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fanboat

I want a Baby

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tom_shor

can't way to do it the natural way erik??

 

 

John,

my balls are not hooked up now

been that way for many years

the little lady has no idea yet

going to break the news soon

will this be the end?

 

just strap on a diaper and start sucking your thumb. she'll never know the difference.you got that baby face

 

you silly xxxxxxx i want help here son?

 

 

I hope you haven't waited too long to tell her this she might be pretty upset if she has been with you a long time.

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Art

 

when the girl asked me about it I said well it sounds like a right mess to me, but I'd advise you to let the 3 year old daughter to at least try to think her father is the 36 year old German guy that is her biological father, and forget about the 67 year old American guy adopting her, even though he's been living under the same roof as the little girl all her life.

 

just because the 36 year old German guy will be there in 10/20/30 years time for her. The 67 year old American guy, kindly as he's been to the little girl, just won't.

Its not the biological attachment that makes a man a father its the emotional attachment. At 3 years I would let the old guy be her father she is too young to grasp more than that it can confuse her. If/when she was older I would tell her she has 2 fathers. The German gave up the right to raise his daughter as his own let the real father be the father Once a year is nothing its the day to day stuff that makes him her dad let her know someone as her father who really cares about her. When she goes to college the other man can step in for his responsibilities.

 

....And .... Undonthani, surprise, surprise, some people are faithful some have heart like fanboat your comments are unworthy and cruel not every girl is a cheating whore give some the benefit of the doubt. I understand its good to be aware however you can't base every case on your own experiences you still have things to learn.

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tom_shor

adoption. Ouch! Right mess.

 

it can definitely be done though in some circumstances. Knew one girl who'd already had one kid out of wedlock aged 17 in Bohol, that one lived back there with mama in the sticks while she tried to make some sort of a living in CDO.

 

then she got pregnant again age 20. That one she just couldn't face it herself and mama didn't want to know, somehow they managed to get a childless couple of affluent OFW's, both doctors, in Kuwait and more or less permanent there, to adopt the baby. She said, that they still had some means of contact with the couple and they would send photos and news intermittently about the little boy they gave away, growing up in the kind of affluent situation they could only dream of.

 

then she got pregnant again, for the 3rd time, age 23, this time by a foreigner. The foreigner (age 33, from Germany) doesn't want to marry her and also wants to go back to Germany, but she knows this other foreigner (age 64, from the US) that says he loves her (however, this other foreigner, while resident in the Philippines, is married to another Filipina at this time). They set up home, she delivers the baby, and she is able to also get her son back from mama in Bohol now the American's $2000 a month pension has given them all financial security.

 

hope you're following this.

 

fast forward three years.

 

foreigner #2, the American, has got an annulment and they're now getting married (actually in 4 days time ; some of my CDO friends will be at the wedding and I'd be invited too were I there). Foreigner #2, the now 67 year old American, has said he wants to adopt the baby, but foreigner #1, the father of the 3 year old daughter, the now 36 year old German guy, doesn't want that and he still wants, even though he never wanted to marry the girl, to be regarded as the father of the child. He still visits, at least once a year and sees his daughter, but the daughter doesn't really think of the German guy as her father. She's only 3. She thinks the older American guy is her father, because she's lived with him under the same roof all her life.

 

when the girl asked me about it I said well it sounds like a right mess to me, but I'd advise you to let the 3 year old daughter to at least try to think her father is the 36 year old German guy that is her biological father, and forget about the 67 year old American guy adopting her, even though he's been living under the same roof as the little girl all her life.

 

just because the 36 year old German guy will be there in 10/20/30 years time for her. The 67 year old American guy, kindly as he's been to the little girl, just won't.

 

 

Will he? He's not really there now. Dropping in once a year hardly qualifies him as parent of the year. If he was so concerned he should have done something about it three years ago. Foreigner #1 should butt out. He had his chance.

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udonthani

Will he? He's not really there now. Dropping in once a year hardly qualifies him as parent of the year. If he was so concerned he should have done something about it three years ago. Foreigner #1 should butt out. He had his chance.

 

you can measure #2s life expectancy in months, not years. The older guy can't do anything for the kid except to guarantee immediate safety and security in the short term.

 

the German guy could live in the Philippines if we wanted to. He just doesn't want to. He just doesn't now, and never did, want to marry the mother. But most importantly of all, he's not shirking from responsibility to the kid.

 

that kid really has a chance to relocate to Germany eventually should she want to should that be the way it turns out.

