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Daisy

The heart of a Filipina

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Daisy

As I am sitting down here and watching different kind of people around me in one of the Malls  of Glenview Illinois, my work place at the moment,  I realized that Filipinos especially those who are back home are the luxkiest persos in the world. Why? Here I am. working abroad not minding of the changing seasons,  all alone and thinking on what to buy for the love ones in the Philippines, how much money to send every month. Yes it's all about them all the time.  The selflessness  of a Filipina is something that we possess uniquely. It is some times disappointing however when I look back again and see that most of the old people in here are all alone in their homes and being taken cared by their caregivers. a total stranger whom they have no choice but to get along well and literally just be dependent on us.  This is the very reason that I become passionate on what I am doing. Just to be able to share the love from within and make a difference is a bonus to the compensation that we received.  One of my clients who is one of the renowned Woman Influencer of the World among her achievements told me before  "I've never meet a Filipina who  is not excellent in her work."..for me. that was priceless.  #thinkingaloud

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to_dave007
21 minutes ago, Daisy said:

As I am sitting down here and watching different kind of people around me in one of the Malls  of Glenview Illinois, my work place at the moment,  I realized that Filipinos especially those who are back home are the luxkiest persos in the world. Why? Here I am. working abroad not minding of the changing seasons,  all alone and thinking on what to buy for the love ones in the Philippines, how much money to send every month. Yes it's all about them all the time.  The selflessness  of a Filipina is something that we possess uniquely. It is some times disappointing however when I look back again and see that most of the old people in here are all alone in their homes and being taken cared by their caregivers. a total stranger whom they have no choice but to get along well and literally just be dependent on us.  This is the very reason that I become passionate on what I am doing. Just to be able to share the love from within and make a difference is a bonus to the compensation that we received.  One of my clients who is one of the renowned Woman Influencer of the World among her achievements told me before  "I've never meet a Filipina who  is not excellent in her work."..for me. that was priceless.  #thinkingaloud

For some years I have helped various members of my wife's family here..  but when I was hospitalized..  not one helped me or my wife.

When my Canadian friend age 74 had a stroke in Cebu, not one of his Canadian children came to him.  They talked about it..  felt guilty about it.. but didn't come.

When my wife's grandmother took sick in late 2017..  her daughter (my wife's mother) helped her tirelessly for months and months until grandmothers death.  Grandmothers 2 sons..  did nothing.

I met an old Pinoy couple in one of the rural barangay in my town.. He is 78.. she 82 I think.. Living alone.  Had coffee with them one day and learned that they have 4 kids..  2 in Manila.. 2 in Bacolod.. that they see at Christmas or maybe once a year.

Selfish.. or selfless..  or what balance of the two.  One of life's difficult questions. 

Personally.. when I hear of Filipina struggling in a foreign land to support family members back here..  I wonder what help will that Filipina get when it's her time to need it.  We all know the stories..  and we all know that often times she will get very little help.

Edited by to_dave007
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Jack Rat
2 hours ago, to_dave007 said:

For some years I have helped various members of my wife's family here..  but when I was hospitalized..  not one helped me or my wife.

When my Canadian friend age 74 had a stroke in Cebu, not one of his Canadian children came to him.  They talked about it..  felt guilty about it.. but didn't come.

When my wife's grandmother took sick in late 2017..  her daughter (my wife's mother) helped her tirelessly for months and months until grandmothers death.  Grandmothers 2 sons..  did nothing.

I met an old Pinoy couple in one of the rural barangay in my town.. He is 78.. she 82 I think.. Living alone.  Had coffee with them one day and learned that they have 4 kids..  2 in Manila.. 2 in Bacolod.. that they see at Christmas or maybe once a year.

Selfish.. or selfless..  or what balance of the two.  One of life's difficult questions. 

Personally.. when I hear of Filipina struggling in a foreign land to support family members back here..  I wonder what help will that Filipina get when it's her time to need it.  We all know the stories..  and we all know that often times she will get very little help.

Now where have I heard this story many times before?   Moto of story, look after number one, and beware of bludgers!

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to_dave007
28 minutes ago, Jack Rat said:

Now where have I heard this story many times before?   Moto of story, look after number one, and beware of bludgers!

