[fredanna]

We are still planning to visit there in the Phils..............but I don't think it will be for the two months that I set our plane tickets for.
Either my wife will stay by herself or I'll return with my son to the USA after one month. She can stay for the two months. I would not be able to sleep knowing my son is in the Phils with the various things that can happen to living human beings in a third world counrty. Dog bites........(dog been vaccinated for Rabies....a joke in the Phils)........He would have to watched continually.........cuts, scrapes (infections from a filthy environment)........other children bullying him because he looks a little different. (possibly my angry thinking right now)


PLEASE GIVE ME HONEST ADVICE...lay it on me.............I need some down-to-earth thoughts from your hearts.

I, personally, do not think I can handle the daily schedule of loud chattering and laughing in addition to our son's excitement about life. I'll be 64, possibly, AUG 9. I no longer attend very many of our get-togethers here in the USA coz of the noise and karaoke singing from a TV turned up to full distorted volume!!!!
Maybe I have entered "old geezer status" Sorry, but that's me. I keep busy around the house and in my electronic world with Ham radio to escape reality.....Sorry again.........

If I could accidently be meeting with folks from this forum, they, plus my wife and son and one of my in-laws would be the only people that speak English.
Who the hell am I going to talk to for 60 days? Watching TFC in the evenings as I recover from the day of "out-and-about" and the heat. I don't know about my idea to stay there for 2 mos.
The few very warm and humid days we have had here in Western Pa. has me wondering about even retiring there in the Phils with your Summer where there's a heat index of 114 during the day and 105 at night. I would be house-bound most of the time. Only go out at night after sunset or before 10AM in the morning.

So, please, comments and even criticism........Any alternatives to my thoughts and possible decisions????

Thanks
Fred

[broden]

sounds like cold feet .. but that's ok .. doesn't much matter actually if it is or not

i'd prepare my wife for the worst ... tell her that you plan to stay for a month as opposed to two but she is of course welcome to stay for longer .. but you want to take your son when you go

after that she's prepared and perhaps when that month is up you can surprise her with news she will find very happy .. if you find by then you've changed your mind

[A_Simple_Man]

Just two comments. Do whatever makes you happy. And 2, if you are in the Philippines and it is getting you down, go stay a couple of nights in a fancy resort like the Hilton or something similar. It will give you a feeling of being home and it sounds like money is not a big issue for you. Staying in a fancy resort here is no more expensive than doing it in the US.

I've known a handful of people who have had to do that because they just did not adjust, but they sure gave it a good shot.

[NOSOCALPINOY]

Fred,

I don't blame you of all of your concerns at your age! I'll be 62 this year and I too hate all the unnecessary loud noise of any kind and crowds! But you see, life is what you make it to be no matter one lives! We live in a subdivision which is safe, quiet and clean! No barking dogs, crowing roosters, loud nightclub music or traffic noise! And we don't have any relatives living with us, it's just the two us the way we like it! It may be hot here, but what's air conditioning for?
My wife and I have lived in the Philippines for a total of 24 yrs and the thought of vacationing in the U.S. for long extend periods of time don't appeal to us, 3 weeks is all we can handle! But I guess you, your wife and your son will be visiting your wife's relatives and you have little say in where you will be staying! Well, all I can say is good luck and enjoy your vacation! Like some one suggested, stay in a nice hotel or resort with all the amenities if you can afford it!

This post has been edited by NOSOCALPINOY: 07 June 2010 - 10:31 PM

[Panserhansen]

Sounds like you're staying two months in her parent's place?

Where in RP is this? If possible and affordable, why not try to find a nearby resort where you can live, and instead pay them a visit now and then - having the possibility to meet some other expats?

[Willie]

You've gotten good suggestions about staying in higher-end accommodations, at least part of the time. My sense is that you had better compromise your needs a bit on this trip because I would guess that any trip home would be pretty damn important to your wife. Like a gift for her. Come with an attitude of giving her a wonderful trip home even if it's not your best comfort zone. On living here full-time, make the best of the trip to use as evaluation data for your decision. Big one to me would seem longer term where do you want to educate your child, but those really important years won't come until middle school -- hitting high school in full stride in preparation for college/vocational school. Not saying this all couldn't happen in RP. And Fred, my God, you're not even close to old, age is a state of mind...

