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The First Time to Meet the Family


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quit_yume

So finally,  after 6+ years i am ready to settle down again..   going to meet her family in January.... she has never had a serious bf before so this will be a big deal.    As we have been discussing the best way to go about this meeting I have come to realize I am in a little bit of uncharted territory...  

 

My first idea was for me to go with her to the house during the day where some of her family lives to begin meeting them.   Her response was "no".. , explaining that its a compound and there will be many family members there and some will have expectations since i will be perceived as the rich foreigner and she doesn't want me exposed to them.  So then on to the next idea...

 

I suggested just having her 'preferred' relatives, about 10 or 12 of them, meet us at the hotel..  Her response to that was "no"...  since i was planning on staying at a 5-star place the hotel will likely be too nice and they will get the idea that I am rich and might think they can ask for things.. so...  on to the next idea....

 

Scratch the nice hotel, i will just book maybe a 3 or 4 star...  ok we finally have agreement on that.    now on to the dinner that i thought i would like to take them to that evening..  Well, suffice it to say, pretty much all the suggestions i had were nixed by her as being too expensive... i actually thought seaside which is one of my favorite places was pretty reasonable but her answer is "no".. "too expensive"....   she is suggesting some simple places that are more like grills.  ever heard of "max" ?  hmm..  

 

So then we move on to the subject of gifts....  should i bring some kind of small gift for her 'preferred' family members?  i am thinking trinkets, chocolates etc..     can you guess what she says?  her answer is "no, buying dinner is enough gift"..   she even has come up with a budget of 5000 pesos for all of us...   can that many people actually eat for that little?

 

So in spite of her objections....  should i bring gifts?   Is she correct that it would set a bad precedent?  i dont want to come off as kuripot but i am certainly not rich.

 

I would love to hear other peoples experience with this and if you have any suggestions i would be glad for the advice..

 

-quito

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I bought a bunch of water guns and beach toys...I handed out the water guns to the family as I met them, small family membes got little ones...I gave her father a "big soaker"...the family then blew u

I was VERY nervous meeting my fiancées family the 1st time.................. for me not for them.   I was worried about many people asking many questions. I was worried about being a stranger in the

You don't have to spend a lot of money. But, I would take Pasalubong with you when you go meet the family. The gifts do not have to be fancy, or costly. But, definitely take some, no matter what she i

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Davaoeno

The first time I went thru that process I had the same ideas as you . I wanted to impress the family and show that I was worthy of her.  In the end she chose the place . For about 14 people it cost me under 4000 pesos.   I suggest you limit it to non alcholic drinks tho - not only for cost but to avoid the drunkards in the crowd from getting out of hand.  Everyone- and i do mean everyone - here is happy drinking coke.  I've seen it at baptismals and at weddings hehe

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So in spite of her objections....  should i bring gifts?

 

You don't have to spend a lot of money. But, I would take Pasalubong with you when you go meet the family. The gifts do not have to be fancy, or costly. But, definitely take some, no matter what she is telling you. The gifts will be appreciated, and somewhat expected. 

Edited by Paul
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Mang Kanor

i kinda saw max's chicken in SM cant remember tho.. itll be somewhat perceive as fine dining by filipino standards, i prefer having dinner in an open air grill restos like neo neo and others...

 

chocolates would be a great gift for the family

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Wolfpack

post-15535-0-04225000-1385167733_thumb.jpgpost-15535-0-04225000-1385167733_thumb.jpgpost-15535-0-89547200-1385167812_thumb.jpg

 

I bought a bunch of water guns and beach toys...I handed out the water guns to the family as I met them, small family membes got little ones...I gave her father a "big soaker"...the family then blew up the beach toys and I took them to a native beach...seved them native foods and drinks...and sang karaoke...seemed like a great ice breaker...

 

also note, no need to bring chocolate from the states...plenty of imported chocolate can be found here in the Philippines...and giving out chocolate is customary on all types of visits...every time we meet the wife's family, we give them chocolate, it is real treat for them

 

So finally,  after 6+ years i am ready to settle down again..   going to meet her family in January.... she has never had a serious bf before so this will be a big deal.    As we have been discussing the best way to go about this meeting I have come to realize I am in a little bit of uncharted territory...  

 

My first idea was for me to go with her to the house during the day where some of her family lives to begin meeting them.   Her response was "no".. , explaining that its a compound and there will be many family members there and some will have expectations since i will be perceived as the rich foreigner and she doesn't want me exposed to them.  So then on to the next idea...

