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VP aspirant promises to make perfume out of urine


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An aspirant for the vice presidency presented his certificate of candidacy on Friday, and he laid out the platform, including the installation of toilets in each barangay. In addition, urine will be collected to make perfume and fertilizer.

Alexander Lague, who will run for vice president under the Philippine Green Republican Party, is partnered with presidential aspirant Laurencio Yulaga.

Yulaga allegedly owns an oil company, and a Russian consortium has provided 740 billion euros to develop his technology.

“Paano? Simple lamang po if I’m not mistaken po mahigit 44,000 ang barangay sa buong Pilipinas. Bawat barangay tatayuan ko ng banyo at [comfort room]  lalo na po ‘yung mga leading streets katulad ng Caloocan, EDSA to Heritage Hotel, Pasay City,” said Lague.

The urine that the man accumulates will be used as a perfume, while women’s urine will be turned into liquid fertilizer.

“Kasi ang ihi ng lalaki gagawin nating perfume sa teknolohiya ng aming presidential candidate na number one, top scientist sa buong mundo,” he said.

According to Lague, he will not use the funds of the Office of the Vice President for such a project. Instead, he will borrow from Yulaga’s company to implement the project.

Yulaga will also address the pollution problem, and landfills will no longer be needed for garbage and hospital wastes.

According to Yulaga, he is a scientist who graduated from Harvard.

Lague also said they would eradicate poverty and corruption in the country.

The COC filing for national posts began this Friday at the Harbor Garden Tent at the Sofitel Philippine Plaza Manila compound in Pasay City.


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In other news there have been confimed sightings of a fully grown unicorn buying sky hooks in the Mandaue branch of Atlantic Hardware, also unconfirmed reports of dangerously low flying pigs over the carbon market area.  

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21 hours ago, softail said:

Alexander Lague, who will run for vice president under the Philippine Green Republican Party, is partnered with presidential aspirant Laurencio Yulaga.

Presidential aspirant Laurencio Yulaga, who introduced himself as an “international scientist” who supposedly graduated from Harvard University — his name does not appear among the American university's alumni —  also had COVID-19 in mind when he addressed the media after filing his candidacy, claiming a shocking cure for the disease — a deadly 10,000 volts of electricity.

Yulaga was flanked by his vice-presidential candidate, DWBL commentator Alexander Lague, who wants to stop poverty and eradicate corruption in government by constructing gender-inclusive comfort rooms in all barangays in the Philippines.

Yulaga and Lague both hail from the Philippine Green Republican Party, which has attempted several times to field candidates for Malacañang. Their bets were eventually dismissed by the Comelec as nuisance bets.


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"Elect me and I'll piss on you?" Said pretty much every candidate ever. (Behind closed doors. )

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