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The First Time to Meet the Family


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My fiancee suggests just giving gifts to the parents for the first meeting.

 

I suggest also being prepared for an "interview" by all the family members present. It seems no question is too personal during the interview. However vague answers at accepted, ex: how much money do you make? Answer: Probably more than the average Filipino but the cost of living is quite high in my country so its really not an apples to apples comparison.

 

I think that answer stressed their limited English and the matter was not pressed further.

 

Filipinos seem to be embarrassed if they don't quite understand what you say so they just nod as if they do understand.

 

Ohhhh YES... I clearly remember this occurred in the first 10 minutes of meeting all.  I was called the the MEN gathering where her Tatay was holding a BOLO and wacking Coconut tops off with a Single Swipe and looking into my eyes... Another question followed by another swipe of the Bolo.... The Younger Men folk tried not to laugh during this time.  Lucky their english was only good enough for 3 questions and apparently I PASSED :).

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I bought a bunch of water guns and beach toys...I handed out the water guns to the family as I met them, small family membes got little ones...I gave her father a "big soaker"...the family then blew u

I was VERY nervous meeting my fiancées family the 1st time.................. for me not for them.   I was worried about many people asking many questions. I was worried about being a stranger in the

You don't have to spend a lot of money. But, I would take Pasalubong with you when you go meet the family. The gifts do not have to be fancy, or costly. But, definitely take some, no matter what she i

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ellenbrook2001

Why not just meet her parents first. At a modest resto of your girl's choosing.

 

Get comfortable with them first before taking out the whole crew. It also shows respect.

 

Don't spend much on gifts for a dozen folks you know. 100 peso gifts for each is sufficient. I'd give mom a bottle of perfume and dad a pocket knife. Or something in that price range.

 

Biggest problem I see when foreigners meet a girl's family is he'll spend his time chatting with the teenage girls and neglecting the company of the adult males. Sends creepy signals.

 

Basically, why not just let her choose the venue, time, guests and gifts for your party. She knows best what will make them comfortable and happy and that's your job as host.

 

Have fun!

 

very good sir that the best way to go about only the parents first in a small relax place cause if you have all the family there they all speak they language then you will not understand nothing or your girl be to busy chatting or texting to other family member  .

so please meet first mum and dad in a quiet place nothing fancy or they maybe fill uncomfortable so you will know them better that the best idea good luck 

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My first time with the whole family was at a beach resort, the boss is from Samal Island in Davao so we were staying at Paradise Island, immediate family met us there for the day.

 

Ordered food sitting outside the room, Dad orders a beer, but no alcohol served at rooms (sucked in Dad), however the order was too big to bring to the room so we went down to the beach area, Dad finds out he can order beer here, and orders 6 cans (shit).

 

Next day we were tripping around the island and stopped by the market with her sister and grab a couple fish and some pork and headed around to her Dad's for lunch - lit the fire and burned some pig in the backyard.

 

Her Lolo turned up to meet me - with a grande  of Red Horse for me and one of Beer na Beer for him - I like her Lolo :)

 

So sat out in the back yard with her family and had a couple beers and cooked - was really nice.

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Headshot

I bought a bunch of water guns and beach toys...I handed out the water guns to the family as I met them, small family membes got little ones...I gave her father a "big soaker"...the family then blew up the beach toys and I took them to a native beach...seved them native foods and drinks...and sang karaoke...seemed like a great ice breaker...

 

also note, no need to bring chocolate from the states...plenty of imported chocolate can be found here in the Philippines...and giving out chocolate is customary on all types of visits...every time we meet the wife's family, we give them chocolate, it is real treat for them

 

Daniel, you definitely did it right. That is absolutely the best way to meet the family. I wish I had followed that plan in the beginning (although I never had any trouble with my wife's immediate family anyway). I love the idea of the squirt guns and inflatable beach toys. Squirt guns are not that easily available here for some reason. Native foods are what they are most comfortable with anyway. If you put out a spread of exotic foods (to them) and native foods, the exotic foods will mostly still be left over and the native foods will be gone when the meal is finished.

 

Guys should also know that Hershey's chocolate is the favorite chocolate in the Philippines, so just stop at a supermarket here and buy a bunch of regular-sized Hershey's bars, and forget about bringing chocolate from anywhere. Hershey's is recognized as American chocolate, and they won't ask where you got it.

