I want a Baby

[PinoyKano 0]

It's true a reversal op for your vasectomy can be expensive and not 100% guarenteed to work,but so is adoption if you add on the years of costs later in raising them to maturity [sometimes even after maturity].I think your sperm can be harvested directly and implanted in your lady and altho it isn't the old fashioned way you can still practice old fashion at anytime.

You had reasons for having the vasectomy in the first place so maybe tell her those reasons and how things have changed in your life...maybe she'l listen and try to understand..

 

 

I'm considering adopting a boy and a girl from the Philippines because I am a Filipino-American and am planning on retiring in the Philippines . I found this one on the internet yesterday: http://www.cscshelter.org/.

 

As I'll be visiting Cebu next month, I e-mailed them yesterday to ask for a permission to tour their facility and to meet with the staff and the children.

 

I'll try to post again when I hear from them.

 

-Roger

[Willie 452]

Fanboat, marriage, a child and immigration to US, if it ends badly, could mean child support until the day you die. On the other hand, a few months back you said one of the kindest things ever said here, some thing akin to you being willing to take her to the states and setting her free, if that is what's meant to be. No harm, no foul, in that scenario. Why complicate it, and the rest of your life's financial security, with a child? Like the last guy said, there was a reason you got that cut job. Me too. Why not stick to it? Just my 2 cents. Later,

[washingtonian88 137]

Well, this depends on the family background.

My family is tight and for some members of the family, marriage ISN'T complete without any child. Grrrrggghhh. Just being traditional.

 

Then maybe the pressures of other people and family members, having a half-American child is something so glorious, would be quite an accomplishment.

 

For some women, they have a mindset that being a woman then a mother, that it should complete them.

 

For some women, having a child with a man they love should suffice or fill in some insecurities.

 

For some women, having a child with a man should guarantee that they'll be taken care of. It will make a man not go very far if he does sway away in some other woman's bed.

 

Having a child will take away the time you would have spent together. And lots of time taking care of it. Not to mention, expense.

 

My honey is just over 40. Has grown boys (twins). He never had vasectomy but did quite a great job not getting anyone preggers all those years after divorce. He's sticking with it. At his age, he'd like to be able to relax, live a less stressful life. And changing diapers is not his idea of retiring. So here I am in my 20s busy with work, enjoying my life, accomplish something else other than baby manufacturing and him being by my side helping me what I need to learn.

Edited October 3, 2010 by washingtonian88

[Kahuna 61,136]

Well, this depends on the family background.

My family is tight and for some members of the family, marriage ISN'T complete without any child. Grrrrggghhh. Just being traditional.

 

Then maybe the pressures of other people and family members, having a half-American child is something so glorious, would be quite an accomplishment.

 

For some women, they have a mindset that being a woman then a mother, that it should complete them.

 

For some women, having a child with a man they love should suffice or fill in some insecurities.

 

For some women, having a child with a man should guarantee that they'll be taken care of. It will make a man not go very far if he does sway away in some other woman's bed.

 

Having a child will take away the time you would have spent together. And lots of time taking care of it. Not to mention, expense.

 

My honey is just over 40. Has grown boys (twins). He never had vasectomy but did quite a great job not getting anyone preggers all those years. He's sticking with it. At his age, he'd like to be able to relax, live a less stressful life. And changing diapers is not his idea of retiring. So here I am in my 20s busy with work, enjoying my life, accomplish something else other than baby manufacturing and him being by my side helping me what I need to learn.

 

You are an exceptional lady that understands both sides of the issue and has made the choice to support your husband's wishes while keeping respect for yourself and not having any hidden agendas as far as what I can tell from your various posts and for that I applaud you!!It is that quality that many men seek in a woman and never find.I wish you both a long and happy life together!

[lazydays 1,306]

Eric,

It can be done,i read about someone who did it all legal,some time back,on another forum.

I believe adoption in the RP is a drawn out affair and costly.

Adopting informally,could create many problems in the future.

[Mailman 660]

Being incapable of producing offspring is one of the justifications for an anullment... not that she would be willing or obligated to do so. Just putting it out there as an example of importance on the matter.

 

But you really should break it to her before marrying her (if that is your intent).

[udonthani 2,027]

adoption. Ouch! Right mess.

 

it can definitely be done though in some circumstances. Knew one girl who'd already had one kid out of wedlock aged 17 in Bohol, that one lived back there with mama in the sticks while she tried to make some sort of a living in CDO.

 

then she got pregnant again age 20. That one she just couldn't face it herself and mama didn't want to know, somehow they managed to get a childless couple of affluent OFW's, both doctors, in Kuwait and more or less permanent there, to adopt the baby. She said, that they still had some means of contact with the couple and they would send photos and news intermittently about the little boy they gave away, growing up in the kind of affluent situation they could only dream of.

 

then she got pregnant again, for the 3rd time, age 23, this time by a foreigner. The foreigner (age 33, from Germany) doesn't want to marry her and also wants to go back to Germany, but she knows this other foreigner (age 64, from the US) that says he loves her (however, this other foreigner, while resident in the Philippines, is married to another Filipina at this time). They set up home, she delivers the baby, and she is able to also get her son back from mama in Bohol now the American's $2000 a month pension has given them all financial security.

 

hope you're following this.

 

fast forward three years.

