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NHANORAK

Is "Ate" respectful or disrepectful.

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NHANORAK

cebulover 200 wrote

 

I ran this by my wife who does not easily get offended.

 

AND, since we visited the place, my wife confirmed that the owners wife called her ate as well. My wife never mentioned anything but questioned, she agrees. It is disresprectful since she is not related or befriended with her.

 

My Sister-in-Law lives in Texas and when we visit we always look up a good family friend. On meeting her initially I heard them calling her atenisa, so I thought that was her name and followed suit. My wife was a little alarmed and said don't call her "ate" as I'm only about 6-7 years younger than the friend. As my wife and Sister-in-Law are 15-18 years younger, and a friend, they consider it a mark of respect by calling her ate. If they were of a similar age they would consider it disrespectful and not call her ate.

 

If we were in a restaurant and a waitress 15 years or so younger addressed her as ate, she would have no problem with that, even if she was a stranger. Although she wouldn't use that term if she was in the waitresses shoes, she would use "Maam". If they were of a similar age, she would find it disrespectful because by using the term she'd interpret as meaning the waitress is implying she's a considerably older person than the waitress. My wife also mentioned she only uses this term because the friend is not from Cebu. More commonly the family use the term "manang" when wanting to address older friends, friends of friends or relatives with respect. She prefers the term "manang" as well because it is also about retaining the Visayan identity by using the word, rather than the Tagalog ate. She has noticed that young children now are starting to us ate and manang is disappearing.

 

My wife doesn't have a hang up about being respected and has been trying to get the girl on our condo reception to call her by her first name, rather than Maam.

 

More interestingly she said that as a Foreigner it's not really appropriate for me to use either term anyway. It's more for Filipino to Filipino use.

 

So from various other posts the use clearly has different meanings to different people. Just wondered what peoples partners thought of the use of the terms.

 

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ozboy

According to my wife its used as a sign of respect for an older person....but she also calls the older of the kids ''Ate'' to teach the younger ones to learn respect for their old siblings......same as ''Daddy'' is used by the kids to address me....

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Davaoeno

Because my gf is a public school teacher she is always referred to as " ma'am" , but if she feels comfortable with them she tells them to call her "ate"   

 

I just asked her about it and she says it depends on how self   confident the person feels

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NHANORAK
According to my wife its used as a sign of respect for an older person....but she also calls the older of the kids ''Ate'' to teach the younger ones to learn respect for their old siblings......same as ''Daddy'' is used by the kids to address me....

 

 

 

Because my gf is a public school teacher she is always referred to as " ma'am" , but if she feels comfortable with them she tells them to call her "ate" I just asked her about it and she says it depends on how self confident the person feels

 

So just curious, if a stranger/waitress of a similar age called them ate, would they feel this is a little disrepectful/inappropriate?

Edited by NHANORAK

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HeyMike

In many families, I think, the oldest daughter is called Ate, the middle daughter Bebe, and the youngest Inday. I hear the terms being used outside the family, also. Of course, any young girl could be called Inday, the way a young boy is DuDong or Dong. And everyone calls my wife Ate. I do not think there is any disrespect.

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Davaoeno

 

 

if a stranger/waitress of a similar age called them ate, would they feel this is a little disrepectful/inappropriate?

 

she says she wdnt be offended   - but its not going to happen !   its deeply engrained in the culture

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broden

my wife said she always takes it to be respectful whether it's said to her or by her... but some women don't like it either cause they don't want to be reminded of their age or some other reason

 

if she finds someone doesn't like it she doesn't use it no skin off her nose

 

 

if someone is going to be offended they should save it for when someone purposely wants to offend them 

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RogerDuMond

 

 

she agrees. It is disresprectful

 

My wife says that any Filipina that is offended by this is arte.

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Headshot

"Ate" IS a sign of respect. However, there has to be some sort of relationship before most Filipinos/Filipinas use the terms "ate" (literal meaning "big sister") and "kuya" (literal meaning "big brother") when addressing others. That can be a blood relationship (actual sister or brother), a godmother or godfather relationship or a mentor relationship. By a mentor relationship, I mean church group advisor, older choir member, older family friend, or something like that. Outside of those circumstances, "ate" and "kuya" just aren't used.

