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colemanlee

It’s not just foreigners who are expected to splash the cash

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Davaoeno

Thanks Lee. .it's a good read . It's nice to know that some Filipinos encounter the same circumstances  and problems that many foreigners do.

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to_dave007
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, colemanlee said:

To those who are in a similar situation, my advice is: set boundaries, don’t be guilty of loving yourself.

And I would add..  By all means help others in the family...  it's expected..  but decide for yourself how you will help.. and how much..  don't let them decide for you.

Edited by to_dave007
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Laurence

That's not my experience. My wife might send an occasional 5000 php for college fees or for graduation gowns or something. She pays bills, lunches out, savings and vacations for us. It's her money, not mine. 

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Headshot
7 hours ago, Laurence said:

That's not my experience. My wife might send an occasional 5000 php for college fees or for graduation gowns or something. She pays bills, lunches out, savings and vacations for us. It's her money, not mine. 

Just out of curiosity, is your money yours and not ours? I have never had a situation where my wife's money was separate from my money. To me, money, regardless of where it came from, is our money. But then, I was raised to believe that a marriage is a partnership, where both partners contribute their fair share to the family's well being. If both partners are working for money, then the money goes into a common pot and both help around the home. If one partner is working in the home to improve the lives of all family member, then the other partner may be contributing all of the money, but the stay-at-home partner's work is a contribution nonetheless. I guess I am kind of old fashioned that way.

We contribute to her family, but we discuss it first and have an agreement before we contribute anything.

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Davaoeno
8 minutes ago, Headshot said:

a marriage is a partnership,

a 50-50 partnership ?? or do you always have the deciding vote in the partnership  when it comes to spending for her family ?  

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Jester

I see it often and I am not here that much.   Foreigner shows up buying beer and cigarettes for everyone in sight, off to the market and coming back with box's of goodies.   Then they complain that that the Philippinos treat them like a cash machine.  I find it hilarious

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SkyMan

A friend of mine in the states was visiting the family here and at the folks house were not just her siblings but also some cousins and farther.  His wife laid into the layabouts with the riot act and told them that her responsibility was to her son and she would support her parents only to the minimum from then on.  She told them all to go out and get jobs and also support the folks and not come back until they were doing so.  Some of them actually did get jobs.  My friend was so proud of her.

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liquido

I have a single foreign friend that has been living in the RP for Many years..He always told me that he really does like the people here but hates the culture...I tryed to make a little sense about it and then one time I asked him how has he lasted here so long..?He just gave me a funny smile..

I tryed finding that video that someone posted here awhile back with an intelligent younger foreigner guy talking about this very subject how its expected that the successful family member is suppose to support the family and thats why nobody gets ahead and stays in that cycle...

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shadow

I am lucky in that I married an "almost orphan". She has only one brother and her Father, and a shitload of cousins that are much better off than we are. In the early years, the FIL did much to support us when we were down, and now I am only happy to give him some support, his needs are very small. His wife, however, is a leach that everyone in the family hates, and we nipped that bud in it's early blooming stage.

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Soupeod
4 hours ago, Davaoeno said:

a 50-50 partnership ?? or do you always have the deciding vote in the partnership  when it comes to spending for her family ?  

I think mine is reaching 70/30, that means I get into trouble 20% more, with 10% to spare!

Family is very supportive, I am lucky.

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Headshot
5 hours ago, oztony said:

I gotta 90/10 thing going on   (it allows for the rare time that I maybe wrong).....:)

Mine is more like 60/40. I must make a lot more mistakes than you do.

Seriously, when we get a request (usually she gets the request), we talk it over, and if she has good reasoning, I usually go along with whatever she wants to do You would be surprised how often it is her that is against giving money. She is just as aware as I am that we have a finite amount of money. Whatever we spend on her family, we can't spend on our family or ourselves.

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lamoe

Have never been continuously asked for money and only had bad 1 experience with her uncle's wife taking advantage of generosity at restaurant (800P crab and 400p cocktail) - told her never again after that

Her parents building a new house - she (me) , he sisters (2) and brother contributed 10,000P each

She's very generous and does like buying small things for nephew and niece when she visits, usually is a couple of K P total for that and the food she cooks for family during the week

She / me and siblings do contribute every month,  this I knew about before hand and nothing to any others.

 

 

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