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    • Paul

      New Members: Click Here   03/09/2017

      Hello. If you are a new member, and feel a bit apprehensive about posting in the "open" forums, or, just wish to get your "sea legs" prior to posting in the open forums, feel free to post anything you wish to talk about, in the Newbies Forum. No one will bother you, or give you any sort of grief. Everyone there is happy to help you get answers to your questions.

Topper

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1,696 Really bored when not online.

About Topper

  • Rank
    Topper
  • Birthday 12/29/1947

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Colorado, USA
  • My Blood Type
    A-
  • Interests
    Camping, Fishing, Competition rifle and pistol shooting and other outdoor activities.

Philippines Experience

  • Philippines
    Visited 6 to 9 trips

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  1. A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II In light of your failure in recent years... to nominate competent candidates for public office in the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.) Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy). Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: ----------------------- 1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary'). ------------------------ 2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.' ------------------- 3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. ----------------- 4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse. ---------------------- 5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. ---------------------- 6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour. -------------------- 7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $4/per liter. Get used to it. ------------------- 8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar. ------------------- 9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are kilo for kilo the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion. --------------------- 10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater. --------------------- 11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
  2. Thanks poby. I couldn't have said it better myself. That's how I feel about the one I'm married to, but you said it much better than I could. You also have a nice flare in your writing style. Thanks for sharing your experiences.
  3. It's a crazy world, but I'm a happy guy! Where else but Colorado.
  4. Forrest Gump knew it.....stupid is as stupid does. Forrest was pretty smart compared to that crew.
  5. He probably had a few arrest warrants against him for some serious crimes and didn't want to be caught. Like having a weapon on him. We would have stopped for the officer and tried to "straighten things out", but criminals do not think like us. I just hope they catch that %*#+ and put him away for good.
  6. Stop it....you guys are Quacking me up.
  7. I gave up too. She wound up going to a driving school where she fared a little better. She eventually got her driving lic and does well as long as she doesn't get on the highway. She has not had an accident and it has been about 9 years now. Gotta give the girl credit where credit is due.
  8. At least it is a good way to teach her hand signals. I had to teach my wife left from right first.
  9. Do you know how you can make a cat sound like a dog? It's easy. Just pour gasoline on him and then throw a match on him He'll go WOOOOOOF
  10. LOL...I was talking about the quote from Teddy Roosevelt.
  11. I love the quote at the end of your message. No truer words were ever spoken. Thanks Kid.
  12. I know how you feel Paul. When I found out I put my head in the oven. Next thing you know they are going to tell us there is no such person as Santa Clause. What's the world coming to?
  13. That's the part that gets me. For 8 years the Democrats did nothing but complain how the Republicans were blocking their efforts to move ahead, but when it comes time for them to step up to the plate and help out, they are nowhere to be found. SSDD. It seems to me that they, the Politicians, need to be reminded that they work for the American people and their job is only temporary at that. Their allegiance is misguided. It doesn't belong to any party, but the American people. Let's hope that Trump can come up with a plan where both sides can finally get together and work things out. There is no shame in compromising.
  14. Dad burnit!!! I know he used to know Hoss from the Ponderosa. I was thinking he would get a "kick" out of this joke.