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Jess Bartone

Old man, 75, wants to send money to my niece

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Jess Bartone

I am in a slight panic now because of the advice I gave my niece. I appreciate all advice you blokes in turn have given me, so decided the issue deserved its own thread, because I need to get this right in my head and correct my apparent mistake. Just to recap, here is what has been said so far in the other thread, and I will comment further below.

.....the ugly - foreigners who take advantage of young girls

Funny you should say this, two nights ago my 15 year old niece told me about a 75 yo German who contacted her through Friendster. He offered to send her money to help with her schooling, and she was scared and asked me what she should do, and of course alarm bells went off in my head. Joy is a beautiful girl, tall and mature for her age, but it states clearly on her profile... 15 years old.

 

Before I joined this forum, I probably would have said delete, report, block from contact, but I have come to see there are many naive Filipinas and foreigners alike. It never entered Joy's mind to rip this guy, she was scared and asking advice. Not to sound like I am bragging, but my extended family is very upright, a tight and mutually supportive group which briefly opened a tiny portal and allowed me the enter, they are very close-knit. Joy already asked all the elders what to do and they said to ask me and see what my opinion was - I feel flattered (maybe not the right word) - so I considered my thoughts. I said if the man is only offering money for education, and asks nothing in return, go ahead and accept. The moment he asks to visit, it is obvious he wants more than civic good will, and we will decide how to treat the matter if and when that time arises.

 

Did I say the right thing?

Odds are the guy is a Chester. Telling her to accept with reservations is fine as long as those reservations are expressed to the contributor.

Yes, I told her to tell the man her uncle is Australian, and along with all her family, knows what is going on.

 

 

I don't think you did. I think that you are putting the thought in her head that it is OK to take advantage of someone because you can. It would be different if she knew this person and he had a genuine interest in furthering her education. Maybe I am reading too much into it, but it appears to me from the limited information I have, that he has ulterior motives. Why put her in that position and the possibility of getting a bad reputation whether valid or not?

I feel the same way Roger... alarm bells, but Joy has her heart set on a Pharmacy degree. Her uncle, Papa Jay, lives in Cebu City, he is an active member of the Philippines army and has served in (I think) Afghanistan (?) as a member of a UN "peace-keeping" unit. He is savvy to the ways of the world, and very staunch to his family. Jay has offered to have Joy live in Cebu with himself, wife and kids, working in the house as a helper outside college hours.

 

 

My concern is you are giving her the message that its okay to seek money on the internet from crazy foreigners. Not sure that's really the message you want to give her. Even if things work out now, later on that attitude could come back and bite her. Our Western "influence" has already corrupted a lot of Filipinas - why spread it?

I should make it very clear, Joy did not "seek" money on the internet, it was offered, and the offer, coming from a foreigner, frightened her. I am the only foreigner the family knows personally. I should also assure you Joy does not have an "attitude".

 

 

Pimping,not a bad idea.

 

Find 30 young lady's and set up a chat center.

 

Big bucks to be made.

 

ps...but not use your own KIN folk.closedeyes.gif

Good one Erik, a little humour in the midst of a serious situation never goes astray.

 

 

I can see that you are trying to be realistic Jesse, but I have to agree with RogerDuMond and RetiredNavyGuy. Better to not travel down that road at all.

Easy, I agree with you and Roger, but I am freaking out here. The Family holds me in high regard, they are too proud to ask me to finance the college degree... she has completed high school with honours and will turn 16 soon... I just don't know what to do next. I feel like I have painted myself into a corner... if I say "refuse any offers" it is then up to me to fill in the gaps.

 

 

Tough one mate. You gotta think he's probably an old pervert who is going to want something in return. But if an overseas benefactor wanted to pay for my daughter to go to a school i couldn't afford to send her, I would be tempted to accept it. Great that the girl consulted her elders and they consulted you. The thought of him fronting up to visit her in a few years time and you being the reception party cracks me up.

