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Filipinas are forced to look for real men from overseas


David_LivinginTalisay

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David_LivinginTalisay

http://getrealphilippines.com/blog/2012/04/filipinas-are-forced-to-look-for-real-men-from-overseas/

 

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GET REAL POST

 

April 18, 2012
by Ilda
 

Aren’t there enough Filipino men in the country good enough for some Filipino women (Filipinas)? As far as I know, there is no shortage of Filipino men and I haven’t heard of any reports that say there is an imbalance in the sex ratio that would compel some Filipinas to seek men from overseas either. But what could be forcing some Filipinas to look for partners from foreign lands? I’m sure the reason is not just limited to financial aspects because I know a lot of successful professional Filipinas with their own money who are also married to foreign men. It would be wrong then for others to assume that these women only married for money.

 

Yes, there are Filipinas, those who belong to the lower end of the socio-economic classes who view men from first world countries as a “good catch” because of the superiority of the currency these men have in their bank accounts. But to be sure, there are also some foreign men who come to the Philippines to take advantage of naive Filipinas. Unfortunately, Filipinas seem to have acquired a reputation for being heartbreakers and gold diggers among single foreign men who are seeking true love in Asia.

 

Even Jasmine Lee, a Filipina who married a South Korean national and then became the first naturalized Korean to become a lawmaker in South Koreaarrow-10x10.png, is said to have become a target of “racist” and “xenophobic” attacks on the Internet. Reports have surfaced stating that some Korean Netizens are reacting negatively to her new post with someone Tweeting: “Following the immigrant wife Lee’s entry to the Assembly, we can well predict the rise of unregistered foreigners and foreign women marrying in return for money. We’ll see the truth of multiculturalism that exploits Koreans.” It is unfortunate that the Filipina’s reputation has been tainted to the point of affecting even highly-educated and professional women like Lee.

I recently read a post from a site called HubPages written by someone who was obviously very bitter about his own experience with Filipinas. His primary reason for writing the article is to warn other foreign men from getting involved with women from the Philippinesarrow-10x10.png. Although I was disappointed to read his article, I can’t blame him for his generalization because I’ve heard a lot of anecdotal and actual reports around that seem to validate the writer’s views. I heard, for example, that Internet Cafes are swarming with Filipinas chatting up western men online. This is part of the dire post from the site:

Pinays’ most common goal is to make Americans fall 
in love with
them and have the men marry and bring them to the 
arrow-10x10.png
 for good, where they will settle down and enjoy the good life that the country offers. When they succeed, they will continue to stick with their men for a little longer until they obtain their alien registration card(
green card
). Upon obtaining this precious green card, they will abandon their men and look for the ones they really like. Infuriating huh? Due to this, Pinays can be considered to be opportunistics, who use their wits to continuously take advantage of the men who really believe they’re not being loved for their money.

Indeed, for many foreign nationals, the road to matrimony is fraught with difficulties especially when they are dealing with someone they barely know from a culture that is totally alien to their own. And this dilemma is not just limited to Filipinas. Anyone experiencing hardship in their own countryarrow-10x10.png will turn up their survival instincts and resort to all kinds of things just to get a ticket out of their misery. This phenomenon is not exclusive to Filipinos.Russian brides, anyone? Who can forget Nicole Kidman’s role in the filmBirthday Girl as a Russian mail-order bride to a British guy. Nicole’s character accentuated the reputation of the typical Russian women from poor backgrounds who do whatever it takes to get out of their wretched existence. In the film, it turns out that the Russian mail-order bride is just a front for a crook to extort money from unsuspecting men.

I do feel sorry for men who get lured into a relationship by women who just want to scam money out of them. But hey, men do it to women too. Sometimes desperation can quickly turn anyone into a calloused con artist. However, as they say, it takes two to tango. A wise man would suss out the real situation first before getting involved with someone. Anyone can try to pull a fast one but it is likely the fool who falls victim to a predator.

Anyway, I strongly suggest that those who are feeling sorry that they got duped should also take a bit of personal responsibility for their own mistake. They don’t have to continue feeling bitter about their experience. They just need to move on. Even Marvin Gaye admitted that everybody plays the fool. The novelist Jane Austen also wrote about being a fool for love. For those who are not familiar with the novel or the film adaptation of her highly celebrated book, Pride and Prejudice, here are some of her most famous opening lines:

IT is a truth universally acknowledged, that a 
single man
 in possession of a good fortune must be in want of 
a wife
.