 

foreigner #2, the American, has got an annulment and they're now getting married (actually in 4 days time ; some of my CDO friends will be at the wedding and I'd be invited too were I there). Foreigner #2, the now 67 year old American, has said he wants to adopt the baby, but foreigner #1, the father of the 3 year old daughter, the now 36 year old German guy, doesn't want that and he still wants, even though he never wanted to marry the girl, to be regarded as the father of the child. He still visits, at least once a year and sees his daughter, but the daughter doesn't really think of the German guy as her father. She's only 3. She thinks the older American guy is her father, because she's lived with him under the same roof all her life.

 

when the girl asked me about it I said well it sounds like a right mess to me, but I'd advise you to let the 3 year old daughter to at least try to think her father is the 36 year old German guy that is her biological father, and forget about the 67 year old American guy adopting her, even though he's been living under the same roof as the little girl all her life.

 

just because the 36 year old German guy will be there in 10/20/30 years time for her. The 67 year old American guy, kindly as he's been to the little girl, just won't.

[3stripes 169]

 

 

John,

my balls are not hooked up now

been that way for many years

the little lady has no idea yet

going to break the news soon

will this be the end?

 

 

 

 

Should that not be one of the very first thngs you tel your g/f, especialy if you have a big age difference?

 

Then let her deicde if she wants to continue with the relationship.

[broden 57,115]

well man i hope you're still giving it some serious thought. really wanting a kiddo is one thing and if that's the case i won't disparage that. but don't use it as a "but", i mean you said she didn't know your plumbing isn't hooked up and you were concerned about having to tell her. is that where the idea came from. the fear of having to tell her that but the out of having that option to offer her?

 

it's up to you guys but to me that's an option for much later on when you guys are married and settled in

 

anyway other then that my wifes been real busy today but she did mention one thing off hand. if you really are serious about adopting and want to stay there in the RP don't adopt from a relative or they'll never leave you alone to raise the child. understandably so i think

[Cary 769]

Erik;

 

You can do what I am doing, check with your wife's relatives. Maybe there is a cousin she is close too and they have a baby they can not really care for. As Headshot and Trey said contact the Catholic Church or stop by a local hospital. The good thing about the church and the hospitals is that the babies are taken care of. Good luck to you.

[JamesMusslewhite 14,317]

I am not a doctor, but can they not just take one of you tadpoles and then use artificial assimilation. I know the tracks are cut, but are the little engines stiil in the stations?

[fanboat 450]

Plenty of great ideas here thanks for the input

 

gigi loves kids always wants to hold the babies

me i just want her to be happy

at this stage in my life i would like to not have the responceability of raising another child,takes time away from our relationship too

we will be living in california sometime in the next 7 months

i just imagine gigi sitting at home alone all day in a strange place far removed from her friends and family

if she has a baby with her she will be much happier

on the other hand a pair of cute pug puppy dogs may be a great subsitute!

[easy44 5,567]

Plenty of great ideas here thanks for the input

 

gigi loves kids always wants to hold the babies

me i just want her to be happy

at this stage in my life i would like to not have the responceability of raising another child,takes time away from our relationship too

we will be living in california sometime in the next 7 months

i just imagine gigi sitting at home alone all day in a strange place far removed from her friends and family

if she has a baby with her she will be much happier

on the other hand a pair of cute pug puppy dogs may be a great subsitute!

It will take you a lot longer than 7 months to legally adopt a baby. I think you're living in a fantasy world, or just looking for attention.

[Dragon 216]

Eric, you need to tell Gigi ASAP. She has stood by you this long so she needs to know the whole situation. Allowing her to go on thinking she can have your child is a cruel thing to do.

 

And some unsolicited advice my good buddy, re-think taking her to the states. For at least 2 years she will be isolated with only you as her whole world. That is a huge burden my friend. Been there done that.

[TheDuke 206]

Plenty of great ideas here thanks for the input

 

gigi loves kids always wants to hold the babies

me i just want her to be happy

at this stage in my life i would like to not have the responsibility of raising another child,takes time away from our relationship too

we will be living in California sometime in the next 7 months

i just imagine gigi sitting at home alone all day in a strange place far removed from her friends and family

if she has a baby with her she will be much happier

on the other hand a pair of cute pug puppy dogs may be a great substitute!

It will take you a lot longer than 7 months to legally adopt a baby. I think you're living in a fantasy world, or just looking for attention.

 

Don't be so harsh on the guy. In my personal opinion the move to California is gonna be enough for her to handle without having a baby. America can be a very lonely place to a filipina who is use to having friends and family around all the time. She will go from that to sitting in a house all day by herself. After a few months of that she will probably want to go back to the Philippines unless she gets a job. My wife almost went crazy at first until I got her a job so she could stay active. Then she settled down and started enjoying the lifestyle. However, 18 years later she still complains about how lonely it is in America. It is compared to the lifestyle in the Philippines.

 

The baby thing should wait until she gets settled down and acclimated to the western lifestyle. We had our daughter in our mid 40's. I cannot even begin to describe how much of a change it was to our lifestyle. I'm sure Fanboat knows all about it since he already has children. We went from relaxing every night to never getting any rest. We had a dog for a couple of years before having a baby and there is no comparison. First of all, a dog is pretty much takes care of themselves. They take a dump in the yard and feed themselves. I love my wife and daughter very much but if I had to do it over I choose to not have a child at my age. It is just too much work. We tried to have children for over a decade and finally gave up and BAM is happened. Talk about unexpected. We were talking about retiring to Cebu City and the next thing I know I'm wiping ass at 3:00 in the morning. Life is what happens when your making plans.