This post has been edited by Willie: 07 June 2010 - 10:37 PM

[JamesMusslewhite]

If you love her then suck it up and give her the honest time. She gave up a lot for you to move to the US, and probably works hard to make a life for you and you child. You can not give her 60 days without worrying about your being inconvenienced? Can you try to sound more selfish? You should sleep on the ground, sweat you balls off, eat dried fish and rice, and give your wife some dignity in front of her family. If you love her and respect her it should not be a problem. She knows how to live here, she is a big girl, and she will know what to do better than you ever would. There are no dogs that bite in the US, poisonous snakes, bugs, viruses, germs, mean kids? It sounds like you may be having other issues on your mind, and may be just looking for excises to justify your mistrust of coming here.

You just might have a good time and have a real adventure with your family. See the sites, go fishing, take boat rides, go to great beaches, mellow out, and enjoy yourself. You are not ready to be an old dull gizzer yet, 64 is not that old to be acting like you are too old to have fun. Do not come here and just sit in a room, complain about everything, and act like a pampered spoiled ass. Unless you are one, if so, then do everyone a favor and just stay home and let her come by herself with the child.

You just do not trust that she is good enough to bring your son to the home of her birth? She and your son will do better here than you; and if that is your fear, then they will do better here without you. Just stay home, sit in the air conditioning, playing with the knobs on your radio, and wait to just die; or get off you high horse, get off your big butt, and come here and live a little. How may more times will you have the opportunity to have a real adventure with your son and family? Hell you could just roll over and die before you get another chance, hell we all might die tomorrow, so have fun and live today.

This post has been edited by JamesMusslewhite: 07 June 2010 - 11:24 PM

[Alan S]

Quote

keep busy ....in my electronic world with Ham radio to escape reality

This may well be your salvation.

There are plenty of active hams in the Philippines, plus, on HF, you would be an "exotic" contact to many on HF.
(Be even more exotic on VHF. lol)


http://www.para.org.ph/ will give you some local details, plus some of the clubs and meetings, which may occupy some of your spare time.

[fredanna]

Panserhansen, on 07 June 2010 - 11:16 PM, said:

Sounds like you're staying two months in her parent's place?

Where in RP is this? If possible and affordable, why not try to find a nearby resort where you can live, and instead pay them a visit now and then - having the possibility to meet some other expats?

Thanks to all replying, I'm reading each one.
We are renting a room in a house in Talisay City. It has some nice anemties like a terrace with sort of a view, A/C, running water, TV in a non air-conditoned Sala,and a non-air-conditioned game room, kitchen, laundry.
all of the anemities had to be negotiated...........phone, 24/7 use of the A/C, internet. My wife's concern may be legitimate........no privacy......location.........dunno
The price seemed good $700USD for 2 mos stay. The family has located another "condo" and took some pics. I would hate to cancel the one, as I have worked with the lady who "operates" / Rents the rooms. It's a very big room with it's own shower. About the size of a typical Pension house type.

Fred

[fredanna]

JamesMussleWhite and Willie,
Thanks for real reality.
You two and the others are 100% absolutely right and I have been revived to make this work no matter what.

God Is Good and HE answered my prayers with your responses.
My wife found a condo, where it's a lot more expensive but a lot closer to my comfort zone. She was well aware of comfort zones and my habits a lot more than I thought.

So we're having a revival here.
Thanks my dear friends from "living in Cebu" I hope I see some or all.

Fred

[Panserhansen]

fredanna, on 07 June 2010 - 11:26 PM, said:

Panserhansen, on 07 June 2010 - 11:16 PM, said:

Sounds like you're staying two months in her parent's place?

Where in RP is this? If possible and affordable, why not try to find a nearby resort where you can live, and instead pay them a visit now and then - having the possibility to meet some other expats?