But if we all just look after # 1..  what kind of world would it be?  The world needs..  desperately needs..  people who are selfless..  and yet..  every time I encounter them..  I wonder if they are also looking out for #1.

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Jack Rat
34 minutes ago, to_dave007 said:

But if we all just look after # 1..  what kind of world would it be?  The world needs..  desperately needs..  people who are selfless..  and yet..  every time I encounter them..  I wonder if they are also looking out for #1.

All I am saying is that many Filipinos can sense weakness from a mile away and they will take full advantage of the situation. Often If one refuses to give a loan (usually never paid back) one will be seen as the mean, tight guy, but they will get eventually get over it. If one has loaned a relative dosh and the debt has not been repaid, when the next relative asks for a loan tell them, not a problem, but contact the person who owes you, and ask them for the money, they can then have the loan. It's all a game.....Believe me mate years ago I too was sucked in but it didn't take me long to learn, never loan money to 'anyone' including foreigners! 

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user333
11 hours ago, Daisy said:

The selflessness  of a Filipina is something that we possess uniquely.

That is a big stretch. 

In Germany, Spanish workers make up 61 percent of all recruited caregivers; Polish, 19 percent and Croatians, 16 percent. Non-EU workers in Germany mostly come from Bosnia and Herzegovina, Ukraine, Russia, China and the Philippines. 

https://www.dw.com/en/germany-is-desperately-seeking-caregivers/a-18491213

So only the Philippines has selfless workers? 

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Bama
16 hours ago, user333 said:

That is a big stretch. 

Most of what she posted was a big stretch, IMO.

Quote

 I realized that Filipinos especially those who are back home are the luxkiest persos in the world. 

 

Hard for me to reconcile this statement, when thousands of (Lucky) Filipinos are qued up for years in the immigration paperwork shuffle desperate to get to the US,OZ,EU,etc for just a chance at better future. Just my opinion.

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Daisy
50 minutes ago, user333 said:

That is a big stretch. 

In Germany, Spanish workers make up 61 percent of all recruited caregivers; Polish, 19 percent and Croatians, 16 percent. Non-EU workers in Germany mostly come from Bosnia and Herzegovina, Ukraine, Russia, China and the Philippines. 

https://www.dw.com/en/germany-is-desperately-seeking-caregivers/a-18491213

So only the Philippines has selfless workers? 

Hello there. I am not oarticular talking about caregiving. I am refering to us Filipinos who work hard abroad and send almost everything back home because of the live of their love ones.  We can live simplest lifestyle in here and yet pamper our families home....though Im sure there are exceptions because there are also Filipinos who works abroad and after several years will just abandon their families and live the way they wanted . Thanks for your reply.

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Daisy
7 hours ago, Jack Rat said:

All I am saying is that many Filipinos can sense weakness from a mile away and they will take full advantage of the situation. Often If one refuses to give a loan (usually never paid back) one will be seen as the mean, tight guy, but they will get eventually get over it. If one has loaned a relative dosh and the debt has not been repaid, when the next relative asks for a loan tell them, not a problem, but contact the person who owes you, and ask them for the money, they can then have the loan. It's all a game.....Believe me mate years ago I too was sucked in but it didn't take me long to learn, never loan money to 'anyone' including foreigners! 

Im sorry for your personal experiences on loans. I started this topic based on my own personal experience here and also to what I have observe in all my friends here who are unselfishly pampering their love ones in the Philippines. Please take note on the way I started this topic. "Filipinos who have families working abroad..." Thanks

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Daisy
11 hours ago, to_dave007 said:

For some years I have helped various members of my wife's family here..  but when I was hospitalized..  not one helped me or my wife.

When my Canadian friend age 74 had a stroke in Cebu, not one of his Canadian children came to him.  They talked about it..  felt guilty about it.. but didn't come.

When my wife's grandmother took sick in late 2017..  her daughter (my wife's mother) helped her tirelessly for months and months until grandmothers death.  Grandmothers 2 sons..  did nothing.

I met an old Pinoy couple in one of the rural barangay in my town.. He is 78.. she 82 I think.. Living alone.  Had coffee with them one day and learned that they have 4 kids..  2 in Manila.. 2 in Bacolod.. that they see at Christmas or maybe once a year.

