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  1. 24 points
    Good article by a Filipino https://philippineslifestyle.com/cash-filipino-families-foreigners/?fbclid=IwAR1Gt-viVqCZPNN3drbwxbFXq2Oyx2wVgskHKh-tAGkTv_vz-_EBhQPbMX4 Opinion: It’s not just foreigners who are expected to splash the cash MARCH 30, 2019 BY GUEST WRITER1 COMMENT Foreigners who marry into Filipino families often complain of being seen as “walking cash machines” by an ever-widening circle of relatives. While some are happy to share their good fortune without question, others are forced to risk ill-will by limiting — or stopping altogether — the flow of cash to the in-laws. However, the social minefield of how to help those in need without creating a culture of dependency is something that many successful Filipinos also have to navigate. Here, Steven de Guzmán, a computer scientist currently living in Spain, recounts his experience: I guess it’s time to share my story here so that foreigners will understand the cultural differences. I know that it is better to send out positive vibes, but it doesn’t mean avoiding talking about the negative side of our culture as if it doesn’t exist. (Dear fellow Filipinos who get triggered easily, please stop reading beyond this point…) This is darkest side of the Filipino culture that I personally experienced, and fairly common in poor families. I am from a lower middle class family of five. We have a complacent family culture and unclear family values, and I realized this after traveling and knowing other cultures. I grew up parenting myself. It was crystal-clear that I was the academic superstar in the family and would achieve greater things in life (I studied in La Salle & Ateneo, had good jobs in the Philippines, worked abroad, etc.). I didn’t get any validation from my parents. Instead, I got additional responsibilities, under the guise of equality: You kids should love each other and maintain family harmony; it’s just money that you can’t bring to heaven Your siblings will help you when it’s your time to need help (Never happened). At least you’re the one who has the means to help, not the one who needs to ask others for money. Your education was expensive, it’s payback time (My sisters went to expensive schools too. Sure, mine was the most expensive, but I studied in the most reputable private school and I have the highest ROI) You got “lucky” with your jobs and your siblings simply didn’t. (As if I didn’t study hard and it was a mere coincidence to graduate from a reputable university. As if I didn’t handle political drama in the corporate world. As if I didn’t have to commute for hours to reach Makati everyday.) In short: they want equality in privileges but not equality in responsibilities. In old Asian traditions, parents see children as investments who will eventually take care of them when they get old, so they don’t have to save money. For a decade, I was giving most of my money to them, and I am still in the process of financially recovering. Every time I had a salary increase, their expectations only increased more. My main problem with the setup, surprisingly, was not the money, because I was brainwashed that I am the designated “padre de familia”. My main problem was the fact that they set the bad decisions while I am supposed to be the enabler. My parents and my siblings want to pass the same unsustainable culture of complacency to the next generation, grooming my nieces and nephews as future brats. So I ended up paying for their tuition but I didn’t have the right to dictate their study habits. I am not their dad when it comes to setting responsibilities, but it changes to “if you love them, pay for them” when they need money. My mom was also hoarding a lot of unnecessary things, from clothes to grocery. When I asked her to budget, she got defensive and made more excuses (e.g., the cost of living is getting higher, we need to have a third floor because we have a lot of things). I don’t have any allies in my family, because they all benefit from the unfair setup. I was also labeled as the “Hitler” who only knows discipline and not love. My sisters and my mom told me that I shouldn’t judge their parenting style because I am not yet a parent, so I said they shouldn’t judge my level of discipline because they haven’t achieved any of my success. It came to a point where I had to limit my monthly contribution to “only” 30k/month, and I was suddenly seen as selfish. They reacted to it as if they suddenly had to set extreme austerity measures. Eventually, I got fed up with all of these injustices against me. What happened next?: I moved out and stopped giving them money. People should learn the consequences of their life decisions, and I can’t always learn these things on their behalf. It’s also time to love myself — I am currently living in Madrid (not working full-time), and will study masters next school year in another country. It’s time to prioritize my own life goals. Personally, I don’t mind giving money, it’s a part of our culture and I am much richer than all of them. But in return I expect each of them to do their part by working well and by setting the right culture to their kids. To those who are in a similar situation, my advice is: set boundaries, don’t be guilty of loving yourself.
  2. 16 points
    Hate to think how much we have donated to the Phils economy. The largest single amount was p300+K towards heart surgery for our nephews newborn. sadly the child died. We always made it a gift and never ever expected anything to be returned because like HTM says, we are adults and know the ropes so no bitching about it. We now sponsor 20 kids (Not relatives) through secondary at Panalipan and will try to send them further if they have a fair dinkum go. Two nieces we sponsored in the past through secondary then four years of uni have rewarded us greatly by being totally successful. One was second out of hundreds in Criminology in last year of uni and is now employed by the PNP and has set up a business for her olds. The other qualified after 4 years in hospitality and has since worked full time in a Cebu city restaurant and supports her widowed mom. The only thing we ask of these kids is to pay it back when they can, to another young kid who needs help. They have got that type of thinking now and we are already seeing results of that. No regrets.
