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Australian Humour -VS- American Humor


Bob Ward

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Jess Bartone

.....chickens to turn to emus and bust down the toilet? LOLOL I am sure it's an insult.

 

Well sort of, would take too long to explain... but you're smarter than you're lettin' on Bob, maybe you been hangin' round with Aussies too long.

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Jess Bartone

you guys have Monty Python and Jethro Tull and i can't tell you how many times over the years i've had to tell someone neither one of them is a person

 

Jethro Tull invented the seed drill, which some say was the start of the industrial revolution.

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broden

Jethro Tull invented the seed drill, which some say was the start of the industrial revolution.

i'll give ya that but i mean when the band is playing and they ask me which one is Jethro or they refer to Ian Anderson as Jethro

 

our Jethro is still more famous though

 

Jethro.jpg

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USMC-Retired

You want to know how much Americans Know about Australia. Nothing. Most think it is some small island on the other side of the globe. Ask a few. Most will tell you it is smaller then Texas. It will show the ignorance to it and its size. I would venture to think it is not just of Australia but of any country as Americans live in the bubble of the US. Knowing but actually not caring about anything outside of the bubble. This is what Americans think Australia is.

 

crocodile_dundee.jpg

Edited by Norseman
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Bob Ward

Well sort of, would take too long to explain... but you're smarter than you're lettin' on Bob, maybe you been hangin' round with Aussies too long.

 

I met a 74 year old bloke from WA just 2 nights ago. He was a salty old fart (endearment) and allot of fun. Before he left he took me aside and told me that I was one of the most interesting Americans he had met here in 14+ years. I thought the same of him as a man from Oz!

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Stranded Shipscook

some say US have no humo(u)r, but i personally also see some fun in the more slapstick and open kind of jokes the make. Sure its often over the top and a bit crude, but then one also doesn't need to think too much as in the more cynical or satirical way of british bases aussie humor.

 

For me its all fun, i can' t really give any preference to any of both. Depends on the person who cracks the jokes, as usual.

 

But one thing i don't like so much honestly... often US people don't get a joke correctly and then feel offended big time. Aussies don't, they ask first and assure themselve.. 'are u kidden, mate?" before they knock you down...(if it wasn't a joke) ;)

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loosehead

I met a 74 year old bloke from WA just 2 nights ago. He was a salty old fart (endearment) and allot of fun. Before he left he took me aside and told me that I was one of the most interesting Americans he had met here in 14+ years. I thought the same of him as a man from Oz!

 

I know that gay WA bloke. He says that to all the cute yanks Bob.

 

As Bob used my first day on this site as an example, a better description of myself is overweight former failed rugby player with lots of tattoos. My wife tells people in the Philippines she met me when visiting the jail. That's cool filipina/aussie humour.

 

I think it boils down to americans being more confident and outgoing than we are. Bob commented on my neck, or lack of, and I took offence as I didn't know him. It was really funny actually as all Bob's mates jumped in and gave the newby a cyber-kicking and Bob defended me. In Aussie or NZ it is very common to insult a mate but not funny at all if you say the same thing to someone you don't know.

 

I have seen some terrible attempts at humour by americans in this place the most recent from m60 (the davao guy) when he joked that the americans made the caterpillars that buried 5000 massacred burmese. I don't see the humour in that.

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SkyMan

Hmmm Bro I don't mean to ruin your joke but that's an ostrich - from Africa.

Same, same...

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SkyMan

you guys have Monty Python and Jethro Tull and i can't tell you how many times over the years i've had to tell someone neither one of them is a person

By the way, which one's Pink?

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broden

By the way, which one's Pink?

imagespinkfloyd.jpg

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Stranded Shipscook

By the way, which one's Pink?

 

post-8399-0-85888500-1305720300_thumb.jpg

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Wombat No More

Righto you bunch of wankers... Here's a blast from my past posts... Ooroo mugs!

 

Posted 13 February 2010 - 02:44 PM

 

 

Gidday you mugs. Intro to a typical Aussie, by me, the biggest mug here.

 

Aussies are a funny lot, mob, group... I'm an Aussie and I nearly fit right in with the typical except, I don't drink gallons of beer every year.

Aussies are very loyal to their mates (friends) and are always ready to lend a helping hand to them. If you break down anywhere, even in a remote place, Aussies will always stop and offer help. They also have a habit of offering to others when they have little themselves, although you may stirke trouble with the beer. (joking)

 

On the other hand, Aussies can say what seems to some very mean and insulting things to others, friends (who get the worst of it) and strangers alike, until you realise, (or not) that this is a typical Aussie trait and importantly, one that is based on good cheer and friendliness.... making funny of a situation etc. Another habit is calling their mates/aquaintences "bastards" as in "how ya goin ya bastard" "Seeya ya bastard" and so on. So please don't be offended if an Aussie insults you as it is almost invariably a joke or good cheer towards another. If I am anything to go by, it's like a disease that we have to make a funny comment on just about anything. If you get upset with an Aussie's comments, he/she will latch on to that and full steam ahead... they will get worse for u taking it the wrong way. Nothing is funnier than listening to a group of Aussies insulting each other all day and if you get offended if they pick on you, then bugger off away from it coz they will get much worse and if u are so offended that you want to take it further, they will certainly oblige. I'm sure on later reflection that you will realise the funny side. Also realise that the insults might be genuinly meant, depending what u did.

