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"Bring Your Own" - Etiquette


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Before you read this, please understand I am not complaining, I am only curious....


I was invited to attend an day of boating and island hopping. I was told it was "Bring Your Own Food", but we would all split up the cost of the boat, dock fees and nipa hut cabana on the island. 

I planned to bring with me 3 adults and 2 children. Since it was an outing, I would bring for food a whole lechon baboy ( Roast Pig ), 2 lechon manoks ( Roast Chicken ), 30 puso ( hanging rice ), 20 Budbud ( sticky rice ). 20 Masi (little peanut cake) , 5 kinilaw ( pickled green papa/carrot/red pepper salad ), watermelon. paper plates, plastic cups, plastic utensils, paper napkins ( not sanitary type ).

All in all I spent a little over 5000 pesos just for food. An hour at S&R, an hour the day before to go order the lechon and an hour in the morning of the event to pick up everything.

About 10 older retired type foreigners with their wives/ girlfriends, a few extended Filipino family members/friends and kids attended. So all in all there was about 20+ people at the gathering. 

When all the food was put on the table, it was noticed no one else bought lechon. The host who planned the event asked me if it would be ok to let people chip in and give me money to help offset the cost of what I spent, so everyone could also eat the lechon. I said it was ok, so he made an announcement before we all started to eat that if anyone wanted to chip in for the lechon it would be ok, He explained that the total cost I spent was 5000 pesos for everything.

1 foreigner yelled out "5000 pesos for lechon?". The host said "yeah, that is what everything cost".. I thought to myself ....does this guy understand some guy had to hand turn this pig over hot coals for over 8 hours. 

Another foreigner yelled out "I hate lechon?" Another foreigner said "Maybe you got the wrong lechon" and the the first foreigner answered "no I tried a lot", but of course he had to fill up his plate full of lechon to what he explained was just "trying it". 

The other foreigners just looked away as if they were'nt being spoken to almost surprised someone would ask them to throw in a few pesos for a full out buffet meal. I am not sure if the Filipinos understood, or maybe were too embarrassed ask their Foreigner partners for money to chip in. 

I looked on the other side of the table to see what everyone else bought and if there was anything else I would like to try. Just from a quick glance it looked like someone bought a few instant ramon noodle packages, ( I was not sure how he planned to cook them ), a 2 piece meal of chicken from jolibee, a pot of rice, bags of chips and junk food. There was a bunch of other stuff but nothing that look appetizing to me. 

When everyone started to eat, all the Filipinos went straight for the lechon. A few of the foreigners wanted to "try" also. But I guess nothing was good enough for them to dig into their wallets. 

The host told me later how he felt embarrassed since he invited everyone and was nice enough to give me 1000 pesos even if he did'nt eat any lechon. I told him he did'nt need to give me money because I would of bought the food anyway for my group of 4 adults and 2 children and what ever I had left over my helper and guard would eat ( not much was left over ). But we thought the left overs would be better to give to the boat guys for their hard work. 

Some of my questions are... 

Is this normal is foreignerland or the Philippines to not bring lechon to a party but eat the lechon of someone else ? 

Should I next time use this opportunity to clear out my refrigerator and freezer of food I would of thrown out anyway and put it on the table, then eat everyone else food ? 

Should I just do the same at the next gathering I am invited to,  then the next day post a thread on the Living in Cebu forums and ask about "Bring Your Own" etiquette ? 



 

 

 

 

Edited by D_D
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You're just fishing for an argument. I don't know where you're from but where I come from there is unspoken etiquette and bringing shit food to a shared outing then proceeding to eat other people's go

Douglas, be very picky about who you "hang out with".  If any of those involved in the outing are members are members of this forum, they should be ashamed of themselves.   For others concerned, ju

A few crates of Red Horse would have been appreciated, ya cheapskate!

BossHog

A few crates of Red Horse would have been appreciated, ya cheapskate!

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Davaoeno
Is this normal is foreignerland or the Philippines to not bring lechon to a party but eat the lechon of someone else ?

 

you make it sound like you have never had any interaction with other people before in your life .  What is normal ? There is no normal .  

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you make it sound like you have never had any interaction with other people before in your life .  What is normal ? There is no normal .   Obviously a guy who is as rich as you and has as many condos as you own shouldnt have any problem with sharing a bit with those less fortunate than yourself. 

 

I really don't interact with many foreigners. I am trying to more and more, so that is why I am asking these questions. 

 

I share a lot, but I did'nt think older foreigners are considered charity cases. They were born in 1st world countries and had many opportunities, if they made bad decisions in their life or did'nt properly plan for retirement, should that be my fault.