  3. 13 points
    A lot of interest in this thread so let me explain why we like to help the kids when we can........... My wife was the youngest girl in a large loving but money poor family at Panalipan. After grade five her parents simply could not afford the few peso to send her for further schooling, which broke her heart. Fortunately her eldest sister had a modest job in Cebu city and sponsored my sweety through school and on to uni where she passed commerce. Before my time, (and since) my wife was a hard working successful business woman and sole parent of two boys. Near twenty years ago we met and our marriage has been a great success in every way, a great partnership. Her drive and ability has been a Godsend and things have gone very well for us and our children. About ten years ago we hired Danny to take us to this eldest sisters family home in the interior way down south. This was my first time down there and to meet the extended family, so on the way we collected a big bag of bread rolls etc for snacks. These were passed around and I couldn't help but notice a little boy was 'nursing' his bread roll although I could see he really wanted to eat in. I asked and found out that his little sister was asleep and he wanted to wait until she awoke so he could share his bread roll with her. That amazed me.. here I was sixty odd and schooled in what really matters by a four year old! I never forgot those kids and that lesson, and helping the less fortunate kids we do now and seeing the happiness and love in their eyes, I now know why he waited to share his bread roll with his little sister.. Here is a picture of that day. (They are much older now so not recognisable from this)
  4. 13 points
    @towboat,yes same we are now the "Bad" people. Over 18 years....... Building new house (big, concrete) which i might add was going to be for our retirement. High school x2 University degrees (San Carlos) x2. Fully funded including transport and uniform, daily needs. Trips to Singapore to get a job, (more like a frigin holiday). Set up Sari sari store, (broke in 6 months) Internet cafe. (gone in 3 months). ALL family run. Took 18 years for wife to work out she was being taken for a ride by her sister and so on. I had good job in Aus and just kept my head down and as we had no children (and not capable to have) i thought i was doing the right thing. Eventually had a Big row with her sister and now they all x5 wont talk to us. Which turns out to be great. The word Lend... The word Lend does not mean the same as my culture. Lend to me is you expect the money to be returned "somehow "sometime" Or at least talk about it.. Lend in the Philippines means "you got no chance of getting that back". Lastly the above does not imply i don't like the Philippines only "part of it". We now live here full time, retired and are quite happy in our gated Subdivision where nobody can arrive with their hands out, yes,, sounds harsh but we learnt the hard way. Was some of it my fault,,, yes but that's life. Sent from my Redmi Note 3 using Tapatalk
  5. 13 points
  6. 13 points
    I gotta 90/10 thing going on (it allows for the rare time that I maybe wrong).....
  7. 12 points
    Sounds like a bunch of us are married into the same family....must turn them out like cookie cutters...over the years we have managed to piss off five out of the six siblings the wife has...so they dont talk or have anything to do with us anymore...need I say over them expecting the wife to support them as she is married to a foreigner and should share the wealth. I won't go into numbers, just say it took me and exceedingly long time to learn my lesson...to a sum I wish I had back. Actually my story sounds a great deal like Cookie47
  8. 12 points
    It's all about 'GIVE and TAKE' Just a pity it's often a one way street! We only support our Lola and schooling for many kids these days. If the kids don't respond with a good school effort, we stop payin' ... simple
  9. 11 points
    Yup. The comments above describe the normal situation. Anyone here, far from the city, who saw something done once is an expert. Anyone who can actually skillfully do anything left for the big city a long time ago and is not coming back. Yet I love it in a way. Carefree. Live in the moment. Libertarian and irresponsible. Bite my tongue and quietly re-do the multitudes of flubs. Some things are difficult to fix though. Would have been nice to have the new shower floor slope toward the drain instead of out the door. No tool was ever bought here if some extra labor could do the job instead. Don't own a level? Or know how to use one? No problem, hire 3 more guys to stand back and eyeball the floor. Worked once before!
  10. 11 points
  11. 11 points
  12. 10 points
    My wife always asks me if she can do or buy something. She will even call me on the phone when she is out and ask. I always tell her she doesn't need my permission. If she wants it or we need it, then buy it. I trust her and know she is very frugal. She's not a big mall person. Her idea of a fun shopping day is shopping at thrift stores. We are heading to Alaska next month and she needed some warm boots and a nice coat. She was shopping online for them and was lucky to get them at a 50% off sale at Eddie Bauer. She would never have paid the full price, but getting quality items that are guaranteed for life was too good to pass up. Of course she still asked if she could buy them...
