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fanboat

I want a Baby

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fredanna

can't way to do it the natural way erik??

 

 

John,

my balls are not hooked up now

been that way for many years

the little lady has no idea yet

going to break the news soon

will this be the end?

 

just strap on a diaper and start sucking your thumb. she'll never know the difference.you got that baby face

 

you silly xxxxxxx i want help here son?

 

WOW I know another Fil-Am couple that the husband just broke the news about disconnected plumbing, and we know another couple living there that there are concerns of nothing in the oven yet..............2yrs trying.

It doesn't go over very well, wifey feels left out. OR maybe mentioned quickly and the Filipina wife doesn't understand what was said.

I find a 2 week time delay in bringing up various family matters for my family and hers to get things uncrossed. It's a challenge! How do you lovingly ask/tell your wife to go to school after she arrives to the country of the hubby and get properly trained in the language??

 

You will have to get the wheels turning for adoption. Plenty to choose from over there.

 

FRED

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tom_shor

Eric, with all that has come out, I have to change my advice to you. You made a bad decision by not telling Gigi early on that you have had a vasectomy. Now you realize that she wants a baby and you are panicking. Well, you may have cause to panic, but adopting a baby is NOT the answer to your dilemma. Here's why. First, being with a foreigner, she is probably dreaming of having an "imported" baby...in other words...a baby with your features. You can't find that baby through adoption here in the Philippines.

 

Second, Think for a minute about the visa nightmare you would create for yourself. It is hard enough to get a visa for your new wife. If you were to start the adoption process the day after you are married, you won't be finished with the process for many months. You can't even think about getting a visa for the baby until it is legally yours. That is where the real nightmare starts.

 

Remember, if you choose to adopt, that the adoption process will have already delayed your return to the US by several months (maybe over a year). Then, you have to start all over with the process, both for the child and for your wife (because her visa will have probably run out by then). At the embassy, you will have to prove that you really intend to support and have a parental relationship this adopted child in the US (think about the people working at the US Embassy and what they think of American men living in the Philippines and tell me how easy that is going to be).

 

That should be enough to tell you that this whole idea is off-base, but just in case it doesn't...ask yourself this: Whereas you already said you don't really want to raise a child, are YOU going to be happy with this decision? Do you think Gigi is going to be happy if you aren't happy? I seriously doubt it. This is a recipe for disaster.

 

So...here is my advice. Tell Gigi that you had the vasectomy and suffer the consequences...whatever they are. If she really loves you and is willing to go through life without children (something that is really tough for most Filipinas), then great...problem solved. If she really loves you but still wants a baby (and you are willing to a commitment to raise another child because you love her that much), then tell her that when the two of you get to the US, you will research the medical options with her to see if it is possible to give her a baby (from you). You need to be right up front with her that there are no guarantees that there will be a baby...because that is the truth. A lot of people go through the artificial insemination (or reversal) methods with no positive result.

 

Anyway, the first thing you have to do is be truthful with Gigi. It's either that or you get married and then risk a divorce after she finds out. That doesn't sound good to me. Good luck.

 

I agree. I was in a similar situation and never got serious with ant girl without telling her. That is quite a bomb to drop later in a relationship. The longer you wait the worse it will be.

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tom_shor

i]Does the American have some medical problems.[/i]

 

yes. Can hardly walk. Nevertheless, he's getting married to a woman 41 years younger than he is on Thursday.

 

Has the German guy been providing regular financial support? Not he could if he wanted to.Has he?

 

offered to support his biological child, but been refused by the American guy.

 

....

 

the guy also wants to adopt the oldest (9 years) of his soon-to-be-wife's three children, the boy, that lived with grandma in Bohol for so long, the little boy thought grandma was his mother, while his REAL mother, who the little boy never or hardly ever saw - about the same frequency the German guy sees his daughter now, about once or twice a year. That 9 year old kid didn't find out who his real mother until he was 6 plus. Before then, he thought it was his grandma.

 

adopting the 9 year old will cost him too, but he hasn't got any German father. Just some Filipino guy who was also the father of the 6 year old in Kuwait, but has now disappeared.

 

adopting the middle child, and 'rescuing' the six year old boy that went to Kuwait with the Filipino doctor OFW's, is probably beyond the American guy's means. He's got some money, but not as much as that. Vanity itself isn't always enough.

 

Well there is certainly a lot more to the story than your first post. If the American guy has limited resources he might want to forget about adoption. When I went through it with my now ex wifes kids it took over a year (Though the lawyer origanaly said 6 months) and cost about P50,000 by the time it was done.

 

If the German guy is really interested in being in his daughters life he should be where she is so he can. Otherwise he will just wind up being the occasional visiting stranger. He's already missed most of a very important part of her life. If it was my child I would have made arrangements for financial support with the mother three years ago.

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Cipro

You should be a candidate for sperm harvesting if you're serious about making a baby.

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JohnFromTexas

Pretty good chance you can have it the old fashioned way too... microsurgical vasectomy reversal isn't 100% but does the trick usually. It just means it's a bit more difficult than it would be otherwise. My experience with adoption isn't great so i can't really recommend that route.

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fanboat

 

look at it this way fanboat. if you were hell bent on having a child with the one you love and she was infertile, wouldn't you want to know before hand?? before you married her?