Selfish.. or selfless..  or what balance of the two.  One of life's difficult questions. 

Personally.. when I hear of Filipina struggling in a foreign land to support family members back here..  I wonder what help will that Filipina get when it's her time to need it.  We all know the stories..  and we all know that often times she will get very little help.

Yes, I know what you mean,  and this is so hard most of the time. This is the reason that others have learned their lessons are now more smarter than before....Even before I was still married I never consider my husband. to be my source of living 100 percent. I am sorry for your personal experiences that led to your disapppintment in my fellow Filipinos...all in all we just have to be careful and learned our lessons along the way..

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Headshot
6 minutes ago, Daisy said:

Hello there. I am not oarticular talking about caregiving. I am refering to us Filipinos who work hard abroad and send almost everything back home because of the live of their love ones.  We can live simplest lifestyle in here and yet pamper our families home....though Im sure there are exceptions because there are also Filipinos who works abroad and after several years will just abandon their families and live the way they wanted . Thanks for your reply.

What you are doing is laudable. However, I certainly hope that you are stashing money into savings and investments for your own future as well as taking care of those back in the Philippines. If you don't, nobody back in the Philippines will do it for you. My wife and I help her family, but not to the point where it hurts our own future.

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to_dave007
17 minutes ago, Daisy said:

I am sorry for your personal experiences that led to your disapppintment in my fellow Filipinos...

Please don't take that away from what I've said..  I have MANY personal experiences with Filipino that are VERY positive.  I do not express disappointment in any general way about every Filipino.  There's always good and bad, in every culture.

BUT I agree with Headshots comment in the previous post.  By all means help your family.. but not to the point where it hurts your own future.

Edited by to_dave007
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Jack Rat
56 minutes ago, Daisy said:

Im sorry for your personal experiences on loans. I started this topic based on my own personal experience here and also to what I have observe in all my friends here who are unselfishly pampering their love ones in the Philippines. Please take note on the way I started this topic. "Filipinos who have families working abroad..." Thanks

You are right, Filipinos should be commended and praised for the care and respect they show for their elderly. Something some in other countries could learn from.

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lamoe
1 hour ago, Bama said:

Most of what she posted was a big stretch, IMO.

Hard for me to reconcile this statement, when thousands of (Lucky) Filipinos are qued up for years in the immigration paperwork shuffle desperate to get to the US,OZ,EU,etc for just a chance at better future. Just my opinion.

They are in those lines for 2 reasons

No work here and ingrained obligation to family.

In Tata's family it was brother - seaman and her -  house worker

We had a Filipino member who posted about his experience with his family and how he finally said enough is enough

16 minutes ago, to_dave007 said:

  By all means help your family.. but not to the point where it hurts your own future.

Very very true - I have met / chatted with several ladies who were / are OFWs

Tata - 14 years - starting at 18 (nanny / chief for families in Dubai and Tokyo) - always sent most of her money home - did save a little (very little by our standards) - has SS account which I keep up along with Phil Health, all other bills and matching of funds from siblings (no not 1/2 them   1/2 me) to parents.

The selflessness I've seen can be a very bad life choice for them, if , when the time comes their family does not reciprocate - even then, their social life while working can be severally restricted - depending on where they work and the prejudices they face when out in public.

One working in Dubai  - 8 years? as  shop manager at golf course - to support her daughters and rest of the family - nothing saved for herself

Was shown on phone Skype that she  had to have male escorts every time she ventured out from the employee's compound and ALWAYS stayed in a group :sad_01:.

Daisy on the other hand is fortunate? to be in Chicago (other than the winters:snowflakes:) in that there is a large Filipino community there - even in Rockford - and American men are naturally drawn to attractive, personable ladies who don't feel they have to dominate the relationship          (all the time:db:)

42 minutes ago, Jack Rat said:

You are right, Filipinos should be commended and praised for the care and respect they show for their elderly. Something some in other countries could learn from.

From  first hand experience - even those who are not "their" elderly

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Daisy
10 hours ago, lamoe said:

They are in those lines for 2 reasons

No work here and ingrained obligation to family.