  13. 10 points
    While I was still living there, every so often I would give two of her sisters P10,000 each. You would have thought I had given them $1,000. They used it to buy children's clothing and of course a giant bag of rice. They never asked for any money or acted like they expected it. They were always thankful. Whenever we visited her home, we would hire her brother-in-law to drive us around. He would take the day off anyway to be with us, so it seemed only fair to compensate him nicely for his losses. He was also very appreciative. If we ate at a siblings house, we would buy the food for them to prepare. Usually some nice fish that they couldn't normally afford. A trip to JolliBee's was a treat for them as well. Even with 10-12 of us, the cost was negligible. When we participated in some activity with the family, I always paid, but it was because I wanted to. More often than not, the activity was our idea anyway. Usually some family outing to the beach or the hot springs park. Her father would ask for a few peso to buy some cigarettes or a bottle of booze. When he died last year, each of the siblings (6 total) pitched in to cover expenses. My wife sent P10,000. That's about the extent of our monetary participation in the family.
  14. 10 points
    Living in the Philippines rule # 1; Always remain worth more alive than you would be dead.
  15. 9 points
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  17. 9 points
    The last time we let family members borrow money was when we paid for a nephew taking seamans classes. Did not really want to do it but did it anyway.Ever time ,it was only need P 10,000 more.Finally he got job.After 6 months my wife ask about a repay plan,never happened. Finally after three years wife told her aunt she wanted payments. Now we are the bad people,because the seaman can no longer send b/b boxes home with gifts for the family.
  18. 9 points
  19. 9 points
    It appears to have collapsed to a point that it is no longer visible....
  20. 8 points
  21. 8 points
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  23. 8 points
    I hope. I ordered my Ranger from Global City Ford in Manila. When I was told I could pick it up I was unable to get the dealer to take the truck to Ziebart to get the bed sprayed. I called Ziebart and asked them if they could do it? (Yes, Rhino liner, p45K). How long to do it? (3days) If I bring in the truck tomorrow, Tuesday, could it be done by Saturday morning? (Yes) Flew to manila, picked up the truck, drove to Ziebart. Sir, no stock. Called other outlets in the area, no stock. So why was I told it could be done Saturday if you have no stock? Crickets. Aaaaargghh! Drove to NAIA long term parking and flew home. Saturday back to Manila with the wife and drove home. Later found there's a Line-x dealer in NCR too and they take about 6 hours maybe. p45K also but both of those quotes were actually without seeing the truck. I told them single cab Ranger but I doubt it registered that that meant a regular and not short bed but I was prepared for the likely price increase. Back in Cebu. There was a Ziebart dealer near the country club but no more. Then Line-X opened in CDO but ferry cost was too much. Considered driving back to the NCR Line-X but back burnered. There's also floating Line-X dealer that calls itself Line-X Cebu but mainly near Duma now and he said 3 days and also said the p45K price did not include the UV coating so more for that. Also back burnered as I'm not crazy about staying in Duma for 3-4 days and if I did the wife would want to go along and can't because she's in school now. So then I was looking for a place to do a lift on the truck and got a recommendation for Pyeza in Sabangdaku Mandaue (has a few names like Pyeza auto accessories, Pyeza parts, Pyeza 4X4, etc.) I found them on fb and was chatting with Jed who owns or at least manages Pyeza, is knowledgeable, has perfect English, and is as responsive as a manager can be. I met him today and he said he's never been to the US but studied at San Carlos so they must have a great English program there. Anyway, after chatting about lift options I happened to ask them if he knew where I could get a spray in bedliner and he said they were the authorized dealer for Raptor Liner in Cebu. So I asked about doing my bed and he quoted p30K. They normally use about 4 liters for a short bed (4 door) so he figured 6 for my truck. Then if they need more than 6 liters, p5K per liter and Raptor Liner is UV safe. I had looked at Raptor before and in the US it's really a DIY product and I had considered ordering it and doing the job myself. An 8 liter kit runs $200 on Amazon and includes the sprayer but getting it shipped over would add some cost and would probably have to go in a BBBox anyway because paint is a banned item on ShippingCart. So there's the p30K right there. If you're interested in Raptor Liner, besides black, they also make a tintable version for the same price so you can match the vehicle color if you want. Also, the job requires sanding the paint so it sticks right and sanding and taping are some of my less favorite activities so I'm quite happy to let them do it. So now my truck is there getting it on and I won't be concerned with people climbing on the back stepping on the bed rails or sliding boxes of stuff in. Yeah!! I may eventually get some of the Raptor Liner and do a few things myself like bumpers and rocker panels but this is good for now.
