familiy feuds ( dilema intervene or not )

[panther 845]

The other day my g f and her 15 year old daughter were having the biggest bust up i,ve ever seen .she was screaming at her daughter in tagolog so fast and at one point slapped her ,now i,ve never hit any of my 3 kids back home apart from a tap on the arse ,but watchin her scared the hell out of me .I felt really uncomfortable at this situation and started to get angry with her ,so I pulled her away and shoved her in the bedroom to calm down .once she calmed down I asked her what the hell caused her to go off like that,well she asked her to help her around the house and being a teenager glued to her cell phone she did,nt want to help her mom so she the mom went crazy ,telling her that she sacrificed her life trying to give her the best in life and that this is how she is repaying her etc etc .she ( the mother ) was bawling her eyes out for hours afterwards .basically what i,m trying to say how do other members handle such scenarios with step kids etc ?

[Paul 55,113]

It's shocking for me to see a Filipina discipline a child at all.

 

Personally, I would not interfere, for the following reasons: 

 

1. You are not married to her.

2. You haven't adopted the teenager.

 

If both of the above applied, I would say yes, you have a say.

[jtmwatchbiz 31,406]

 

 

she ( the mother ) was bawling her eyes out for hours afterwards .basically what i,m trying to say how do other members handle such scenarios

 

 

no need to intervene between the mom and daughter, as the problem is clearly with the mom. encourage her to deal with her tendency of histrionic behavior and things may improve. 

[panther 845]

basically she has flashbacks of her own childhood where the kids were expected and did chores around the house ,she said she had to help her own mom with things around the house ,and it gets her mad when she asks her daughter to do the simplest of things and she gives her attitude about it ,she daughter spends too much time on the laptop and cellphone everyday she has become a bit lazy maybe its my fault for providing the goodies lol.well i,ll just have to monitor them as In the 3 years i,ve been with her i,ve not seen her that mad before .tagalog speeded up 10 times is quite comical to watch lol.but I have told her thats the last time I will allow her to raise her hand to her .

[SomeRandomGuy 6,596]

if she has all her goodies then your gf has the power... no chores no goodies... it is that simple. When parents resort to violence they have already lost their power and it is very difficult after that to bring it back.

I personally would not be with a woman that hits her own child across the bloody face... imagine if she does that to her own flesh and blood what she would do to you one day when she is pissed off... seen it with my SO's mother.. she gets the knife out.

[ozboy 6,594]

Walk away...all our arguments have been over family matters....half the time you cannot understand what they are screaming about or are they just talking normally.....stick your nose in and suddenly you are the bad one......go sit outside n have a beer and let them sort it out.......they have done so long before you arrived on the scene...  

[smokey 21,884]

The other day my g f and her 15 year old daughter were having the biggest bust up i,ve ever seen .she was screaming at her daughter in tagolog so fast and at one point slapped her ,now i,ve never hit any of my 3 kids back home apart from a tap on the arse ,but watchin her scared the hell out of me .I felt really uncomfortable at this situation and started to get angry with her ,so I pulled her away and shoved her in the bedroom to calm down .once she calmed down I asked her what the hell caused her to go off like that,well she asked her to help her around the house and being a teenager glued to her cell phone she did,nt want to help her mom so she the mom went crazy ,telling her that she sacrificed her life trying to give her the best in life and that this is how she is repaying her etc etc .she ( the mother ) was bawling her eyes out for hours afterwards .basically what i,m trying to say how do other members handle such scenarios with step kids etc ?

my wife goes thru the same deal she is mad her children are all professional and dont acknowledge the fact that she gave up her life to help them get educated i just stay out of the way as her children are a lot better off in the world then mine so maybe she is right 

basically she has flashbacks of her own childhood where the kids were expected and did chores around the house ,she said she had to help her own mom with things around the house ,and it gets her mad when she asks her daughter to do the simplest of things and she gives her attitude about it ,she daughter spends too much time on the laptop and cellphone everyday she has become a bit lazy maybe its my fault for providing the goodies lol.well i,ll just have to monitor them as In the 3 years i,ve been with her i,ve not seen her that mad before .tagalog speeded up 10 times is quite comical to watch lol.but I have told her thats the last time I will allow her to raise her hand to her .

