Jump to content

Can I hear from people married to Filipinas?


Recommended Posts

I dare say the cards are stacked a bit differently than they were in 1986. It took serious commitment just to be a penpal in 1986. The internet now making it so fast and easy to communicate also makes it easy to scam.

Conversely, if you're a good judge of character communicating over the internet can also make it easier to recognise the scammers. Writing a few good letters over six months and making a video is easier to fake than regular internet contact.  Internet just speeds the process up. Pman has already stated he has dropped some after getting red flags, so it suggests he knows what he's doing and can spot a scammer.

Edited by NHANORAK
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 118
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Pman

    9

  • shadow

    7

  • RogerDuMond

    6

  • Paul

    5

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

Met my wife in 1985 while stationed on Okinawa, wrote constantly traveled here 5 different occasions to spend time to know her, when discharged I brought her to the US on a fiancee Visa and we were ma

I seriously believe that financial security is part of the criteria for choosing a mate by any woman in any country.

My wife and I have been married almost 20 years now and I know her 23 years, so as tobster wrote, if you pick the correct lady, then life together will/can be wonderful. Let me add that you get out of

Posted Images

JSL-USMC

I did everything wrong according to most of the advice on here. Met my wife at SM (mall) bowling alley. The next day she came to the resort I was at...my invitation...with two chaperones. We had a good day together and I told her if she is interested to "come back tomorrow without the family" She did, She was in the US in under 6 months on a fiancee visa. We were married 5 days after she arrived. I told her I was marrying her not her family and made sure she understood. That was 13 years ago. Still married and living in Cebu for past 6 years. The part about the family didn't work out exactly as I intended because I'm a sucker for a sad story. A few scraps over the years but nothing that lasted more than a few hours.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
cebulover2000

It is better to buy than rent If you live in the Philippines over an extended period of time, just make a lease with your wife or GF. Rentals are just too expensive here. Maintenance for a house is not that expensive, depending on your standards and taxes are super low.

 

If you intend to live in the Philippines, there is no need to get married in my opinion. I don't quite understand why you would want your GF have the same educational level as you with a lengthly study of law - why not spend as much time together as possible? Those long term plans seldom work out, people change and your GF may have a different long term plan than you (she may not know that today or may not tell you). Live the life today and stay alert, Filipinas as all women are a different kind of creature and need to be monitored and taken care off. Just like a sensitive plant.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
RogerDuMond

We have been married for 21 years this month, normal problems at times, but we have become best friends which should be the aim of any marriage. I don't agree with those that say you can't take them to the US or if you do you have to keep them away from certain people. We are not dealing with children. My opinion is that if you enter a marriage feeling that you have to limit the experiences or put boundaries on your partner, you don't have a real marriage. My wife arrived in the US 3 months after we were married here in the Philippines and had a job shortly after arriving. As far as the wife's family, that is totally dependent on the woman you marry. She is the one that has to control that. In 93 when we got married, Dalia's brother asked me for money to build a wall. When she found out, she read him the riot act and didn't talk to him for 9 years. None of her family have asked me for a dime since then and she told me if anybody does, to tell them to ask her.

 

Haven't looked for statistics on Filipino/American marriages in many years, but the last time I did, the divorce rate of those marriages was around 21% where American/American marriage divorce rate was over 50%.

 

We always have this discussion over whether you can take your wife to the US. To me it always comes down to the question; why would you marry someone that you can't trust in all circumstances?

  • Like 8
Link to post
Share on other sites
shadow

 just make a lease with your wife or GF.

BAD idea.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Irenicus

Very good Hub article.  There are also some good discussions in the comments section of the Hub.  Harry Doyle is mentioned there.

 

Some of the points ("parasitical dependency") are rather harsh, but the truth sometimes hurts.

 

Many of the girls here are looking for a better life for them and their families. It's not rocket science.  And if they have to make sacrifices by marrying a much older, pogi-challenged foreigner, it's a sacrifice they are willing (in most cases) to make.  

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Irenicus

 

 

I seriously believe that financial security is part of the criteria for choosing a mate by any woman in any country.

 

True. But I was thinking more along the lines about the degree of financial security that is at stake here. It's immense.

Link to post
Share on other sites

 

 

But I was thinking more along the lines about the degree of financial security that is at stake here.

