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Ed's Last Will and Testament Ed lived all his life in the Florida Keys and is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons, are with him.  He ask

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Semper paratus

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SkyMan

I was sad because I had no shoes...

 

Until I met a man

 

who was married.

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31 minutes ago, SkyMan said:

I was sad because I had no shoes...

Until I met a man

who was married.

481574987_Meme801.jpg.dac63df4bbfff00abf51c19f773f7fe3.jpg

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Semper paratus

Love............

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't
mean they don't love you with all they have..  Ralph and Edna were both
patients in a mental hospital.  One day while they were walking past the
hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He 
sank to
the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him.  She swam to the bottom and pulled 
him
out.  Edna then took Ralph back to their room.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she
immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now
considered Edna to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news, she said, 'Edna, I have good news 
and
bad news.  The good news is you're being discharged since you were able 
to
rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the
person you love...  I have concluded that your act displays sound
mindedness..

The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe 
belt
right after you saved him.  I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry...  How 
soon
can I go home?'

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Kahuna

A mother-in-law stopped by unexpectedly the recently married couple's house. She knocks on the door, then immediately walks in. She is shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for Jeff to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"Jeff loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy."

The mother-in-law on the way home thought about the love dress. When she got home she got undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and expectantly waited for her husband, lying provocatively on the couch.

Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her naked on the couch.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," she replied.

"Needs ironing," he says" "What's for dinner?"

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SkyMan

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank." 

Passenger: “Who?" 

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. You know him?"

Passenger: "Nope."

Cabbie: "He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time." 

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody." 

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy." 

Passenger: "Sounds like he was really something special." 

Cabbie: "There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right." 

Passenger: "Wow, what a guy!" 

Cabbie: ‘He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman." 

Passenger: "How did you meet him?" 

Cabbie: “I never did actually met Frank. He died and I married his wife

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