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cookie47

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cookie47

People often ask why I moved from the UK to Australia.

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Davaoeno

Its best not to mislead people - Canadian beaches are only like that 6 months of the year ! 

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Salty Dog

Cookie, Chris and Davaoeno were having a bullshit session.

Cookie: “In Australia we have sheep that are so big they take all day to be shorn.”

Chris: “In Texas our cattle are so big the steaks have to be turned with a fork lift.”

Davaoeno: “That’s nothing, we have women with vaginas this big.” (He then stretched his hands so wide it’d do the biggest fish justice.)

“I can’t believe you mate” Cookie remarked.

“How do you screw them then?” asked Chris.

Davaoeno: “They stretch man, they stretch.”

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A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation.

There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says,
"Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large". 

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, <br>" We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows". 

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asked, "And what are those"? 

The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?"

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1 hour ago, cookie47 said:

a herd of kangaroos

This joke was a copy from the net.

I don't know who wrote it, as a group of Kangaroos is called a "Mob".

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An Italian, a Frenchman and an Aussie were talking about screams of passion.

The Italian said: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest extra virgin olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream, non stop for five minutes."

The Frenchman said: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with special aphrodisiac oil from Provence and then we made passionate love. I made her scream for fifteen minutes straight."

The Aussie said: That's nothing! Last night I massaged my wife, ya'know, all over her body with a special butter. I caressed her entire body with the butter, and then made love and I made her scream for two long hours."

The Italian and Frenchman, are astonished, and asked?, "Two full hours?..... Wow! that's unbelievable. How did you do it to make her scream for two hours?"

The Aussie replied, "I wiped my hands on the curtains."

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