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ellenbrook2001

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ellenbrook2001

On the weekend my friend ANDRE invited me too the parents of hes girl friend has ANDRE have problem for English.

the purposed of the meeting with the daughter dad was too tell what was the plan of ANDRE of course marriage then the dad did ask then what else has ANDRE live PINOY style cause a very small pension he say well i only can help a little that all.

then the dad did ask when you marry you will take my daughter too FRANCE then ANDRE reply i have already told you and your daughter cause of my very small pension will live very poor in France better here for me then the dad get very very upset saying i do not understand why shes cannot go too France ??then the dad or bad tempo run outside then get mad yes i do not understand,i do not understand after 15 minutes the mum try too cool down the dad? we where shock ?????????

anywhere the dad say i still do not understand hahaha funny anywhere okay then i want marriage next month okay or my daughter go back home??????everyone very scare of the dad?

so my friend did ask my advised or say very very difficult situation very hard too advised him?????????.

i believed let rest for the time been too think about it but for me look very ugly

comments are very welcome but please not stupid one

many thanks

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Your friend needs to turn the tables on Dad by telling him that either he (your friend) will do it his way or Dad can take his daughter home right now. Dad is just seeking an advantage, which is NOT a

That is a question which defines the ethics and motives of many expats when the come here. That search for self gratification and inability to self-reflect taints too many that come here.   He tells

BULLSEYE!!!   Totally agree with you.  My parents are good people esp my mother but they too felt the societal pressure.  Luckily for me, my mother is always on the ball and although very soft is full

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Paul

Agreed. Andre needs to set the precedent now, before marriage to this guy's daughter takes place.

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billy

headshot is right he has to turn the tables on father in law tell him his plans and thats final. and at the same time seeing which way his daughter is going because if shes following the father then forget about it.  let her go.

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USMC-Retired

I can say that this works.  When I married three years ago the dad and I had a similar conversation about not taking his daughter out of the PH.  This laid a ground work for an excellent relationship.  So now when the time came and I must move he was very understanding.  His attention changed and focus changed to the success of my wife and I.  

Edited by USMC-Retired
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ellenbrook2001

Agreed. Andre needs to set the precedent now, before marriage to this guy's daughter takes place.

 

yes that what i did advised him the dad believed cause we live in they country we have too follow they stupid decision,.if i was me sure we walk away on the spot saying thanks sir too invited me bye??????hahahaha

Edited by Paul
separated quote from member's posted text.
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jtmwatchbiz

 

 

 

tough situation but time may be on andre's side. maybe the father will cool off and realize his daughter will do fine living here are well as france. maybe advise your friend not to push for the wedding or make any big decisions until the father softens up? i don't see any need to break up with the girl or cancel any wedding plans...just put them on hold until things settle down (hopefully)

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Thelandofku-an

yes that what i did advised him the dad believed cause we live in they country we have too follow they stupid decision,.if i was me sure we walk away on the spot saying thanks sir too invited me bye??????hahahaha

I agree with jtmwatchbiz.

 

Too many "cooks" in Andre's or anyones new "family" is always going to create misunderstandings, no sense in spoiling what could be the best for him, just go slow and easy with father-in-law not losing face.

 

If father-in-law is the family leader just give him a simple solid reason that he can brow-beat his mates and relatives with!

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Skywalker

The father is probably upset that his daughter is marrying an old foreigner with a tiny pension, and that there seems to be no advantage to him.  I can't say that I blame him, he has expectations that if a foreigner is involved with his daughter, he fully expects to retire in a waterfall of foreign money.

 

He also understands that his daughter can get a well paid job in France, that would further add to the torrent of money he was expecting.

 

Unfortunately that is the culture of expectation, from the fractured belief that all foreigners are wealthy.  If only!!!

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ellenbrook2001

 

The father is probably upset that his daughter is marrying an old foreigner with a tiny pension, and that there seems to be no advantage to him.  I can't say that I blame him, he has expectations that if a foreigner is involved with his daughter, he fully expects to retire in a waterfall of foreign money.

 

He also understands that his daughter can get a well paid job in France, that would further add to the torrent of money he was expecting.

