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Semper paratus

Southern sayings in the U.S. and maybe Australia to :o)

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Semper paratus

Redneck Application

Last name: ________________
First name:(Check appropriate box)

[_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue
[_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo
[_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann
[_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee
[_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen
[_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue

Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ Not sure
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
Occupation:
[_] Farmer [_] Mechanic
[_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress
[_] Un-employed [_] Dirty Politician

Spouse's Name: __________________________
2nd Spouse's Name: __________________________
3rd Spouse's Name: __________________________
Lover's Name: __________________________
2nd Lover's Name: __________________________

Relationship with spouse:
[_] Sister [_] Aunt
[_] Brother [_] Uncle
[_] Mother [_] Son
[_] Father [_] Daughter
[_] Cousin [_] Pet

Number of children living in household: ___
Number of children living in shed: ___
Number of children that are yours: ___

Mother's Name: _______________________
Father's Name: _______________________(If not sure, leave blank)

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)

Vehicles you own and where you keep them:
___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck          ____ kitchen
____ bedroom   ____ bathroom
____ shed

Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_

Do you have a gun rack?
[_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain:

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
[_] The National Enquirer [_] The Globe
[_] TV Guide [_] Soap Opera Digest
[_] Rifle and Shotgun

___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe:
[_] Weekly
[_] Monthly
[_] Not Applicable

How many teeth? ___
Color of teeth:
[_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow
[_] Brown [_] Black
[_] N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
[_] Red-Man

How far is your home from a paved road?
[_] 1 mile
[_] 2 miles
[_] don't know  

"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."
"It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch."
"He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."
"Have a cup of coffee, it's already been 'saucered and blowed.'"
"She's so stuck up, she'd drown in a rainstorm."
"It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."
"My cow died last night so I don't need your bull."
"Don't pee down my back and tell me it's raining."
"He's as country as corn flakes."
"This is gooder'n grits."
"Busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor."
"If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it."

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Semper paratus

Anyone be wonderin' why American English is a tad bit hard to learn ?

Southern Slang

 

The South is full of colorful language. Here are a few bits I've picked up over the years.

Send me some of yours.

 

Insults

Ugly as homemade sin.

Dumber than a stump.

Older than dirt.

Too poor to pay attention.

Poor as Job’s turkey.

So tight he squeaks.

If brains were leather, he couldn’t saddle a flea.

So clumsy she couldn’t stand up in a cleared 10 acre field.

So lazy he wouldn’t work in a pie factory as a taster.

Even a blind hog sometimes finds an acorn.

If his brains were TNT they wouldn't be enough of it to tip over a bottle cap.

          Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits.

That kid ain't knee-high to a duck.

Your momma's so fat, when she stepped up on the scale to be weighed, it said "To be continued."

He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

She's so stuck up, she'd drown in a rainstorm.

You are full of gas with nowhere to go.

Wisdom

It’s more than I can say grace over.

There’s no need for pockets on a dead man’s coat.

If you lie down with dogs, you’ll get up with fleas.

If you lie down with pigs you’ll get up with mud.

If the good Lord's willin' and the creek don't rise.

 

Color

Run around like a chicken with its head cut off.

A tough row to hoe.

Rougher than a cob.

Older than dirt.

Hotter than Satan’s housecat.

Like white on rice.

That was so good if you put it on top of your head, your tongue would slap your brains out tryin’ to get to it.

Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit. (Meaning, That's amazing or I never thought of that.)

Like trying to herd cats. (something that is hard to do)

It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.

Cute as a toe sack full of puppies.

My cow died last night so I don't need your bull.

Don't pee down my back and tell me it's raining.

He's as country as cornflakes.

Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.

This is gooder'n grits.

Busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor.

If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it.

This will jar your preserves.

It's fixin' to come up a bad cloud.

That dawg don't hunt.

I'ts been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch.

Every now and then, even a blind pig finds an acorn.

He ran like his feet were on fire and his ass was catchin'.

When something is slap wore out, it's "Gone to the Yanks."

Have a cup of coffee, it's already been "saucered and blowed."

Nervous as a cow with a bucktooth calf.

Nervous as a whore in church.

 

Threats

I’ll jerk a knot in your tail.

I’ll snatch you bald headed.

I’ll knock you into next week.

Git outta here an' go let your pups suck! 

Shut up, or I'll slap you stem-whinin'.

I'll whup ya like a rented mule.

Definitiions

a mess of - unit of mass

dern near - almost

et - as in "I et too much at th barberque, Myrtle"

plumb - totally

goshdawg - exclamation

dawg - four legged animal found under the porch

dawggonnit - exclamation of frustration

high tail it - go at a rapid speed

hit the road - leave

hollard - yelled

didjya ever - have you ever

 

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lamoe

Carry me back to the store ( take me to the store)

Boston Coffee (extra cream)

7&7 (whiskey  - Segrams 7 and 7 Up)

Coffee (South Carolina = Chicory coffee- Yankee Coffee = store bought)

Polk (ke)  salad (which is poisonous if not done right)

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Semper paratus

sweet milk = white milk LOL I at first thought they meant chocolate milk. 

One guy I knew always called a mirror, a "lookin' glass". 

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lamoe

Skitching (hanging onto the bumper of a car and riding on snow - hope like hell no dry spot)

Pinners (pink handball thrown against curb to simulate batted ball -  rules for hit, 2nd base, 3rd, home run)

Clincher softball (16"softball that was rock hard at start of game  - mush ball after a few games)

Tops

Yoyos

Pick Up Sticks

All were physical actives

Edited by lamoe

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Semper paratus

NO = I'd rather sandpaper a bobcat's ass in a phone booth.

Everything she's got is right on the showroom floor. 

A new broom sweeps clean, but an old one knows where the dirt is.

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Chris24

"You're the only-est one left in here."

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Semper paratus

Well I'll be jiggered !

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lamoe
2 minutes ago, Semper paratus said:

Well I'll be jiggered !

23 skidoo :oldtimer:

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kaloy

That girl is tighter than two coats of paint!

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CardiacKid
  •  Had a dog looked like you, I shaved his ass and trained him to walk backwards.     I'd rather jack off a Wildcat with a handful of cockle burrs than mess with him.

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