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Kahuna

42,000 Match Sphere Gets Lit

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Kahuna

What happens when you start gluing matches together? Because the heads are slightly wider than the wooden bodies, they begin to form a sphere. This was an experiment in how many matches it would take to get all the way around to make a perfect globe. After months of gluing and gluing

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Alfred E. Neuman

Looked like the Sun for a brief moment.

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ahoy53

Someone has way to much time on their hands lol

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Travis

This reminds me of that one time.

So I used to be a bar manager. They were fun times with lots of fighting and fu*king going on. A good night had lots of both.

 

Any way I always worked night shift like a good bar manager should.  I hired circuit bands from as far away as Alaska and New york. The nights were hopping the bands were rocking and the fights were often. Boredom never came to this bar . That is until I had to go in one day and work the dreaded day shift. Talk about a long boring day with nothing to do. Or was it?

This bar was in a hotel and the lobby was  located directly outside the bar doors. The doors were always propped open so the guests could see in to the bar.  Day shift got the occasional guest poking their head in the door to see what the bar looked like and once in a while a coffee drinker would come in to socialize and clear the cobwebs from the night before. Other than that it was eight hours of utter hell. It ranked up there with watching paint dry 

During my day shift I got the wise idea to cut the heads off of a few thousand wooden matches. I spent some hours chopping just the head of the wooden match off. I threw the wooden stick part in the garbage and kept the match heads. I cut and cut until I had a black plastic ashtray mounded up with thousands of tiny match heads. This was pre smoking ban era so matches and ashtrays were common place in the bar business.

Seven hours into my shift things lit up a  bit. There was a small supply room that us bartenders stored extra cups and booze bottles in, the ice machine was also in the same room. At times it was used for other nefarious purposes but those stories are for another time.  I placed the mound of match heads on the concrete floor of the supply room and struck a match. I fully expected this thing to flare up and form a flame about a foot high, boy was I wrong.

The ceiling in the supply room was about nine feet high. The four walls were about ten feet apart from each other and the open door lead into the bar.   When the match heads first lit they started to sizzle, some smoke puffed out and the flames rose a few inches above the ashtray.  Everything was moving in slow motion at this point in time. The sound of the sizzling matches the dancing flames and the small billow of smoke was mesmerizing. I paused for a short moment to watch the beauty of my creation. That is, until things got out of control. 

 The sizzle sound was quickly replaced by an ever increasing roar. The flames shot up from the ashtray in a quick assent towards the ceiling. Smoke filled the room and the flames burned my face.  I jumped back from the flames . The flames shot up nine feet and started to travel across the ceiling, rolling across the ceiling  towards the rack on the far wall that held stack's of plastic cups, piles of napkins and empty booze bottles. Visibility  quickly went to zero. The only thing that i could see through the thick smoke were the flames dancing as they hungered for more combustible material.  

I jumped out of the room coughing and gagging as the smoke followed me. I quickly  grabbed a handful of ice and placed it on my burnt cheek as i watched the towering inferno rage on. 


The flames were dying  down now so I thought the worst part was over. But I thought way too quickly. The air flow form the buildings AC system and the massive heat from the fire had pushed the smoke into the bar and out into the lobby where quests were checking in.  The guests all had astonished looks on their faces as they peered in through the smoke at me as I tried to coughed and wheezed my way back to health. Come to think of it  I must have looked pretty silly to them as I was standing there, bent over holding ice on my face engulfed in a plume of smoke.                                                                                                                                              

My first thought was to run over and shut the two wooden bar doors that seperated the lobby and bar, but it was too late for that. The lobby was now on the path of least resistance and the smoke was fast on it way, rushing towards a group of tired and weary travelers. I tried to put a cheery smile  on my face as i assured the quests that everything was going to be ok. They didn't look as if they were buying what I had to sell.  Maybe it was the concerned tone of my voice or the rosy red tint of my burned face that clued them off. Or maybe,  just maybe, it was the burning smoke that was starting to fill their lungs.

In hindsight I should have flashed the quests the motley crue hand sign and performed my best air guitar solo. After all I was sporting a mullet in those days. Head banging in a smoke filled room  while sporting hand horns was the norm at that time..

All eyes were on me and I desperately need an escape. As the guests coughed and wheezed i peered through smoke looking for anything that would elevate the shame that i was now feeling. . I thought that I had caught a glimpse of an angel through the haze . Could it be her? This early. My shift wasn't over yet.

Through the smoke filled room i heard the familiar clip clop of high heel shoes fastly approaching. As the sound sound grew near i was to be able to see her long tanned legs swiftly approaching. Could it really be her? This early in the day?  Yes it was her!!!  It was my relief bartender coming in to take over the bar for the night shift. 

We both paused and stared at each other for a second. She paused ,trying to figure out what the hell was going on. I paused with a sigh of relief

 Her astonished look and quick questions as to what happened were abruptly met with my rock solid reply. "Trust me!!  Don't worry about it. I have everything under control here""   It worked!!  My guardian angel bought it. She clocked in and came on shift. I was able to leave the smoke filled bar and escape to the clean air outside while retaining some of my dignity.

As I walked out into the parking, breathing a sigh of relief, I  lot I thought to myself, this calls for a smoke

 Any one got a match?

 

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Mr. Mike

Well, I hope you learned your lesson young man.

Edited by Mr. Mike
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