 

To address a person in authority outside of personal relationships, "Ma'am" or "Sir" are more appropriate and what you will hear most often. Employees and students will use those terms. The exception comes when the person is a professional (architect, engineer, etc.). Then, they will be addressed as "Architect" or "Engineer", similar to the way you address a doctor as "Doctor" or "Doc" rather than using their whole name. If you want to be be more personal, you address them as say, "Engineer Ben" using their first name with the title. The same is true for "ate" and "kuya." To make them personal, you just add the first name after the title, such as "Ate Maria" or Kuya Jose." If the person is actually a member of the immediate family, the first name is never used with the title ("ate" or "kuya") anymore than you would use the  first name after the terms "daddy" or "mommy" when addressing your parents.

Edited by Headshot
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taiko

"Ate" IS a sign of respect. However, there has to be some sort of relationship before Filipinos/Filipinas use the terms "ate" (literal meaning "big sister") and "cuya" (literal meaning "big brother") when addressing others. That can be a blood relationship, a godmother or godfather relationship or a mentor relationship. By a mentor relationship, I mean church group advisor, older choir member, older family friend, or something like that. Outside of those circumstances, "ate" and "cuya" just aren't used.

 

To address a person in authority outside of personal relationships, "Ma'am" or "Sir" are more appropriate and what you will hear most often. Employees and students will use those terms. The exception comes when the person is a professional (architect, engineer, etc.). Then, they will be addressed as "Architect" or "Engineer", similar to the way you address a doctor as "Doctor" or "Doc" rather than using their whole name. If you want to be be more personal, you address them as say, "Engineer Ben" using their first name with the title. The same is true for "ate" and "cuya." To make them personal, you just add the first name after the title, such as "Ate Maria" or Cuya Jose." If the person is actually a member of the immediate family, the first name is never used with the title ("ate" or "cuya") anymore than you would use the  first name after the terms "daddy" or "mommy" when addressing your parents.

I think gender and the ideal of an older women, when you don't know her age comes in. Kuya is used all the time with unknown male workers, with drivers for instance

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JamesMusslewhite

If directed to your lady it is purely out is respect, if directed towards you then you are probably being disrespected. :biggrin_01:

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Salty Dog

In many families, I think, the oldest daughter is called Ate, the middle daughter Bebe, and the youngest Inday. I hear the terms being used outside the family, also. Of course, any young girl could be called Inday, the way a young boy is DuDong or Dong. And everyone calls my wife Ate. I do not think there is any disrespect.

 

That's odd. My wife's sister's name is Inday and that's not a nick name. I asked here and she said she never heard of the word meaning youngest or young girl, though it is sometimes used as a term for a maid.

 

Oh and she doesn't care if someone calls her Ate even if it's a waitress.

 

In the USA in the south I was often called Darling, Honey or Sweetheart by waitresses. 

Edited by Salty Dog

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ozboy

''Hambugera'' is what they call my missus in her home province....im sure she doesn't care much about ate or ma'am

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Davaoeno

 

 

In many families, I think, the oldest daughter is called Ate, the middle daughter Bebe, and the youngest Inday

 

according to my gf this is not correct .   For one thing the youngest is usually called bebe .  But then again my gf is the youngest - but also the most successful and most responsible in the family - so gets calleed ate ! hehehe

 

One of my attys- who is quite  young - calls me "big brother"  !!!    My Chinese/filipina partner who is about 50 also calls me big brother.   I thought at first it was some kind of Chinese thing, but my atty is pure filpino . Some things here are hard to get a grip on when you have no background experience to draw on 

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NHANORAK

That's odd. My wife's sister's name is Inday and that's not a nick name. I asked here and she said she never heard of the word meaning youngest or young girl, though it is sometimes used as a term for a maid.

 

Oh and she doesn't care if someone calls her Ate even if it's a waitress.

 

In the USA in the south I was often called Darling, Honey or Sweetheart by waitresses. 

My sister-in-law in the Philippines is called Inday because shes the youngest sister. My wife says she started it as a term of endearment, and now years later just about everybody young and old calls her Inday instead of her real name.

 

Boy, there are getting more and more nicknames to remember.  :D

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