Is "Ate" respectful or disrepectful.

[CebuKano 1,751]

So I think that it's a vanity issue for some women here. My wife just laughs and interacts with any female that uses the term "ate" when it's not correct and calls them "ate" and I would say that most times they end up talking like old friends afterwords. But my wife is highly educated and doesn't let trivial things like this bother her. She's a secure person that knows that crap like this really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

[SkyMan 23,691]

My wife ( from Negros) calls about any older woman Te (Ate) unless they are old enough to be called Lo (Lola).  If her friends are close enough in age she calls them Ga (Pangga = Honey).  She has one friend not too much older from Butuan she calls Te and I noticed that friend refer to a woman who maybe wasn't quite old enough to be called Lo, Nang (Manang).

 

Status doesn't seem to matter to my wife anyway.  She calls our caretaker Cul (Uncle) and his wife Te. Their grandson calls me Uncle but maybe I'd like Tito better?

 

Actual relation doesn't seem to have any effect on this.

 

Inday is often an actual name as well as Dong or Dodong.  Our Mayor is Dodong "Duke" Frasco but the locals pronounce it Dukey. 

Edited February 2, 2014 by SkyMan

[Headshot 29,349]

I neglected to mention that some people see ALL relationships as personal, and all other people in light of their position. Ate could be used as a sign of respect for a person's authority...and not only for age. In any case, it is usually used as a sign of respect (although some might use it to signify a woman is old. Having people in your neighborhood call you kuya means they see you as a big brother to the neighborhood (regardless of your age). You must have done something right.

[sugbu777 2,687]

My wife says that any Filipina that is offended by this is arte.

Now that is funny...

[sugbu777 2,687]

That is nonsense. 

 

Its also not always an age thing. We have had maids refer to my wife, who is younger than them, as 'ate'. 

 

Several of my wife's girlfriends will refer to me as Kuya where as they don't refer to other foreigners in that way. I think they do so to me because I  will greet and carry on conversations with them in their own language. That makes me 'different' in their eyes. Im not so foreign to them. My Filipino vocabulary isn't limited to 10 cute phrases and 2 words for 'vagina' either.

Gotta agree with you on this one. I am referred to as Kuya and Uncle to all my wife's relatives, and Kuya by most friends. I can't carry on a great conversation in Cebuano, but do understand a great deal. The maids refering to your wife as "ate" is definately a respect thing.

[MaKe 226]

cebulover 200 wrote

 

So from various other posts the use clearly has different meanings to different people. Just wondered what peoples partners thought of the use of the terms.

 

My wife's younger sister calls her Ate; my daughter's younger cousins and younger friends address her as Ate + her name; my wife's friends who know her age and are younger call her Ate until they become good friends and then sometimes not. Many of my younger friends Pinoy address me as kuya.

 

Sir and ma'am are common in non personal interactions

[JSL-USMC 1,020]

Ate for older sister or just about any woman about your age. Older woman, Manang or just plain nang. Never Hoy which is insulting unless you're PO'd at your kids then it's OK. A young boy just passed by....maybe 18 and I said Dong and he waved. My wife called him back and asked him if he minded being called Dong, he just laughed. I've heard people call my wife Ate or Day (die)she doesn't think anything about it. Day for any young women or girl.Tone of voice and facial expression means a lot. Of course ,offense can be taken over anything. Such as Hey Joe. Wife said they...her family , never use Bebe.

I can see where some of these old aristocratic family might expect proper protocol especially the older women.

[Brucewayne 3,803]

My wife's family has never called me Joe and the Father in law ran a group of loud, young boys off who looked in our gate to holler "Hey Joe" to me.

The Father in law told me they should have had better manners and to call someone Joe really is an insult whether I know it or not, which at that time I didn't.

The Ate thing is nothing to my wife or her family, so I haven't thought about it before now and will probably forget all of this as soon as I turn the lights out to go to bed.

[Steve-usa 19]

Hmmm...I had figured, "if" I can find a teach-me-bisayan over Skype, that'd I'd do ok in a year and a half at 5-6 hours per week.  I'm thinking now I  had better add a few years to get a grip on the "nuances."

[rainymike 4,374]

My opinion is that it depends. Languages tend to be very flexible, words have multiple uses and meanings depending on the context of the conversation. That probably provides more of a clue about respect or disrespect than a single word alone.

 

[Irenicus 8,248]

I usually use "ate" only on elderly women over age 75 or so.  I am 46, so they get a good laugh at that and it scores me brownie points with the real power brokers in my neighborhood.