In Tata's family it was brother - seaman and her -  house worker

We had a Filipino member who posted about his experience with his family and how he finally said enough is enough

Very very true - I have met / chatted with several ladies who were / are OFWs

Tata - 14 years - starting at 18 (nanny / chief for families in Dubai and Tokyo) - always sent most of her money home - did save a little (very little by our standards) - has SS account which I keep up along with Phil Health, all other bills and matching of funds from siblings (no not 1/2 them   1/2 me) to parents.

The selflessness I've seen can be a very bad life choice for them, if , when the time comes their family does not reciprocate - even then, their social life while working can be severally restricted - depending on where they work and the prejudices they face when out in public.

One working in Dubai  - 8 years? as  shop manager at golf course - to support her daughters and rest of the family - nothing saved for herself

Was shown on phone Skype that she  had to have male escorts every time she ventured out from the employee's compound and ALWAYS stayed in a group :sad_01:.

Daisy on the other hand is fortunate? to be in Chicago (other than the winters:snowflakes:) in that there is a large Filipino community there - even in Rockford - and American men are naturally drawn to attractive, personable ladies who don't feel they have to dominate the relationship          (all the time:db:)

From  first hand experience - even those who are not "their" elderly

In Chicago and its suburbs caregivers are well paid and the job is well respected just like other medical field. I usually work as a stay in caregiver because I dont drive so I am being provided with a cosy living arrangement with TV in my bedroom and wifi and own Bathroom. Dont need to clean up because a housekeeper is coming every week or every other week. I have a rewarding job and I always give my best to whoever my client will be. "If you give love, you can't get wrong with it and the employer has no choice but to give it back to you"....just my way❤....oh yes the winter. 😭😤🔥

Edited by Daisy
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Paddy

Daisy - you lay out a description of a person who is happy in their work and content with their personal lifestyle. Will this work and lifestyle (which I assume includes long periods of separation from your husband and family - and suffering Chicago winters!😀) achieve your life’s objectives? 

If yes, then the only discussion is whether your current course is the best of the available courses for you. 

If no, then you have some re-evaluating to do. 

I met a number of OFW Filipinas in Canada. One of them managed to get to the point where she had her husband and son with her and had achieved a “normal” Canadian lifestyle. The others seemed destined to have to be content with their lot and hope that Immigration Canada didn’t eventually turn down a work permit renewal...

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Headshot
3 hours ago, Paddy said:

Daisy - you lay out a description of a person who is happy in their work and content with their personal lifestyle. Will this work and lifestyle (which I assume includes long periods of separation from your husband and family - and suffering Chicago winters!😀) achieve your life’s objectives?

Daisy went to the US on a widow's visa (her husband was a US citizen). Therefore, she is separated from her husband regardless of where she is. Daisy is a long-time member of LinC Forums, and she is friends with many of our members. After her husband died, many of us encouraged her to go to the US, as she had no real means of support in the Philippines. She took the advice (and help from some of our members) and went to the US. I have no doubt that she makes friends wherever she goes due to her outlook and personality. It sounds like she is happy with her decision.

Edited by Headshot
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Paddy
17 minutes ago, Headshot said:

sounds like she is happy with her decision.

Thank you @Headshot for the additional background. 

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Daisy
11 hours ago, Headshot said:

Daisy went to the US on a widow's visa (her husband was a US citizen). Therefore, she is separated from her husband regardless of where she is. Daisy is a long-time member of LinC Forums, and she is friends with many of our members. After her husband died, many of us encouraged her to go to the US, as she had no real means of support in the Philippines. She took the advice (and help from some of our members) and went to the US. I have no doubt that she makes friends wherever she goes due to her outlook and personality. It sounds like she is happy with her decision.

Thanks and I really appreciate it Headshot. Yes I am happy and here in the US with my work because I always love being with people even if they have some medical challenges. I embrace life everyday with thanksgiving and gratitude. I also would like to tell everyone that  while I'm here I am paying Alan's medical bill amounting to 875 00 pesos plus interest of 87,500 pesos. that was accumulated for 3 years. For me that's a huge amount of money but I don't have regrets because I did it knowing that my husband before leaving me for good and that was exactly 12 years marriage was happy and I was his last glimpsed....with that I would like to I made him very special among the Expats here hehehehe😋 Did I fall in love again here? YES but apparently for the wrong person ( seen in my other topic). Am I discourage? NO. Somewhere and somehow someone out there is and will be the best person for me. #Godstime #Godsway #wait....