 

basically she has flashbacks of her own childhood where the kids were expected and did chores around the house ,she said she had to help her own mom with things around the house ,and it gets her mad when she asks her daughter to do the simplest of things and she gives her attitude about it ,she daughter spends too much time on the laptop and cellphone everyday she has become a bit lazy maybe its my fault for providing the goodies lol.well i,ll just have to monitor them as In the 3 years i,ve been with her i,ve not seen her that mad before .tagalog speeded up 10 times is quite comical to watch lol.but I have told her thats the last time I will allow her to raise her hand to her .

we are really to blame how many of us have giving all them toys to the children .... my step daughters all have i pads.. etc 

[Jawny 4,617]

I mean no disrespect when I say this, but entering a relationship with someone creates this sort of situation.  It should have been something to consider prior to making a commitment.  I'm sorry if that sounds preachy, as I am not skilled at sugar coating messages.

 

The question should be asked of yourself.  I mean that some soul searching about how to handle these sort of situations should be part of the reality of your relationship. The situation you describe may seem extreme, but it could become much worse.  The girl may "act out" in different ways such as developing inappropriate relationships with classmates, experimenting with drugs, sexual encounters and possibly with a long term commitment to a newborn.

 

If you are describing yourself as a step parent, then the parenting should be part of the behavior now.  What will you do?

 

If you have close friends who have raised children, perhaps they can offer advice, or at least sympathy.

 

I admire your candor in revealing your inadequacies.  Perhaps that is the basis of a serious conversion with your girlfriend.  At some point, the child needs to be part of the dialogue as well.

 

My wife and I discuss our relationships with our children all the time.  It is a constant source of joy and frustration and we expect it will be for many years to come.  We also discuss with our children the issues we face with raising them so they can feel part of the process of developing into responsible adults.

[SomeRandomGuy 6,596]

I agree with Mike.. u all need to sit down when u are all calm and sort this out.... only when u are all calm

[KID 9,640]

Did she get that ---------- Filipina devil woman------ look in her eye for a minute

 

Honestly, Unless you can understand what they are saying you can never be totally sure of what is going on

Edited October 27, 2013 by KID

[samatm 2,986]

 Here is what happend when you intervened.

 

Your  GF is now  royally pissed you "came down" on her and not her  daughter.    You made her lose face in front of her daughter and didn't back her up.      Her daughter will come out as the martyr ..and always let mommie know it.   Later she might even in anger say... why dont you marry her? !! .

 

Best to step away and only intervene if its truly getting wacky.  (if the table ware comes out...)    

 

You can counsel later  in privacy when its not so heated.  

Edited October 27, 2013 by samatm

[smidsy 265]

I dont see the big deal here.

 

Sometimes its the hair the broke the horses back, and once the gates open, its a tsunami !

 

When I think about the times I grew up & sometimes my parents went mental over something I thought was small, its just part of growing up.(clean your room, cut the grass, stop ignoring me, take the bins out, dont roll your eyes at me.... etc etc)

 

As long as its not every day, just chill, and let it be.

[panther 845]

well we have a split count here lol BTW I have raised another step daughter for many years and had similar problems but that involved her telling mom to feck off thats when I lost it and grabbed her by the throat and was tempted to squeeze it .she,s 25 now and we never fell out over it and she admitted to being an asshole to her mom.so back to this one i,ve just had a long talk with the girl and basically told her to respect her moms wishes and do what ever her mom asks her to do ,even if it means putting down her cell phone or coming off the computer .so I think we have resolved the issue hopefully .The g f says here in the philippines parents are more physical with their kids when it comes to punishment and I told her i,m not happy as its not done as much in the west .

[Paul 55,113]

Since the very first post, I am still wondering why a child needs a cell phone. Had mom kept her daughter from having one in the first place, this would not have ever happened.

 

I believe in being pretty strict on children. I believe in them earning privileges and rights. I also believe in tearing their asses out of the frame if need be. 

 

I have two full grown children who are not mentally screwed up, not ax murders, both being contributing members of society. 

 

But, that is how people are these days. They give to children as though the children are adults.

[billy 1,691]

Ive never raised step children or a G F children. Ive had two daughters of my own and dont believe in hitting whatsoever. If it was me i would tell my GF when it was over not in front of her daughter, i dont allow hitting in my house . Not to ever hit again.