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A Country of Mistresses, Paramours, and Bastards


Salty Dog

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Salty Dog
Believe it or not, this showed up on Flipboard a few months ago. I think it was written by a Filipino as it is written in the first person..
 

 

Divorceless in the Philippines: A Country of Mistresses, Paramours, and Bastards

 
Divorce hits the latest rehashed headlines in a country which is perennially stuck in pabaon, pasalubong, and lagay. If it’s not an aging bachelor it’s that bane of “civil society” – the kabit, the mistress, the paramour – and with them the baggage of bastards. All this in a society that supposedly “protects” the “family” – at the expense of the individuals who make up a family.
 
Divorce: A Way Out To New Beginnings
 
At present, the Family Code that governs marriage and family relations in our country provides three remedies to marriages. These are declaration of nullity, annulment and legal separation.
 
All these options are so convoluted – c’mon – who the hay are we kidding when we declare that say Kris Aquino and James Yap’s marriage were invalid ab initio – or that they were psychologically incapacitated to enter into marriage – and yet, the grant of nullity or annulment allows two certified psychologically incapacitated people to remarry.
 
What’s more ironic really is the argument that since the constitution says that the state “protects” the family – and divorce breaks the family – then the bill is unconstitutional. A counterpoint, however is that keeping two people together involuntarily against their will to support religious dogma is a violation of their constitutionally protected rights to a) pursuit of happiness and freedom of belief or disbelief.
 
This leads to a situation where bigamy and polygamy is practiced widely – but not acknowledged, in politically correct Philippines. No thanks to a Family Code that does not allow divorce. How many relatives do we know of who sired children outside of marriage? A whole lot. How many Senators, Mayors, Congressmen, Cabinet Secretaries, and Generals do you know of who have multiple households? How many public officials do you know of who are sired out of marriage? How many bastardo Senators do you know? Were they bastardos by their own fault or by a law which protects marriages that are no longer functioning?
 
If we are to factor in the matter of street children as a byproduct of failed marriages which have no legal recourse – it can get more alarming. How many children landed in the streets because their dad left their mom for another woman or man? How many children slept in the concrete sidewalks after both their parents called it quits? How many children were aborted because the parents felt they were not ready for marriage – and that lack of divorce will trap them in case things don’t work out?
 
Our society’s consistent attempts to restrict individual liberty whether it is in marriage, culture, or the economy have not borne good results. By putting the nameless, faceless “greater good” over our selves, we surrender our capacity to enjoy fuller and happier lives.
 
The foundation of a family is the relationship between two individuals. When such relationship between couples have deteriorated, the foundation crumbles into non-existence – and the notion of a family with a non-existing foundation is absurd. Without the sustained bond between the two individuals who voluntarily entered into the marriage contract – there is no family.
 
Keeping a family together when there is a poisoned or totally broken down marriage does not protect the family at all. You have the semblance of a family – but what you have is a shell. A collection of individuals going through the motions of appearing normal. All of these individuals sacrifice themselves in the name of the family – and in the process kill their soul. They give up their dreams, their passions, their desires – life itself. We are just being human when we care to protect – but we are just as human when we dare to open ourselves and accept our warts along with our sparkling pearly smile. There is no shame in parting. There is excitement in picking up the pieces and life goes on.
 
With the death of the soul it is easy to make one do anything for one loses the inner compass which differentiates humans from animals. So there they are trapped in an empty shell, dead to themselves but alive to the world – in all the trappings of wealth and fame. The Church is but too glad to provide the “inner compass” – along with your money and what’s left of your soul.
 
While the Church preaches sacrifice – it is the individuals – the spouse and the children who have to live with the decision for the rest of their lives. Time is a valuable commodity and we can choose to continue to live in the abject misery that we all fully know – killing parts of ourselves, day by day. Or, we can face the unknown and all its possibilities. But, being bold is not the nature of the Filipino. Not yet.
 
As a nation we have surrendered so much of ourselves to this notion of being “Filipino” that we have lost sight of who we are as individuals. Families are not the foundation of society – individuals are. To a certain extent, the Filipino family serves as the indoctrination of the Filipino into dysfunctional collectivism. One need not go very far to recall a TV noontime show featuring a child who danced like a macho dancer in order to make money for the family. Or the daughter who the parents sent to Japan to find a husband on whom the entire family can live off. But I digress.
 
Passage of a divorce bill does not mean that the Philippines promotes divorce or the destruction of the family. We are saving the individuals from further damage and long-term exposure to a stressful environment that can lead to social deficiencies later in life.
 
While there is short-term dislocation from a split – the long-term exposure to flawed relationship role models can lead to flawed social interactions. Perhaps that is why we Filipinos treat each other like dung – because in our Filipino families we treat individuals like so. We misunderstand how to treat others well because we don’t know how to treat ourselves properly. Charity not only begins at home – it begins with ourselves. We cannot give love – if we don’t have love. We cannot share happiness if we don’t have it in us.
 
The tragicomedy, however is that if a divorce bill is indeed unconstitutional, that certainly raises the interest level in amending the constitution. If the discussion goes on this path – people might be deaf to the calls for removing the 60/40 – but constitutional interference in marital matters may just wind up as the proverbial straw on the carabao’s back – or not at all.
 