You're thinking along the same lines as me Kevin. The family is very staunch, and in the right situation I guess I am too... ah bugger the false modesty, I am staunch. Here's an example of the Family dynamics: Mama Victoria was widowed about eight years ago, and for the last few years she has had a... bf sounds too cheap... a "beau"... they planned to get married... "step" stood in at our wedding as father of the bride. Bro's wife had a baby three months ago, and the settling in period was difficult, little Matt2x cried most nights, must have been a colicky baby, and one night "step" got up and started yelling to shut the baby up. Bro, a fine young man whom I admire very much, popped a valve and gave the interloper a slap around the ear and threw him out of the house "and don't come back". Mama stood behind him and his decision, kind of a "you want to marry me, you marry my grandson too". The entire (extended) Family took the stance "better he shows his true colours before the wedding". I stand with Bro, and we stand ready to defend the Family. The Patriarch, referred to as "Tatay Clemente", a fairly sprightly 88 year old who fought with the Guerrillas against the Japs, decreed me as a worthy addition to the Family. I trust none of my readers will attempt to criticise what I have told you, I just want you all to know what a bloody staunch family I have married into.

 

 

Jesse, I'm of the same mind as most of the others here. If this guy starts sending her money for her education, she may feel obliged to give him personal information about herself (address, photos, etc.). He being an elder and benefactor may compel (is that the right word?) her to let down her guard and not consult you or her other family. Just some thoughts.

 

Andrew

Thanks Andrew, at this stage no attempts at compulsion have been made, just the offer. In my own semi-humble way, I have made it quite clear to the Family that not all foreigners wear their hearts on their sleeves the way I do. They have not only become accustomed to my outspoken ways, but actually embrace my new influence. Old Tatay said of me... to paraphrase into the western idiom... "he's a breath of fresh air"

 

speaking with the viewpoint of the father of a 14 year old daughter you did not say the right thing, for all the reasons others have given you. a 75 year old man trolling the internet just to find the opportunity to do good deeds? for 15 year old girls? anything is possible i suppose but this is not the type of situation to be giving someone the benefit of the doubt.

 

if you or her family wish to explore this offer any further you should at least have your niece ask the gentleman to carry out all further correspondence with her tito jesse.

This is excellent advice RFM, and this is exactly what I intend to do. I don't know why I didn't think of this myself. Thankyou for this advice.

 

Anyone care to comment further? If anyone attacks me on this, I will ask Admin to block them from the thread. This is a serious matter and I need to make a decision soon.

 

One further question. I am presuming the Pharmacy degree is at Cebu University, can anyone enlighten me as to the approximate cost of a four year degree? I may indeed end up just paying for it myself, but I too have plans... I'm not a tight-arse but I have MG and our future to consider.

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Paul

Mate, do not let this guy continue to communicate with your niece. Why the hell does a 75 year old man want to send a 15 year old Filipino girl money for any reason?

 

Pedophile is written all over this.

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mpt1947

Mate, do not let this guy continue to communicate with your niece. Why the hell does a 75 year old man want to send a 15 year old Filipino girl money for any reason?

 

Pedophile is written all over this.

 

I agree completely with Paul. We tell each other if the "bells" go off and the red flags go - run don't walk run away - this is the same thing - why does any man contact a young girl out of the blue and say I will send you money no strings attached? There are a lot of strings - just move on - the girl is 15 - a few years from Pharmacy School - things can happen - maybe she will get a scholarship or something.

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ILPI

Mate, do not let this guy continue to communicate with your niece. Why the hell does a 75 year old man want to send a 15 year old Filipino girl money for any reason?

 

Pedophile is written all over this.

 

totally agree...

Jesse,unfortunately I think you let your guard down here.....

It just ain't right.....

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digiteye

This is very strange from many angles.

 

The 75 years old should be really a pedophile, what other motivation may anyone expect behind this? Clicking on a 15 yrs old girl's profile in Facebook...? Accidentally, eh?

 

There is no Santa Claus, is there? If the man has appetite for charity, he surely can throw all his excess money into some fund so less kids will suffer daily hunger in the Philippines. Not picking a beautiful but under-aged Filipina girl.

 

I am really surprised that you ever considered accepting it for the education of the girl (and lowering your own contribution, as your post suggests). Pharmacy here, future there - it is just not right. My God.

 

The 15 yrs old girl should be forgiven, she may not have all the ethical, moral skills developed yet to say no in the 1st moment. But you?

 

I think the family also tested you by sending the girl to you for advice...

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gcurious

DID I SAY THE RIGHT THING??????...................what planet do you live on.....NO...NO....NO....you didn't say the right thing.

 

The guy is a pervert.....perversion is alive and well and thriving on the internet.

 

And you just want that WARM and FUZZY feeling from the relatives...............that you might gain a little respect from them because they asked you about this. HAHAHA.

