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But the kid is not my son…


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You can't help who you fall in love with. When I met my wife she was working on a ship with an 8 month daughter at home who the husband had decided to abandon fairly early on the pregnancy. When we both finished our trips it was time for me to go and see her in the Philippines and I had to make a decision that would affect the rest of my life. I had to consider at if I wanted to spend my life with my mahal, I'd have to accept love and care for her daughter as my own. At 23 years old that was a tough decision for me.

I have no regrets and almost 6 years later with the addition of a son (now almost 3 years old) life is working out well. My step daughter is enjoying a western education and a happy home life, albeit in the Middle East at the moment.

 

I will say that it's not always easy, I certainly don't have the same bond with her that I have with my son, but we are still very close and I love her dearly. I find it sad that her biological father has made no attempts to see her.

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I say something similar. Anyone can be a father. It takes a special guy to be a daddy (papa). That child doesn't care what color you are. He / She only wants to be loved, provided for, and to feel sec

Blood does not make a father I think you know what the right answer is !!

My wife had two sons when we got together and I could not disagree more with the OPs sentiments. These boys were only 12 and 14 when they came to Oz but have excelled in every way since. They are ter

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broden

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Headed that way

Man, I really do like this thread because it is what Living in Cebu is all about.  No one boasting about their exploits, just talking about taking in women and their kids and making the best of things.   Talk about being a positive influence when visiting this amazing country instead of taking advantage of simple people in desperate need.

 

I had two step daughters and a step son once.  Like a previous poster said, its far easier if the biological dad isn't part of the picture, sad to say.  Then again I've met a lot of women in my life that were scarred for life by a dad not staying in touch.  Hell, some thought they were scarred over some really trivial things.  Step families can be tough, ours was, and led to the breakup of the marriage.  I missed those kids much longer than I missed their mom.

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Kabisay-an gid

 

Like a previous poster said, its far easier if the biological dad isn't part of the picture, sad to say.

 

Unfortunately, they usually are part of the picture. Which is why I chose a Filipina with no children.

 

I have nothing against single mothers and their children. I'm just not interested in dealing with the problems, sometimes serious, that can and often do arise when biological fathers are involved.

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Headed that way

Oh, yeah.  One of the step daughters was just turning three and when she got sick at her real dad's house she would call for her Al Daddy.  That would set him off according to the other kids and the rest of the weekend it was non stop indoctrination.  The poor thing would come home Sunday night giving me the stink eye for the first hour or so then she would revert back to normal.  You just had to wait it out.

 

Best single mom I ever dated had three really nice kids but their dad was a thousand miles away by choice.  Never did have to deal with that crap.  Would have married that one except she turned out to have a prescription drug habit that she couldn't kick.  Great kids though.

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rainymike

Here's my decision matrix (a retired guy). My decision matrix when I was younger was different.

 

1. Young woman, no kids: bad move. The strongest bond is probably my atm, easy enough for her to find another younger guy with a bigger atm than mine. (ATM envy).

 

2. Young woman, young kids: good move. The strongest bond is probably the children and the atm is only secondary. Easy enough to find guys with big ATM's, not easy for her to find guys who will take the children in as his own. Kids call me daddy and it reinforces the bond.

 

3. Older woman, older (adult) kids: bad move. No telling where the bonds really fall for the woman or the kids. I probably would be looking over my shoulder all the time. 

 

4. Older woman, no kids: can be good or bad. Would have to evaluate more closely in what her wants and needs really are.

 

--------

 

1. Kids have father, father is unattached: bad move, Woman and kids are too easily reattached.

 

2. Kids have father, father is attached elsewhere: good move. If real father has another family, less likelihood of reattachment.

 

3. Kids don't have father: father dead. good move. Best likelihood of the past remaining in the past.

 

---------

Even then, there are no real guarantees. But life is about dealing and managing risks. Made my decision. Have 3 kids who aren't mine that I provide care for. They call me daddy. I'm strict as nails. But I will do whatever I can to give them a decent life.

 

1 kid that is mine biologically. I admit the baby girl is my soft spot. But I think I'd feel the same regardless of the DNA. Something about a baby's smile that I can't resist.