 

better that chance, than the little girl ending up being some geriatric's last fantasy play, the guy spending a lot of money to adopt her for no reason except his vanity.

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tom_shor

Will he? He's not really there now. Dropping in once a year hardly qualifies him as parent of the year. If he was so concerned he should have done something about it three years ago. Foreigner #1 should butt out. He had his chance.

 

you can measure #2s life expectancy in months, not years. The older guy can't do anything for the kid except to guarantee immediate safety and security in the short term.

 

the German guy could live in the Philippines if we wanted to. He just doesn't want to. He just doesn't now, and never did, want to marry the mother. But most importantly of all, he's not shirking from responsibility to the kid.

 

that kid really has a chance to relocate to Germany eventually should she want to should that be the way it turns out.

 

better that chance, than the little girl ending up being some geriatric's last fantasy play, the guy spending a lot of money to adopt her for no reason except his vanity.

 

 

Well I don't know all the details of this issue. So I'm just going on what you said. Which looks like the German guy is just involved with his daughter when it is convenient for him.

 

 

Does the American have some medical problems? If not he could live to be in his 80's. Has the German guy been providing regular financial support? Not he could if he wanted to . Has he? The child could go to Germany. With the mother? If he cares so much about the child why doesn't he live where he can see her more often and be involved in her life. That's right he just doesn't want to. I know a court in the US would take a dim view of that in a custody hearing. If he isn't interested in marrying the mother that is one thing but he seems to have made himself scarce in his daughters life by choice.

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washingtonian88

fanboat

 

Sir,

 

If your little lady will have a baby... new in America, does not drive, doesn't know how things are in America.... babies need constant visits to the doctor (even if you maybe against doctor visits) and a lot of other things to do for the child.

In America, there is no help. In the Philippines, aunts, mother, cousins, relatives, maids.... they are all there.

Having a baby in the US, all alone, and trying to adjust all together.... it'll be tougher.

 

Adjusting with no child, you can take her to places, meet other Fil-Am couples, she can get a job.... do volunteer jobs, learn to drive and a bunch of other things to do freely.

 

 

And, wouldn't it also be unfair for the child? Wouldn't you want to play football with your child or be there for her (if a daughter) on her wedding. Be an active more involved parent while your kid is growing up, be there all steps of the way?

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udonthani

i]Does the American have some medical problems.[/i]

 

yes. Can hardly walk. Nevertheless, he's getting married to a woman 41 years younger than he is on Thursday.

 

Has the German guy been providing regular financial support? Not he could if he wanted to.Has he?

 

offered to support his biological child, but been refused by the American guy.

 

....

 

the guy also wants to adopt the oldest (9 years) of his soon-to-be-wife's three children, the boy, that lived with grandma in Bohol for so long, the little boy thought grandma was his mother, while his REAL mother, who the little boy never or hardly ever saw - about the same frequency the German guy sees his daughter now, about once or twice a year. That 9 year old kid didn't find out who his real mother until he was 6 plus. Before then, he thought it was his grandma.

 

adopting the 9 year old will cost him too, but he hasn't got any German father. Just some Filipino guy who was also the father of the 6 year old in Kuwait, but has now disappeared.

 

adopting the middle child, and 'rescuing' the six year old boy that went to Kuwait with the Filipino doctor OFW's, is probably beyond the American guy's means. He's got some money, but not as much as that. Vanity itself isn't always enough.

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USMC-Retired

I have no clue on the Subject. Nor do I care to guess.

 

However you would make a great Dad. I wish you the best of luck in finding the answers.

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ILPI

 

So in your opinion at what age does a man become too old to be a father to a 3 YO child ???? no trick question here.. just give your honest opinion...

 

 

The older guy can't do anything for the kid except to guarantee immediate safety and security in the short term.

 

I thought that that's what fathers were for.... for as long as he is able....

 

I think the German is being a selfish prick personally..... he wants to be the proud father but without any responsibility.....

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The Mason

I think the German is being a selfish prick personally..... he wants to be the proud father but without any responsibility.....

 

There was another thread about a lawyer contact of Udonthani's that goes after foreigner husbands for child support. Start proceedings against the German guy and see how long his paternal instinct lasts. My guess is he'll give up his parental rights rather than pay for the next 15 years or so.

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RickyL

There is an orphanage in El Nido, Palawan. Take the walking trail on the way to golden monkey cottages and it will be on the right. They have children of all ages there. I noticed a lady with a group of very young ones just started walking. Couple little girls with mushroom haircuts too haha. I know its far but its the only one I know of. Good luck

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sperman

 

look at it this way fanboat. if you were hell bent on having a child with the one you love and she was infertile, wouldn't you want to know before hand?? before you married her?

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smokey

fanboat

 

Sir,

 

If your little lady will have a baby... new in America, does not drive, doesn't know how things are in America.... babies need constant visits to the doctor (even if you maybe against doctor visits) and a lot of other things to do for the child.

In America, there is no help. In the Philippines, aunts, mother, cousins, relatives, maids.... they are all there.

Having a baby in the US, all alone, and trying to adjust all together.... it'll be tougher.

 

Adjusting with no child, you can take her to places, meet other Fil-Am couples, she can get a job.... do volunteer jobs, learn to drive and a bunch of other things to do freely.

 

 

And, wouldn't it also be unfair for the child? Wouldn't you want to play football with your child or be there for her (if a daughter) on her wedding. Be an active more involved parent while your kid is growing up, be there all steps of the way?

 

 

 

 

i think fanboat forgot this stuff.... babys cost from day one sure they give lots of love but you need to be able to support them they need things ... its true money cant buy you love but babys need a lot more then just love...at least wait till your in the US with her then come back and adopt a baby

Edited by robert51

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Headshot

Eric, with all that has come out, I have to change my advice to you. You made a bad decision by not telling Gigi early on that you have had a vasectomy. Now you realize that she wants a baby and you are panicking. Well, you may have cause to panic, but adopting a baby is NOT the answer to your dilemma. Here's why. First, being with a foreigner, she is probably dreaming of having an "imported" baby...in other words...a baby with your features. You can't find that baby through adoption here in the Philippines.

 

Second, Think for a minute about the visa nightmare you would create for yourself. It is hard enough to get a visa for your new wife. If you were to start the adoption process the day after you are married, you won't be finished with the process for many months. You can't even think about getting a visa for the baby until it is legally yours. That is where the real nightmare starts.

 

Remember, if you choose to adopt, that the adoption process will have already delayed your return to the US by several months (maybe over a year). Then, you have to start all over with the process, both for the child and for your wife (because her visa will have probably run out by then). At the embassy, you will have to prove that you really intend to support and have a parental relationship this adopted child in the US (think about the people working at the US Embassy and what they think of American men living in the Philippines and tell me how easy that is going to be).

 

That should be enough to tell you that this whole idea is off-base, but just in case it doesn't...ask yourself this: Whereas you already said you don't really want to raise a child, are YOU going to be happy with this decision? Do you think Gigi is going to be happy if you aren't happy? I seriously doubt it. This is a recipe for disaster.

 

So...here is my advice. Tell Gigi that you had the vasectomy and suffer the consequences...whatever they are. If she really loves you and is willing to go through life without children (something that is really tough for most Filipinas), then great...problem solved. If she really loves you but still wants a baby (and you are willing to a commitment to raise another child because you love her that much), then tell her that when the two of you get to the US, you will research the medical options with her to see if it is possible to give her a baby (from you). You need to be right up front with her that there are no guarantees that there will be a baby...because that is the truth. A lot of people go through the artificial insemination (or reversal) methods with no positive result.

 

Anyway, the first thing you have to do is be truthful with Gigi. It's either that or you get married and then risk a divorce after she finds out. That doesn't sound good to me. Good luck.

Edited by Headshot
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SouthernCruise

Take one step at a time.

  • Bringing Gigi in America where she knows no one there is already an ordeal to her. (Especially if she comes from the province where pace of life is not that fast, and all they did is to be with relatives and friends. No problem if she is used to city life and all alone).
  • Giving her baby (to think is not her own) to take care of , will just compound her miseries.
  • Its a practice in the RP wherein a daughter or son is having a baby for the first time, the mother, from either side is around to give support physically. If she had not any before, sure she will have hard time taking care of the baby
  • Telling her you had a vasectomy is just right. At least at the start you will know her reaction and her decision as well. If she loves you, it won't be a great deal to her
  • After sometime, if you still wanted to have an adopted child, you can still do so. There are institutions in the Philippines where you can choose a child for adoption, any age, gender you want and even race. I know one in Manila, Hospicio de San Jose at Ayala Bridge near Malacanang Palace.
  • My friend adopted one, let the family took care of the child during diapers' age, when they think its the right time, they took the baby with them to America.

Good luck on your choices.

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