that it is my fault. anyway this has been a very stressfull event, i know i got mistakes also... all i wanted now is to just feel numb and rest. sorry if this forum turns out to be my way of releasing how i feel. he can read this thread, well atleast the first 35 comments i think he saw that, thank you for reading.

Edited by jheng1803
  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
bahalina buong

jheng, sorry you are heartbroken.  It's surely not your first time, and you know you will recover and find happiness once again.  As for your bf, there is a good chance you put too much pressure on him to make an instant family again.  And let's be honest, you do need the "security of the family" from him and that likely was the reason you were looking for a foreigner in the first place.  And that's OK.  Maybe just be more honest with him about that.  We foreigners want to be loved also, and not used only for our money.  If you can try to find a way to convince him that you love HIM and not just his money, he will come back.  If he doesn't, then he is either not the right guy for you, or his reason for leaving you is valid.  Wishing you the best, but you have to be strong and truthful with love.  :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
jheng1803

jheng, sorry you are heartbroken.  It's surely not your first time, and you know you will recover and find happiness once again.  As for your bf, there is a good chance you put too much pressure on him to make an instant family again.  And let's be honest, you do need the "security of the family" from him and that likely was the reason you were looking for a foreigner in the first place.  And that's OK.  Maybe just be more honest with him about that.  We foreigners want to be loved also, and not used only for our money.  If you can try to find a way to convince him that you love HIM and not just his money, he will come back.  If he doesn't, then he is either not the right guy for you, or his reason for leaving you is valid.  Wishing you the best, but you have to be strong and truthful with love.   :)

Thank you for the honest opinion, i just want to clear something, what i meant about security is for me to recover from what i lost from the plans that we made that is never gonna happen, like spending my last money for the preparation of our plans, and how not to drain my savings while waiting for him to made up his mind. thats what i meant by not having the luxury of time to wait, because i am in the middle of a study that i am personally financing (NOT HIM) because of our plans, i am just trying to secure whats left of me because i feel that its my responsibility to my son, ive been stupid already on loving him so i was thinking that i dont want to end up broke, i never asked him financial help, and i didnt look for foreigner for financial security, savings wise, hes also broke because he lost everything on his ex wife. i am even the one urging him to take time when we first enter our relationship, i told him to put atleast more time before visiting, and think about things carefully, imagine at the first month of relationship, he visits, and wanted to moved here badly because i told him i dont want to go to the US, its just didnt happen because he cannot find a job, well again, same story, i got carried away by him doing things for me even we were just starting. I think what he meant also is that when he got confused and we had a problem, I prioritized myself and my sons security rather than giving him love, its quite different from asking him to secure us. it is a security i am providing my family, not from other people. anyway thank you

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
jheng1803

Jheng I think it is time for you to give him an ultimatum. I would tell him that you need an answer to be able to plan your future movements. Financially you can't afford to wait for him to decide because he is going to string you along just in case he can't find something else and you will end up broke. So no don't wait for a decision, demand it. It isn't fair to you and it isn't fair to your child. Be prepared though because he will probably tell you it is over and blame you for putting to much pressure on him, but honestly it doesn't sound like it was ever real on his part anyway.

 

Next time guard your emotions and take it slower.

 

By the way this is exactly what i was thinking and what i did and exactly what it turns out to be about the blaming part, its sad, but ill recover

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Tamed

I hope things work out for you Jheng, you sound like an honest, hard working, genuine women and I doubt you will be single long ;)

Although I think you should have given him more space after 2 marriages, it might be better now that you both don't have to try so hard on something that doesn't seem to be working now.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
tomaw

i beg to differ.

 

women cab be full of it too. some asian females are jealous to extremes or insanity. some think jealousy is proof that they love their man, a childish concept. some of this from personal experience and some from observation.

 

 

intellectual or not, few men OR women ever get over their nature. only those who totally surrender to however/whatever they view their creator as, will overcome their "nature".

Actually, intellectual men can be the biggest bull shitters. Look at lawyers.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

  • Sailfish Bay Fishing Charters

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use, Privacy Policy and Guidelines. We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue..