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10 Common Myths About Bringing Filipinas To The West


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Stranded Shipscook

is that supposed to be funny or educational ? I don not get it completely. I vaguely remember to see a similar List in Forbes Magazine once, or was it Playboy. But it was meant as a joking list about woman dating older man.

However, if taken too seriously, it is quite dangerous to make lists like that, because it degrades and raises pejudices if seen under a different aspect then fun.

 

Of course there are some grains of truth in it, generally describing PPS, Cultural shock, Asian group mentality, influence of American Way of live and its effects on other value orientated people, the problematic of age gaps, mail order bride symptoms and a lot more. But mainly you describe the transformation of initial Love to a more sober

later aspect. The persons describe simply realize that their dream Hubby is just an average Joe and eventually they try to at least get something out of their fate by having plain old materialistic FUN.

 

To avoid the above, simply do what history, psychology and common experience and sense teaches :

 

Find a partner of common age, common interest, common education, common line of work, common social background and you are set.

 

The difficulty with woman from the third world is, WHERE ? And do they want us ?

very often partners are choosen from very poor backgrounds, material and educational. Families which do not bother to have daughters as mistresses or worse. And this is how they were brought up, it is seen as perfectly normal. if you look at the immediate post war Germany with lack of man and a seemingly irreparable infrastructure, many german woman just did the same, they threw their arms around all the GI's in dance halls and at any occasion they met them. regardless if they knew anything about him or his country. Just to get out.

 

Humans are humans and psychology is psychology. once you go to the bottom we are all the same. The art is to find a right partner. And the best place is still the immediate surroundings of where one lives and works.

 

Seen from this point the list is correct, but it applies not only to Filipinas, but any other "foreign" person introduced into your social playgrounds.

 

try to integrate a New Yorker into some small town in the Mid West or Alaska and you understand easier what i mean.

 

 

In the meantime, i appreciate this list seen as a good warning in the sense of " Make sure you choose well and be prepared for negative surprises" because some of it if not all could happen ! But with the sober and fair footnote, that the problematic lies in the 'Chooser's " mistake of wrong assumptions and not the "choosen one's" general shortcomings to fullfil the "Dreams" of being a model wife. I was always and will always deny and fight the rumours of the "simple,loving,caring and other nonsense" myths about third world countries brides.

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RogerDuMond

If shit happens it happens

Very succinctly put Robert. I would add that if someone looses their woman by bringing her to another country then you never had her to begin with. So if one is afraid of loosing their partner in this circumstance maybe they should look at themselves as the problem.

 

Hasn't this list been on the forum before?

 

The divorce rate in the US for Filipina and American marriages is only around 20%.

 

The only thing I see on the list that really has any bearing is the homesickness and if you know it is coming then the two of you can handle it together.

 

If you are looking for a woman servant then stay in the Philippines and hire one. If you want a life partner then allow her to become all she can be.

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In the meantime, i appreciate this list seen as a good warning in the sense of " Make sure you choose well and be prepared for negative surprises" because some of it if not all could happen ! But with the sober and fair footnote, that the problematic lies in the 'Chooser's " mistake of wrong assumptions and not the "choosen one's" general shortcomings to fullfil the "Dreams" of being a model wife. I was always and will always deny and fight the rumours of the "simple,loving,caring and other nonsense" myths about third world countries brides.

 

I would also add that it is wise to let your bride be aware of misconceptions of life in the west, and of any misconceptions she may have of you. The biggest mistake you could make is to make yourself out to be a rich bigshot, when in fact you are an average joe, and that every thing is great in the west, its just like how they see it in the movies. Well if you are a bigshot, and you will give her a hollywood life, then thats fine, but I think a little bit of under-expectations is a lot better than giving her over-expectations. Plus if she has misgivings about coming with you when you let her in on the light, you probably wouldn't want her here to begin with. That being said, if she's a bargirl or an opportunistic gold-digger, she probably wouldn't care what you told her, if all she really wants is to get her ass here. But that's where actually getting to know the girl, for more than 3 weeks, and chat time come into play.

 

I consider myself lucky. Even though I took time to learn as much about my wife and her family that I could in the 2 years before we actually married, I still expected the worst could happen when she came to live here, but so far I've been pleasantly pleased, with all indications that I will remain that way. I don't expect any man with unrealistic expectations, who quickly marries a woman from ANYWHERE to be so lucky.

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newtocebu

'Sweeping generalizations' just about sums up the entire post... ( possibly from someone being bitter about a marriage break up that was in no way his fault at all )

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3stripes

Very succinctly put Robert. I would add that if someone looses their woman by bringing her to another country then you never had her to begin with. So if one is afraid of loosing their partner in this circumstance maybe they should look at themselves as the problem.

 

 

The only thing I see on the list that really has any bearing is the homesickness and if you know it is coming then the two of you can handle it together.

 

If you are looking for a woman servant/slave then stay in the Philippines and hire one. If you want a life partner then allow her to become all she can be.

 

Well said!! They were given brains, so let them use them

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I would also add that it is wise to let your bride be aware of misconceptions of life in the west, and of any misconceptions she may have of you. The biggest mistake you could make is to make yourself out to be a rich bigshot, when in fact you are an average joe, and that every thing is great in the west, its just like how they see it in the movies. Well if you are a bigshot, and you will give her a hollywood life, then thats fine, but I think a little bit of under-expectations is a lot better than giving her over-expectations. Plus if she has misgivings about coming with you when you let her in on the light, you probably wouldn't want her here to begin with. That being said, if she's a bargirl or an opportunistic gold-digger, she probably wouldn't care what you told her, if all she really wants is to get her ass here. But that's where actually getting to know the girl, for more than 3 weeks, and chat time come into play.

 

I consider myself lucky. Even though I took time to learn as much about my wife and her family that I could in the 2 years before we actually married, I still expected the worst could happen when she came to live here, but so far I've been pleasantly pleased, with all indications that I will remain that way. I don't expect any man with unrealistic expectations, who quickly marries a woman from ANYWHERE to be so lucky.

 

When I think of all the older American/younger Filipina relationship break-ups after being brought to the West to live, I can't think of one where the Filipina was an obvious gold digger. I think those women get weeded out long before marriage. Nearly all seemed to genuinely be in love with their new American husbands. Sure they were hoping to enjoy a higher standard of living, but I think that was only a small part of her decision to marry the American guy.

 

I think the majority of break-ups were due to the Filipinas' being disappointed that life in the States wasn't what they expected - either due unrealistic expectations from watching how life in the U.S. was depicted in the movies, or because the husband misrepresented himself as being a bigshot as Agent Smith points out.

 

The "10 Myths..." were a word of caution from someone who believed some of those myths 18 years ago and acted accordingly. Given the difficulties and challenges of bringing a wife from a 3rd world country to live in the U.S., would I do it again knowing what I know now? Probably not. Am I glad I married a Filipina and moved here to start a family and a life together? Absolutely, and yes we are still together as I also consider myself lucky.

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Mandingo

Having worked with hundreds (actually a couple thousand) of Filipinos in the last 10 years I can say that once here in the West things do change, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. I think the OP has some very valid points, I seen all that happen many times.

 

On a side note I can say I have never saw a pretty young Filipina once here in the States hook up with a old guy like they do in the Phil, that should tell you something right there. Once here the one's working for me all say they prefer Filipinos over white because they have more in common.

