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"Bring Your Own" - Etiquette


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Davaoeno

 

 

Headshot, on 02 Mar 2014 - 4:27 PM, said: The fact that you ARE complaining (even though you agreed to share) is a bit classless in my book. I think you should avoid all those that take advantage of what you freely offer. They are obviously not worthy to be around you.   He was asked if people contributed would he mind sharing, so your comments are really out of line. "Classless"? I think you owe Don an apology.

 

actually this time I am full agreement with Headshot .  [ i would love to state my reasons why but since this is upstairs I cant ]

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You're just fishing for an argument. I don't know where you're from but where I come from there is unspoken etiquette and bringing shit food to a shared outing then proceeding to eat other people's go

Douglas, be very picky about who you "hang out with".  If any of those involved in the outing are members are members of this forum, they should be ashamed of themselves.   For others concerned, ju

A few crates of Red Horse would have been appreciated, ya cheapskate!

mikewright

D_D, my immediate reaction on first reading your post was to think that you had just been unfortunate and ended up with a bunch of cheapskates. But on re-reading, am not so sure.

 

Everyone was asked to bring their own food.  From what you have written, it seems everyone did. Noodles, Jollibee,  rice, junk food.  You mentioned that there was "a bunch of other stuff", but nothing that looked appetising to you. What was the "bunch of other stuff" people brought that you didn't like?  Whether it looked appetising or not to you, it seems they did what they were asked to, and brought their own food.

 

Bringing a whole lechon, two bbq'd chicken  and all the rest seems a little bit over the top for 6 people, two of whom were children. Just wondering why you brought so much?  Parties I go to where people bring their own, or bring "a dish", some bring a lot, some bring a little. But it would be very unusual to ask a group of people that had already brought food to contribute more, just because someone brought more than others.

 

I would think the host was embarrassed even having to mention money to the others.

 

To answer some of your questions (IMO):

 

Is this normal is foreignerland or the Philippines to not bring lechon to a party but eat the lechon of someone else? 

 

It is not normal for a anyone to bring a whole lechon to a party, unless he is sponsoring the party or trying to impress. However, is someone does provide a lechon, most guests would eat it and thank the donor for his generosity. They would not expect to have to contribute to someone else's food unless this had been agreed to in the first place.

 

Should I next time use this opportunity to clear out my refrigerator and freezer of food I would of thrown out anyway and put it on the table, then eat everyone else food? 

 

Not a good idea.  As you said in your post, there was nothing that the others provided that looked appetising to you. If you have a fridge and freezer of food that you would throw out anyway, give it to someone that needs it - don't throw it out.

 

Should I just do the same at the next gathering I am invited to,  then the next day post a thread on the Living in Cebu forums and ask about "Bring Your Own" etiquette ?

Just a suggestion: ask the host next time what would be appropriate to bring. Have a great time meeting new people and island hopping. Then post the next day on LinC about how good the island hopping was, how the swimming and snorkelling was, where you went to, the costs involved, the facilities available on the island you visited, your recommendations, etc.
 

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Jess Bartone

actually this time I am full agreement with Headshot .  [ i would love to state my reasons why but since this is upstairs I cant ]

 

Did you too miss the part where he was asked if it was ok for people to CONTRIBUTE AND SHARE? Selective memory, I get it sometimes too.

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Free food and drinks is what everyone dreams of its a chore feeding yourself all the time.  I have gone to many an expat and Filipino party where all the food and drink have been supplied and they were damn lucky I was there to help them eat it. 

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Paul

Douglas, be very picky about who you "hang out with". 

If any of those involved in the outing are members are members of this forum, they should be ashamed of themselves.

 

For others concerned, just because someone brings extra food to a gathering, does not mean they are showing off. I used to take extras all the time, like the puso he mentioned, for example. I did so, primarily, because of what Jess mentioned early in this thread. That is, there are givers and there are takers. 

 

When it concerns and event like this, usually a Filipina involved will bring an ample supply of everything, if the man will just let her decide and make the purchases. Had they done so, they would have all ended up, pretty much, with more than enough for everyone. Of course, there are thrifty (kuripot) Filipinos too, who may skimp as well. 

 

Either way, I would not associate with people like that again, in a public setting. 

 

The only difference I can see here, is if Douglas had thrown a private function, having invited everyone there under the impression, or openly stating he would supply everything. But, that was not the case. His generosity was abused by others who had no business doing so.

 

Douglas, had I been one of those present, and did not have enough for my brood, I would have certainly offered to split the costs with you, or at least offer what you thought was fair. Either way, whomever did that - or rather didn't do that, should learn how to be sociable. In this case, Douglas, you can bet your ass it wasn't on you here. 

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Paul

Don,  you seem to have some inner conflicts that you need to work on.

 

First of all, you need to understand the difference between BYO and potluck. With BYO, you bring your own and eat your own. With potluck, you bring a lot of something to share with everyone, and then share in what they brought as well. This was classified as BYO, so if sharing bothered you, then you should have just said "NO" when asked if others could share in your food. If you can give freely without caring how much others spent or how much they eat, then share. If you can't, then don't agree to share. That way others will know how you feel in the first place, and they will leave your food alone.

 

I couldn't disagree more. This isn't on him at all. Expats who go on these things KNOW, they feckin' KNOW to bring enough, at least to cover their own party of people. If they bring extra, which usually was the case on outings I have attended, then all the better. 

 

Of course, the difference between Douglas and myself is, I would have no problem telling the others to put up some cash toward the food they chose to partake of. He, however, is too nice and easy going to do so. 