 

Yup. Can he support a family for a comfortable life?  If 'Can he buy my parents a house and car, send little cousin Edwardo to university, pay for every medical emergency for the extended family and pay for the barangay new years celebrations' , they can go find some other sucker who wants to buy his way into a relationship.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
RogerDuMond

Yup. Can he support a family for a comfortable life?  If 'Can he buy my parents a house and car, send little cousin Edwardo to university, pay for every medical emergency for the extended family and pay for the barangay new years celebrations' , they can go find some other sucker who wants to buy his way into a relationship.

 

If your wife allows that then the fault is in your choice. You can't fault the girl in that instance. I am not saying that my wife won't help immediate family in case of medical emergency, but receipts are mandatory because it is money she has worked hard for. Anything else is considered a loan by her and collateral is required.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

I recommend never bringing the girl to the States. Having a long distance relationship might be even worse since you never know what she's up to while you're not there. I recommend spending years in-person dating girls, finding out if they truly care about you and then planning to settle down in the Philippines. Don't file any paperwork with the US Embassy unless absolutely necessary.

 

I brought 1 Filipina to the States on a fiancee visa around 1998. Within a month, she disappeared (along with all her possessions) to join her real bf in Massachusetts, that couldn't afford to bring her to the States. She did email me an apology 5 years later. She was 28 when I met her.

 

I married the next Filipina several years later after "getting to know her". We traveled Asia together and had a lot of time to get to know each other (or so I thought). Brought her to my ranch on the Big Island of Hawaii and she started complaining about there being too many Filipinos there from Luzon (she's from Mindanao). Also in her complaints was that the Big Island was boring (she had lived in Quezon City for 5-6 years). One day I came home to find her gone (along with everything she owned). She joined her new boyfriend in Southern California. She filed for a quickie divorce in Vegas and married her new bf within 2 months of leaving me. Now she lives on some commune or something where she milks goats and does all kinds of hippy crap. She admits freely that she was never honest with me because I would have broken up with her if she'd been honest. She was 23 when I met her.

 

The next Filipina I had a relationship with (for 7-1/2 years) acted highly jealous the entire time, but I would find her profiles online trolling for other guys. I found where other guys had sent her money in excess of a 1,000 USD and there was even a time I found she had tried to immigrate to Sweden. She kept apologizing and I kept forgiving her. We must have broken apart over 1,000 times in 7-1/2 years, but I'd forgive her again and again thinking she did truly love me, but she was just a troubled girl. She managed to get me to finance a nice house for her parents. Then a new 30 foot fishing boat for her father. Then she stole money from me to the tune of 2,500 USD (but apologized). In the final years, she was claiming she had expenses exceeding 2,000 USD per month (a lot of medical related problems with her health). I finally called it quits when she produced a baby last October and the DNA test showed it was 1/2 Australian (I'm American). After being found out, she claimed that everything in our apartment was hers and that I had no proof of ownership. As a foreigner, I guess she's right. The police will side with her. So much for the thousands of dollars worth of furniture, appliances and souvenirs from around the world. My name was not on the lease, so I didn't have a leg to stand on. She was 18 when I met her.

 

Note: I'm not an ugly guy and don't abuse the girls. I do have a soft heart, but am considering myself an idiot for wasting so much time and money on girls that I considered "good girls". I didn't chase girls and was faithful to the girls while in the relationship. Maybe I had a sign on my back that said "easy mark" or "stupid foreigner"?

 

Holy Crap Dude. Yes it's you or your just the unluckiest SOB alive.   

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
storybrook

I’m going to try and keep this short but those of you who have read my posts and comments know already that is a work in progress. The last book I published which I won’t mention the name of or where you can get it but I guess it’s ok to tell you what it says in a nut shell.

 

The answer to your question basically is that when you are talking about getting married, it’s pretty much only a matter of time until it will come apart.

 

It not that I’m anti marriage; I married a Filipina girl when I first got here in 2001.  I got off the plane at noon and at 6 pm that evening the girl I had been talking to for a few month whom I just met at noon in person, on my first trip to the Philippines, I was married to. 

 

Yeah now I know it was illegal but I didn’t know it then.  I just signed a bunch of blank papers and she had it all arranged and they were all filled out in a few weeks after that and the witness and the priest they were all in on the deal and when the papers were filed, I later learned they were not even filed in Manila where we were supposedly married but in Quezon City…but when I tried to bring her to the USA I found out I was too poor.  I could have married some illegal from Mexico who was as poor as a church mouse no problem but bring a girl from the Philippines on my income…. NO WAY!