Thanks to all replying, I'm reading each one.
We are renting a room in a house in Talisay City. It has some nice anemties like a terrace with sort of a view, A/C, running water, TV in a non air-conditoned Sala,and a non-air-conditioned game room, kitchen, laundry.
all of the anemities had to be negotiated...........phone, 24/7 use of the A/C, internet. My wife's concern may be legitimate........no privacy......location.........dunno
The price seemed good $700USD for 2 mos stay. The family has located another "condo" and took some pics. I would hate to cancel the one, as I have worked with the lady who "operates" / Rents the rooms. It's a very big room with it's own shower. About the size of a typical Pension house type.

Fred

If you're so uncertain about the place, find another. I would never stay two months I don't like to please someone I worked with before. 1BR in Sarrosa 22K/month. Aircon everywhere(extra for electricity). Other than that, I really don't share your fear of being here two months buddy!

[JamesMusslewhite]

fredanna, on 07 June 2010 - 11:46 PM, said:

JamesMussleWhite and Willie,
Thanks for real reality.
You two and the others are 100% absolutely right and I have been revived to make this work no matter what.

God Is Good and HE answered my prayers with your responses.
My wife found a condo, where it's a lot more expensive but a lot closer to my comfort zone. She was well aware of comfort zones and my habits a lot more than I thought.

So we're having a revival here.
Thanks my dear friends from "living in Cebu" I hope I see some or all.

Fred

You sound like a good man. I figured you would come to a good compromise. I was only showing a little tough love, and I am glad you understood that it was done out of my respect of family. We really have so few times to really do something spectacular with our families. Our children grow so fast and lost opportunities are lost forever. This will be a great trip for you, and it will strengthen your relationship with your wife. Your son will always remember his first time to the land which is part of his heritage. I moved here almost two years ago with my family so my son could enjoy and understand that part of him which is Pinoy. I have never regretted moving here. This trip will be magic for him, and it will allow her family to have a connection with your lives. You will have the time of your life. I am glad you are coming. Have fun.

[ayala]

James what a great post.I am weird like that also,I enyoy sleeping on the ground,the sound of the pigs and roosters,sweating my balls(well not necessarily off)but a good healthy sweat.I love the everybody is family crowds and kareoke,never a dull moment.(we have two young kids born in the Pines,being back in the states they are losing a wonderful energy and joy that we won't let happen much longer,we return soon.)And the spirit,most that may make only 200P or maybe less a day,enough for one kilo of rice,one kilo of fish some gulay,a peewee of tanduay and few smokes and it party time in the evening.The more the merrier.Fred,I could not stay in the Philippines for only two months,when we are in the USA,Our minds are in Mindanao.Hey,Get Up and dance,sing some kareoke,put some ear plugs in if you need.Life is truly alive in the Pines,go out and find it,it ain't happening like that in the states.. Fred,We were just at a regular big get together with Fil/Am families yesterday in Wellsboro,Pa.Are you anywhere near there? May I add,other then me and a couple other guys at the get together,most were your age or older,many with young kids,with young wifes,these older guys have a teenage energy within them.They are alive and kicking big time.All of us talk about returning to the pines and will.

This post has been edited by ayala: 08 June 2010 - 01:46 AM

[batman2525]

JamesMusslewhite, on 07 June 2010 - 11:13 PM, said:

If you love her then suck it up and give her the honest time. She gave up a lot for you to move to the US, and probably works hard to make a life for you and you child. You can not give her 60 days without worrying about your being inconvenienced? Can you try to sound more selfish? You should sleep on the ground, sweat you balls off, eat dried fish and rice, and give your wife some dignity in front of her family. If you love her and respect her it should not be a problem. She knows how to live here, she is a big girl, and she will know what to do better than you ever would. There are no dogs that bite in the US, poisonous snakes, bugs, viruses, germs, mean kids? It sounds like you may be having other issues on your mind, and may be just looking for excises to justify your mistrust of coming here.

You just might have a good time and have a real adventure with your family. See the sites, go fishing, take boat rides, go to great beaches, mellow out, and enjoy yourself. You are not ready to be an old dull gizzer yet, 64 is not that old to be acting like you are too old to have fun. Do not come here and just sit in a room, complain about everything, and act like a pampered spoiled ass. Unless you are one, if so, then do everyone a favor and just stay home and let her come by herself with the child.