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savarity
But if we all just look after # 1..  what kind of world would it be?  The world needs..  desperately needs..  people who are selfless..  and yet..  every time I encounter them..  I wonder if they are also looking out for #1.
Seems like an ideal world. One where everyone was responsible and took care of themselves.

Oh, I don't mean that to sound harsh, but just that some people prey on the selfless to take advantage, such as in the 'loan' critique above.
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seanm

It is an incredibly difficult situation an OFW (or even someone who works in the Philippines and is successful) finds oneself in!

I would guess the average family size in the Philippines is maybe 4 children, so an ofw would have, let's say, 3 siblings. 

With these 3 siblings here is a likely conservative scenario from my experience.....

One of the sisters is a single mother who still lives with the parents and has no work (or maybe very little work), she gets by with money from the government or some type of part time work possibly. 

One of the brothers is married with kids and lives in a different house close by. He can't help support the family (as his wife probably doesn't work for some reason..... she has to be around all the time and can't work because she has to feed the kids lunch during their lunch break or something.... which I will never understand! Just give the kids a sack lunch!)

The other brother is single and works, but the wage is so meager he can't really give much to the family. He probably lives with the parents as well.  

The father of the ofw works, but he also makes a very small wage. 

The mother of the ofw might work (maybe a 20%-30%ish chance), but if she does her salary is most like very small as well. 

 

So essentially you have.....

A father who is not making enough (maybe enough to support just himself)

A mother who is not making enough (not enough to support herself)

A single mom who is making very little (not enough to support her or her child)

A brother who is making very little (enough to pay an electricity bill / cell phone bill) 

A little kid who has no ability to make money. 

A brother with his own family that he needs to support

 

So we have 5 people in a house and maybe we have enough money to support 4 of them, but probably closer to 3. 

This is where the OFW comes in and has to make up that difference. Very hard to save a lot when you are supporting essentially 3 people (yourself plus two other family members) unless you are making a nice salary. And while the average OFW salary is way better than the average salary in The Philippines, this is probably not enough to support 3 people and save any money.    

It is sad the Philippines economy is as terrible as it is, and someday in the near future I hope to see some change, but we all know that is going to be very difficult..... especially when you have, like, dozens of extremely rich families who have been systematically keeping most residents in the same poverty levels for a very long time (all the while continuing to make a lot of money every year for their already rich families).  

 

 

Edited by seanm
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Jawny

I married a woman from a family of 12 siblings. Of those 12, only one is overseas, but not as an OFW.  Hence, I can’t counter seanm assessment with any personal knowledge.  However, I don’t think the assessment of Filipino culture being repressed by wealthy families is really correct.  My wife’s family is not affected by the lack of wealth, but rather the lack of opportunity.  Every sibling is content but does strive for a better life.  For each, that takes on a different view, since some are employed, some are jobless, some are educated and so forth. 

Their happiness comes from having a family that helps each other out, in spite of some wealthy families ignoring their plight. 

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Davaoeno
45 minutes ago, Jawny said:

 

Their happiness comes from having a family that helps each other out, in spite of some wealthy families ignoring their plight. 

That's the line that they like to use- and some even believe it. However in reality it's often a much different story  with some  members of the family living off of other members and nobody doing anything unless they make money by doing so. 

Edited by Davaoeno
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Daisy

Thanks for all the discussions and situations being presented. As to my OP I am referring to an immediate family, no siblings and parents or cousins. The money I sent to my children are for them alone. I consider them lucky and bless because my life is centered on them. And maybe now that I've done paying Alan's hospital bills. I could start investing or would try to have a life here in America. I am forever a positive person and believe that the best is yet to come. In a way I would say I am starting all over again. And if I have made it this far with 10 dollars in my wallet upon arriving here and paying almost a million pesos hospital debt. the future could be even brighter. I am wiser. smarter and yes older 😏

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