 

1)WHY is this girl chatting on the internet with this guy?..................

 

2)WHY is she giving her personal info and desires to this guy?

 

3)HOW many times has she been in contact with this guy?

 

4)Is any mature and responsible adult monitoring her chatting websites and content?

 

5)IF her desire for money is her main reason for chatting.......what do YOU think she is offering in return?

 

6)You already said that this girl is 15, beautiful, mature for her age......don't you think she knows what is going on?

 

7)How many other guys has she chatted with........possibly making similar offers for unknown or future favors.

 

I'm not taking this low-life pervert's side......but if you want the UGLY truth.....someone is lacking in parental skills and good judgement.

 

With the internet, you are limited to what you can do.........in response to this guy.

 

.........Report as Spam................Block Sender...............

 

Please.....try to be a good parent/adult....and sit the daughter down with a belt in your hand....tell her if she EVER chats with older guys again, trying to make deals for their money....that you will use this belt on her.....as often as needed............and take away ALL her internet access.

 

I hope this pisses you off...and/or hurts your feelings..enough for you to make some rules and changes in your household about internet usage.

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JamesMusslewhite

When I first joined the forum there were several threads pertaining to the topic of older men with younger women. The older men who were looking for much younger women, living with, or married to much younger women would get quite irate, act all insulted, and react very defensive over these threads.

 

I posted how my son who was 14 saw an old man with liver spots cuddling a very young woman in SM mall Cebu. That my young son looked at me and my wife and said, "That is just not right" Then some bastard on this forum informed me that I was a bad parent, and that I needed to adjust my son's thinking. Yes I would be a good parent if I chastised my son for his statement and then censor his thoughts. What a dirt bag. I even stopped posting on this subject because it incited certain members, who did not like my point of view.

 

So here is the Paradox to those members and all who supported this behavior. You are a bad person or a bad parent if you think that a 75 wrinkled dust-farter or some Viagra-fueled pervert who wants to slip his dick into you 14-19 year old daughters or nieces have no right to object. His rights to personal pleasure holds precedence over any of your personal beliefs or views on this matter. Old dick wins and little young lady must be a sacrificial offering and you have no rights to say anything on this matter. If not, then you are the one that is wrong, PERIOD. :)

 

 

Well I guess I am just a bad person, because if an old fart comes snooping around a daughter or niece of mine, I would break off his dick and stick it up his nose, as I am kicking his ass off my property. Sorry I am just a bad man, and I guess I am just not Politically Incorrect. I also must be stupid too because my brain just does not want to change on this matter. Sorry I just don't care. Of course if one does not like it? You are welcome to just stick your head up your ass and jump until you disappear. :)

Edited by JamesMusslewhite

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Tony B

Ask your niece to get the guy's phone number and give him a call. Ask him what he's up to. No number = no more contact.

 

It looks very suss but he could be genuine - not everyone is a pervert. Check him out.

 

Like Australia, I'm sure there are strict laws in Germany about "grooming" children on the internet. Talk to him and remind him of these laws - just in case.....

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Jess Bartone

.....I think the family also tested you by sending the girl to you for advice...

I didn't like the way you worded your reply, but this last line saved you. I think on this you are absolutely right.

 

DID I SAY THE RIGHT THING??????...................what planet do you live on.....NO...NO....NO....you didn't say the right thing.

 

The guy is a pervert.....perversion is alive and well and thriving on the internet.

 

And you just want that WARM and FUZZY feeling from the relatives...............that you might gain a little respect from them because they asked you about this. HAHAHA.

 

1)WHY is this girl chatting on the internet with this guy?..................

 

2)WHY is she giving her personal info and desires to this guy?

 

You set out to piss me off and you succeeded. However, I have bigger fish to fry than you. Take note, I do not need to gain respect, I already have it.

 

1) Did I say she was chatting?

2)ahh to hell with all your stupid little numbers, you did not read my post d*head, you are inventing a perverted scenario to get your jollies. She is supervised on the internet at home. She does not "chat to strangers", she was sent PM's in her Friendster.

 

I expected mature adult replies... Thanks Paul, you are right. Thanks everyone else for your input.

 

But this gcurios just ruined my thread, suggesting, no saying stuff about my niece. Take yer damn fertile imagination and shove it where the sun don't shine.

 

My decision has been made, thread closed. My friends may discuss it further by PM.

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