You just do not trust that she is good enough to bring your son to the home of her birth? She and your son will do better here than you; and if that is your fear, then they will do better here without you. Just stay home, sit in the air conditioning, playing with the knobs on your radio, and wait to just die; or get off you high horse, get off your big butt, and come here and live a little. How may more times will you have the opportunity to have a real adventure with your son and family? Hell you could just roll over and die before you get another chance, hell we all might die tomorrow, so have fun and live today.

you took the words right out of my mouth...your a F**king genius.If he doesnt come to phils after that bit of verbal...nothing will get him there.

[RogerDuMond]

Fred, you are overestimating the danger to your son. If any medical problems arise, there are very competent professionals available, many of them trained in the US.

Take some earplugs with you. If you have trouble sleeping, pop them in and all will be well.

Most everyone will be able to understand you as many classes are taught in English. I read that 90% of the population understands at least basic English.

As said before suck it up and try to enjoy yourself. I think you will be pleasantly surprised. No good can come from you coming back early. I would imagine that there would be a lot of stress placed on your marriage if your wife feels that you don't trust her to keep your son safe.

This post has been edited by RogerDuMond: 08 June 2010 - 01:41 AM

[fredanna]

An update:
After 25 some days here I have survived and done pretty well. The heat is always a challenge here and some days it has overcome me and turned me into a not-very-nice-person. I have to have a refuge. I can stay out for a small number of hours; not all day!!
We still have till AUG 23rd. I think I will get through it and look back that it was a memory maker.
As for living here to retire, I don't think it's for me at this time. We'll be thinking and planning and saving money. And even process a building permit to take care of erosion problems from my father-in-law digging up the contstruction site to level it off to an adjoining property. Building permits are renewable.

Some folks retire here and pick up a new life. I'm not ready to give up my present life.
My life consists of :
freedom to travel by my self to take care of house projects. Being accompanied by the entire family for my safety is not for me
Travel: Crazy, dangerous, terrible. A working horn in your car is important. A/C important. It lessons the breathing of the unhealthy smoke and dust and fumes and noise. Traffic is absolutely terrible. Seems like the simplest drive is over an hour in the above mentioned conditions.
One member here stays in his place for 29 days and does his 'chores' and whatever. Then goes to one the big malls to do monthly shopping for his projects.
Electricity is a challenge.........Blackouts can happen anywhere anytime. Most times for 2-3 hours.
Internet is ok on WIFI or if you're lucky to have cable, or close to a PLDT office, for DSL. USA reliable high speed internet is common place.........here is a challenge.
Looking at folks in the shacks in Talisay, on the hillside where we plan to move, and all around here, except near big Malls is pretty sad to see. Hard to live in a big dream house with conveniences a touch away and then look 50 feet beyond and see someone living in SH&%................sorry for a poor assessment.
Nice loving people and family and super friendships possible, but just for a visit, for now.

Fred


Maybe 4-5 more yrs there will more improvments here to consider moving.
BTW

My wife is probably re-living and enjoying washing clothes by hand, even though I insist she takes laundry to a lady who could use the business. My son is doing very well. Adapting very well. Making many friends and keeeping healthy. My wife has a cold, and I had some bug from dehydration or the runs from 'local' ice cream.
So I wil thank God for what has happened so far. The rest of my ranting is me..............it's imperfect me. And God will forgive me for that.

This post has been edited by fredanna: 26 July 2010 - 10:04 AM

[broden]

nothing wrong with finding it's not for you..
and obviously that can always change and of course for your wife's sake you could always split time too if you both really felt the need to


either way better for you to be honest and find out now(for now) then to drop everything and move over there and just be unhappy about it

[Cary]

Fred;

I've been here now 2 months. And yes its different than Los Angeles. But every place, even across town is different. I say come on over with your wife as planned, let her know your concerns and try it out. If its as bad as you guess then at least she knows and you two can adjust. If its not as bad and you can do the 2 months then do that. But don't make such a call when you have not been here. And I mean here unlike a 2 week vacation. Being here full time vs. vacation is different. I happen to like it and I think you will too.