  24. 8 points
    i really don't understand bisaya all that well but from what our helpers heard he was upset that his former lover from davao sold his 2 units but still intends on visiting often.
  25. 8 points
    For the 2nd time my citi cc was hacked, first time was 2 years ago and got me for around $3000.00 all used on phone calls in and around the middle east. This time cc was used in the usa for a purchase for $14.00. Citi cover the loss each time. Seems this happens whenever i use my cc for booking motels and flights using online booking sites as i havnt used my citi cc for foreign purchases in country i am visiting or the philippines. I did use a visa cc in the ph 1 time to purchase a microwave so far no hack on visa. I caught this hack because i have alerts set up for anything over a $.01 purchase notifies me by e-mail my card has been used. Citi sent me a new card via DHL with online delivery tracking and from the usa it took exactly 6 days for new card to be back in my hands.
  26. 8 points
  27. 8 points
  28. 8 points
  29. 8 points
    Several years ago we put a niece through 3 years of college. She dropped out, shacked up with a guard, has 2 kids, no marriage,. Never again for any family member. What a waste of money and time. Lesson learned. No one dare even ask since then. Oh and this guard kid crashed his motorbike somewhere where he wasn't supposed to be instead of being at work, had of course a head injury, and hasn't worked since. That was about 6 months ago. Can't fix stupid.
  30. 8 points
    A friend of mine in the states was visiting the family here and at the folks house were not just her siblings but also some cousins and farther. His wife laid into the layabouts with the riot act and told them that her responsibility was to her son and she would support her parents only to the minimum from then on. She told them all to go out and get jobs and also support the folks and not come back until they were doing so. Some of them actually did get jobs. My friend was so proud of her.
  31. 8 points
    The first green dot I picked was in Castaic , CA. Classic rock. So Nice. http://radio.garden/live/toulouse/radiopresence My buddy says Listen to what’s going on in the rest of the world..... The green dots on this Google Earth represent a radio station anywhere in the world. Click on any one of the dots and you will immediately listen to that station with very good sound. I especially liked Dublin, halfway up Ireland's east coast, with Irish pub music. Any of you who are multi-lingual will certainly enjoy this. I
  32. 8 points
  33. 8 points
  34. 8 points
    The four loops in a typical highway cloverleaf are designed for space ships to land in.
  35. 7 points
    All the best for you both. Reading this reminds me of meeting my now wife face to face for the first time after more than a year of phone calls, emails etc. Likewise we both agreed to meet and either had the right to walk away at any time, no hard feelings. We met, and like you we spent several days together and fortunately we just clicked. Went to Panalipan (past Danao) to meet her two young boys and family. I came back to Cebu about a month later and we were married at Montebello (great venue) and the rest is history. That was nearly twenty years ago and the best thing I ever did. I ended up with a great wife, partner and best friend and two adopted sons who are terrific. I hope you two can make it also, be tolerant, patient and open minded and you will.
  36. 7 points
    AirAsia apologises for 'Get off in Thailand' advert https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-australia-47694416 😅
  37. 7 points
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  42. 7 points
  43. 7 points
    I am lucky in that I married an "almost orphan". She has only one brother and her Father, and a shitload of cousins that are much better off than we are. In the early years, the FIL did much to support us when we were down, and now I am only happy to give him some support, his needs are very small. His wife, however, is a leach that everyone in the family hates, and we nipped that bud in it's early blooming stage.
  44. 7 points
    Thanks Lee. .it's a good read . It's nice to know that some Filipinos encounter the same circumstances and problems that many foreigners do.
  45. 7 points
    I feel better now. https://www.healthyfoodhouse.com/neuroscientists-say-your-forgetfulness-is-a-sign-of-extraordinary-intelligence/
  46. 7 points
    Thats why we fly Cathay Pacific thru Hong Kong ...to avoid Manila and land direct Cebu .... and the Philippine Airlines like to stitch you up on luggage on the leg out of Manila also ...land with 22 kg's and then only have allowance for 15 on the domestic ...add a couple thousand pesos to your bill .... that and delayed flights ...stuff ups whatever ....all I can say is avoid Manila all together , I have done the journey probably 35 times or so and can say that it is easier and cheaper to re route in another neighboring country and land direct into Cebu than it is to go anywhere near Manila .....(for me anyway)......
  47. 7 points
  48. 7 points
    You're a millionaire, and you can't afford to take an annual trip outside the Philippines once a year ? My mate on an Australian pension does that with 4 kids. Are u sure you've done your research correctly ? ( Or am I missing something ? ) Tourist visa's will cost you 20,000 ( $ ? ) A month ? Sent from my Mi A2 Lite using Tapatalk
  49. 7 points
  50. 7 points
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