 

 

yes sperman

 

i think she knows since we have lived together for about 16 months now

but to be honest i need to tell her

 

could be she wants a baby from me and not adopted?

 

if so i guess the docs can grab some sperm from me

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fanboat

fanboat

 

Sir,

 

If your little lady will have a baby... new in America, does not drive, doesn't know how things are in America.... babies need constant visits to the doctor (even if you maybe against doctor visits) and a lot of other things to do for the child.

In America, there is no help. In the Philippines, aunts, mother, cousins, relatives, maids.... they are all there.

Having a baby in the US, all alone, and trying to adjust all together.... it'll be tougher.

 

Adjusting with no child, you can take her to places, meet other Fil-Am couples, she can get a job.... do volunteer jobs, learn to drive and a bunch of other things to do freely.

 

 

And, wouldn't it also be unfair for the child? Wouldn't you want to play football with your child or be there for her (if a daughter) on her wedding. Be an active more involved parent while your kid is growing up, be there all steps of the way?

 

 

 

 

i think fanboat forgot this stuff.... babys cost from day one sure they give lots of love but you need to be able to support them they need things ... its true money cant buy you love but babys need a lot more then just love...at least wait till your in the US with her then come back and adopt a baby

 

I do stuff

i also build big homes...well not now,cause no body has any spare cash this year

last wife i had came with a 2 year old baby,we were very close and we did stuff all the time while her mom was working or dancing all night

we rode bikes at the beach and went to the mall or movies

i really don't want gigi to get a job or drive

i am self employed and am able to work when i want this will offer gigi and i to work together.

lets see,yes in 19 years i will be 86,so making the graduation will be out of the question for me

but live day to day i say

in the usa there is an accute shortage of attractive lady's

gigi will be in good hands

plenty of young guys to take her the rest of the way

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Cipro

Pretty good chance you can have it the old fashioned way too... microsurgical vasectomy reversal isn't 100% but does the trick usually. It just means it's a bit more difficult than it would be otherwise. My experience with adoption isn't great so i can't really recommend that route.

 

Yup, either can work, the downside of hooking them back up is that, well, now they're hooked up again.

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fanboat

Take one step at a time.

  • Bringing Gigi in America where she knows no one there is already an ordeal to her. (Especially if she comes from the province where pace of life is not that fast, and all they did is to be with relatives and friends. No problem if she is used to city life and all alone).
  • Giving her baby (to think is not her own) to take care of , will just compound her miseries.
  • Its a practice in the RP wherein a daughter or son is having a baby for the first time, the mother, from either side is around to give support physically. If she had not any before, sure she will have hard time taking care of the baby
  • Telling her you had a vasectomy is just right. At least at the start you will know her reaction and her decision as well. If she loves you, it won't be a great deal to her
  • After sometime, if you still wanted to have an adopted child, you can still do so. There are institutions in the Philippines where you can choose a child for adoption, any age, gender you want and even race. I know one in Manila, Hospicio de San Jose at Ayala Bridge near Malacanang Palace.
  • My friend adopted one, let the family took care of the child during diapers' age, when they think its the right time, they took the baby with them to America.

Good luck on your choices.

 

Very good advice,thank you

gigi's family is broken

dad is living on the mountain with 3 of the 5 kids

i went there one time and the mountain road is so long it took me 2 1/2 hours to get there on my motor bike

the house has no water or power

mom and grandma are living in the city in a 10 x10 foot house with a dirt floor

when gigi goes to los angeles,she will no doubt be in shock

i wish i had the answers here

life is not all that easy sometimes

i will tell gigi what i think she already knows to be true

and we can decide what to do together about the baby plan

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washingtonian88

fanboat,

 

Sir,

 

You must be a saint.

Well, you being self-employed, this means that you'd always be there for your little lady.

She won't be left alone. Which also means that you'd have a bunch of time for each other, for you to take her to places and do things together.

 

Like my honey is saying..... if there are 5 guys like you, each one bringing over a Filipino woman (with a child), that's 10 Filipinos to the USA, then each woman will be bringing over their parents, imagine how many lives you've just helped.

Then multiply one guy having to do it all over again the 2nd time or 3rd time. Wow, that's a lot. Hehehe.

 

You're a good man. But if I was a man, I don't think I want to be like you. This kind of world we live in??? ...... and women.... :)

 

I wish you all the best.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Original Poster: fanboat

"I do stuff

i also build big homes...well not now,cause no body has any spare cash this year

last wife i had came with a 2 year old baby,we were very close and we did stuff all the time while her mom was working or dancing all night

we rode bikes at the beach and went to the mall or movies

i really don't want gigi to get a job or drive

i am self employed and am able to work when i want this will offer gigi and i to work together.

lets see,yes in 19 years i will be 86,so making the graduation will be out of the question for me

but live day to day i say

in the usa there is an accute shortage of attractive lady's

gigi will be in good hands

plenty of young guys to take her the rest of the way"

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Chas

 

 

could be she wants a baby from me and not adopted?

 

if so i guess the docs can grab some sperm from me

 

Depending on what needs to be done the process can be quite stressful which lowers your chances of success. So don't start until Gigi is relaxed and comfortable in the USA to avoid wasting your money. If cost is an issue don't be frightened of looking at centres outside the USA. Good luck and I look forward to seeing baby pictures posted in a couple of years time.

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