However little known the feelings or views of such a man may be on his first entering a neighborhood, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding families, that he is considered as the rightful property of some one or other of their daughters.

Jane Austen may have written those classic lines in the 19th century but her message rings true to this day. Other writers may put in their own little twist or nuance when they tackle romantic love stories, but most of them still work around the same premise of Austen’s storyline. For whether one acknowledges it or not, a man who is loaded with cash, property or stocks makes himself a magnet for all kinds of rackets, many of them coming in the guise of true love — which is why it is still better to use other means of attracting a partner as alternatives to waving money around. If a man chooses to use his fortune to secure a partner, he should be prepared to accept that he will likely to have been chosen solely for his money alone.
 

Who wouldn’t want their own Fitzwilliam Darcy or “Mr. Darcy”? Even if you overlook his character in Austen’s novel being a single good-looking man in possession of a good fortune; he oozes with sex appeal nonetheless. His appeal it seems has less to do with his good looks and his fortune, and more to do with the air of authority others feel when he enters the room. This is also true in real life. Sometimes when a person walks around looking unimpressed or aloof; people find that person more intriguing and more fascinating.
 

This is not to suggest that we should favor someone with a snotty disposition; it’s about being selective about the kind of people who you want to deal with. After all, who wants to waste their time engaging in shallow conversations about petty and trivial pursuits? In other words, it’s about having substance. And people who have substance can spot someone who has substance a mile a way. In Austen’s book, it was ultimately substance that helped Mr. Darcy overcome his prejudice and fall for someone below his class standing in society, Ms. Elizabeth Bennet. And despite his wealth, it was substance that helped Elizabeth overcome her own pride and fall for Mr. Darcy.
 

In the animal kingdom, the art of attracting a mate is not too different from that applied by humans. One of Sir David Frederick Attenborough’s documentaries on his Life series shows how the male bowerbird uses its decorating skills to show-off by creating some kind of “bachelor pad” in its effort to attract a partner:

To attract a partner, the male bowerbird builds and decorates an elaborate nest, which can take weeks to assemble. The bower — a structure woven around a sapling that looks almost like a wooden tent — is carpeted with moss and decorated with flowers, colorful insects, fungi or even dung depending on each bird’s design sensibilities.

While the bowerbird may go through a lot of trouble to make himself presentable to a female, this doesn’t necessarily mean that all of his time and effort will pay off. Other males generally construct bowers nearby, and their sense of style and song may be more along the lines of what a female bowerbird is looking for.

 
 
bowerbird.jpg
A bowerbird and his bachelor pad


It is interesting to note that all that effort to show-off has an evolutionary purpose. The female would naturally choose someone who she thinks has the most attractive or the strongest characteristics. This is applying the assumption that someone who possesses the better characteristics will likely pass on the genes that produce them. More importantly, individuals who exhibit those characteristics are likely to possess the fitness and strength that make them superior carers for their offspring. So therefore, women who go for men who seem to possess strong characteristics should not be frowned upon. Women merely act on preferences honed by evolution to instinctively look out for their welfare and the welfare of their future family.
 

inuman-at-sugalan.jpg
[Photo courtesy PinoyExchange.com.]

Going back to Filipino men, what therefore makes some of them so unappealing could be the fact that they are not raised to be real men. They come across as deficient in testosterone on account of the way they just drink and hang around instead of work hard to give their family a decent life. Some of them just let their wives do all the work, which could mean going overseas to work as domestic helpers while their husbands spend what little money they have on vices. This could have something to do with an undiagnosed narcissistic disorder afflicting a lot of Filipino men. Indeed, it was global media outlet CNN International that concluded that Filipino men are the most narcissistic in Asia. An inflated sense of self-importance and an extreme preoccupation with themselves could be the reason why more and more Filipinas are seeking partners overseas.

 

 

Edited by David_LivinginTalisay
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Mikala

A friend of mine agrees with this assessment towards foreign men in that her last 6 Filipino bfs all turned out to have multiple gfs and none were serious about having a future with her. She's a cute girl, but a bit naive. She claims she won't date a Filipino again.

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Paul

My wife tells me that Filipinas are looking for responsible men, who can support their family, not play around with other women, and be good husbands.  In return, they are the best wives a man can ask for.