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Lordblacknail

I think there is a great lesson here. Look how much happier you AND the piggy would have been without bringing him to dinner.

 

 

 

 

We used to have a weekly poker game that we would rotate hosting. Guys would make chili, fried chicken, order pizzas, buy the fixings for sandwiches. One guy brought his version of a meal for the seven of us. One and a half bagels. He got very offended when we gave him shit about it. I never ate at night but I always hosted when it was my turn.

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Jess Bartone

I like it when the good people bring extra meat because there is always fresh (raw) leftovers in the fridge for the recovery breakfast... at the best parties there is always a core group who stay up all night.

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Headshot

He was asked if people contributed would he mind sharing, so your comments are really out of line. "Classless"? I think you owe Don an apology.

 

I didn't read it that way at all. The host made any contribution voluntary...if others wanted to contribute for the lechon. When the announcement was made, it was immediately apparent from the objections of others that they did NOT want to contribute. Only the host and Don had agreed to the plan. Don was there when the announcement was made and heard the objections. He should have known at that point that there would be no reimbursement. Like I said, if he didn't want to share his food without remuneration, he should have just said so. However, when everybody puts their food out on a common table, that sounds more like potluck. If it is strictly BYO, there is no need for a common table...and there is no reason to put your food out on display for others who have less. I see no reason for an apology. If you decide to whine about your private life on a forum, you should expect that not everyone will agree with you.

 

The host who planned the event asked me if it would be ok to let people chip in and give me money to help offset the cost of what I spent, so everyone could also eat the lechon. I said it was ok, so he made an announcement before we all started to eat that if anyone wanted to chip in for the lechon it would be ok

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Jess Bartone

I try to sit still when splitting hairs, however some people have a talent for wriggling and splitting concurrently.

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Paul

I didn't read it that way at all. The host made any contribution voluntary...if others wanted to contribute for the lechon. When the announcement was made, it was immediately apparent from the objections of others that they did NOT want to contribute. Only the host and Don had agreed to the plan. Don was there when the announcement was made and heard the objections. He should have known at that point that there would be no reimbursement. Like I said, if he didn't want to share his food without remuneration, he should have just said so. However, when everybody puts their food out on a common table, that sounds more like potluck. If it is strictly BYO, there is no need for a common table...and there is no reason to put your food out on display for others who have less. I see no reason for an apology. If you decide to whine about your private life on a forum, you should expect that not everyone will agree with you.

 

Here's my take.

 

1. The host should not have stated it like that. But, I feel that he (host) was being polite to encourage the others to do that. You know, putting a bird in their ears to serve as a reminder that they shouldn't be so tight-fisted and should throw some money in the pot.

 

2. TOO MANY tight-fisted c*nts live in the Philippines - even more of them here in Cambodia, who just want someone else to pay for their ride, whenever possible. 

 

3. Douglas has stated more than once, that he is not complaining, only trying to understand WHY. 

 

Again, you can bet your ass, I would have had NO problems whatsoever, in telling the others to pull a little change from their pockets and throw it in the pot. I would have done it had I been in the host's position, or Don's - period. I'm not shy. 

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broden

while i think some foreigners do get caught up in throwing pesos around like sewer caps i don't think most do

 

 

but i have seen for myself people from the states who in the states spend money like normal every day and when they go over to the RP suddenly get bent out of shape over a single peso or less on a purchase

 

 

of course we also have people in the states who will tear in to a cashier over a penny or two mistake real or perceived on a grocery receipt 

 

 

and my wife and i have been to many pot lucks where we love to bring plenty of something she or we worked hard to put together while someone else brings half a bucket or kfc or nothing but their appetite

 

but then we've also over there in the RP and here in the states had a small gathering that others feel no problem either inviting themselves too or inviting others to with out letting us know 

 

 

 

 

there are really just unthinking inconsiderate people everywhere

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Headshot

I couldn't disagree more. This isn't on him at all. Expats who go on these things KNOW, they feckin' KNOW to bring enough, at least to cover their own party of people. If they bring extra, which usually was the case on outings I have attended, then all the better. 

 

Of course, the difference between Douglas and myself is, I would have no problem telling the others to put up some cash toward the food they chose to partake of. He, however, is too nice and easy going to do so. 

 

He always had the option to say, "NO."

 

He even had that option AFTER the announcement was made and the objections were raised. Since he never raised any objections at the time, it is on him. After the fact (writing in a forum), raising those objections is just whining.

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Salty Dog

Don had invited me and my wife but never mentioned anything about BYO food or drinks. I can only assume he was going to include us as part of his group. We didn't go, but from reading the OP It sounds like he may have brought so much food because he had planned for additional people and he has seen me eat. :biggrin_01:  

 

If I had been there even as his guest, I would have offered to share the cost without being asked. He planned, ordered and picked everything up. Sharing in the cost would have been the least I could have done.

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Headshot

Again, you can bet your ass, I would have had NO problems whatsoever, in telling the others to pull a little change from their pockets and throw it in the pot. I would have done it had I been in the host's position, or Don's - period. I'm not shy. 

 

And...YOU wouldn't be whining about it now...because you wouldn't feel offended after the fact. You would have withdrawn the offer and told everyone to eat their own food. If somebody allows others to share their food even after it is obvious there will be no money, then they have no reason to complain later. Even though he asked "why"...I see Don as the kind of guy who already knows why...but just wants to bring it up anyway. He certainly isn't an innocent who has no clue as to how things work in the world. He is astute, and deals with people all the time.

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