[SkyMan]

Well Fred, they can't say you didn't give it the old college try. Do try to enjoy the rest of your stay (sentance) as much as possible. I really think you and/or your family are overestimating the need for you to receive their security every time you go out, or perhaps they are taking you to the places they normally go which might not be the safest of places. Perhaps they are just being over protective to ensure a bad incident doesn't ruin your desire to stay. Have you been to some of the more western places like the SM and Ayala malls? Why not take your wife and son to a resort on Panglao (Bohol) or Moalboal a couple days? Got out of the city.

I'll tell you this though. If your attitude doesn't change by the end of this trip (and it sounds like you've been here long enough it won't) then I wouldn't waste any more brain cells on a plan to move here. You will have already made up your mind and 4-5 years won't make a difference. Your memories of Cebu may have softened a bit but this place will not have changed much and your only real strong memory will be that you really don't like it here.

It's ok though. Not everyone likes it here, the third world isn't for everyone. Living here requires you to put up with a lot of hassles not present in the US and requires you to give up a lot of what you may be quite accustomed too. Some can handle it, some can't. Good you found out sooner than later.

[whiner]

I feel your pain. I can't stand the noise, don't know if it's my age, 62, The tinnitus or some form of insanity. My wife loves to listen to music, Michale Jackson for one. Crap he's not even from this planet!! So I buy her the best Ipod, MP3 player and headphones, whatever she wants. Absolutely no Karaoke in my house, when I'm home anyway.

I'll be there 6 weeks, I will grin and bear it, there will be some good times. Plus a short side trip to Vietnam planned for a little break.

I believe you are overly concerned about your child. Kids are tough. We did not have bike helmets, knee pads and anti septic hand wipes when we were kids and were still here. JIm

[ronaldnn]

Cary, on 25 July 2010 - 06:02 PM, said:

Fred;

I've been here now 2 months. And yes its different than Los Angeles. But every place, even across town is different. I say come on over with your wife as planned, let her know your concerns and try it out. If its as bad as you guess then at least she knows and you two can adjust. If its not as bad and you can do the 2 months then do that. But don't make such a call when you have not been here. And I mean here unlike a 2 week vacation. Being here full time vs. vacation is different. I happen to like it and I think you will too.

I am from southern California also, and I agree with you to give it at least 2 months...anything less is just not enough I believe. Living in Calif in particular is not easy to meet geniune people, hard to really get to know anyone, even the neighbors don't socialize and it can be a real dragggg here at times. Yes, nice weather, nice streets, conveniences, but the people from the Phil for the most part over shadows a lot of the things I miss when I am in Calif....In short, PI has a vibrant life with many good and a few not so good people. I remember specifically one time I was in the Phil for just two weeks, and I had a better time & more enjoyable than I did the whole previous year in Calif...I know it's not always like that, but I do have some very fond memories of it. Everytime I go there, I've felt like almost like I was going home, then I come back to LAX airport and I get depressed & miss the PI and the people immediately, and look to go back before I am here for more than a week, someone once said, "go to the Philippines one time, and you will always go back again"...I think that is true in many many instances....

wish you the best on your decision(s)..........Ron

[Turbota]

Fred ...

I have lived here continually for 4 1/2 years now. I can say that I have always felt pretty safe here, but that may be because I live in a very well guarded subdivision and drive my own car. If I lived in an apartment or small house outside of this subdivision, I can't say that I would sleep that good at night. Just about every foreigner that I know that has lived here for awhile outside of our subdivision has been robbed at least once. I know 1 guy that has had his house robbed 3 times so far. I think this guy is at the point of leaving here for good, but does not have the financial means to actually go back to his home country yet ... kinda sad if you think about it.

I tend to think that the average Filipino is pretty good natured and friendly, but even my Filipino wife tells me not to trust anyone here. That says alot in itself. She knows a hell of alot more about the Philippines and the attitudes of the people here alot better than I will ever understand.

Well, as the locals are smiling at you, it sometimes makes me wonder what is really on there mind. I don't want to have that phobia, but sometimes you just can't help it after what you hear and see on a daily basis over here.