 

 

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billy

i have a lot of respect for a man that raises some other mans kids. 

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Thalcoozyo

Been married to a Filipina for 13 yrs.  Married her and took on a 8 yr. old Filipino boy.  Best things that ever happened in my life!  I had never been married before and did not realize what I was getting into... but it is still the best thing I ever did. I love them both dearly (boy is now 21), and have also helped put her 2 neices thru college.  I'm probably closer to her family than I am my own family.  You won't regret taking on a single mother & child IF  IF  IF you really love her.

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Brucewayne

Been married to a Filipina for 13 yrs.  Married her and took on a 8 yr. old Filipino boy.  Best things that ever happened in my life!  I had never been married before and did not realize what I was getting into... but it is still the best thing I ever did. I love them both dearly (boy is now 21), and have also helped put her 2 neices thru college.  I'm probably closer to her family than I am my own family.  You won't regret taking on a single mother & child IF  IF  IF you really love her.

 

The real problem in the Philippines is finding a lady (with child) who really "loves" you.

So many of them play the love card just to guarantee a paycheck to support themselves and their child then can't emotionally deliver what is not in their hearts.

I know several guys in the Liloan area right now who are having various problems with their pre-made families and it is all about no love or respect after the marriage.

I am not saying it isn't possible for a woman with a child to fall in love with you, but love is normally not the top priority in a 3rd world country.

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Thalcoozyo

The real problem in the Philippines is finding a lady (with child) who really "loves" you.

So many of them play the love card just to guarantee a paycheck to support themselves and their child then can't emotionally deliver what is not in their hearts.

I know several guys in the Liloan area right now who are having various problems with their pre-made families and it is all about no love or respect after the marriage.

I am not saying it isn't possible for a woman with a child to fall in love with you, but love is normally not the top priority in a 3rd world country.

 

Intersting response.  Maybe my original statement should be "You won't regret taking on a single mother & child IF  IF  IF you really love her, or the two of you have your minds made up that you're going to hang in there and make your marriage work... thru thick or thin."  As for me, sure, we've had our issues... but to not respect each other, or to walk away from it all, were never options even remotely considered. Our love has grown stronger as the years have passed because we both wanted the marriage to work. I'm glad I did what I did. No regrets.

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towboat72

Intersting response.  Maybe my original statement should be "You won't regret taking on a single mother & child IF  IF  IF you really love her, or the two of you have your minds made up that you're going to hang in there and make your marriage work... thru thick or thin."  As for me, sure, we've had our issues... but to not respect each other, or to walk away from it all, were never options even remotely considered. Our love has grown stronger as the years have passed because we both wanted the marriage to work. I'm glad I did what I did. No regrets.

    WELL SAID GOOD SIR

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ThomsonJr

I've met a 26 year old Filipina who had 4 babies with 4 differen fathers. She drives a brand new car in Cebu which she has a loan for and receives well over 60,000 pesos per month in total allowances.

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panther

I am on my second set of mother with kids ,ive got 3 kids of my own to my first wife then raised a 5 year old girl until she was 20 from my next partner ,and now i,m with an older philipina who has 2 older kids 15 and 22 and do not have any regrets whatsoever they don,t want anything to do with their real father and have no contact with him because of the mental abuse he gave to their mother both mother and kids say they have never felt so happier in their lives living with me and love and respect me 100 percent .single moms who made bad choices in life still need another chance at happiness the same as anyone else .as far as i,m concerned there are far to many guttless philippino fathers around who don,t give a feck about making kids and leaving them to suffer in poverty.

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billy

I am on my second set of mother with kids ,ive got 3 kids of my own to my first wife then raised a 5 year old girl until she was 20 from my next partner ,and now i,m with an older philipina who has 2 older kids 15 and 22 and do not have any regrets whatsoever they don,t want anything to do with their real father and have no contact with him because of the mental abuse he gave to their mother both mother and kids say they have never felt so happier in their lives living with me and love and respect me 100 percent .single moms who made bad choices in life still need another chance at happiness the same as anyone else .as far as i,m concerned there are far to many guttless philippino fathers around who don,t give a feck about making kids and leaving them to suffer in poverty.

nice story thanks

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