 

The point is it only lasted a year anyhow and I was as much to blame if not more.  After being here in the country I realized I could do a lot better.  So I told her that.  Opps…well that cost me about 3 million pesos and a house and land I was working on but like I said, it was all my fault anyhow so who cares.  I got free, she got the stuff.

 

Now was she a bad Filipina – well she wasn’t very nice after I told her I wanted to move into my new house without here I can tell you that.  I ended up leaving about 3 am one morning and have never seen her since.  I lost a lot to get out of the relationship and with no divorce in this country that put me in a new situation but live and learn right?

 

My point is getting back to what I wrote in the book I won’t mention the name of, is that marrying into a different culture has probably nothing to do with anything when you are talking about marriage.  Marriage is mess, complicated and a lot of hard work and most people are not up to hard work no matter who they marry. 

 

And whether you end up fighting over money or sex or something about a culture difference as Hillary said not to long about Benghazi, “What difference does it make?” 

 

People change over time.  Who you marry today isn’t the person you will be with in 5 years. One poster said he had been married to a Filipina girl for 20 years on this post…ok great….Do you think when I was married for 29 years in the USA to the mother of my 7 children I thought that when I turned 50 and the next year came around that she would get on a bus and walk away and be done with marriage? 

 

You might make 10 years or 20 year or even 30 years like I did, but chances are still against you that you will still be marriage in the end. 

 

Have you seen the recent news…Remember the Captain and Tenniel the recording couple married back in the 70’s….did you miss the headline recently at 70 years old after 40 years of being married….They announce they are getting a divorce. 

 

The reality is that Marriages no matter who you marry end in Divorce unless you get lucky and someone dies first.  The true divorce rate world wide is a hidden piece of information because all societies for the most part believe in and support the idea of marriage.  Our economies are built upon it.

 

So don’t worry about whether she is the right girl or not just try and be the right guy and do the best you can and keep your head in reality knowing it’s only a matter of time until more than likely it will end.  Keep your finances as separate as you can.  Keep separate bank accounts and credit cards. Keep a good credit rating in your own name!  Don’t sign on each others bank accounts etc.  Just do the best you can and know that the day might very well come no matter how hard you work at making the marriage work that for one reason or another it will end in a Divorce.

 

Stop trying to blame it on who you married, or her culture, or anything other than reality.  People change.  Some people can make adjustments and others can’t.  Some people work harder and are willing to sacrifice more than others.  Thousands of different factors will go into how long whatever relationship you enter into lasts.

 

Live right, try and be as honest as you can, treat each other with respect, and try and make it work.  It most likely won’t - given enough time - but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it while it does last!

 

Whether you are married of just trying to make a live in relationship work it’s all the same. 

 

 

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
rainymike

Hmmmm.

 

Why do so many men report bad Filipina relationships? "So many men" ... in comparison to what? Do men really report more bad Filipina relationships than American relationships? "So many men" has no real meaning for purposes of comparison. The article implies more bad relationships with Filipinas than American women, but never bothers to back it up with facts.

 

The article may be gramatically correct, but is mostly a lot of BS about cultural characteristics with hardly any evidence at all. LOL ... but the writer is creative with language ... cultural signifiers ... whatever the hell that is.

 

My advice: what is your brain telling you? You say you're in a good relationship. If you're wise enough to figure that out, then why the doubts from some internet drivel? On the other hand, if you really have doubts, own up to them and deal with them rather than beating around the bush.

 

 

 

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
For Real

detect Vegemite in her blood?

vegemite in the blood is no problem but if you detect blood in her vegemite take her to the dr asap

 

Sent from my GT-S7275R using Tapatalk

 

 

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
RogerDuMond

 

 

The reality is that Marriages no matter who you marry end in Divorce unless you get lucky and someone dies first.

 

I suggest that anybody who has reservations about marrying a Filipina or anyone else for that matter, don't do it. If you go into a relationship expecting problems, you will find them. It is a self fulfilling prophecy. On the other hand I think that ANY two people who are willing to work at maintaining a relationship can do it.

  • Like 7
Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use, Privacy Policy and Guidelines. We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue..