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wondersailor

At least for me and I need some serious advice. I married a girl in the PI less than 2 weeks ago and am back in the US. I had really wanted this to work but now I have my doubts. She told me that all of the men in her family turn their complete paychecks over to their wives.I just sent her $350 US for this month and am being told that "I am a bad provider". She would not give me a monthly figure but said the average pay per month in her small farming community is 18,000p. I tried to explain about the visa, air and preparation costs for her to come to the US but to no avail. Am I wrong? She lives at her parents house and I can't see the need for so much money. I am beginning to feel I made a big,big mistake. It has been many, many years since I've allowed a female this close to me and I don't know where to turn. For those guys who live in the PI I could really use some advice.

Thanks

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After I read your post i didnt know whether to laugh or to cry !  Your profile says that you never visited the Phil, so I assume you came just the one time, met her and instantly married her ???   W

If it isnt too embarrassing perhaps you could start a thread detailing just how you got yourself into this mess.  It might be one of the most informative threads on the whole forum and could help thou

Honestly..........I do not see a happy ending for you in this. If she is already telling you that your a "bad provider" then it is a sign of bad things to come. You are being generous at $350 a month

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Monsoon

So, you met a woman, didn't get to know her by spending a lot of time together over a long period of time? But instead married her rather quickly without getting to know her. Not to mention she comes from a totally different culture than you. And you are surprised that you have problems already? How old are you sir?

 

Well don't stress it, there are millions and millions of great looking women in the world and thankfully you live in the US where a divorce is a phone call away.

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This does sound very unusual. The culture isn't as far different from the Western culture as you would be made to think, and you shouldn't be expected to provide for your wifes family. Once your wife is living in the US with you are you are both involved in your finances together, and maybe she is working, she can perhaps send some money to her parents, but I would imagine $100 a month would be fairly reasonable, and you should really talk about that properly.

 I suspect you are starting of on the wrong foot.

 

 As a note, any family that expects '18,000 php per month' from each family member is wealthy enough to live well without your additional income.

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SkyMan

Please cancel any visa efforts immediately.  We don't need any more of those in the US and if you think it's getting bad now, just wait until she's in the US with you.  The time to have joined this forum was years ago.

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A_Simple_Man

 

I am beginning to feel I made a big,big mistake.

 

You are not the first and you won't be the last.  But at least you are correct.  Now what are you going to do about it?  I mean you need to trust your instincts that you made a big, big mistake and you need to decide whether to accept it and be a doormat until she decides she has all she can get from you and moves on (yes there are guys here doing that) or break from her (annulment, divorce in your country, or just cut ties and communication).  I only hope she is not pregnant (could be yours or someone else's but you'll be paying for it).

 

Decide!  Act!

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At least for me and I need some serious advice. I married a girl in the PI less than 2 weeks ago and am back in the US. I had really wanted this to work but now I have my doubts. She told me that all of the men in her family turn their complete paychecks over to their wives.I just sent her $350 US for this month and am being told that "I am a bad provider". She would not give me a monthly figure but said the average pay per month in her small farming community is 18,000p. I tried to explain about the visa, air and preparation costs for her to come to the US but to no avail. Am I wrong? She lives at her parents house and I can't see the need for so much money. I am beginning to feel I made a big,big mistake. It has been many, many years since I've allowed a female this close to me and I don't know where to turn. For those guys who live in the PI I could really use some advice.

Thanks

Don't listen to her demands 'cause if you do, they'll only get bigger. Send only what you think is enough depending on which part of the Philippines she lives. Where I came from, $200/month is more than enough to support a small family. 

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Bill H

 

btw the average per month in any small farming community is more like 4000 a month - not 18,000

 

100p a day is good wages for a farm worker in these parts.

 

Other than that I completely agree.  4,000p would be generous and he does need to establish some boundaries or they will milk him dry.  They see all foreigners as ultimately rich, and think money means nothing to a foreigner.

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Bill H

BTW if her first name is Rocel PM me, her Mom will want you to build her a house, very, very soon!!

 

Lots of luck to you!  I fear you will need it.

 

Bill

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questsea73

I don't want to make a lot of assumptions then offer advice that may be way out in left field because of lack of knowledge(none of which is my business)....but I strongly recommend you read CLOSELY) the legal obligations embodied in the paperwork for the visa that you are processing for this woman.  And think a lot about what you have read.

 

In a sense the expression "signing away your life" is not inappropriate to describe the sworn statement that you will be required to sign that you will provide financial support for her and that any and all taxpayer funds that have to be dispensed to her must be repaid by you....that would include all sorts of social welfare benefits that the law would entitle her to if she dumped you one day after arriving in USA .....or one year.....or ten years, if still not USA citizen.  Once she sEts foot on USA soil she has established residence(although some states require several months) which allows her to file divorce papers with any shyster lawyer who will take her case with her paying from proceeds of the plundering the court will render of you.  SPACING MESSED UP...SEE BELOW.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some will think she is dropping the hammer too early....the jaws of the trap have not entirely closed yet....she is still offshore and you still have a major option to consider.

 

Hopefully her English is o.k. and this is not a language miscommunication issue.

 

Ken

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musingloudly

With all due respect, if you are the primary breadwinner,  you call the shots on the finances.

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Guy60417

Stop her visa process and start thinking about cutting your loses before it's too late. I think you already know what needs to be done.

 

She's lying to you big-time in telling you that the wages in a small town are 18k/month. Do you think the lies will stop there?

 

I'll try to avoid the temptation to pile on and tell you that you have behaved very foolishly -- I'm pretty sure you realize it. We all make mistakes, especially where pretty girls are concerned. The question is what we do when we recognize the mistake. If you go forward with the visa process, you'll soon be at a point where there is no turning back.

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Wombat No More

At least for me and I need some serious advice. I married a girl in the PI less than 2 weeks ago and am back in the US. I had really wanted this to work but now I have my doubts. She told me that all of the men in her family turn their complete paychecks over to their wives.I just sent her $350 US for this month and am being told that "I am a bad provider". She would not give me a monthly figure but said the average pay per month in her small farming community is 18,000p. I tried to explain about the visa, air and preparation costs for her to come to the US but to no avail. Am I wrong? She lives at her parents house and I can't see the need for so much money. I am beginning to feel I made a big,big mistake. It has been many, many years since I've allowed a female this close to me and I don't know where to turn. For those guys who live in the PI I could really use some advice.

Thanks

Me dost think you are a sucker... Don't stay one...

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smokey

This does sound very unusual. The culture isn't as far different from the Western culture as you would be made to think, and you shouldn't be expected to provide for your wifes family. Once your wife is living in the US with you are you are both involved in your finances together, and maybe she is working, she can perhaps send some money to her parents, but I would imagine $100 a month would be fairly reasonable, and you should really talk about that properly.

 I suspect you are starting of on the wrong foot.

 

 As a note, any family that expects '18,000 php per month' from each family member is wealthy enough to live well without your additional income.

 

it wont get better that is for sure and at best after 3 years is up and she has a 10 year green card she will not need the op ...   Settle this early and save years of problems seems  things are just not going to be easy to settle if money is already rearing its ugly head... check on an annulment 

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