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Is "Ate" respectful or disrepectful.


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My sister-in-law in the Philippines is called Inday because shes the youngest sister. My wife says she started it as a term of endearment, and now years later just about everybody young and old calls her Inday instead of her real name.

 

Boy, there are getting more and more nicknames to remember.  :D

Maybe its regional, up in Manila I have a Tita Bebe

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"Ate" IS a sign of respect. However, there has to be some sort of relationship before most Filipinos/Filipinas use the terms "ate" (literal meaning "big sister") and "kuya" (literal meaning "big broth

So I think that it's a vanity issue for some women here. My wife just laughs and interacts with any female that uses the term "ate" when it's not correct and calls them "ate" and I would say that most

My wife says that any Filipina that is offended by this is arte.

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Salty Dog

 My Chinese/filipina partner

 

 

I thought it was Filipina-Chinese  :biggrin_01:

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Davaoeno

I thought it was Filipina-Chinese  :biggrin_01:

 

Salty - you used a smiley but to her it wasnt a laughing matter.  Altho her mother was from the provinces her father was a Chinese businessman, and she always proudly proclaimed that she was " Chinese" - and thus much better than those who were only filipinos.   A very arrogant, petty, insensitive [ and downright nasty!] woman . 

I think i fell into her trap when i described her that way [ chinese-filipina]  !!

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cebulover2000

cebulover 200 wrote

 

I ran this by my wife who does not easily get offended.

 

AND, since we visited the place, my wife confirmed that the owners wife called her ate as well. My wife never mentioned anything but questioned, she agrees. It is disresprectful since she is not related or befriended with her.

 

My Sister-in-Law lives in Texas and when we visit we always look up a good family friend. On meeting her initially I heard them calling her atenisa, so I thought that was her name and followed suit. My wife was a little alarmed and said don't call her "ate" as I'm only about 6-7 years younger than the friend. As my wife and Sister-in-Law are 15-18 years younger, and a friend, they consider it a mark of respect by calling her ate. If they were of a similar age they would consider it disrespectful and not call her ate.

 

If we were in a restaurant and a waitress 15 years or so younger addressed her as ate, she would have no problem with that, even if she was a stranger. Although she wouldn't use that term if she was in the waitresses shoes, she would use "Maam". If they were of a similar age, she would find it disrespectful because by using the term she'd interpret as meaning the waitress is implying she's a considerably older person than the waitress. My wife also mentioned she only uses this term because the friend is not from Cebu. More commonly the family use the term "manang" when wanting to address older friends, friends of friends or relatives with respect. She prefers the term "manang" as well because it is also about retaining the Visayan identity by using the word, rather than the Tagalog ate. She has noticed that young children now are starting to us ate and manang is disappearing.

 

My wife doesn't have a hang up about being respected and has been trying to get the girl on our condo reception to call her by her first name, rather than Maam.

 

More interestingly she said that as a Foreigner it's not really appropriate for me to use either term anyway. It's more for Filipino to Filipino use.

 

So from various other posts the use clearly has different meanings to different people. Just wondered what peoples partners thought of the use of the terms.

 

 

Since you quoted me, let me clarify please.

 

From memory, the waitress (we knew at no time that she was the wife of the owner) called my wife  ate BUT I think the woman was actually older than my wife and we have never met her before.

 

If I am at a local pub, I don't mind if the server calls me brother but I would find it disrespectful when a waiter at a fine dining restaurant would do that.

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Monsoon

 

More interestingly she said that as a Foreigner it's not really appropriate for me to use either term anyway. It's more for Filipino to Filipino use.

 

 

That is nonsense. 

 

Its also not always an age thing. We have had maids refer to my wife, who is younger than them, as 'ate'. 

 

Several of my wife's girlfriends will refer to me as Kuya where as they don't refer to other foreigners in that way. I think they do so to me because I  will greet and carry on conversations with them in their own language. That makes me 'different' in their eyes. Im not so foreign to them. My Filipino vocabulary isn't limited to 10 cute phrases and 2 words for 'vagina' either.

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RogerDuMond

Since you quoted me, let me clarify please.

 

From memory, the waitress (we knew at no time that she was the wife of the owner) called my wife  ate BUT I think the woman was actually older than my wife and we have never met her before.

 

If I am at a local pub, I don't mind if the server calls me brother but I would find it disrespectful when a waiter at a fine dining restaurant would do that.

 

I guess in retrospect it is all a matter of personal preference. If someone is comfortable with the more familiar style of the restaurant owner then go there. If someone thinks that they deserve to be treated differently then demand respect or don't go back. People have different personalities and perceive things differently.

 

My wife has worked in the US for 25 years as a housekeeper and house manager for several different families with more money than I can count. So being in the service sector she runs across this in a big way. There are those who are self confident and are ok with casual banter and there are those who are self important and demand respect. Needless to say, she won't work for the latter.

 

All my family here, all those working here, and many people in the neighborhood call me kuya. I think it is rather nice.

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hehehe, this is more to do with age. Most women don't want to be told they are "old" and being called Ate signifies that they ARE seen as old. My wife gets hot under the collar when a filipina/filipino addresses her that way although, to me, it is a sign of respect. 

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Brucewayne

My wife says that most words here are interchangeable and anyone can say almost anything they want as long as they use the right tone of voice and expression on their face.

I don't know and maybe that is the reason I don't know Visayan, Bisayan, cebuano or what ever one would like to call it at any given time.

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NOSOCALPINOY

In a word, "NO"! Overall, It's not disrespectful! 

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Since you quoted me, let me clarify please. From memory, the waitress (we knew at no time that she was the wife of the owner) called my wife ate BUT I think the woman was actually older than my wife and we have never met her before. If I am at a local pub, I don't mind if the server calls me brother but I would find it disrespectful when a waiter at a fine dining restaurant would do that.

 

Sorry, probably from an etiquette point  of view I should have linked that thread. Not everyone else would have been as polite as you! :sorry:

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Without going through and reading three pages of posts:

 

 

 

I ran this by my wife who does not easily get offended.   AND, since we visited the place, my wife confirmed that the owners wife called her ate as well. My wife never mentioned anything but questioned, she agrees. It is disresprectful since she is not related or befriended with her.

 

Typically, "Ate" is used out of respect for a woman who is older than you. It is NOT necessarily assigned only to those whom you know on a personal level, and who are friends with. For Cebuano's anyway, it is stated out of respect.

 

I am curious to know where CebuLover's wife is from.

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Most women don't want to be told they are "old" and being called Ate signifies that they ARE seen as old.

 

 

and yet, just to complicate things a bit more, calling an older woman "ate" can be a friendly thing when used instead of "tita" (aunt).  it's like saying i know you are old enough to be my mother but i will pretend you are only old enough to be my older sister.  playing to vanity.

just be careful whom you refer to as "lola".

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Canuck Joe

just don't call me late for pizza....

 

only an insecure women would be offended by ate

Edited by Canuck Joe
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ellenbrook2001

well well that PHILIPPINE anywhere do you know many PINOY very respectful?

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