Surprising Convo with my Filipina GF

[davewe 488]

My new GF is middle class and well educated, if that matters. And she is not Catholic. And I am surprised.

 

So last night we are chatting about my next trip to see her in April. We both have expressed dislike for condoms, but who does like them. As she is making it clear that maybe I dont have to use them I say, "Well how would that work?" I asked and answered myself. "Maybe if we both got tested and showed the test results to the other - then we would know we are at least safe. Since we are committed to not see other people - perhaps this would help." Then I am thinking that one of the two risk issues might be handled - potential pregnancy would require another discussion.

 

She asks me to repeat myself several times as she does not understand. Once she understands she gets upset. "Are you saying I am not clean? Gosh!" I explain that exchanging test results is a common practice in the US when a couple is about to begin a serious relationship, but she says this is not the case in the PI. She keeps repeating that I do not trust her but that she completely trusts me.

 

Again if this were an uneducated girl it would be one thing. But I was shocked at the attitude.

[Mr. Mike 10,420]

Your suggestion is wise, hope she comes to understand it.

Edited January 10, 2012 by Mr. Mike

[Davaoeno 36,411]

Again if this were an uneducated girl it would be one thing. But I was shocked at the attitude.

 

 

Even in western countries the theory is one thing and the practise [ and psychology lol] another .. She's saying " look, i,m clean , i can absolutely guarantee that, and you say you trust me and love me, but now you say you wont take my word for it and want me to show you a piece of paper that says i am not a liar ??!

 

Like I said- the safe sex theory and the psychology can be hard to reconcile. Do you have reason not to trust her ? I always know what i should do, but lots of times i dont do it. Maybe i have just been lucky- or maybe i am good at judging people ??

[throttleplate 1,885]

if testing for aids you should know that it doesnt show up as positive even though she may have it.

[throttleplate 1,885]

We both have expressed dislike for condoms, but who does like them

i dont mind using them,i like a certain brand and it helps me from climaxing to soon

[Edwin 6,338]

In the Philippines there is a much more prevalent issue than HIV and that is HBV. Get vaccinated.

[Mr. Mike 10,420]

i dont mind using them,i like a certain brand and it helps me from climaxing to soon

 

TMI, TMI, TMI The least you can do is to provide the BRAND NAME!

[+broden 57,107]

TMI, TMI, TMI The least you can do is to provide the BRAND NAME!

reynolds wrap

[+shadow 17,954]

My new GF is middle class and well educated, if that matters. And she is not Catholic. And I am surprised.

 

So last night we are chatting about my next trip to see her in April. We both have expressed dislike for condoms, but who does like them. As she is making it clear that maybe I dont have to use them I say, "Well how would that work?" I asked and answered myself. "Maybe if we both got tested and showed the test results to the other - then we would know we are at least safe. Since we are committed to not see other people - perhaps this would help." Then I am thinking that one of the two risk issues might be handled - potential pregnancy would require another discussion.

 

She asks me to repeat myself several times as she does not understand. Once she understands she gets upset. "Are you saying I am not clean? Gosh!" I explain that exchanging test results is a common practice in the US when a couple is about to begin a serious relationship, but she says this is not the case in the PI. She keeps repeating that I do not trust her but that she completely trusts me.

 

Again if this were an uneducated girl it would be one thing. But I was shocked at the attitude.

 

Any type of sex education is not generally included in the curriculum here, even with the "educated".

 

Larry in Dumaguete

[davewe 488]

Even in western countries the theory is one thing and the practise [ and psychology lol] another .. She's saying " look, i,m clean , i can absolutely guarantee that, and you say you trust me and love me, but now you say you wont take my word for it and want me to show you a piece of paper that says i am not a liar ??!

 

Like I said- the safe sex theory and the psychology can be hard to reconcile. Do you have reason not to trust her ? I always know what i should do, but lots of times i dont do it. Maybe i have just been lucky- or maybe i am good at judging people ??

 

Thanks for your reasoned response. What makes it more complex is that after many years of marriage (no condom use, but often no sex as well) and 5 years divorced (always using condoms, but not always getting sex) I now have a lovely, sexy girl who I really like, likes me and is willing to do it in such a way. So to salve my own conscious I proposed doing "the right thing" by getting tested and she responded by being hurt. So now I am between a rock and a hard place (no, not that hard place); do I hurt her or not act completely safe?

[Art 6,547]

I believe women do not like to be thought of as sluts you have to work around that issue. You can suggest to her you trust her completely maybe its one of her past boyfriends you dont trust and just maybe he was not clean and lied to you and you dont know it. Good luck with her I understand your concern this is an issue with modern promiscuity the Philippines hasn't caught up with contemporay thinking a la USA. You can understand her in a society that expects women to be virgins at their weddings.

 

This is something you need to discuss with her in person not over the internet before you meet.

 

Women dont intend to sleep around its something that just happened in the passion of the moment ooops.

[Mr. Mike 10,420]

reynolds wrap

.....I thought for sure is was tupperware!

[SkyMan 20,228]

So she doesn't understand that she might get pregnant?

[+broden 57,107]

Thanks for your reasoned response. What makes it more complex is that after many years of marriage (no condom use, but often no sex as well) and 5 years divorced (always using condoms, but not always getting sex) I now have a lovely, sexy girl who I really like, likes me and is willing to do it in such a way. So to salve my own conscious I proposed doing "the right thing" by getting tested and she responded by being hurt. So now I am between a rock and a hard place (no, not that hard place); do I hurt her or not act completely safe?

 

see what you're tell us?

 

tell her that.

 

and get tested yourself at least

[Davaoeno 36,411]

do I hurt her or not act completely safe?

 

 

what does your gut tell you ?? [ yes- we all know what your loins tell you !! lol]. I trust my instincts a lot, and in this department they have never been wrong . How well do you know her? how many boy friends has she had ? Where has she met them ? etc etc [ I am NOT suggesting that you tell us the answers to those questions- only that you ask yourself them ]. If you believe she is a sweet girl who has had maybe only 1 or 2 sexual partners and that they were classmate type guys then i say go for it. Of course not everyone would agree with me- but sometimes you have to take a bit of a chance in life.