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broden

my wife has been with me in the states for quite a number of years now

 

so

 

1 check, we enjoy shared activities f all kinds including hiking ect

 

2 check, i get homesick myself for people and places i miss so no reason she shouldn't but make no mistake we are our home first and foremost so it's hard to get too badly homesick when where ever you are so long as you are together you are home

 

3 check, we both like things but we are far from materialistic we can both afford more then we use to be able to and we own more. but we are big savers and donaters, we spend far more time trying to get rid of stuff than we do acquiring

 

4 check, my wife works and goes to school full time and still takes care of us and the house. i cook too or rather like to but hardly ever get the chance to as she always takes care of that as she does the laundry. does she love doing the laundry, well nope but she never mentions or whines about it

 

5 check, my wife myself and our son are the only family that comes first to my wife, we have 1 7 year old niece who we thought recently was going to need heart surgery(thankfully after all the tests she did not we had all the results sent over here to us in fact so doctors my wife works with could look at them for us) we fought with her brother to offer to pay for the surgery he finally accepted .. but as it wasn't needed well no money changed hands ... before that hmmm i can only remember

birthday christmas wedding gift kind of thing

 

6 check, my wife is always calling herself ugly , i don't bother to argue with her about it. i'm plenty happy with what i'm looking at

 

7 check, my wife loves to sing and has a could of karaoke machines, one i gave her years back and one that is a mike you plug in to the tv.. her friends love that one .. but she's never had a party at the house just for that, it has come out at my sons birthday parties and she uses it every so often on her own at home too. my wife has a great singing voice. her only problem with music is she likes such boring songs :angry2:

 

8 check, she does know how

 

9 check, me and my wife just aren't divorce people and i don't see us doing anything to hurt each other so much to make us otherwise. anything else we would always work out one way or another

 

10 well here you have me. in some ways people never change and in some ways people are ever changing .. but now that we are together the parts of us that change change together

 

 

that is my experience. and the only one i concern myself with so as many are fond of saying, your mileage may vary

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When I think of all the older American/younger Filipina relationship break-ups after being brought to the West to live, I can't think of one where the Filipina was an obvious gold digger. I think those women get weeded out long before marriage. Nearly all seemed to genuinely be in love with their new American husbands. Sure they were hoping to enjoy a higher standard of living, but I think that was only a small part of her decision to marry the American guy.

 

I think the majority of break-ups were due to the Filipinas' being disappointed that life in the States wasn't what they expected - either due unrealistic expectations from watching how life in the U.S. was depicted in the movies, or because the husband misrepresented himself as being a bigshot as Agent Smith points out.

 

The "10 Myths..." were a word of caution from someone who believed some of those myths 18 years ago and acted accordingly. Given the difficulties and challenges of bringing a wife from a 3rd world country to live in the U.S., would I do it again knowing what I know now? Probably not. Am I glad I married a Filipina and moved here to start a family and a life together? Absolutely, and yes we are still together as I also consider myself lucky.

 

I exactly had that same thought, after all the crap and garbage that I, and we, went through, I would never do it again with anyone else, should anything ever happen to our marriage. There is just to much risk to be had. There's also just too much work to make it work out. Both myself and my wife have put in a lot of learning, understanding, adjusting and comprising to get where we are, and we've only been married a year....Its been worth it so far. But I doubt I could recreate that with another Filipina.

 

Here's the thing, its INCREDIBLY easy to marry a Filipina (minus the incredibly ridiculous amount of paperwork, seminars and such if you plan to do it in the Philippines), but it is incredibly difficult to make the marriage work life-long. If you can make it work, you should be rewarded 10-fold compared to being married to a western woman. (I put should in italics because NOTHING is guaranteed in life, and you should always remember that when undertaking a life changing event such as marriage, new career, business etc.)

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KennyF

There are to my mind three things going against the type of union the op is talking about (generally).

1: She is 20 to 30, he is 50 to 60. So in 20 years she's 40 to 50 and he's dead (or close to it).

__(Check out sites like Date In Asia and count how many 18 to 25 year old girls want a man 40 to 80, what a give away)

 

2: She's a girl from the boondocks with 6 years schooling and he's a marketing graduate with his own business.

 

3: She's desperate to live the western life. He's keen to live the SEA way.

__Then they move west and it flips. She want's her SEA roots back and he want's to settle back into western suburbia.

 

From my own and many, many friends experiences, the worst thing to do is take a girl to the west too fast.

