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Is having children worth it?

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poby

It's a very good question to ask oneself and for many I think the answer does not come quickly.  Nor should it as it's a life changing decision that can't be undone (at least not past a certain point).

 

My partner wants kids a lot more than I do, but nonetheless after careful consideration, I do want them to happen.   My reasons being:

 

1. It would make Mrs happy and I've no doubt she would be an awesome mother.

2. I'm bored.  Been bored since I retired 12 years ago.  Got plenty of money but nothing interesting to spend it on.  Children would be sometimes entertaining, sometimes, annoying, sometimes damn stressful but overall definitely interesting and help to pass the time.  They would be schooled in Philippines and Australia, hopefully to get the best of each culture.

 

I like to think I could be a good father but I really don't know.  For sure I would be nothing like my own father because I am nothing like my own father.  Which suggests I might be a good one.  But then it takes two to tango.  Hard to be a good father to a bad kid and some kids are just born bad I think.  You roll the dice and you live with what you get because you can't send'm back.

 

Other than in an emergency, I will not be changing diapers.  I have changed close to 3000 diapers in my life (daughter from 2nd marriage) and that's enough.  But Mrs is totally fine with that so not a problem.

 

This assumes we can have children.  After 7 years of cohabitation, there's been no sign of the stork.  We have both been tested and her plumbing is fine as is my junk so we fall into the 10% category of unexplained infertility.  We are about to embark on IVF which has around a 40% success rate per cycle.  It costs around $5000 each time and I have committed myself to a maximum of three cycles.  If it doesn't work we will leave it up to nature and if nature ultimately fails us, well there are certainly advantages to being childless so we will be fine.

 

 

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smokey

It's a very good question to ask oneself and for many I think the answer does not come quickly.  Nor should it as it's a life changing decision that can't be undone (at least not past a certain point).

 

My partner wants kids a lot more than I do, but nonetheless after careful consideration, I do want them to happen.   My reasons being:

 

1. It would make Mrs happy and I've no doubt she would be an awesome mother.

2. I'm bored.  Been bored since I retired 12 years ago.  Got plenty of money but nothing interesting to spend it on.  Children would be sometimes entertaining, sometimes, annoying, sometimes damn stressful but overall definitely interesting and help to pass the time.  They would be schooled in Philippines and Australia, hopefully to get the best of each culture.

 

I like to think I could be a good father but I really don't know.  For sure I would be nothing like my own father because I am nothing like my own father.  Which suggests I might be a good one.  But then it takes two to tango.  Hard to be a good father to a bad kid and some kids are just born bad I think.  You roll the dice and you live with what you get because you can't send'm back.

 

Other than in an emergency, I will not be changing diapers.  I have changed close to 3000 diapers in my life (daughter from 2nd marriage) and that's enough.  But Mrs is totally fine with that so not a problem.

 

This assumes we can have children.  After 7 years of cohabitation, there's been no sign of the stork.  We have both been tested and her plumbing is fine as is my junk so we fall into the 10% category of unexplained infertility.  We are about to embark on IVF which has around a 40% success rate per cycle.  It costs around $5000 each time and I have committed myself to a maximum of three cycles.  If it doesn't work we will leave it up to nature and if nature ultimately fails us, well there are certainly advantages to being childless so we will be fine.

raising children in theory is never like it is in reality ...

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lamoe

It's a very good question to ask oneself and for many I think the answer does not come quickly.  Nor should it as it's a life changing decision that can't be undone (at least not past a certain point).

 

My partner wants kids a lot more than I do, but nonetheless after careful consideration, I do want them to happen.   My reasons being:

 

1. It would make Mrs happy and I've no doubt she would be an awesome mother.

2. I'm bored.  Been bored since I retired 12 years ago.  Got plenty of money but nothing interesting to spend it on.  Children would be sometimes entertaining, sometimes, annoying, sometimes damn stressful but overall definitely interesting and help to pass the time.  They would be schooled in Philippines and Australia, hopefully to get the best of each culture.

 

I like to think I could be a good father but I really don't know.  For sure I would be nothing like my own father because I am nothing like my own father.  Which suggests I might be a good one.  But then it takes two to tango.  Hard to be a good father to a bad kid and some kids are just born bad I think.  You roll the dice and you live with what you get because you can't send'm back.

 

Other than in an emergency, I will not be changing diapers.  I have changed close to 3000 diapers in my life (daughter from 2nd marriage) and that's enough.  But Mrs is totally fine with that so not a problem.

 

This assumes we can have children.  After 7 years of cohabitation, there's been no sign of the stork.  We have both been tested and her plumbing is fine as is my junk so we fall into the 10% category of unexplained infertility.  We are about to embark on IVF which has around a 40% success rate per cycle.  It costs around $5000 each time and I have committed myself to a maximum of three cycles.  If it doesn't work we will leave it up to nature and if nature ultimately fails us, well there are certainly advantages to being childless so we will be fine.