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When I suggested taking my GF's family out for lunch when meeting them for the first time my woman after mentioning it to her mother came back and said it was not a good idea.

 

Her mum wanted to cook a nice meal for me and some of her relatives to come round.

 

And then when I mentioned to my GF that I would give her 3000 pesos for the supermarket shopping I was told it was too much and only a 1000 pesos would do

 

Everyone was given a bar of chocolate and I left with a good impression of the family.....

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most recently, someone brought me salt water taffy from the jersey shore...it was a sticky melted messs when he arrived with it here in cebu...

 

 

They brought it in their check in luggage. That is where people make mistakes. They should bring things like that in a carry on, NOT in checked in luggage. 

 

Lesson learned. 

 

 

Best if you buy them at the airport duty free store (more expensive) or at least keep them in your carry-on, as the checked luggage may be exposed to higher temperature during loading/unloading…

 

That is exactly right. People do not realize there is a big difference in the temperatures your luggage experiences during its trip, as apposed to your carry on luggage. Never, ever carry something that will melt, in your check in luggage. 

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udonthani

Forty kilos?  Thats a whole heap of Mars Bars.  Still 30% cheaper after your freight costs to whatever location.   I doubt it.   :ROFLMAO:  

still cheaper even after you have gone to the LBC in Manila and shipped maybe 15 kilos off to various parts of the Philippines. That brings it down to within Cebu Pacific's manageable charge (if done online) when it is 25 kilos or less.

 

and also they don't just only want chocolate that they are familiar with, like Hershey. If you think that then you just do not understand what chocolate is, as a product. It is not like rice, and adobo. They are more likely to be adventurous with confectionery than 'ordinary' foods, also the packaging that they have never seen before they find exiting.

 

basically the Philippines just does not get hot enough for chocolate to really melt, totally. It almost never gets above the melting point of chocolate and when the stuff is in its packaging, it will be ok. Though some chocolate fares better than others. Almost all of it will be OK.

 

also it is fine as checked in baggage. It doesn't have to be put on carry on. When mine went into the hold of the plane in London, it was at about 12 degrees celsius, then when the plane went to 30,000 feet it started to get much colder than that. Then it landed in Abu Dhabi for four hours, in the evening, where it was quite hot, but still not hot enough for chocolate to melt. Then it got in the air again towards Manila and cooled down once more. Then in Manila it was at its hottest at about 32 though usually of course it was at a lower temperature than that. That i enough to make it just a little bit gooey. But not enough, to trash it.

 

obviously you put it in the coolest part of whatever room you are staying in. It doesn't even deteriorate when there is no aircon. The Philippines just doesn't get hot enough.

 

I have done this year after year. The only time some of it got damaged, was when it has an unforseen 18 hour stopover in Dubai two years ago. That time, it was stood in a hangar during the daytime when the temperatures got past 35 and up towards 40 degrees celsius - that crucial few degrees hotter than the Philippines ever gets. Of course the Philippines is a hot country. But it is not all that hot. The highest ever recorded temperature in the Philippines is quite low - only just over 40 degrees. France, italy and Spain, especially the last two, have all got hotter than that.

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Just do exactly as she tells you. It will be good practice for marriage. That said, establish your few and very clear rules right at the beginning and never relent. Asking here for a list of those might not be a bad idea. Two of mine were I do not lend money and we do not send money regularly.

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When I suggested taking my GF's family out for lunch when meeting them for the first time my woman after mentioning it to her mother came back and said it was not a good idea.

 

Her mum wanted to cook a nice meal for me and some of her relatives to come round.

 

And then when I mentioned to my GF that I would give her 3000 pesos for the supermarket shopping I was told it was too much and only a 1000 pesos would do

 

Everyone was given a bar of chocolate and I left with a good impression of the family.....

This was almost exactly my story last year. Janet was very nervous about my meeting her family the 1st time, not for their sake but for mine. She assumed I would be appalled by the poor environment. I suggested we treat them to dinner at the small resort we were going to stay at. She agreed but a few weeks later told me her mother nixed that idea, insisting that I come to their home. I did buy the pig but mom and sisters made the rest of the feast. All the relatives and many of the neighbors showed up to see the kano and find out if he would be marrying Janet; 40 folks easily were there hanging on my every word and gesture.

 

As to gifts, I too brought chocolates for the kids; simple chocolate is the best - don't worry about the caramel and nougat stuff. My sister, who makes crafty jewelry for a living made earrings for all the women.