Live here in SEA, married, for at least a few years.

 

And I know you won't believe it but there is a huge chance that your girl is not different.

 

And stop putting down people who give you good well meant advice as being "bitter" or "had a bad experience".

The failure rate of western ~ SEA relationships is way higher than the success rate.

 

KinP

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JackJohnson

My instincts tell me that this is mostly true. I posted something similar to this one time and all hell broke loose.

One friend who was in the military in the P.I. agrees with the OP,

and another military man with whom I had a business deal also agrees with the OP.

The pattern is that the older guy (doesn't have to be that much older) falls head over heels, brings

the girl to the states, she finds the local Filipino community, starts hangin' with Filipinas who talk smack about her hubby

if he's older or doesn't have big bucks, etc.etc.etc., and usually right at the two year mark she books

with green card in pocket.

I've heard that 80% success rate quoted many times, but I wonder if it's accurate.

My experience on the dating sites would seem to indicate that mostly they need financial help and

absolutely put their families first, and most are very upfront about it.

To be honest, I have cold feet regarding the idea of bringing a girl here to Los Angeles.

Many of the guys here seem to agree that you stand a better chance of long term success if you move to the PI

and join the girl on her own turf, where she will not be missing her family and culture and food, etc.

As to those who say to hookup with a woman your own age, well, I can do that here without traveling to the other side of the world.

The appeal to me, call me shallow (I've been called worse) but I was initially bowled over by the pretty young Filipina women

and surprised that they would consider an older guy, since we are invisible to younger women in the USA.

Yeah, as the veterans on this site advise repeatedly, better to spend SERIOUS time in the PI getting to know the woman and her family,

and better to stay in the PI if you do find the right lady.

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3stripes

My instincts tell me that this is mostly true. I posted something similar to this one time and all hell broke loose.

One friend who was in the military in the P.I. agrees with the OP,

and another military man with whom I had a business deal also agrees with the OP.

The pattern is that the older guy (doesn't have to be that much older) falls head over heels, brings

the girl to the states, she finds the local Filipino community, starts hangin' with Filipinas who talk smack about her hubby

if he's older or doesn't have big bucks, etc.etc.etc., and usually right at the two year mark she books

with green card in pocket.

I've heard that 80% success rate quoted many times, but I wonder if it's accurate.

My experience on the dating sites would seem to indicate that mostly they need financial help and

absolutely put their families first, and most are very upfront about it.

To be honest, I have cold feet regarding the idea of bringing a girl here to Los Angeles.

Many of the guys here seem to agree that you stand a better chance of long term success if you move to the PI

 

and join the girl on her own turf, where she will not be missing her family and culture and food, etc.

As to those who say to hookup with a woman your own age, well, I can do that here without traveling to the other side of the world.

 

So clearly you want a very young girl who in LA would never look at you with a straight face. Why don't you date an 18 yr old schoolgirl in LA? Oh that's right, they have a choice

 

The appeal to me, call me shallow (I've been called worse) but I was initially bowled over by the pretty young Filipina women

and surprised that they would consider an older guy, since we are invisible to younger women in the USA.

Yeah, as the veterans on this site advise repeatedly, better to spend SERIOUS time in the PI getting to know the woman and her family,

and better to stay in the PI if you do find the right lady.

 

Why?

 

Meet a girl, just like you would anywhere else in the world, find out if you have something/anything in common. If she truly loves you and you are a good couple then it will work anywhere

 

Are you 50, overweight and she has just turned 18? Then stay in the PI and use her as your cook and cleaner

Edited by 3stripes
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Stranded Shipscook

Some posters brought up that hollywood aspect, very good pint indeed, as the US or other places in Pinoy movies also paint a very beautiful fairytale picture of the West. As well as all the stories by returning OFW "millionair for a day" which due to the "faceloss principal " tell glorious stories about their live in the west.

 

In my 2 marriages i was often asked by my ex wifes when watching reality based US movies such as "The pursuit of happiness" with or other similar great films, if it really is that way in the US.