 

Unfortunately that is the culture of expectation, from the fractured belief that all foreigners are wealthy.  If o

correct the DAD has higth expetation cause in the same barangay a girl did marry a rich kano or he did build a very nice house send money every month all that bla bla so the dad was dreaming getting same but ANDRE before courting the girl tell her hes situation then shes say hes oky with my parents

??????????has long you love me for real.

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Edwin

Maybe he wanted a better life for his daughter and saw that in a life outside the Philippines. (That's not rocket science.) Instead he finds his daughter is going to have a short term marriage to a poor kano and then what? It's a disappointment.

 

Why is it no one expects a Filipino to want what he thinks is best for his daughter? Not only Westerners think this way.

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Paul

 

Why is it no one expects a Filipino to want what he thinks is best for his daughter?

 

In this case, it may be more of what he expects to be better for himself, not his daughter.

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Edwin

In this case, it may be more of what he expects to be better for himself, not his daughter.

 

But we have no evidence of that, only that he was extremely upset.

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Buko Beach

Ok, I'm going to say a few things and you might not like it... but they should be said.

 

First, English is my first langauge and alot of the times I can't understand what the heck you (EB2001) post. I find I have to read your post several times before I fully understand what you're trying to say. I do not know the full extent of your verbal English langauge skills, but if it's anything like your written skills I can see why there was a communication issue with the father. If the father is over 50yrs old there is a good chance his English langauge skills are minimal at best. Two French guys trying to speak English and one Filipino that can't fully understand English sounds like a comedy that plays on Star Cinema. I know you tried the best you could to explain things but I'm guessing there was more to the story.

 

Next to the filipina your friend is dating and might be planning to marry. Chances are very good she did not explain things to her parents. She never told them her foreigner BF's financial situation or that he wants to remain in the Philippines. "Shyness" is often the words used by younger filipinas/filipinos when discussing things with older parents/filipinos. Some of them have a very hard to time to express themselves when the topics they have to talk about is not what the parent wants to hear. They simply leave out the details. Or they just hope and pray that things will work out.

 

Next the parents. Every parent in the World wants the best for their children (well most anyways). They want them to be happy, healthy and successful. When your friend comes into the picture and tells the parents he is not rich, not successful, and your friend wants to remain in the Philippines with his daughter what parent wouldn't be upset in some form? Put yourself in that fathers shoes, with a foreigner coming to marry your daughter who is not working, and lives modestly from a small pension. Would you be happy?? Heck no !! You would see that your daughter will have less opportunity, less income and as a result less chance to raise successful grandchildren. I think some of the members who posted that the father is only looking for a big foreigner ATM have missed the real issue and that's the opportunity for the daughter. Yes money does play into the mix, but if the foreigner is broke or living with limited means it tells the father that you will be no better to the family than a local son-in-law would be.

 

If your friend has limited resorces and he marries a filipina (any filipina) I can't see things working out and the odds of failure increase if they have kids. The more kids, the more mouths to feed and put clothes on them. Requests for money will come in from her family and when your friend says no over and over it will stretch the marriage to the limit. Sooner or later your friend will not be worth anything to the family and the filipina will look down upon her husband because he is letting her down.

 

Guys who move to the Philippines with only pennies to live from should NOT marry because they can't afford to. Stay single. What will happen once your friend gets old and has serious medical issues? Alot of his pension will go towards health care leaving his filipina wife and possible kids to fend for themselves. As the old saying goes. no money no honey.

 

I really admire the family planning and forward thinking that Smokey and some of the other senior LINC guys have going. Getting things taken care of well in advance so his wife and family are all set, now that's the way to do things.

 

Just wondering, how old is your friend? How old is his filipina GF? How old are her parents?

Edited by Buko Beach
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KennyF

In this case, it may be more of what he expects to be better for himself, not his daughter.

 

It's something I've never understood.

You have a daughter and raise her from 0 to 21 and then suddenly, wham bam, she's gone, living with some guy who most likely falls way below your expectations of a son in law.

Never mind the dollar cost of bringing the kid up (many, many $1,000s), what about the emotional side of things?

And as a wise father you say nothing, knowing it will make the punk a hero in her eyes.

 

KonGC

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