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Surprise, Surprise. I'm a Daddy? Nope!


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Truthfully, I wouldn't mention the money (back support payments) to her at all. If things work out between the two of you, she will never mention it. If things don't work out, the remainder after you paid the debts would be an acceptable parting gift (not to say you wouldn't still need to provide support). Because you are willing to pay off the debts and provide support in the future, it is unlikely the back support payments would even cross her mind. All of that, of course, is dependent on the DNA outcome.

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I'm sure you would have a gut feeling once you viewed those pictures, what did your gut say, did you see your self in the mirror. Next, I wouldn't send her one dime until you take a DNA test to prove

Mate, forget about all the money calculations and where he, she and you might live in the future. You are getting too far ahead of yourself. Just back off and don't make any decisions until you get th

Boy, I tell ya. All these guys and how they talk about not caring for a child if it isn't yours.    I have a baby boy in the Philippines whom I love with all my heart.  There is not a snowball's ch

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sperman

 

 

the chances actual as i think are 10% scam 30% other father 60% im daddy

 

by my calculation, the 30% "other father", is a scam, which makes 40% a scam, which is very high, and more realistic. i may have missed it but did she ever send a few different pics of herself WITH the child? a filipina/o's imagination is limitless if they decide to scam you.

 

and they are, (excuse me for repeating myself), all excellent actors/actresses. they are exquisite and convincing, and totally without guilt.  finding a baby photo would be no problem. in a country with near zero social security, the natives survival skills are honed to a fine edge. i've experienced and witnessed several scams over there in the preceeding 19 years, i'm sure many of us have, but i hope it turns out how you'd like it.

 

it CAN all be legit, just keep the caution light on as you are  'til you get the dna check done. then enjoy the outcome.

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newtocebu

I am hoping for a happy outcome for everyone's sake.

 

If the boy is indeed yours, will you consider a proper relationship with his mother ? ( you liked her enough to have slept with her.. )

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stgCarlo

i think about all and everything..

 

but first steps first.. the main question is - what kind of relationship i wish to have with the child.. how close i wish to be? and here  not how close for some days.. the question is.. how close i wish to be (and im able to be) the next 5, 10 or 20 years.. and this question is not such easy to answer..

the child needs stable relationships.. comming close now and going after some months again is not good for the child..

 

depending on this question all other will come later

 

yes i slept with her.. and she slept in my place more than once.. sleeping my place happends maybe once a year i trust a woman enough to let her sleep over.. so i trusted and liked her for sure..

 

its all too fresh to make a decision now... the range is still from seeing him once a month up to live with them together.. seeing him once a month she can live toledo with family and i visit them sometimes.. living together will be as friends at beginning... maybe developing to more later..

for the child it is better having mama and papa being friends able to do something all together and having fun.. as try to be couple and fighting every day..

 

the only thing im sure about is not to run away and support the child..

one more thing is im mostly sure i wish they live much closer as now..

 

dna test kids are not here yet.. still waiting for it

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spydoo

i may have missed it but did she ever send a few different pics of herself WITH the child?

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stgCarlo

on her facebook page are a lot of pictures from her with him different ages... as far it is possible to say that a new born baby is the same child as the one on pictures later...

she has contact to a child over the time again and again... in facebook she writes about her child... possible is - this is the child from the boss she is working for..

 

its too late to think about this now... paternity test is paid already.. now its more the time to think about what i wish while waiting for test result as to think about scam.. other father and so on..

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stgCarlo

there is one more decision i made saturday..

 

it makes no sense to tell her 5 times a day i do not trust her.. i doubt all.. im afraid of scam... this would destroy all trust and like what is still between us..

i made sure she has money to feed the boy.. borrow money from her work mate and getting salary in some days.. she know support from me after test result only..

if it is my child its better for our relationship... if its not my child im able to live with this..

