Serious Situation

[USMC-Retired 10,995]

My inlaws live on a farm and grow coconuts plant rice. Raise pigs cows and goats. The live on less then 9,000 a month never not once in three years asked for support. Help ok support never. You are in for a rocky road if the mentality is you support them. Assisting is fine helping fine and emergency ok. Cash allowance is bullshit if they demand it. Charity is something YOU do out of the goodness of your heart not by demand threat or guilt trip.

[SkyMan 23,691]

you married in the philippines ? Not the us ?  An annulment is closer to what i think if you plan on trying again and if not better set your sights on Thailand as you sure can not marry in the philippines again without an annulment  but then i might be wrong 

I think you are wrong.  More expensive and slower to do the annulment.  He get a fairly cheap divorce in the US and file it with the NSO and then both can find their next fling.

[smokey 21,911]

of course the annulment will cost you 200,000 php and take you a couple of years. Better get a quicky divorce somewhere else and cross the Phil off of your list 

 

I am surprised that you decided based on a few posts to throw in the towel. Dont you love this woman ? Isnt your relationship worth fighting for ? Maybe she is just being controlled by the money grubbing parents [ common here ] and she really has no desire to rob you - and truly loves you .  Surely something went down between the 2 of you before you married her ???

 

 

You are already married to her so you dont have a lot to lose by going back to the Phil and actually getting to know her.  But do not spend time with her where her family lives - get the hell out of Dodge to neutral territory and discover if there is something there worth saving

well if he was in the philippines for the usual 21 days taking 3 off to recover from jet lag that leave 18 days of bliss ... hummm but will it last a lifetime.. if she is being controlling now will it get better ? I think it will cost and i would probably take the never come back route but marriage at best is a lot of work and usually the bumpy part dont start after 3 weeks..

Edited March 8, 2013 by smokey

[Guy60417 544]

Wondersailor: "Less than 2 weeks of marriage must be some kind of record."

 

I think Britney Spears has you beat. :-)

 

 

"A very sad day indeed."

 

Yeah, it hurts like hell to be played for a sucker. But you're not alone, if that's any consolation.

 

 

"At least no visa application was filed."

 

Your damages at this point are the travel expenses, whatever you've already given her, your coming legal costs, and a bruised ego. Cheaper than it could have been.

 

She made a mistake in overplaying her hand. If she had been a bit more subtle, she would have thanked you for the 18k, got a bit more during the visa process by telling you about some family medical emergencies, and then really taken you to the cleaners after she had the green card.

[smokey 21,911]

I think you are wrong.  More expensive and slower to do the annulment.  He get a fairly cheap divorce in the US and file it with the NSO and then both can find their next fling.

well call me a softie but i was thinking of HER finding another husband without an annulment 

[CardiacKid 2,309]

DO NOT sign an Affidavit of  Support. That SOB is not cancelled by a divorce or annulment. If reasoning fails with her, cut off support and file for a divorce asap.

[smokey 21,911]

DO NOT sign an Affidavit of  Support. That SOB is not cancelled by a divorce or annulment. If reasoning fails with her, cut off support and file for a divorce asap.

i think she will say   oh honey i was wrong please come back and we can talk this out like adults ... its then i would be nervous after all its loosing face that will rear its ugly head 

[Peter C 184]

I think, you have acted naively, but some questions:

was your marriage ceremony officially in the city hall and done by a real judge?

have the marriage certificates been approved? or all was a joke and you have been cheated?

and is or will the marriage be registered at the NSO?

 

btw - when the money is gone, the love will also go, sometimes even earlier. 

[Davaoeno 37,477]

 

. its then i would be nervous after all its loosing face that will rear its ugly head 

 

mmmm this lechon baboy tastes just like American !!! 

[BossHog 38,454]

There's really not enough concrete information to go by here.

 

I'd surmise though that the family's behind the money demands and she's too young to stand up to them.

 

She may be quite pleased to get away from the family and is looking forward to life stateside unencumbered with their baggage.

 

Who knows.

 

Unsolicited advice: send what you're willing/able to and somewhere in the peso/dollar ranges mentioned above and let her know the visa process won't be moving forward until this issue is resolved.

[smokey 21,911]

mmmm this lechon baboy tastes just like American !!! 

i would be nervous about being called the dream buster to my face 

[USMC-Retired 10,995]

I just wonder how the hell this happen. All I can think was a shortcut to love and marriage. It can only go down hill as if the motives for her were not love but something else.

[hookedtothenet 311]

Wondersailor,

 

Just a thought as you are clearly very new to the Philippines and their people, way of doing things etc...

 

Are you sure you are married, maybe just go through with us the process and where you got married, what paperwork etc you had to provide and what you were issued etc..

The only reason I mention is that sometimes weddings get done in some auspicious ways and are actually not legal. Also age of your wife etc and if parental permissions were needed if under 21.

 

Just thinking a little outside of the box as it just might save you a heap of trouble.

 

I feel sorry for you and for the situation you find yourself in, but I am sure you are not alone, their are many fine woman over here, but there are also many milk maids also.

[Skywalker 19,177]

Ah yes, I see what you mean.

 

So it's a good thing, if it's good, but if it's not good, then it must be bad - therefore a bad thing.

 

Crystal clear.

 

It must be a thread thing,  so if you send money to 3 families it's a good thing, but if you send money to one family it's a bad thing.

 

Is this a test?

Edited March 8, 2013 by Skywalker

[jtmwatchbiz 31,414]

All the "boots on the ground" information from the guys here is correct about the money needs in her situation.

 

That being said, you did MARRY the girl and that entails responsibility on your part.

 

While you could fairly easily walk away from this, she won't be able to, especially if wed in a small farming village.

 

Perhaps, you splashed out your hard earned savings on a nice wedding and the family thinks you're wealthier than you are.

 

She's obviously exaggerating for whatever reason, but financial discussions are part of matrimony and cultural misunderstandings can be bridged over time.

 

You liked her enough to wed so spend some time communicating about your finances and expectations and listen to hers, as well.

 

It's not necessarily a lost cause by any means and may just be growing pains in a relationship that could well turn out to be the happiest of your life.

 

Give it a chance. And some time.

 

Wishing you the best

 good advice! and if i may ad...i would strongly suggest you contact "pointman" larry (shadow) and have him do some intel on the ground here for you. he WILL find out all you want to know and if there is any chance of fixing/improving  this situation of yours.