 

The two worst reasons to have kids are - I'm / we're bored - to strengthen our relationship.

 

With kids you can't  keep the receipt in case you don't like the product

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ckfm

Siffing through all the posts it came to me that a lot more substance woud be required to give an educated answer. Those who have kids for example would have to say how much time they actually spend with the upspring and how much of the parenting and work was done by themselves or other people (partne, yaya, whatever).

 

As Roger pointed out, grand children are a joy for most. Why? Because you have them maybe once or twice/week for a certain period of time, maybe a sleepover on the weekend while if you have your own kids on high alert 24/7, it may be not so enjoyable.

 

In my case, having kids and working from home, doing most of the driving, drop offs, pick ups, school work, sickness, making the tough decisions, intervening etc etc. with my oldest kids really wore me out. How can that be fun?

 

Also, so I was told, if you have girls, they usually stay closer to home than the boys, whom you only see when money is in short supply.

 

Some pointed out, it is a personal decision in a very personal environment but what having children will never do, is help a relationship.

 

.

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Soupeod

Hell yea, to answer your question.

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Wrye83

33, no kids and my next vacations to Thailand will be for a vasectomy to make sure that I never have any on accident. I have zero tolerance/patience for kids and I want absolutely nothing to do with them. I don't need kids to complete me or give my life meaning. I would have gotten a vasectomy a couple years ago in the Philippines but the doctor refused because of my age and because "god might have plans for you to have kids later" (had to walked out of her office before I smacked the b***h for being unprofessional and pushing her religious beliefs on her customers).

 

It is really only something you can decide for yourself though. We all have different life goals. To each their own.

 

Sent from my Pixel using Tapatalk

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Daisy

Nothing compares to the fulfilment of having a child. I'm not only referring to literally have one yourself but i would also acknowledged the fact, there are those who don't there own child but took responsibility of being a parents to many by supporting a child's needs. However i respect others who choose not to have...

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JSL-USMC

I have 9 children plus one adopted. I think they are all glad that I had them...with the help of three wives. Youngest is 2, I'm 82. You are really LOST to ask that question.

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colemanlee

I have 9 children plus one adopted. I think they are all glad that I had them...with the help of three wives. Youngest is 2, I'm 82. You are really LOST to ask that question.

Ive got a few myself...youngest 3.5..best thing I ever did...

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Scotsbloke

It seems like many people from my generation are choosing not to have children due to the the cost, time, required sacrifices, etc. Most people with kids say it's the best thing that ever happened to them. But of course nobody wants to admit to regretting their offspring, so I'm not sure it's credible. On the other hand, the thought of being old and childless seems depressing as f&*#.  It seems like people on both sides are biased.

 

Anyone have advice? Any older guys here without kids?

 

Fell free to throw in any general parenting advice as well, like giving birth in USA vs Ph., money considerations, etc.

I have 3 kids aged 14, 16 and 18 next Monday.  I was 39 when my eldest was born and it's the best thing I ever did with my sperm.  Really.  I'm chatting to her now as I'm replying to this as she's had offers from Universities and we're discussing her options.  Obviously I'm divorced from their mama but they stay with me a lot and I pay their dues...which is what blokes do.

 

Kids give unconditional love - even to the worst of fathers.  The sweet spot, though, is to nurture them and simply enjoy what brilliant humans they are.

 

Edit: A few blokes on here have kids in their "3rd age" and, for everything I read, old blokes make good dads. 

Edited by Scotsbloke
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sugbu777

2 daughters aged 34 and 32, 4 grandchildren (3 granddaughters 9, 6 and 4, 1 grandson 19 months)

 

Wouldn't change a thing.

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Lost

You are really LOST to ask that question.

 

No doubt about that, especially when it comes to this topic. I think having kids is a inevitability for me, especially considering I married a Filipina. Most of the input here has been helpful, thanks everyone.

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Scotsbloke

No doubt about that, especially when it comes to this topic. I think having kids is a inevitability for me, especially considering I married a Filipina. Most of the input here has been helpful, thanks everyone.

Well most of us want to breed.  That you're asking the questions puts you among the good guys.  BTW  kids need dads ad the more 'hands on' you are the more rewarding it'll be for you and your future wee ones.

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Sven

 

 

I have 3 kids aged 14, 16 and 18 next Monday.... Obviously I'm divorced from their mama but they stay with me a lot and I pay their dues...

I'm curious why that is so obvious :-)

Because teenage kids break relationships?

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RayJ

I don't have kids, and I would not have made a good father. I was work driven my entire life, and obsessive compulsive, so I did the right thing in being single until my filipina wife came along. If you are not career driven, and have time for them, and you like kids, it's probably the right thing to do. My wife is a great mother to her 2 daughters and I think most Filipinas who were raised right, would be good mothers too. So I had instant family, next best thing I guess.

Edited by RayJ
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