 

The next time I visited, they rented an enclosed space at the beach and I sprung for boxed lunches. Again, chocolate was the biggest hit. Unlike the first time when I brought it from the US, this time I just bought some in Cebu. It ate just the same.

 

The 3rd time we again had a feast at the parents' home, which despite my now wife's concerns, I found quite comfortable. Dad and lolo made sure I had a San Miguel or two and all was good.

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This was almost exactly my story last year. Janet was very nervous about my meeting her family the 1st time, not for their sake but for mine. She assumed I would be appalled by the poor environment. I suggested we treat them to dinner at the small resort we were going to stay at. She agreed but a few weeks later told me her mother nixed that idea, insisting that I come to their home. I did buy the pig but mom and sisters made the rest of the feast. All the relatives and many of the neighbors showed up to see the kano and find out if he would be marrying Janet; 40 folks easily were there hanging on my every word and gesture.

 

As to gifts, I too brought chocolates for the kids; simple chocolate is the best - don't worry about the caramel and nougat stuff. My sister, who makes crafty jewelry for a living made earrings for all the women.

 

The next time I visited, they rented an enclosed space at the beach and I sprung for boxed lunches. Again, chocolate was the biggest hit. Unlike the first time when I brought it from the US, this time I just bought some in Cebu. It ate just the same.

 

The 3rd time we again had a feast at the parents' home, which despite my now wife's concerns, I found quite comfortable. Dad and lolo made sure I had a San Miguel or two and all was good.

Sounds like you have found a good woman there.......

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I was VERY nervous meeting my fiancées family the 1st time.................. for me not for them.

 

I was worried about many people asking many questions. I was worried about being a stranger in their home. I was worried about perception (rich).

 

What I ended up doing was telling my GF that if I was to take the 23 in their compound out for a nice dinner it would cost p10k. I suggested that we have a "family" get together at Villa Terasita in Talisay. I gave her p10k to set up EVERYTHING. I made it crystal clear that this was a shit ton of money (only $230 usd) but that was all I had for this event. I also made it clear that she could invite anyone she wanted but the more who go the more it costs. I knew in advance she was amazing and this was her test. 23 invited, 23 attended. even the barangay captain and his family tried to tag along but were told no.

 

here is what p10k bought:

all day jeepney rental from consolacion to talisay & back (they stopped on national hwy to pick us up enroute)

12 litros of red horse, 2 cases of sodas, entry into villa terasita, cabana rental, videoke rental, ices, charcoal and food.

they brought everything. pork, chicken, lumpia, fruit salad, noodles, rice, chips, peanuts................ easily enough food for 60 +

at one point I asked if they were expecting the Philippine army. delicious food but many leftovers. she said don't worry, we will eat.

 

they day was amazing, men cooking, women preparing food, lots of kids.........singing and swimming & not asking me questions!!

 

it was also set up that her mother wanted me to go back to their home after the gathering (its tradition: meet the neighbors).

I agreed and went back and had a blast. more beer & videoke. shortly after arriving barangay capt & neighbors flooded in. food was gone in no time and they all brought beer. after a couple hours we headed back to hotel.

 

visit was amazing and I was never made to feel uncomfortable or asked for anything. she tried to give me back change from the p10k but I said keep it for all her troubles (not sure how much it was). I did bring 2 large hersheys chocolate bars with me and they LOVED every bite.

 

a lot of people didn't agree with my decision but I made it because I didn't want to be stuck in a barangay with 50 people starring at me asking questions. now when I go im just one of the family.

 

my only suggestions is to have fun & enjoy yourself (but don't get drunk, don't piss anyone off and don't get caught starring at sisters in bathing suits!!)

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quit_yume

I was VERY nervous meeting my fiancées family the 1st time.................. for me not for them.

 

I was worried about many people asking many questions. I was worried about being a stranger in their home. I was worried about perception (rich).

 

What I ended up doing was telling my GF that if I was to take the 23 in their compound out for a nice dinner it would cost p10k. I suggested that we have a "family" get together at Villa Terasita in Talisay. I gave her p10k to set up EVERYTHING. I made it crystal clear that this was a shit ton of money (only $230 usd) but that was all I had for this event. I also made it clear that she could invite anyone she wanted but the more who go the more it costs. I knew in advance she was amazing and this was her test. 23 invited, 23 attended. even the barangay captain and his family tried to tag along but were told no.