 

I have three nieces who have sought foreign men for the same reasons.  They had Filipino boyfriends and didn't think any of them responsible, or could support a family.  It's not to live in a high society way, or have lots of money, but to have a steady income (of whatever the amount is), etc.  Filipino men have a propensity to have affair after affair, sometimes multiple at the same time while they have a wife.  They don't like that and want monogamy.

 

My wife tells me that Filipinas also like the mestizo/Mestiza children that result from mixed marriages.  

 

I agree on all fronts, with you and your wife. 

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Borinquen

I actually just met an 18 year old responsible filipino kid who just had a baby boy with his 26 year old girlfriend. This guy surprised the hell out of me, he actually works consistently, goes home, helps around the house (cleaning, cooking, saw this with my own eyes), and on Sunday's goes to church at night after work (works everyday). It's too bad most Filipino men I've come across are the total opposite of this kid... wise beyond his years... When i talk to him it's like talking to someone in his mid to late twenties.

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rfm010

 

 

the comments below this article are interesting, such as:

 

"LOL!!!

Filipinas look for men overseas so they can get out of the country. Thats it!"

 

my wife is certainly an exception to the above.

 

 

"when I read something like this, it’s a sign of being a gold digger and unable to.attract decent filipino guys. decent filipino guys arent attracted to gold digger pinay

well, go to your old fart sugar daddy who smoked dope in the 60s and had contracted herpes many times"

 

and i guess i'm an exception here.  the wife provides our sugar and i didn't start smoking dope until the 70s.

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rainymike

The smart filipino relatives that I know are a little more discriminating than just foreigner vs pinoy in their decision making. There are foreigners (i.e. younger student types) with a reputation for flying from the coop once the eggs were starting to hatch.

 

Gotta get past these simple myths about pinays and foreigners if you want to find a stable relationship. Kind of sad how the worst cases are considered the norm for both pinays and foreigners alike.

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USMC-Retired

Yes and all oversea men are such winners. Great lets lump us all into the category. I feel special now. Give me a break....

 

Sent from my GT-P6200 using Tapatalk

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Laurence

Well found David. A shocking article considering the numbers of Korean tourists and students visiting The Philippines. And a good general question that will generate much debate here.

But, I don't like generalising a person's personality because of what country they are from. Filipino men are not a stereotype and neither are people from Korea. Each is different. But a good article for debate.

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BossHog

granted, stereotypes often have some basis in facts

 

but i know way to many filipino guys who fight the odds and do some very hard un-thankful jobs with talent and perseverance to support their families

 

farming the rice is a highly honourable profession

 

in my book

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actually works consistently, goes home, helps around the house (cleaning, cooking, saw this with my own eyes), and on Sunday's goes to church at night after work (works everyday).

 

Check back with him in 5 years... :bomb:   if he's still taking care of the gf and kid-great, but odds aren't with him

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meylou

The article is spot on on so many points. In my case, the security and stability, not just financially but most importantly emotionally/mentally that my mature gentleman of a husband provides is priceless. With my husband, i feel empowered for he treats me as his partner and equal... he accepts me for what and who I am and i know he wouldn't stray. The witty conversations and all the adventures we have had are also a big factor. His good looks a mere bonus ;-)

 

My sentiments exactly.  :yahoo:  And ... he's a great cook too! :yahoo:  :yahoo: :yahoo:  

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Skywalker

Chaps from over the seas are Gods.

 

They have access to money trees.

 

They all come from America, but some come from Australia, which is a State of America.  As is Canada.

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Kuting

granted, stereotypes often have some basis in facts

 

but i know way to many filipino guys who fight the odds and do some very hard un-thankful jobs with talent and perseverance to support their families

 

farming the rice is a highly honourable professi

in my book

 

I also agree with you. There are many admirable hard-working Filipino men out there, whose interest at heart is what's best for their family. My grandfather and uncle for examples. I have also made few good friends (from Ecuador, Sweden and Oz) from school and they were open about their "infidelity" and playfulness. My observation / conclusion therefore is that younger men, Pinoy or otherwise, aren't stable both financially and emotionally and are therefore the ones who tend to stray, until they are ready to settle that is. But again, this is a generalisation so it isn't true for all. My husband is 10years older than I am and I do believe that our age gap (which then means that he is mature and wise enough for me) also helps in keeping us together :-)

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