Myself, I am now pretty much stuck between a rock and a hard place. We have submitted the paperwork to the US Embassy so my wife can go to the US and become a citizen eventually. We will have to live in the US for at least 3 years from the time we go back. So, whether or not I really want to stay here in the PI is now a non-issue. I have no choice at this point. But to be honest, I am pretty happy to be getting out of the Philippines soon. I have pretty much had my fill of this place. It's a fun place to visit, but it can really get on your nerves living her continually ... After 4 1/2 years of living here, I have developed kind of a "Love / Hate" relationship with the PI in general ... There are days I really want to stay here, and there are times I just want to go up to Manila and get on the first plane smokin' out of this place!

I am now 62, and don't have any real medical problems, but the stress of leaving here soon is working hard on me, and I don't think it's healthy .... How is that Ron? .... Well, I over extended myself here: A Toyota Camry, a Harley Sportster, an 11 mil peso house and lot and lots of fairly expensive furnature, appliances and audio equipment. Can't ship any of it back ... Like they say "What you buy or bring here to the PI, stays in the PI when you leave".

I can probably sell the Camry and lock the house up with the bike stored inside, so [if] my wife and I decide to return to the PI after she gets her US citizenship, we still have a nice place to stay, and my bike is still here. (As a side note: I really don't want to move part of her family into this house for the minimum of 3 years that we will be gone).

Some people will tell me that I should just tell my wife that I'm not going to take her to the US, but I believe that is just not fair to her. I will more than likely die before her because I'm alot older. And if I die and have done nothing to help her get her citizinship, she will be pretty much be stuck here ... and that just not fair to someone you love.

Well, I have gotten off-topic here, but telling you of my experiences over here might be of some help for you in the future.

Anyway, living full-time in the Philippines certainly is not for everyone. And it makes it a little tougher when on one hand you really like it here, but on the other hand, you really dislike some of the shit that this place has to offer.

Good Luck,
Ron

[crj]

Fred, It takes some people a whole year or more to adjust to the climate but the only thing I will tell you about it is that everyone adjusts but not all like it. I agree with the other poster earlier and you need to go spend some time at the beaches and go to Bohol, Boracay, Dumaguette, or any place else that gets your fancy. Most expats don't live like the locals and if you move there you probably won't either. Most Filipinos don't care if you have a nice house and they don't if you are polite and respectful. Good for you for staying the whole time for your wife and I think you are giving it a good try. Good luck and I think your wifes family is over protecting you as that is the natural instinct but usually not needed. Have fun!

Ray

[TheDuke]

Turbota, on 25 July 2010 - 10:41 PM, said:

Fred ...
Well, I over extended myself here: A Toyota Camry, a Harley Sportster, an 11 mil peso house and lot and lots of fairly expensive furnature, appliances and audio equipment. Can't ship any of it back ... Like they say "What you buy or bring here to the PI, stays in the PI when you leave".

You have a 11 million peso house in the Philippines? Damn, that is a palace. I am impressed. There is no way in hell I would move if I owned that type of house anywhere unless I could sell it first. My wife and I are thinking about moving to the Philippines but the fact that we have a young daughter and the school system in the Philippines is inferior to that of American schools is causing us to rethink it. Everytime we go the Philippines to visit her relatives we are both glad to get on that damn plane and come back to Texas. The last time we were there she really saw the Philippines in a different light. We both agree that if we were to move to the Philippines then we would have to have at least close to the same lifestyle we have in America for it to be worth it.

This post has been edited by Toothless: 26 July 2010 - 12:21 PM

[JohnFromTexas]

I agree with a lot of what you dislike about the RP fredanna. Like you, I've pretty much decided it's not my 'forever' home. I've been here 6 months now and it does get a lot easier, but the stuff you listed that is irritating doesn't go away. I will say that I've never felt unsafe here yet. If you can't stand the heat now in the rainy season you really won't like it when the rains stop... it is a pretty nice and liveable temps here right now due to the rains it was much hotter in april and may.

i'm with you turbota... there are times i love it here and times I wish I could jump on a plane and fly home right then. i've been very careful not to build up a lot of assets here really the only long term investment i have here is my lease which i expect to last til around the time my wife gets her visa. I'll be here at least through sometime mid next year so i'll be enjoying it as much as possible til then