 

I suggested just having her 'preferred' relatives, about 10 or 12 of them, meet us at the hotel..  Her response to that was "no"...  since i was planning on staying at a 5-star place the hotel will likely be too nice and they will get the idea that I am rich and might think they can ask for things.. so...  on to the next idea....

 

Scratch the nice hotel, i will just book maybe a 3 or 4 star...  ok we finally have agreement on that.    now on to the dinner that i thought i would like to take them to that evening..  Well, suffice it to say, pretty much all the suggestions i had were nixed by her as being too expensive... i actually thought seaside which is one of my favorite places was pretty reasonable but her answer is "no".. "too expensive"....   she is suggesting some simple places that are more like grills.  ever heard of "max" ?  hmm..  

 

So then we move on to the subject of gifts....  should i bring some kind of small gift for her 'preferred' family members?  i am thinking trinkets, chocolates etc..     can you guess what she says?  her answer is "no, buying dinner is enough gift"..   she even has come up with a budget of 5000 pesos for all of us...   can that many people actually eat for that little?

 

So in spite of her objections....  should i bring gifts?   Is she correct that it would set a bad precedent?  i dont want to come off as kuripot but i am certainly not rich.

 

I would love to hear other peoples experience with this and if you have any suggestions i would be glad for the advice..

 

-quito

 

 

post-15535-0-00352400-1385167894_thumb.jpg

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Davaoeno

oh gosh.. that means i also have to drink only coke.. lol

 

i'm only suggesting that for the first time .   I think it also sets the tone that you are in charge [ without actually having to say anything ]

 

 

 

Re Toblerone-  the size of bar that I bought in Vancouver duty free for 155 pesos can be bought in the local supermarket here for 90 pesos 

Edited by Davaoeno
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BossHog

Why not just meet her parents first. At a modest resto of your girl's choosing.

 

Get comfortable with them first before taking out the whole crew. It also shows respect.

 

Don't spend much on gifts for a dozen folks you know. 100 peso gifts for each is sufficient. I'd give mom a bottle of perfume and dad a pocket knife. Or something in that price range.

 

Biggest problem I see when foreigners meet a girl's family is he'll spend his time chatting with the teenage girls and neglecting the company of the adult males. Sends creepy signals.

 

Basically, why not just let her choose the venue, time, guests and gifts for your party. She knows best what will make them comfortable and happy and that's your job as host.

 

Have fun!

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also note, no need to bring chocolate from the states

 

I disagree, completely. Filipinos look at "American chocolate" as being the best in the world. They live for it. (If they only knew that Belgian chocolate is actually the best.) So, definitely take it with you. 

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Wolfpack

I disagree, completely. Filipinos look at "American chocolate" as being the best in the world. They live for it. (If they only knew that Belgian chocolate is actually the best.) So, definitely take it with you. 

 

they cant tell I dont bring it with me...it is the exact same stuff I would bring from the states...can be found at almost every major grocery store in Cebu...only it isnt all melted from ones travels...

 

when I bring chocolate from the states, it melts in transit...

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Wolfpack

they have really nice packages of american chocolate also at the duty free store at sm...the real deal, not the stuff made in other countries with american names on it...

 

but regardless of what one gives, if it says american chocolate, they appreciate whatever you give them

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quit_yume

 

 

Biggest problem I see when foreigners meet a girl's family is he'll spend his time chatting with the teenage girls and neglecting the company of the adult males. Sends creepy signals.

 

haha.. that is not going to happen..  all the females in her family are gorgeous and taken..  the only reason my girl is single is because she was getting ready to be a nun until i interupted that process.. lol

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quit_yume

 

 

after 6 yers im surprize u dont see all this alredy?

 

well after 6 years all my initial beliefs about fiiipinas have been totally trashed.. supposedly conservative society etc etc..  i was so timid at first until i realize these girls will rape you if you dont do something.. lol..   everything is different than what i thought in the beginning.

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First let me say that you're a very lucky guy to have gotten such a sensible, unselfish girl. Congratulations! Your girlfriend and Boss Hog both have great suggestions, I really haven't got much to add to what they've already said. DON'T do what I did! I had her stay with me at what I think is the most expensive hotel in Cebu - ''Shangri La''. I spent money on her and her family like crazy! I'm also lucky. I'm now in a job that makes a lot less money than what I had back then and after 7 years of marriage my wife is still with me and her family seldom asks me for anything. Just be honest and open with your girlfriend and her family and I think everything will be fine.

Edited by tomaw
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when I bring chocolate from the states, it melts in transit...

 

I always carried chocolate in my carry on, when going to the Philippines. I never had any to melt.

 

Just two different experiences.

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