 

 

 

 

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Jess Bartone

I share your disgust, there is nothing more maddening than leeches and maggots. It boils my blood when I throw a BYO drinks party and these maggots and leeches turn up empty handed and then proceed to pig out on the food and the beer... and I'm talking about Australia! Thing is I always buy enough meat and salads for everyone and a couple of boxes of beer to kick things off and the leeches know this, so later on when the party really gets going suddenly there's nothing left. On the other hand, I have also had parties where everyone kicks in extra food and their own grog, and low and behold there's enough food AND beer left for a sunday party too.

 

Seeing this was a BYO event, I would have kept my food separate and told the carrion eaters they could do the same from the moment I saw they had nothing but shit.

 

Moral of the story is choose your companions carefully.

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Davaoeno

In any gathering I find that there are always those who seem to think that the world owes them a living [ or in my case that they deserve to live on my dime ].   It never fails to happen.  Sometimes i try to shame them . Sometimes i just let it go .  It depends on my mood .  Sometimes i just dont want to spoil the day with a confrontation.   

 

What you encountered is not so unusual.  The way around it is to not leave things open to discussion - make sure that the rules of engagement ie cost sharing are firmly established before you attend.   I really enjoy being with others who have the same attitude as I do - ie sometimes i pick up the check, sometimes they  do, but in the end we all come out pretty evenly .  

 

If you find yourself in that situation again you have to take control and dont be afraid to ask for a contribution .  Thats the only thing some of these people respond to .

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4thDan

Oh please understand that I'm not complaining either...am just commenting out of curiousity.....

1. You bought that much food for the party of 6 you were bringing??? Do you always overdo things or is this way of you showing off?

2.  If you have it and don't want to share it (you said at the top end that the food would be shared) then don't bring it....

3. As to what is or is not normal....of course when you offer something they don't have they are going to take it.  Is it "normal" for you to keep track of it???  Did you weight their plates ????

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Jess Bartone

Not all putis are tightarses either, you just need to understand there are givers and takers in every culture.

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Monsoon

I thought I had met the world's tightest people in various business dealings in my career. Then I moved to Cebu where I found the real world's tightest people consisting of white people living amongst Filipinos. 

 

What really bothers me more about throwing parties is when you invite someone and their spouse they turn up with 8 other misc. hanger ons. That is a Filipino trait that drives me mad. Because when I throw parties I have them catered and there is a count given to the caterers. We allow for the odd few last minute invitees but not when everyone bring 3-4 times the people with them who were actually invited. 

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I <3 Cebu

Did you know any of them beforehand ?

 

That would piss me right off to be honest & would avoid them in the future!

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Baywak

Next outing have everyone with you bring peanut butter sandwiches in a baggy with san miguel in a baggy also.LMAO

 

BTW-too many foreigners suck here in the Pinas.LMAO

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4thDan

 

 

Then I moved to Cebu where I found the real world's tightest people consisting of white people living amongst Filipinos. 
 They are the same in their home land as they are here.  Part of the reason that people like them live here is that they don't have much and don't have the ambition to earn it...so they have to live where ever they can get by.  Which is NOT to say that all foreigners that live here are in dire straights...oh you understand.  The crux of it is...a cheap SOB is a cheap SOB regardless of the language they speak or where they are.
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I share your disgust, there is nothing more maddening than leeches and maggots. It boils my blood when I throw a BYO drinks party and these maggots and leeches turn up empty handed and then proceed to pig out on the food and the beer... and I'm talking about Australia! Thing is I always buy enough meat and salads for everyone and a couple of boxes of beer to kick things off and the leeches know this, so later on when the party really gets going suddenly there's nothing left. On the other hand, I have also had parties where everyone kicks in extra food and their own grog, and low and behold there's enough food AND beer left for a sunday party too.

 

Seeing this was a BYO event, I would have kept my food separate and told the carrion eaters they could do the same from the moment I saw they had nothing but shit.

 

Moral of the story is choose your companions carefully.

This reminds me of a LinC "bring your own food and drinks" event I attended years ago at Hound drivers house. For some reason it was "Mexican" food themed, I guess because over 5 years ago,( and still is ) very hard to find good Mexican food in Cebu. 

 

I bought a full pan of Chili Con Carne,( I am not sure if it is Mexican but it was the best thing I could come up with at the time). A bottle of Jack and a case of San Miguel lights. As the night went on, I noticed not much of the food was eaten, but the bottle of Jack was empty and the crate of beer was half gone

 

This is when things started to get out of hand, words where said between other members on who's beer and alcohol was whos. Bottles were broken, punches where thrown. I just sat back, watched and laughed. ( it is always funny when old retired guys fight ). If I remember correctly Paul the founder took off in a taxi to beat up some old 67 year old guy and came back bloody.

 

Sometimes when invited to a gathering, you really don't choose your companions. But thanks for the advice. I have a new found respect for you and I am sorry I trolled you years ago. You are still one of my favorite members here and I enjoy reading your posts and comments. 

 

 

 

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