Ahhh the cruel things that we do in the name of the greater good we sacrifice persons to a mystical invisible entity called a “family”, a “state”, “cause”, “for others” – a lifetime of preconditioning that takes Philippine society on a slippery slope towards nonthinking serfdom.
 
Unfortunately the persons we happen to sacrifice is us.

 

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That is his right as it is for all members.  I don't think any of us would post something we disagree with unless to see if other have the same disagreement.

Believe it or not, this showed up on Flipboard a few months ago. I think it was written by a Filipino as it is written in the first person..    

One affect of the no divorce rule is that more couples are choosing to shack up together without the legal entanglements of marriage.  Rather than allow divorce, why not abolish marriage?  At least in

I think you are so wrong and that you have no basis for several contentions you make. Since I don't want to argue I won't go through them but know that your opinion is not the only one.

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I think you are so wrong and that you have no basis for several contentions you make. Since I don't want to argue I won't go through them but know that your opinion is not the only one.

Believe it or not, this showed up on Flipboard a few months ago. I think

it was written by a Filipino as it is written in the first person..

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Spot on Salty... The church is nothing more than an intimidating style business and one that has done and continues to do a great deal of harm to the Filipino society. The government should divorce its self of the church's influence totally, for the advancement of the people and common decencies enjoyed in other countries.

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I think the article makes some excellent points

 

sometimes the truth hurts

 

Would be interesting to see how many people file for divorce in the first year

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Salty Dog

I did not write this. I just cut and pasted it. Found it interesting. Do I agree? I've always thought the reason they don't have divorce is to protect the fat cats, not the common people. I believe some politicians don't give a rat's ass about any one's interest other than their own. As for the church, I believe it is also mostly political at it's upper levels.

 

When it comes to individual beliefs. That's between you and your God. If you want the church to guide you, then that should be your choice. Most of us don't get to choose our religion. It was chosen for us before we could even walk or talk. Very few of us ever chose to change. By the time we are old enough to understand, we have already been indoctrinated.

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I did not write this. I just cut and pasted it. Found it interesting. Do I agree? I've always thought the reason they don't have divorce is to protect the fat cats, not the common people. I believe some politicians don't give a rat's ass about any one's interest other than their own. As for the church, I believe it is also mostly political at it's upper levels.

 

When it comes to individual beliefs. That's between you and your God. If you want the church to guide you, then that should be your choice. Most of us don't get to choose our religion. It was chosen for us before we could even walk or talk. Very few of us ever chose to change. By the time we are old enough to understand, we have already been indoctrinated.

I have noticed when you cut and paste such things as this and clearly state at the begining such, there are those that think you have written it. Anyway it is always interesting to see and discuss articles written by Filopinos about their country and culture.

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A_Simple_Man

 

I have noticed when you cut and paste such things as this and clearly state at the begining such, there are those that think you have written it

 Perhaps it is because he only cuts and pastes things that strongly reflect his own opinions?  Just a thought
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I think the article makes some excellent points

 

sometimes the truth hurts

 

Would be interesting to see how many people file for divorce in the first year

Depends on how much the process will cost and if it will be feasible for two parties who both agree to get it done with minimal expense and red tape.

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questsea73

Logic, truth, and compassion vs. the status quo of established power brokers(church, male authority figures, politicians, etc.).  Guess who will prevail in the land of the blind.

 

Ken

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 Perhaps it is because he only cuts and pastes things that strongly reflect his own opinions?  Just a thought

Good point. Never thought of it that way but now that you mention it you may be right.

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 Perhaps it is because he only cuts and pastes things that strongly reflect his own opinions?  Just a thought

That is his right as it is for all members.  I don't think any of us would post something we disagree with unless to see if other have the same disagreement.

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I think you are so wrong and that you have no basis for several contentions you make. Since I don't want to argue I won't go through them but know that your opinion is not the only one.

being the only country in the entire world not to allow divorce is sooooo wrong 

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I did not write this. I just cut and pasted it. Found it interesting. Do I agree? I've always thought the reason they don't have divorce is to protect the fat cats, not the common people. I believe some politicians don't give a rat's ass about any one's interest other than their own. As for the church, I believe it is also mostly political at it's upper levels.

 

When it comes to individual beliefs. That's between you and your God. If you want the church to guide you, then that should be your choice. Most of us don't get to choose our religion. It was chosen for us before we could even walk or talk. Very few of us ever chose to change. By the time we are old enough to understand, we have already been indoctrinated.

not quite true you can divorce your religeon anytime you want

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One affect of the no divorce rule is that more couples are choosing to shack up together without the legal entanglements of marriage.  Rather than allow divorce, why not abolish marriage?  At least in a legal sense.  People can always get married in a church if that's their thing but I don't see a pressing need for state sanctioned shackles, which don't work anyway.  Such only serve to cause a lot of pain and expense without providing any solid benefit, near as I can see.

 

In western countries 1/3 of children are born to live together couples who don't have the piece of legal paper declaring them married.  I really think marriage as a legal status is on the way out.  It's just a matter of time.

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