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Paddy

How do you tell a Filipino they are wrong?

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Paddy

A couple of days ago, @lamoe happened to write this:

“Two signs of a mature person (especially an adult) is to be able to admit when they're wrong and to not insult the other person.”

In our little village (and in this house too!) I have observed that the best (worst?) arguments start when someone says, or implies, that another person is wrong. 
It seems to be impossible to tell a Filipina  that she is wrong or that there might be a better way to handle something. When it comes to the guys, they seem to go quiet - especially if it has just been demonstrated how wrong they are!
 

1. Is this just me or has anyone else noticed this behaviour?

2. Does anyone have a strategy (for “advising” someone they’re wrong) that actually works without the drama?  

These days I tend to keep quiet unless the “wrongness” has triggered redline on my wrongometer. (Eg well repair guy taking plastic Venturi tube out of injector, not replacing it before reassembling the lines and then wondering why the pump won’t pump water). 

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lamoe

Self-confident instead of mature would probably be a better word choice here.

1. Yes

2. No

3. Do to the way things are done here, your expertise will be questioned, even if it's how you made your living.

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Salty Dog

Enough already. 

This thread isn't about expats interacting with each other… 

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to_dave007

I have felt that this is one of the BIG reasons why so many documents produced here have errors.  In WESTERN culture, we welcome someone to proofread a document, and  the more errors found, the better the end result for both of us.  But here.  I can't imagine proofreading being very successful, because one person doesn't want to hear about the errors, and the other doesn't want to insult the writer.

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Headshot

If you criticize somebody (tell them they are wrong) in Asia, there will likely be drama. Criticism is almost always taken as a personal attack here. If you don't want the drama, don't criticize. It isn't likely that they will change their behavior anyway (because they act the way they were taught as children), so if you want to avoid drama, pretend that you didn't see them doing things wrong.

Documents are the exception to this. You need to proofread and correct all mistakes on original documents as soon as you see them. Never sign anything without first ensuring that they are perfect and accurate (regardless of how much drama is encountered). Otherwise, you will go through twice as much drama later trying to get the mistakes fixed. 

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Jess Bartone

It took a good while and some patience but my wife is seeing things much more objectively these days, even comments quietly on the narrow-mindedness of some of her peers.

I have had some success with a bit of self-deprecation, promoting an idea by saying how dumb it is.

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Paddy

Thanks @arentol your cultural description fits my observations (and I’m not just talking about me saying “you’re wrong” - the folks here do it to each other and then wonder why there’s so much drama). I’ll give some thought to your strategy for dealing with it. My wrongometer is bound to go off again at some point!😀

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