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Surprise, Surprise. I'm a Daddy? Nope!


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SkyMan

Do the DNA test. It's the only real proof you can get and any asking around will do nothing but leave you wondering either way.

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I'm sure you would have a gut feeling once you viewed those pictures, what did your gut say, did you see your self in the mirror. Next, I wouldn't send her one dime until you take a DNA test to prove

Mate, forget about all the money calculations and where he, she and you might live in the future. You are getting too far ahead of yourself. Just back off and don't make any decisions until you get th

Boy, I tell ya. All these guys and how they talk about not caring for a child if it isn't yours.    I have a baby boy in the Philippines whom I love with all my heart.  There is not a snowball's ch

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smokey

Is you ex's name Ashley by any chance?  <sigh>

as to the op i never regretted the love i felt from my daughter all them years and they do kind of change when they hit 12 and become more independent and less dependent on daddy , when i do talk to her even on line its kind of strained and i try not to take about her mother ,,  I think he needs the DNA just to know but that should not affect his relationship with the child.. its takes a lot more to be a dad then just giving up the juice , even if its not his Biological child the boy can still be his son

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Headshot

At this point (if I understand correctly), the OP has no relationship with the child...or the mother. If it turns out the DNA test is negative, then there is no reason for him to have either relationship. Sure, he can be an instant daddy if he wishes, but what kind of relationship could he have at this point with the mother? The possibility that she intended to deceive him would always be there. Therefore, though I hold guys who raise somebody else's child in the deepest respect, this relationship would be tainted from the start. If, on the other hand the child is his, then there is no deceit, and there is the possibility that he could have a wonderful relationship with both of them.

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Bill H

 

 

If it turns out the DNA test is negative, then there is no reason for him to have either relationship.

 

You don't know what the mother's motivation is/was nor what kind of woman she is.  So how can you say these things.  Maybe the OP will find she is the love of his life regardless who the father's child is.  I've adopted two children in my life and that I was not the bio father mattered to me not at all, I loved them just the same as those who carried my blood.

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stgCarlo

in my case now.. she is in luzon im in cebu... to bring her to cebu is 40 to 50k

if its not my child.. i never saw him yet.. i did not know about him till some days ago.. the last time i saw the mother is 2,5 years ago.. april 2012... if not mine.. it makes no sense to bring them to cebu to know them better..

better to fall in love then here with a woman and try to be happy with her

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Headshot

You don't know what the mother's motivation is/was nor what kind of woman she is.  So how can you say these things.  Maybe the OP will find she is the love of his life regardless who the father's child is.  I've adopted two children in my life and that I was not the bio father mattered to me not at all, I loved them just the same as those who carried my blood.

 

You are correct that I don't know what her motivations are. Nor have I made any assumptions about her motivations or character. I have tried to show some of the possible outcomes to this adventure the OP is going through (both good and bad). I believe it probably wouldn't be worth pursuing a relationship if the child's DNA doesn't match the OP's DNA because I have been reading what Carlo has been saying. His answer to you sums up much of what he has said before.

 

She is in Luzon, and he is in Cebu. It would cost him 40 to 50 thousand pesos to bring her and the child to Cebu (to pay for her debts and their tickets). If the child is not his (which is still an IF), he has never seen the child and did not even know about the child until some days ago. The last time he saw the mother was 2 1/2 years ago in April 2012. If it's not his child, it makes no sense to bring them to Cebu to get to know them better. It would be better to fall in love here with a woman and try to be happy with her (than to create a relationship with this woman). If the child IS his, it sounds like the OP has every intention of bringing the mother and child to Cebu and taking care of them.

 

In other words, there is presently no relationship with either the mother or child...unless the DNA test shows the child is his. My guess is that the child IS his. However, to create a relationship with this woman (who is deeply in debt on another island), if the DNA test is negative, just because she wants him to support her child would be kind of silly.