Unfortunately i overhear a lot of conversations by some westerners painting a rosy picture themselves about their nations reality when they go dining in my restaurant with their fiances and families.

Some time later i hear those same families complaining about the new family member based upon statements in letters from their daughters.

Since i am in closer contact with locals here i find myself in the position of explainer and negotiator in bilateral problematics often and must add, that i often have to blame the foreigners for it.

I can not blame them (foreigners) either for courting the ladies in the way they do, as it is normal by any standards to boast a lot about ones own potential as provider.

But is is absolutely not necessary (for those who are in the process of courting !)

Do not make big plans for building new houses and other livelyhood projects for your new in-laws, promise nothing and do not paint a rosy picture. rather complain and whine about the hard live in the USA and what poor beggar you are in reality 9which is most probably true, live is really hard back home)

 

But this is hard to do when in love (or heat) and on holiday, Anyhow, try it, at least nobody can say then, you have lied.

 

:angry2:

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JackJohnson

What is the point of trolling here?

I never said that I had to have a "very young girl,"

although I'll admit that I'm attracted to the younger ones.

But they don't have to be 18. On the dating sites I've been talking to ladies

from 22 to 34, because I have never had children and would like to finally have a family.

Besides, if I did want an 18 year old, it would be my business and not yours.

 

The point of my post had to do with the pitfalls of bringing a woman to the USA, and had nothing to do with ages

one way or the other. You made it about that.

 

It never fails to amaze me the way keyboard warriors love to talk garbage behind the safety

of their little computers.

Edited by JackJohnson
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RogerDuMond

My instincts tell me that this is mostly true. I posted something similar to this one time and all hell broke loose.

One friend who was in the military in the P.I. agrees with the OP,

and another military man with whom I had a business deal also agrees with the OP.

The pattern is that the older guy (doesn't have to be that much older) falls head over heels, brings

the girl to the states, she finds the local Filipino community, starts hangin' with Filipinas who talk smack about her hubby

if he's older or doesn't have big bucks, etc.etc.etc., and usually right at the two year mark she books

with green card in pocket.

I've heard that 80% success rate quoted many times, but I wonder if it's accurate.

My experience on the dating sites would seem to indicate that mostly they need financial help and

absolutely put their families first, and most are very upfront about it.

To be honest, I have cold feet regarding the idea of bringing a girl here to Los Angeles.

Many of the guys here seem to agree that you stand a better chance of long term success if you move to the PI

and join the girl on her own turf, where she will not be missing her family and culture and food, etc.

As to those who say to hookup with a woman your own age, well, I can do that here without traveling to the other side of the world.

The appeal to me, call me shallow (I've been called worse) but I was initially bowled over by the pretty young Filipina women

and surprised that they would consider an older guy, since we are invisible to younger women in the USA.

Yeah, as the veterans on this site advise repeatedly, better to spend SERIOUS time in the PI getting to know the woman and her family,

and better to stay in the PI if you do find the right lady.

I think Jack has a point. If you are not secure in your ability to maintain a relationship and don't believe that a Filipina can love you for yourself, then by all means, don't allow her to grow as a person by bringing her to your country.

 

Lets see if I meet your pattern. Well I am seventeen years older than my wife, I did bring her to the US, she has made a lot of Filipino friends since she has been here, I am retired and don't make big bucks. Now the two year mark happened for us 16 years ago. She got her green card, her US citizenship, and now her dual citizenship and she is still around. If you nurture your relationship, support your wifes emotions and help her achieve what she wants to achieve in life you will have a life time partner.

 

I am not silly enough to think that financial security isn't part of their desire, but isn't that part of any womans plan? My wife has achieved her own financial security. Does she put her family first? Yes but my parents and I am part of that family. Sure she sends money home, but it is money she has earned.

 

So if the woman that you choose as your partner has a desire to go to your country then I say let her be the woman she wants to be and you will reap the benefits of a strong lasting relationship.

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