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Is Your Wife Maldita?


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Read his other posts. He's had 3 heart attacks and still hasn't changed lifestyle that much. What is that they say about doing the same thing over and over? Could be she's trying to keep him around in spite of himself.

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well 8 pages of advise from a group of guys who for the most part have had more marriages then cars in their lives 

Cut off that Php 49,000 every month going to her, and I assure you, she will change her tune. 

How she is, I'm sorry to say, is - most likely, because of how much you let her get away with. Somewhere along the way, you gave her too much control.   I believe in the Golden Rule. He who has the

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Ditto on getting that p49,000 going into an account that YOU control and not her.   With respect and also sympathy, you have got to muster and make a major change in your own mindset.  That is YOUR money for YOUR son.  She has nothing to do with it other than an obligation to be appreciative that you are such a good provider.  HTM's idea to have that go to an account in your home country is a good one.  And set it up so that that you manually transfer each month, you'll incur a delay of up to a month depending on how you set it up, but it'll give you control of YOUR money.

 

If she is going to use sex as leverage, it is entirely appropriate that you use money as leverage. Show her (as she has shown you) that your bounty is month-to-month or maybe even day-to-day.

 

You are in a tight spot.  The truth seems to be that she has trapped you by "faking it" just long enough to hook you and have a child.  That's what her family has basically told you.   If you give in now, your life ain't gonna get any better.   On the other hand, if you take charge now, she will either learn to resume "faking it" and perhaps at least become a well-behaving wife (over time this will become a habit), or not.

 

And this has to be said, to the extent that you can,  it would be prudent to avoid letting her discover any details or even generalities about what sort of income stream your son might qualify for in the event of your demise. 

 

The signal here is that YOU are committed to taking care of YOUR son and YOUR family, and you are going to do that YOUR way.  She is invited to be a part of that (as she agreed to do when you got married), otherwise, buy her a bus ticket to the province and tell her she is welcome to come back and visit any time, as long as she texts you a day before.  You might also relay the same thing to her family as it seems they know about her B.S. and might respect and even support you taking this approach.

 

Good luck in what you do.  Don't forget that this woman has deceived you, you have been a victim of that for the past many months, but you can only be a victim going forward if you choose to.

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You could always give  her something she would understand - get yourself a couple of girlfriends and maybe even start a new family on the side.  

 

Then again, that could get you charged with concubinage.

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Salty Dog

If he is living in the Philippines what are the chances a court will side with her getting the child over him.

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The Social Security Administration will not allow it unless the mother has died or he has received full custody.

 

He really has two choices.

Yep, I see two options there.

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If he is living in the Philippines what are the chances a court will side with her getting the child over him.

Almost 100 percent. Unless you can get her thrown in jail or caught using drugs.....even then it's pretty hard for a father to get custody.

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I think maldita sounds too nice a word for a control freak. Lose control of the purse strings and you lose big time. It's so sad things turn out this way and I often wonder exactly how much it takes to get a Filipina to understand the general guidelines that we use to have a sucessful partnership. It's so bad when people abuse our good nature as a sign of weakness and you have to be a badass to keep things normal. Well all's said and done its just more of this childish spoilt nature that keeps rearing up. If they act like kids? Treat em like kids.

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godamn man_____get on your knees and beg forgivness !!!

 

You weak bastard. That same advice crossed my mind, for a moment, too.

 

 

From the replies, I'm guessing that a lot of you don't know how the SSA works (I'm assuming this is a Social Security disability that he is getting). When you add a dependent child to your account, they require that the mother's name is on the account (and NOT your name). You can either play by their rules or not get the check. There is no option for him to get his name put on the child's account. The Social Security Administration will not allow it unless the mother has died or he has received full custody. It also works the same way for adding a dependent to your Social Security retirement account (for those who are retired). And once they are on the account, there is no way to remove them. BTW, the child's allotment is in addition to your allotment. It isn't deducted from your allotment. The money situation is what it is, and there is nothing he can do about that. Therefore, please don't tell him to do something that isn't possible. Having his wife do that was how he got into this mess in the first place.

 

Second, if he were to fly with her to Hong Kong and ditch her (while taking his son to the US), he would be kidnapping (if the airline would even let him board the plane without the mother's permission, her death certificate, or an order giving him full custody. If she filed charges in Hong Kong, it is likely the authorities would be waiting for him (and his son) when he got off the plane in the US.

 

He really has two choices. He can either find a way to work this out with his wife, or he can walk away from everything (including his son). Personally, I would choose the first option.

 

I do not know if this is entirely true. I know that years ago, after I had fallen, filed for, and successfully received SSD, the child's check was sent to the custodial parent. Of course, in that case, both parents were living in the US, as American citizens. 

 

I would suggest you (Cebudog) ring the Social Security Administration and find out for yourself. In this case, there are simply too many parameters for anyone here to make a judgement call, and to offer the proper advice. 

 

I would personally try to get the money put into another account, with you as the custodial parent, if at all possible. If not, I am sure she will not save that money as you would, for the child. She would not dispense it as it should be, for his well being. I'm not saying she would not provide for him. I am just saying that she would not use the money as efficiently as you would, to provide for him as should be done. 

 

Then, i would tell her to pound sand and divvy out monies as needed, for your son. This will, effectively, do two things for you:

 

1. It will make her more dependent on you. Depending on how you handle that, it could make her a bit more humble, and less of a bitch toward you.

2. It would put you in complete control over your son's assets, so that you would personally know where ever peso is going, for his care.

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You should have listened to the family.

We always telegraph our nature.

But you let it slide. 

Now there's no easy way out.

You made a bad choice.  I'd cut the tape.

Are you worth more dead than alive? 

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InternetTough

I would warn you against going alone to talk about your problems with third parties---like this forum. That always leads others to saying, "You are right, you are so right." If your family is important to you, go with your wife to a marriage counselor and work things out together. I once heard a priest of fifty years experience say that what broke up marriages the most was third parties approached in this way, to complain about the partner. He said it broke up more marriages than affairs. 

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Yep, she also tries to stop me from going golfing.  Says if I spend a dime on something, it should be paid for out of my golf  money.

DAM   better be worth more alive 

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Well, with my heart, there is zero chance of us being together that long.



All the more reason to deal with this NOW.
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If you want to return, wait a year or two then go to the Philippine Embassy and file for a visa, make sure they do a background check to make sure you aren't wanted for something there, return to the Philippines to another city.



Can you get a background check from the from an overseas consulate?  I would tend to think that they wouldn't tell you if you are wanted when applying for a visa so they could nail you on arrival.
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