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smokey

At this point (if I understand correctly), the OP has no relationship with the child...or the mother. If it turns out the DNA test is negative, then there is no reason for him to have either relationship. Sure, he can be an instant daddy if he wishes, but what kind of relationship could he have at this point with the mother? The possibility that she intended to deceive him would always be there. Therefore, though I hold guys who raise somebody else's child in the deepest respect, this relationship would be tainted from the start. If, on the other hand the child is his, then there is no deceit, and there is the possibility that he could have a wonderful relationship with both of them.

well as my wife likes to say... honey you married a hen with 4 chicks.. it has been a great last 12 years for me... 

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stgCarlo

update

- paternity test kit for child is sleeping at lbc north area.. the lady from lbc service promised tomorrow it will be there.. she organize this

- i did my test today and send it over lbc express

- i made today upgrade for the test 5900p to get the result faster after the samples are in angeles (they send all to a lab in usa weekly.. now my test go by air directly to lab)

- i send her today 200p to send the sample from child over lbc express.. it makes no sense to pay upgrade and she sends sample with snail mail

 

today was the first time she did not like a suggestion from me.. i told her about a house i saw today in internet.. 3 storey.. first level living room, kitchen, cr, storage room, maids quarter.. 2. level 2 bed rooms and cr 3. level attica in herman cortes street for 16k 110sqm with a 6 months contract.. good to try some things..

this she do not like.. she said she is afraid to live in a big house.. she like a small simple one..

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stgCarlo

smokey i lived in swiss with the childs from my ex gf.. not from me and father lives not such far... i never was the daddy for them.. more a friend living with them... it do not matter if they are from you or not... after one or two years you run away or you love the kids.. between is not much possible

and i still visit the kids if im in europe or they call me and ask this or that or tell something... i do not think they think much about if im the papa or not.. they call cause they like me and wish to tell something and i like it cause relationship with mother or not.. after so many years they are your kids too

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Headshot

this she do not like.. she said she is afraid to live in a big house.. she like a small simple one..

 

It is also likely that she is worried that the boy will tumble down two flights of stairs. Remember that he is a toddler, and he will be a toddler for another couple of years. You need to take that into consideration. Little kids often do things without thinking, so you need to keep inviting hazards away from them as much as possible.

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stgCarlo

i think she is more afraid about ghost as steps.. and big house means much more to clean ;)

steps you will have in most cases in a house.. you need to mount something at steps for baby..

 

it do not matter at the moment.. so or so we need something only for 3 or 6 months... this is the time to come closer and to know is it possible to live together or close to each others... we can try this with two small houses in a subdivision in lapu lapu too.. in deca homes you can rent a small house from 3k a month.. 5k for a better one 8k for a good one without furniture.. 1 or 2 br 1cr with around 40 sqm

i lived 2012 in deca homes 3 behind grand mall in a house.. baby is made there hehe

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Bill H

To me, this girls sounds like a keeper, baby yours or not.  Were I you, I'd be exploring that with her.  Hard to find a girl here who is not after ALL your money.  This one doesn't seem to be that way.  Something to think about!

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Coffeehound

You just beat me to the draw on that one! This girl sounds more and more like a keeper.

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stgCarlo

I know some very good girls in cebu too.. no need to import one ;)

 

for example Analy.. around 24 years now..

a1.jpg

 

she has a house in barili

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her mother / family have small houses close there

she helped me to find a place last years or showed me south of cebu

 

her mother works at market for 100p a day and when i visit them her mother cooks chicken and pork.. much too much but tasty.. they even buy coke for me then...

the first time i was there i tried to give them some money for all.. but her mother gets mad at me then... this was not a good idea from me..

 

here in phils are a lot good girls... just open your eyes.. be nice and they are nice to you too

as long you will stand around in a mall and meet girls saying hello to you there or at street.. you will have chicks only.. if you wish to have a good girl.. you know them normally over friends or going province while fiesta.. not hard to find a good woman here..

as soon you know a good woman.. she will introduce you to friends too.. and you will know more and more...

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Chris24

I wish you well.  You are a good man, Carlo.

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