 

talking about my boy (just waiting for result) makes it possible to talk about the boy.. talk about a possible future.. to talk about how to do a first meeting.. how it is possible to come closer to him the first time.. the actual idea is to rent a bungalow in lapulapu cottages for one or two days.. there is a very big nice garden and rabbits running around.. there we would be able to play ball (what he loves) catch and play with rabbits together.. able to take a bath in whirl pool or swim in pool there.. he loves water.. far away from my work and far away from the problems she had..

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Headshot

You're starting to sound...well...giddy. Slow down. Wait for the results. Play it by ear after that. About the only place I know of in Cebu that has bunnies running around is at the pet store in SM City Mall. They probably wouldn't let you take them out and play with them. My advice on first meeting...don't do anything you don't want to do over and over again. With the first meeting, you are setting expectations. If you set them too high, you will live with the results from then on. I would suggest taking them to Jollibee.

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Headshot

i may have missed it but did she ever send a few different pics of herself WITH the child?

 

I'm not sure that would actually be all that helpful. If she is trying to run a scam, and the child isn't hers, it could be a child that she's a yaya for. Carlo needs to just kick back for a couple of weeks until he has the DNA result. Then...he will have plenty of time to plan for the child's future without any trust issues...provided the child is actually his. Speculation really isn't helpful. It sounds like Carlo has made a good start by saying "NO" to any money until after the results are in. The child won't starve between now and then...not if she is living with employers who were willing to front the cost of the baby's birth.

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Coffeehound

Some very good advise being given here about caution and taking it slowly. If the child is yours I have high confidence that you will prove to be an excellent father. If the child is not yours, we'll then you are simply another victim. Sadly one simply can not trust the "you are the daddy" line. I've had that one pulled on me in the past, only to be proven false. Bravo sir for being willing to step up, but I would not go any further than possibly some loose change for 'milk money'. That should not break the piggy bank, and you'll feel good about taking the high road.

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stgCarlo

Update:

I have the test kit now but they forgot to send the test kit to the child.. they promised to send it today :(

 

Headshot: i try to wait and not think too much.. but i fail.. brain is working if i like or not

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4thDan

Well at least you're thinking with the big head, that's a good move.  All the advice re: wait and get  the facts is about as sound of advice as you'll ever receive.  Don't let your anxieties get the better of your good judgement.  Nobody is going anywhere, ya'll be there a week from now, a month from now.  But with the test results in hand, at least you'll know where you are.  patience makes the heart grow fonder and the heart holder wiser

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smokey

I'm sure you would have a gut feeling once you viewed those pictures, what did your gut say, did you see your self in the mirror.

Next, I wouldn't send her one dime until you take a DNA test to prove you are in fact the father of the child. Don't be a sucker. 

 

 

 

PRE DNA born sept 13, 1990   We have not talked much but she does call me to remind me of her birthday and Christmas she just drifted away after she became 20

i supported my daughter from birth till 18 and soon after had a huge argument with my x and she said ...  Robert your so stupid its unbelievable she is not your daughter and if you dont see that get a better eye doctor she is mine and kennys but kenny did not have a steady job then ((( he still dont )) so WE had no choice but to LET you be the legal father ...and we appreciate all the support you did give but really Robert 800 a month plus schooling and medical is not THAT much plus WE let you write her off on your taxes so we are even

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Cebudog

i supported my daughter from birth till 18 and soon after had a huge argument with my x and she said ...  Robert your so stupid its unbelievable she is not your daughter and if you dont see that get a better eye doctor she is mine and kennys but kenny did not have a steady job then ((( he still dont )) so WE had no choice but to LET you be the legal father ...and we appreciate all the support you did give but really Robert 800 a month plus schooling and medical is not THAT much plus WE let you write her off on your taxes so we are even

I would have had one dead ex. :ontopic:

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samatm

I believe that if someone told me I was the father of such a beautiful kid.. I would not be demanding a paternity test.   I would take the kid and run.   Get the kid a US passport (you are Murican right?) or wherever you are from.. Ask her to accompany the kid to Hong Kong with you .. say your goodbyes and take your son home.   Congrats. 


I would have had one dead ex. :ontopic:

ditto

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