 

Anyway, please forgive us (we don't care in the slightest if you don't) and here are a very few Aussie insults for your perusal. Enjoy, even if you become the focus of such insults some day. Your defence is to come back with the same. Great friendships have been started with really bad insults...........

 

First, let's start with an insult I know will be coming my way when an Aussie mate reads this....

" Phil, I see you've set aside this special time to make a complete dickhead of yourself "

 

FOR THE COMPLETELY STUPID/ IN THE CLOUDS, PERSON

 

... I hear that you changed your mind. So what'd you do with the nappy (diaper)

... You're only 99 cents in the dollar mate.

... You're a few slices short of a loaf.

... Ur a few sheep short in the top paddock.

... Thinking isn't exactly ur strong point is it?

... If bullshit were rubber, you'd fly to the moon.

... Ur as thick as the dust on a public servants out-tray.

... Not all ur chickens are clucking.

... Ur off with the fairies.

... Ur a Galah. (a cranky/stupid/loud actioned Aus Parrot)

... I smell hair burning. U must be thinking too hard.

... U obviously came from the shallow end of the Gene pool

... I'd like to see things from ur point of view but I can't seem to get my head

that far up my arse!

... Go ahead, tell them everything u know, it'll only take 10 seconds ya wanker.

... Ur as thick as two planks/bricks.

... Ur a few beers short of a six pack.

... Are u always this stupid or are u making a special effort today?

... First of all you're an idiot - and second of all - No, I think that's it.

... U couldn't organis a fart in a baked beans factory.

... If u donated ur brain to science, they'd give it back.

... Your I.Q. is way below room temperature.

... AND ONE A U.S. MATE SAID TO ME WHEN HE MET ME..... "It sounds like english but I can't understand a word you're saying"

 

FOR THE TOTALLY USELESS PERSONS

 

... You're as useful as a chocolate teapot ya mug/bastard/wanker/dickhead.

... Ur as useful as tits on a bull.

... Ur as useful as a glass door on the dunny (CR).

... Ur as useful as an ejector seat in a helicopter.

... Ur as useful as a waterproof teabag.

... Ur as useful as a pogo stick in quicksand.

... Ur as useful as a trapdoor in a lifeboat.

... You couldn't direct traffic in a one way street.

... You couldn't fight ur way out of a wet paper bag if ur life depended on it.

... You're the kind that would make a great blueprint for an idiot.

... You couldn't hit the side of a bus at 10 feet.

 

FOR VERY UGLY PERSONS (me for instance)

 

... So, did they saw off ur other head at birth?

... Ur as ugly as a hat full of arseholes.

... It's everyones right to be ugly... but ur taking an unfair advantage.

... When u were born, the doctor slapped ur mother.

... Do u need a licence to be that ugly?

... U could open a can of pineapple with that nose.

... When u were born, ur mum took one look and screamed "put him back"

... If u don't move every few minutes, the cat will cover you in soil.

... Seen better legs in a chicken shed.

... The Boogie man was worried that YOU were hiding under his bed.

... Ur uglier than the north end of a south bound camel

... Seen prettier faces on a pirate flag

... So, u were born on a farm... were there any more in the litter?

... When u enter the room, mice jump onto chairs.

... u could eat an apple thru a picket fence.

 

NOW, NOT ALL Aussies ARE LIKE THIS ... most don't actually talk like this BUT..... every now and then, the trait comes out and makes itself known. Most Aussies reading this would probably think that I am... Mad as a meat axe... Got kangaroos loose in my top paddock... Bats in my belfry... A basket case... Whacko... Off my nana... Loopier than an onion ring... Sillier than a pork chop... Mad as a cut snake... AND... Maybe they might think I'm not the brightest bulb on the xmas tree?

 

HAVE A GOOD ONE ALL, YA BUNCH OF MUGS,

Phil

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Paul
You want to know how much Americans Know about Australia. Nothing. Most think it is some small island on the other side of the globe. Ask a few. Most will tell you it is smaller then Texas. It will show the ignorance to it and its size. I would venture to think it is not just of Australia but of any country as Americans live in the bubble of the US. Knowing but actually not caring about anything outside of the bubble. This is what Americans think Australia is.

 

crocodile_dundee.jpg

 

I couldn't disagree more. Although I had never visited Aussie prior to 2006, I knew loads about the country, the continent.

I think you are not giving our countrymen enough credit, or you have been watching too many of those videos showing "intelligent Americans".

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