 

here is what p10k bought:

all day jeepney rental from consolacion to talisay & back (they stopped on national hwy to pick us up enroute)

12 litros of red horse, 2 cases of sodas, entry into villa terasita, cabana rental, videoke rental, ices, charcoal and food.

they brought everything. pork, chicken, lumpia, fruit salad, noodles, rice, chips, peanuts................ easily enough food for 60 +

at one point I asked if they were expecting the Philippine army. delicious food but many leftovers. she said don't worry, we will eat.

 

they day was amazing, men cooking, women preparing food, lots of kids.........singing and swimming & not asking me questions!!

 

it was also set up that her mother wanted me to go back to their home after the gathering (its tradition: meet the neighbors).

I agreed and went back and had a blast. more beer & videoke. shortly after arriving barangay capt & neighbors flooded in. food was gone in no time and they all brought beer. after a couple hours we headed back to hotel.

 

visit was amazing and I was never made to feel uncomfortable or asked for anything. she tried to give me back change from the p10k but I said keep it for all her troubles (not sure how much it was). I did bring 2 large hersheys chocolate bars with me and they LOVED every bite.

 

a lot of people didn't agree with my decision but I made it because I didn't want to be stuck in a barangay with 50 people starring at me asking questions. now when I go im just one of the family.

 

my only suggestions is to have fun & enjoy yourself (but don't get drunk, don't piss anyone off and don't get caught starring at sisters in bathing suits!!)

 

i actually wanted to go to the place my gf is from.   her parents live on marinduque and apparently are simple farmers living in something barely more than a nipa hut and my gf seems very uncomfortable with me taking that slow trip down there.  so the alternative that she suggested was to have her parents come up to manila and join her siblings for this meeting at dinner.  even so, i think eventually i will have to make it down there because i really do want to see the place she is from.

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rainymike

A slightly different opinion.

 

When meeting the family for the first time, I'd only be at the we're good friends stage. Nothing more. No need to impress. No need to be on the defense. Meeting the parents isn't such a big deal. McD's or BBQ chicken fast food for a few should be adequate. 

 

You should be evaluating them. If they pass then I'd give some thought to a more serious relationship.

 

LOL ... of course, I say this in hindsight. 

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ellenbrook2001

well well not easy to go to the parents place for the first introduction has you know to see the girl with a Kano wow all gossip around good one and bad one or while you have a lunch at the house so many neighbors will be at the door looking at you has you where a stranger or they will send the kids to found out all the gossips i found very embarrassing and insulting .

i never allowed such situation but my GF was very smart no way you go there for the first time cause to many gossips what about my reputation if you not serious then what next? so i had to be very very practical and understanding .

has her dad was working very far away did meet the mum and the older sister in a small place  was no problems so we did avoid all the gossips ?

but has you know some did found out shes has a foreigner so all her friends did start bad gossip,asking to borrow money etc etc so many drama so i step in then okay pack your bag then move to CEBU with me  ,so no one know what going on then when i visit there i ignore all the neighbors they jealous cause i did a ;lot for the family.maybe some are lucky for the first time too meet the parents some are very complicated. but if the girl his very smart all should be okay no worry.

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First time I met my in-laws to be, I was a nervous wreck. My fiance's dad was a pretty strict guy and as she was the eldest daughter, there was the added pressure of 'being worthy' enough for his first born. Her mom was just fine with me and the sisters and brother were a little bit awkward at first. The thing was that I was going to meet them for the first time AND get married! Phew!! We took the usual chocolates, gifts for the family (including the huge extended family of cousins!) Nothing fancy but they all appreciated whatever we gave them.

 

It wasn't a good 2 months as we had to get all the legal stuff AND the church protocols sorted out. Finally set a date about a week before we were to return to Bahrain and got married. My mom flew down to attend. The ceremony was held at the Archbishops Palace in Cebu city and we had a sort of formal dinner with all the sponsors (no booze) and a second one at the house (plenty of booze) where I think the whole barangay attended, close to 400 (maybe even more). I don't remember much as I was sozzled.

 

It took the birth of my son a year later for my father-in-law to finally accept me and I became his favorite son after that. He died in 2010 from prostate cancer and I can tell you that he was the most decent and honest man I have ever met. He was no saint, liked to drink and smoke with me, but man, he raised great children and that I think is his legacy. Next year will mark our 22nd wedding anniversary.

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